


The Miracle

by imgilmoregirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Child Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-04-05 06:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 113,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14037816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imgilmoregirl/pseuds/imgilmoregirl
Summary: Robert and Isabelle Gold were married and in love, they were happy like no one else, until the day a car accident changed it all. Now, six months after that tragedy they are broken and have no idea how to move on with their lives, uncapable of speaking to one another propely or making a wise decision. Only a miracle could save them from themselves.





	1. Broken, Bruised Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Once Upon A Time or any of the characters and storylines in the show. This is just a fanwork made for fun.
> 
> WARNING: This fic is a really, really angsty one, bad things will happen as good things will to, but I'll be pulling a warning at each chapter about what kind of bad things will happen in it, so you won't read if you don't feel like to. For this one we have the mention of a child death. I will promise you guys a happy ending, though, as the title is "The Miracle" it won't fail happening sooner or later.  
> I know I shouldn't be starting another fic, but yet I couldn't finish the fluffy one until I had written this.

He peeked a look through the library’s window, not daring to enter, but not quite bearing to spend another day without a single glance of her. She had moved permanently to the small apartment above it months ago, when their fights became too much for her already wrecked heart to take. From where he is, Gold can see that she is working with something in the old computer and he can also see the family picture that is still kept beside it, even after the said family was destroyed.

That picture was the pure image of happiness, one of the only summers they got to spend away from Storybrooke. He was out of his suits and actually wearing shorts and a blue shirt, which he wouldn’t like the whole town to see, but at the time the photo was taken, Belle was so proud of their little family that he couldn’t dissuade her to not display it in the library. She looked so beautiful and radiant in the picture, wearing a short yellow dress, a laugh immortalized in the paper. The little girl was wrapped up in her arms and the ten-year-old boy, hanging on his back. Whoever casted a quick glance at it would certainly say they were perfect.

Just not anymore. Now there was only him, drinking until he passed out on the back of his shop and her, working with fake smiles, her once gorgeous face, now a mask of pain that no time would ever be able to erase. He stepped away from the window, heading back to where his car was parked, seeing the two bouquets of red roses and his heart attempted to stop.

Six months ago, he had suffered a heart attack during a surgery and he would give anything to have died in that moment, because he woke up to find out not only that he was now a cripple who needed a cane to walk, but also that he had lost everything he loved the most. His pain was something that couldn’t be counted, but Belle’s suffering was even bigger.

For weeks, they tried to mend their marriage, to stand by each other and just overcome their loss, but then came the call from the hospital that would change everything, that would make them scream and hurt the other in a way that would live a mark forever. She gathered her things and left less than three days after that call and they hadn’t talked ever since, although he knew they had been going to the same places in a daily basis. The gravestone never lacked beautiful flowers, not did the nightstand beside the small bed in the hospital.

Six months and he had never felt lonelier in his whole life, nor emptier or useless. He wished he could move on and live with this, but he couldn’t, because the pain wouldn’t leave his chest just as the guilt. Gold could do anything, he could take them flowers, he could watch the woman that once told him he was the love of her life through windows like the coward he was, but he couldn’t fix the past and he couldn’t fix his own mistake. It was all his fault.

The car had fallen of the toll bridge and wrecked the happiness they once had and it was all because of him.

* * *

 

Belle was already used to the machine noises, it was part of her daily routine for a long while now. She would sit in the chair beside the hospital bed and read aloud, then she would eventually cry and force herself to go the cemetery as much as it would hurt her even more. The memories of the accident were still very clear in her mind and constantly she felt the need of being soothed, but her husband’s arms were no longer aid for her pain.

She loved him with all of her being, but he didn’t agree with her anymore and she couldn’t keep hearing his ever so insistent opinion about what should be done, so her friends and her father were the only ones she could reach for. Belle headed to the private section of the hospital that day, feeling as lifeless as she had been feeling for the past months, but for her surprise she saw something she had never witnessed before: Robert Gold was sat on her chair, holding their daughter’s hand.

Freezing in place, Belle felt her heart start to beat faster, the first sign of the anxiety she had acquired ever since she woke up to the worse news of her life. The nausea followed and she forgot everything her therapist, Archie Hopper, had told her in the long hours she spent in his office, trying to mend both her heart and her mind. She held the book close to her chest trying to steady her breath at the sight of him, but it seemed impossible.

Of course, she knew he was coming there too, doctor Whale had mentioned it multiple times, but she never saw the point of it, as Gold had been the one to insist it would be better for them to simply turn off the machines that kept Sarah alive. She couldn’t allow him to do it, she had read the books, she knew people rarely came out of coma, but her brain was still working, so there was hope. Belle needed this hope.

But even so, despite of all their arguments over the machines, when she looked at him now, she could see the phantom of the brilliant father he once was. It could be one of those occasions in which she would walk inside the little girl’s bedroom and see him talking softly to her until she fell asleep, closing those bright blue eyes and drowning into slumber with a tiny smile still on her lips. However, Belle knew that if she came closer she wouldn’t see the joy on his face, because he was holding the small hand of a girl that was almost lifeless by now.

Sarah used to be the cleverest four-year-old in this world, she spoke so eloquently that sometimes Belle would feel jealous about the way she could use words even in her young age. Her face was now blank as paper, the lack of sunlight making her look too pale. It was heart-breaking to see her this way, even more because whenever she stopped to pay attention at how flaccid and cold her body was now, Belle went back to the moment she last held Bae.

The doctors needed to pull her away from him as she screamed, tossed and turned, cursing God and the fate to have taken him this way. He was twelve, he had a lot to live and yet, there was a gravestone with his name in the cemetery now. She could remember Robert watching the whole scene in a corner of the room, his shoulders shaking and the tears falling from his eyes. Life had been cruel with them.

Gathering some courage, Belle took the few needed steps to the door and pushed it open, making Gold look back at her, his eyes wide and startled. He immediately stood up, leaning heavily on his cane.

“I – I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would come today,” he said in a cold voice.

That was all that was left for them: coldness. Belle didn’t even know if their broken, bruised hearts were still capable of loving anymore. She walked towards the bed without giving him much attention and pressed a kiss to Sarah’s cold brow, her beloved little girl who seemed to be frozen in time for half a year.

“Whale said her last blood test results didn’t come well, he wants to meet with us again if you ever want to reconsider…”

His voice died when he received a deadly glare from Belle. No one was going to touch her baby without her consent, she knew what Whale thought and she knew very well what Gold thought but she wasn’t any interested in their opinion, as long as Sarah’s heart kept beating, she wouldn’t be declared dead. No, she had felt the pain of burying Bae, she wouldn’t go through this again, even if nights reading at the hospital was everything she had left.

“I’m not going. He can keep doing all exams he wants to try to prove me that keeping her alive is a waste of time, but I won’t give up. You can stop paying the hospital bills if you want to, the money I make in the library shall afford any costs.”

Gold shook his head. He knew he deserved her bitterness but he would never be ready to hear his once sweet wife sound this harsh.

“I don’t care for the money we are wasting with this, I don’t have anything else to use it with. Everything I earned my whole life was for you and the children and now…”

“Now we pay hospital bills,” Belle finished, wiping the corners of her eyes. “I know.”

She opened the book she had brought on her lap, not wanting to keep on with this conversation for any other second and thinking that Robert would take this as his cue to leave, however, he kept standing there in the same place, staring at her as if he couldn’t move himself to leave.

“Do you want me to bring you something to eat?” He asked her. “You look way too skinny.”

Oh, he would be surprised with the amount of weight she actually lost, but Belle wasn’t going to say it aloud, she just wanted him to go away and let her stare at her daughter’s beautiful face, wondering if someday she would her bubbly laugh again.

“I want to be alone,” she answered. “Please.”

There was a nod, but she didn’t really see it, she only heard the soft noises his cane made in consonance with the sounds coming from the heart monitor in which Sarah was connected, until it stopped, Gold holding himself by the door for another moment.

“I’ll visit Bae in case you want to know.”

“Why would I?” Belle inquired and this time her voice sounded teary and broke and all it could be after the last six months. “You were the one who said I shouldn’t be suffering. He wasn’t mine, right?”

Robert swallowed hard, his free hand gripping at the doorknob and twisting it as he left the hospital room. But there it was, said in the air, another of his biggest mistakes. Belle bent down hiding her face on the white sheets that covered Sarah’s abdomen and sobbing against them, because it would be needed a miracle to fix what was already so broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for any writing mistakes, English is not my first language.  
> Share your thoughts about this fic with me, if you want to.


	2. Her Slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle confides something to her father.  
> Gold is confronted by Moe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to post another chapter this quickly, but yet here we are.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter has some suicide attempt content. It is not a very heavy angst scene, but it is there, so if you feel umcomfortable with it, then please, only read until the flashback ends, don't follow to the present days part.

Belle didn't remember spending so many time in her father's flower shop ever since she was in High School. During countless afternoons, she worked there, gathering money to pay for college, however Belle ended-up not needing it as she got a full scholarship for her high grades, which had been a joy at the time. Soon enough she took her degree in Literature and then went to Europe, travelling to all places she always dreamed to go to before she went back to Storybrooke, accepting the mayor's offer and starting to work at the library. That was when she met Robert Gold, who had been born in the town but left to live with an aunt in Scotland when he was very little. He had just come back after his father's death, because Malcolm had owned most of the town and it would provide him a good money.

The man opened a pawn shop for his own entertainment and became feared in a short time, because he never accepted a delay in his rent. Belle used to see him every day when he passed in front of the library with a toddler in his arms, heading to drop the little boy on day-care. Things were good back then, but now it all felt like a strange, distant dream and Belle felt herself distant from the real world too, playing with the fork in her hands as she looked down at the meal her father had bought for them at Granny's.

"Darling, the lasagne will get cold," Moe said, reaching for her hand.

Looking up at him, Belle tried to smile, but it was hard. Seeing Robert last night had gotten her suffering all over again, she stayed with Sarah until it was really late, then she went back home and turned on her laptop, going through some old pictures, before she felt the already known clenching feeling in her chest and tossed it aside, taking a few medicines and going to bed. She didn't get much sleep and was feeling tired now, but at least she got to feel something other than pain.

"Belle, I'm talking to you," Moe insisted. "What happened now?"

Blinking, the brunette let her fork fall on the plate, taking a deep breath and pulling her hand away from his, hiding it under the table so her father wouldn't notice how shaky it was.

"Nothing," Belle finally answered. "I saw Gold last night, that's all. I'm still angry and seeing him is no good for me."

"You never told me why," her father murmured. "I never got an explanation on why you two stopped talking. I know it must be difficult, but you have insisted too much in this relationship to just move away like this."

He was right and she knew it. Belle has been closed off ever since the accident, she talked to no one but Archie and only did speak with him because she had to. Her father had always disapproved her marriage with Gold, so she didn't share much updates about her life with him, although she brought the kids to see grandpa Moe every Sunday, and she needed to give her father some credit, because he loved them. And that was why it felt even harder to talk to him about it all.

"I..." Belle tried to started, but there was a lump in her throat and she needed to swallow hard before continuing. "Doctor Whale wants to unplug Sarah from the machines keeping her alive. He thinks it is a waste of money and that she will never wake up. Robert agrees with him."

"That bastard," Moe yelled and Belle shrunk. "How can he even consider killing his own daughter like this."

Tears came to Belle's eyes and she gripped tightly at the hem of her shirt under the table, trying to control the overwhelming despair that threatened taking her.

"They say she suffering like this, papa. They say it is just a delay of her death," the brunette cried. "But I can't let go, she is my baby, she came from within me. I already lost Bae, I can't lose Sarah too."

Moe stood up all of the sudden and opened his arms for Belle, allowing her to threw her arms around him and simply sob. It all was slowly killing her. Ever since the accident she didn't feel whole not even once and it hurt way too much. Countless times, she had sat on the cemetery, looking at Bae's gravestone and asking herself why it couldn't be her and Gold in their places, why it needed to happen to their innocent children. Most days she felt like she couldn't take it, she thought about giving up or just running very far away from that town, but then she remembered about Sarah and some kind of blind hope made her continue in this torturous because maybe, and only maybe, there might still be change for her.

When Belle pulled away from her father, she wiped her eyes and sat back on the chair, eating the rest of her lasagne. She couldn't keep crying forever, she needed to fake smiles and work.

* * *

 

Ruby Lucas had once been Belle Gold's best friend. They took the same classes at school, travelled together to Europe, and remained close even after they settled themselves at adult life. Ruby had been a bridesmaid at Belle and Robert's wedding, Belle baked a cake the day Ruby and Dorothy bought their first apartment and moved in together. Her children loved their aunties and Granny always gave them extra cookies when they came to the diner, but now everything had changed. Belle didn't eat well, so she had barely been at Granny's ever since the accident and in days like today, when Robert Gold came all alone and sat by the same table in the middle of the diner that he used to share with his family, Ruby stopped and stared.

She could almost see the ghost of them in there: Belle laughing as he stole a kiss from her lips, Bae chasing after Sarah, them all ordering hamburgers and tea. The diner had never saw something so beautiful and probably never would. Granny stopped by her side, sighing deeply and shaking her head to herself as she glanced quickly at Gold before handing the coffeepot to Ruby and pushing her into his direction.

"Good morning, Mr. Gold," she started pouring a cup of expresso for him.

"Nice to know this is a good day for you, dearie, because for me it is not. Now get out of here."

Grimacing at him, Ruby turned around on her heels, shrugging at Granny's narrowed eyes. She could do anything for Gold. He had become bitter, Belle had become sad. Nothing could change what happen in their lives and even if she wanted to help with something so he wouldn't keep staring at the bench in front of him like he was seeing ghosts too, she simply didn't know how. Ruby watched as the diner's door was opened to let David Nolan and his twelve-year-old daughter, Emma in.

She almost shivered at the sight, because Emma had been Bae's best friend and she knew it would be no good for Gold to see her. The blonde girl, however looked straight at him and walked towards the table where the pawnbroker was.

"Hi, Mr. Gold," Emma said, innocently and Ruby noticed how David held onto a breath as Gold looked up at her. "My dad took me to see Baden today. I left something there for him."

Feeling her heart clench, Ruby waited for Gold's worse reaction. He had been yelling with everyone and anyone lately and most people accused him of being drunk in the middle of the day, but he did no such a thing with the girl. His lips tightened for a moment, his eyes appearing to shine with unshed tears as he nodded.

"He is dead, dearie. He won't see anything you might have put in there."

"I know," Emma replied, "but my mom says it is nice to leave things for the dead, like flowers, because it makes them feel loved."

"Emma, darling," David Nolan interrupted, putting both hands on her shoulders and dragging her away from Gold. "You forgot we came here to buy some bagels."

Already knowing Emma's favourite, Ruby placed two inside a paper bag and handed it to David, accepting the money he offered her before the pair quickly left and Gold stared at the bench again. Ruby breathed lightly, glad to know nothing bad had happened, but panicked again by the moment the door swung open once more to let another person in. It was Moe French, Belle's father and he looked mad. Opening her mouth to say something to distract him, all Ruby could let out was a gasp as Moe grabbed Gold by his suit jacket and pulled him to his feet, forcing the other man to face him.

"I have always known I shouldn't have let you marry my beautiful Belle. I have always known she was too good for you, but for some reason that was not what she thought so I tried to relish in the fact that at least you were a good father, but now..." Moe started harshly. "Now I know you are nothing but a monster."

Gold furrowed.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You want to turn off the machines keeping Sarah alive," the florist accused. "You want to kill the only good thing that ever came from you! How could you ever consider ending that sweet little angel's life this way?"

Grabbing his cane, Robert pulled away from him, his face taken by a mask of rage. Ruby knew this could end no good and got her phone, ready to call the sheriff in case things got worse.

"Listen up, Mr. French," Gold said in a threatening voice. "Don't you dare putting it like this as if I don't care about my own daughter, because I do, but she hasn’t been truly alive for six months and you and Belle might not see it but keeping her this way is a suffering for both Sarah and us."

"No," Moe shout back at him. "She is still breathing; her heart and her brain are working. Sarah is alive and she can wake up at any second!"

Ruby pulled the phone down, getting a hold of the counter in front of her. It wasn't like a bar fight or anything, the whole man arguing in the rather empty diner were both suffering and both of them thought they knew what was better for Sarah, but it was a pity they couldn't see that this discussion wasn't going to help with anything.

"She won't, don't you see?" Gold yelled. "That precious little girl will never open her eyes again, so it would better for us to end this soon."

He shook his head one last time at the florist, making his way out of the diner without even minding to pay for the coffee he had been taking. Ruby sighed, watching Moe following him out and knowing that argument hadn't quite ended yet.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

That unfortunate day begun actually in a good way, given which nobody would have suspected anything bad could happen. Isabelle Gold was laid on the very centre of her bed, her legs spread wide and Robert between then, his tongue ravishing her clit as two of his fingers pumped inside her. She was writhing, sweating and pressing a tight hand to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her cries and not let the children be aware of what was happening in their parents' bedroom. Her husband lifted his glance to her, still moving his fingers within her.

"How is that, Mrs. Gold?"

"Good, very good," she moaned pulling him close to kiss his lips. "Oh God, I need you."

His thumb came up to caress her clit and Belle's eyes rolled back. She was close and she wanted to be joined with him, but Gold was making no effort to remove his own clothes as he found that secret spot on her neck that drove her mad and started to suck at it, making Belle buck her hips up, chasing her release when a voice came from the hallway and both of them stilled in place.

"Mama!" Sarah called. "Mama!"

"It seems you'll have to finish it by yourself," Robert said pressing a kiss to her cheek before pulling away from her.

Belle's eyes slid close and she made a whiny sound as her body started to cool down. Just another couple of minutes and she would have started her day with Robert bringing her off completely, but those kids had a terrible timing.

"Don't you need a cold shower too?" She asked her husband.

"No," he answered, pulling on his pyjama shirt. "I knew this was going to happen sooner or later so I didn't even allow myself to get aroused enough. Although I need to admit it was a hard thing to do when you were moaning my name so beautifully."

A chuckle left her, as Gold made his way out of the bedroom just to find Sarah already waiting by the door. He smiled at the little girl, noticing that she had pulled on her uniform, which was sweet and amusing at the same time, because her shirt was buttoned all wrongly and her curled hair was a bit of a mess under the silver tiara she had on top of her head. He was pretty sure Belle would braid her hair before they left home, but at least he could help her with the clothes, so Gold kneeled on the floor in front of Sarah chuckling as he touched her cheek affectionally.

"Good morning, princess. I see you've tried to put on your school uniform and you did a very good job. Let me just help with these buttons here."

He unbuttoned her shirt under Sarah's curious watch, but she wasn't paying attention to the way her father pulled each button in the right hole, before tucking the shirt under her shirt, no, her glance was fixed on his own clothes.

"Where is your suit?"

"Uh, I woke up a bit late, so I'm not ready yet," Gold explained, finding it funny that his four-year-old was perceptive enough to know the day hadn't properly begun for him until he was wearing a three-piece-suit.

Most days, when she woke up he and Belle where already dressed up and getting the breakfast ready, but most days they waited until the night, when the children were already sleeping, before jumping on each other. That wasn't the occasion today and now they were all late for work and school, but as soon as he sent Sarah downsizing he would make sure he would get ready quickly while Belle prepared some cereal for them. Robert was just about to tell her to go watch some cartoons when Baden emerged from his bedroom with a frown stamped on his face.

"Sarah, where is my phone?" He asked, angrily.

"Sarah," Gold started in a softer tone of voice. "Where is your brother's phone?"

A big grin appeared on her lips as if she was keeping a huge secret, the way her big blue eyes shined made his heart feel warmer.

"I hid it," Sarah whispered and Bae groaned in frustration.

"Bad girl, go get it."

Still laughing, she rushed to the staircase as Gold rose to his feet looking at Baden's still grumpy expression. He wasn't much of a morning person, even more when he needed to go to school, but Belle always managed to get him in a better humour when she woke up first and the two of them sat by the breakfast table, chatting while Robert prepared the little one for her own classes.

"Can you entertain your sister for me while I change, please?"

Bae nodded, face lines softening as he took an uncertain step into his father's direction.

"Papa, are we going to August's birthday party tonight?"

"We certainly are, my boy, I'll ask your mama to buy him a present, now go watch over your sister."

He nodded really happily and Gold took a moment to watch him disappearing down the staircase. Little did they know that would be their last day together.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

The pain had come back to his chest again, making Gold pant at each step with the despair the cruelty of Moe's words brought to him. He hadn't thought like the florist seemed to until now, but he could see crystal clear why Belle hated him now. Dear God, she must be thinking he wanted to murder their baby girl in cold blood, she didn't see he only wished to end their suffering. Sarah's suffering. He blinked away the tears that started to gather in his eyes, wishing Moe could be right and at any time from now he was going to hug his daughter and her childish laugh would bring some joy back to his life, but it was unlikely to happen, even the doctors said that.

"Now you run, like a coward," Gold heard his father-in-law shouting behind him. "Look at what kind of man Belle ended-up married with."

He stopped a step from the main street, shaking with rage and that was when he saw her. Isabelle was walking towards the diner but froze in place when she saw the two of them there.

"Father? Robert? What is going on?"

Gold couldn't allow himself to pay much attention to her now, all he knew was that he was overwhelmed by all kind of bad feelings one could have. He remembered about the first weeks after the accident, when Whale insisted both him and Belle should take some therapy sections, saying Archie would help them a lot, but he refused and started drinking instead. Deep down, he didn't want do understand any of this, he didn't want to fight or get over the whole situation, he wanted to feel numb and only a few things in life could do it. Now, however, he had to admit that maybe he had been wrong during this whole time, because he needed help.

"Aye, you're right, Mr. French. I'm a coward, I've been hiding in my shop for the last six months, because I can't take this pain," Gold answered, some tears escaping from his eyes as he continued: "And yes what a big monster I am, I want to kill my own daughter!"

He threw his cane aside and tool the final step to the main street, feeling his knees buck with the effort of keeping him up on his feet.

"Robert, what are you doing?" Belle asked, preoccupied. "Come back here."

"No, I don't have any more reasons to be alive, nobody needs me," he answered and as he did the hole in his heart seemed to grow bigger. He needed the suffering to end, he couldn't live in a world where his children didn't exist anymore. "I can just wait for a car to come."

"Stop it," Belle yelled, dropping her bag to the floor and rushing to his side. "Stop, please!"

She was the image of beauty, sparkly blue eyes - the same ones she had passed on to their daughter -, plump petal lips, auburn hair. He could only dream now about the times in which he had kissed every inch of her skin and she had reciprocated his love, Gold wished he could do it again, but he hurt her too much in the past and he didn't deserve her anymore.

"Why?"

"Because, I need you."

His mouth fell open and he felt her skinny arms circle his waist as she pulled him back to the sidewalk just a couple of seconds before a car passed exactly where they had been. He hugged her close and Belle buried her face on his suit jacket, both of them shaking.

"Belle," Moe yelled, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Go home, papa," was everything she murmured back.

For some reason, which he suspected to be mere pity, Moe went away leaving the pair there, holding each other close like they hadn't done in too long. He clung to her and she relished in leaning against him, feeling his arms around her waist. This proximity was good, although both of them were pretty aware it would end soon.

"They are gone, Belle," Gold cried against her neck. "They are gone."

She shivered at these words, pulling away from him and grabbing her purse and his cane from the floor and offering it to him. Her face was pale, haunted and he felt bad to be adding to the problems she already had.

"Take this," Belle said before pointing to the library. "Let's go to my apartment."

He wanted to object, but Gold really felt in need of some company right now, because Moe's words still echoed in his mind and he still felt like he should do something to stop the constant ache in his chest. They walked slowly to the huge building and took the elevator to her apartment, a place in which he had been to lots of times when he and Belle started to date, but which he hadn't visited that much after they got married. He still remembered very well about it though, the pale-blue walls he painted himself about five years ago, the brown leather couch in which he remembered about making love to Belle in multiple occasions, the same old coffee table... But there were a lot of different things about it now, it looked emptier, colder even.

"You redecorated," he pointed out.

"I took the curtains off and pulled some pictures on," Belle said, directing herself to the kitchen as he took a seat on the armchair, avoiding the large couch, "that's not redecorating."

He nodded to himself, knowing she wasn't going to see the movement until the moment she came back with two empty glasses in hand and opened the drawer of a small piece of furniture near the TV.

"I'm sorry, Belle, for everything."

"I know you are," she murmured pulling out a bottle of scotch. "Here, let's have a drink."

Gold shook his head.

"I - I can't. I've been trying to stop drinking. I did it very often for a while after you left."

Belle looked down, sighing deeply as she returned the bottle back to its place and rose on her feet, resting her hands heavily on her waist. She seemed to be uncomfortable in his present and given to their little encounter on the hospital in the night prior he could guess why. Gold felt the sudden need of going back there to stay with Sarah for a while, because even if it hurt to see her laying still on that bed, it made him feel calmer, as if he still needed to be a good father for her.

"Right," the brunette finally mumbled. "I don't have anything else to offer you."

"It's no matter," Gold guaranteed, before he set eyes on the photo displayed near the window. "This is one of my favourite picture of them."

Looking back, Belle bit down her lip. Bae and Sarah were sat on their backyard, both wearing heavy coats as they stared at the leaves falling back to the ground. They had made quite a mess of Gold's work cleaning it, but none of it mattered, not as long as they were happy.

"It's mine too," Belle agreed, then she snorted glancing at him. "Robert, I would really like to keep this going and pretend nothing happened, but we both know that's not a good idea. I should be downstairs, working."

Quickly, he stood up.

"Yeah, me too, lunch time is over."

The pair made their way out of the apartment in silence. There was a lot they need to say to each other but not much they were willing to. Belle and Gold had worked way better with words before, but now when everything was capable of opening old wounds, they chose to remain quiet. He thanked her for what she did earlier and headed to the front door as soon as they got out of the elevator, however couldn't let him go without a last apology.

"What my father said..." She started, drumming her nails on the circulation desk. "I didn't ask him to confront you, I just needed a shoulder to cry."

"I know," Robert nodded, turning around to see her. "I think I understand why you want to keep the machines on, but for me it is more difficult this way. I go to the hospital and I see her, but she is not actually in there."

"She is sleeping, Robert," Belle insisted. "Do you remember how I freaked out the first time she slept through the night as a baby? I feel this same panic now and I'm waiting for her to wake up."

His eyes slid close, because that was exactly how he felt for weeks after the accident, but eventually he gave up waiting, because he knew it was past time for Sarah to wake.

"Sweetheart, it's been six months."

"It could be six years and I would still have hope," his wife assured him, before sitting on her chair and turning on the old computer. "Don't do any stupid, she will ask for her papa as soon as she open her eyes."

Blessed faith of the good hearts. He wished he had it, but Gold didn't, so he opened the door and headed to his shop.


	3. The Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whale has heart-breaking news.  
> Belle tries to cope with it while dealing with her anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter, its just the usual angst. Actually we have quite a nice ending.

Gold never thought that time of the year could hurt that much. Usually he would be buying last minute presents and decorating Granny's with pink and purple balloons, probably arguing with her over the shape of the birthday cake, but this year he was sat on the back of his shop, crying like a child as he watched an old homemade video in the tiny TV he kept there to entertain the children when they were around. In the screen, Belle cradled the new-born to her chest and a curious Baden peeked a look at his tiny sister from where he was, sat on the edge of the bed. Gold was holding the camera, but it was no surprise for anyone, he was always holding the camera.

He remembered about that day as if it had happened last week, the day his daughter was born. She was such a beautiful and calm baby, she had a terrible sleep and kept them up most of the night, but yet she didn't cry that much and both her parents loved cradling her. Bae was over-the-moon to have someone to play with and as soon as she got old enough, they became inseparable. He stopped the video and turned off the TV walking towards the cabinet and opening it seeing the box he had hidden in there long ago, the one with a doll in it.

The funny thing about children was that they had no track of time, so he already knew exactly what Sarah wanted for their fifth birthday, because she kept asking for it as if she could grow a year every month. Now, she was never going to get it and Gold had to wipe his own tears, forcing himself to close the opened doors and leave the shop, settling himself inside his car. He didn't start to drive for a long while, because he had acquired that small fear of driving because of the accident and the Cadillac, even though was a brand-new one and not the same that had been destroyed during the crash, reminded him a lot of what had happened.

Truth be told, Gold didn't know exactly why he bought a car that was identical to the last one, but maybe it was a part of his self-inflicted torture. He drove around town, trying to remember how exactly he lost control, but the car worked perfectly, so he started to blame the storm. It was way better than blaming himself. So when he started making this way to the hospital in that rainy Monday morning he asked himself why it couldn't have happened in a day like this, when he was all alone inside the car, only one life to be taken or damaged. But of course, his arrived there safely.

Carrying the box under his arm, Gold entered the hospital, going straight to the private room where Sarah was. He certainly wasn't surprised to find Belle there, but he felt trilled to see that Moe stood near the bed to, mostly because only once he had seen the florist there and it was right before Bae's funeral. If any of them had just one piece of black clothing he may have started to freak out, thinking he might have missed a call from the doctor in which he would be informed Sarah's heart had stopped beating on her birthday.

Obviously, that wasn't the occasion, so he entered the room, cleaning his throat to make his presence known. Belle turned around, her face blank and Moe gave him a disgusted glance before he gently kissed the top of his daughter's head and left. Gold didn't speak a thing, words left him completely as he placed the box on the side table and sit at the edge of the hospital bed, taking Sarah's little hand - the one that wasn't full of tubes - in his and brushing his lips against it. She was supposed to be awake, happy and cheerful today, but instead she was laying there.

"I was remembering about the day I found out I was pregnant," Belle started, eyes fixed in Sarah's face. "You were so excited that the whole town knew about it in less than two days."

"I really wanted another child," Gold answered, the tiniest of the smiles crossing his lips. "He tried so hard for a baby that when it finally happened I felt kind of proud of myself. We had done it, our family was growing, Bae would have a little sister. Every time I saw you waking around town with a swollen stomach I felt amazed."

Gold wasn't sure if they should be bringing those memories up or talking about them this way, as if they were still close, but he guessed the fact it was their daughter's birthday and no one else in this world shared the same pain they did, then they had no option but to finally speak to each other.

"When I held her in my arms for the very first time it was like the world had stopped," Belle continued. "She was my responsibility, my child. But that was not the moment in which I learned how to be a mother and nor the first time I actually felt like one."

There it was, heavy between them, the tension of past mistakes, of worlds said too loud to be forgotten now when the noises from the machines were the only sound other than their breathing in the room, making everything feel more intense. Belle was right. It was Baden who called her "mama" for the very first time, it was him who kept her up all night when he had a fever and she was too afraid of sleeping and his temperature going high again, it was him who slept in her secure arms during storms and seek her to help him with his homework. He came first, he didn't share her blood but he was her son in all ways that mattered. And he was an idiot the night he said the very contrary.

"Belle..." Robert tried to start.

She shook her head and he saw that tears were falling silently from her eyes.

"A part of me died with him."

On their very last argument, she had said she would never speak of her affections for Bae to him again and she hadn't until now, which made Gold realise how hard this day must be for her. He stood up, touching her arm, already expecting to be rejected, but when she didn't shift away immediately, he relaxed, starting to rub circles in her skin, without knowing if he should hug her like he wished so, or not. Gold didn't need to decide, though, because doctor Whale entered the room, with a few papers in his hand.

"Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold," he greeted them. "We need to talk."

"What about?" Belle inquired wiping the tears from her face.

Whale took a deep breath, glancing at Robert and he understood the meaning of the gest. He should be able to hold Belle if she broke down, because he had bad news. The air got caught on his throat as he nodded, placing a protective hand on his wife's back.

"It is Sarah's last exams," Victor Whale explained, lifting the papers. "I'm afraid we have signs of the start of a multiple organ failure. I'm sorry to say that, but if we are right, Sarah won't take it for another week."

People in black. The same vision he had when he saw Moe in that room, but now becoming truer. A week and they would gather themselves on the cemetery again, wearing black and burying a little girl beside her brother. Gold tried to breath, tried to think, tried to focus his gaze on anything, but he was frozen by the doctor's words. He lost his son. Now he would lose his daughter.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

They were singing on the way to school. Belle held Sarah's hand in hers as she jumped at each few steps, excited with the secret she had just asked her to keep until tonight, because after August's birthday party she would make a surprise for Gold and, as Baden already knew it for a couple of days, it was time for Sarah to get ready herself and Belle could only tell it to her now because it would be a short time before tonight, otherwise she knew her girl would spoil it all and reveal the secret to her papa.

She would have a busy day, between buying a present for August and gathering the last few things she needed for her surprise, but it would be exciting and by the end of the day, she knew everybody would be pretty happy. Or at least that was what she hoped as she kneeled in from of Sarah, checking if hair braided hair was still as perfect as it was when they left home and then pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"See you later, sweetest."

"Can you bring my princess dress when you come to pick me up?" Sarah asked. "I want to wear it to August's party."

Lately she wanted to wear that golden dress everywhere, but Belle wasn't going to be the one to tell her not to, when she looked so adorable in it. Robert had mentioned buying more gowns like this for her, so she would have more options and people wouldn't think she owned only one piece of clothing. She was sure he would bring a whole haul of different coloured dresses home soon, but for now, the golden one would have to do it.

"We will stop at home first," Belle told her, "so you can get all pretty before we go."

A big smile spread on Sarah's lips as she threw her arms around her neck, hugging her tight and making Belle laugh.

"I love you, mama."

"I love you too, Sarah."

The little girl pulled away from her turning her back to her mother as she walked towards the school. Belle rose on her feet, watching Sarah leave and already planning everything she needed to do before going to the library. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Rushing out of the room, Belle crossed the hospital like a fast rabbit, entering the bathroom and only managing to get to the toilet before she emptied the contents of her stomach there, feeling her hands shake and the tears fall from her eyes. Her heart was beating so fast that she considered it might explode in her chest, but today she wouldn't have minded if that happened. Multiple organ failure. How hadn't she seen it coming? Sarah was in coma for too long, everybody had already given up on her, Belle was the only one stupid enough to keep believing a miracle could happen.

She was getting sick again, feeling dizzy and out of breath, because the truth was too hard for her. Sarah wouldn't wake; she was going to bury another child and it was going to destroy what was left of her. Belle leaned against the bathroom's wall, panting, crying and barely dealing with the fact that she would continue to exist while her children were gone. It wasn't like losing a partner, because you can always fall in love again, nor like losing a parent, because they were supposed to go before you do. No, losing a child was a pain you couldn't just overcome.

"Belle!" She heard Gold calling from the other side of the door. "Sweetheart, come here, please. I don't want you to be alone."

Trying to normalize her breath Belle walked towards the sink, washing her face with some water before attending his request and opening the door. She thought she would be able to tell him to leave her alone just like she had been doing this whole time, but Gold had tears in his eyes and the cane was trembling in the weak grip of his hand and that made her almost feel sick again, because he was as broken by the news as she was. Belle shook her head to herself and threw her arms around him.

"Robert, why is this happening to us?"

"I don't know,” he said, stroking her hair. “I wish I did."

They were both crying now and she was pretty aware that everyone on the waiting room was staring at them, trying to understand what was happening so they could continue to gossip about the Golds’ terrible fate like they had been doing for months now.

"It is her birthday, I thought she might wake up..."

Pulling away from her, Robert cupped Isabelle’s face, touching her rosy lips with the pad of his thumb. It was heart-breaking to see her like this but unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything to take her pain away. He was suffering to.

"Let's get out of here," he proposed.

She nodded in agreement, allowing him to take her hand and drag her to the parking lot.

* * *

 

Belle hated Gold's car. She hated the fact he had bought another freaking Cadillac and each second, she spend inside it made her curse him mentally, the pain of Whale's words mixed with the fact that she was inside a vehicle just identical to the one in which the accident happened, made her feel like her skin was on fire with rage. Her tears wouldn't stop for nothing and when she saw Granny's diner she immediately asked Robert to drop her there. He had asked - begged, actually - for her to stay with him so they could go through this together, but she couldn't do this now, so she thanked him for the ride and went to the diner.

She settled herself in the same stupid table she used to sit by ever since her very first date with Robert, just because it had become theirs and she still felt slightly closer to the family she lost when she was there, which was probably why she had been avoiding the place. Belle still felt the bitter taste her earlier sickness left in her mouth and ordered some coffee. In the past, she would have preferred a sweet tea, but now, coffee was keeping her awake in a way tea would never do, so she traded it.

Picking her phone from inside her purse, taking a look at her lock screen. Bae and Sarah. They were all around in those photos, but they were just a mere picture now and this thought made her feel her stomach start to twist again. She remembered Archie's advice of breathing in and out, drumming her fingers over the nearest surface to distract her brain from the possible next crisis. Belle slid the phone back to its place and sighed deeply trying not to cry in public, when she felt someone taking a seat by her side and lifted her eyes to see Ruby.

"Granny said she had just served you a cappuccino and I decided to come here and say hello," she started, but when Ruby noticed the tears shining in the girl's eyes, she furrowed in concern. "Oh, you don't look fine. What happened?"

It was needed a deep breath and some blinks to free her eyes from the blurriness the tears brought, for Belle to actually answer her.

"Whale thinks Sarah is having a multiple organ failure," the brunette said, her voice sounding weak and broken. "She will die within a week."

Ruby gasped and pulled her into a hug, holding Belle close and allowing her to hide her face on the curve of her neck, the tears falling to her friend's skin as she petted her hair.

"Belle... I'm so sorry," Ruby murmured. "I'll be here for you alright? Whatever you need, I will help."

Pulling away from her, Belle wiped her tears on the back of her hand, which was useless, because they kept falling anyway. Ruby took a good look at her, remembering about the fine, stylish clothes she used to wear until the crash, now she only wore simple things, as if she had no time to think about dressing herself anymore. She managed to look elegant, thought, but there was a lot more black on her clothing than before, which Ruby suspected to be a apart of her endless mourning.

"I need my baby girl back, I need to see her and Bae walking through that door arguing over which movie they will watch when they arrive home."

A soft chuckle left Ruby, but it only lasted a few seconds, because memories might be nice, but they simply couldn't change anything for anyone.

"We never expected those things to happen, right?" She sighed. "When we were young, we thought we would be happy."

"We were fools," Belle said. "But I miss who I was back then, Ruby."

That was the undeniable truth, she had been such a different person back then and not just when she was young, travelling and dreaming with her best friend, but also when she was married to Gold. Maybe, she thought, she had lived in bliss for too long and now it was time for life to take some from her.

"Let's do something tonight, you and I," Ruby suggested. "Anything you want, even if it is just crying a bit more."

Belle drank the rest of her cappuccino, thinking about her proposal. She felt like she would be betraying her daughter if she tried to forget what was about to happen, even if just for a few hours, but she needed to admit that she needed it, otherwise she would get mad.

"I have a section with Archie first," she told her friend. "He thought I would need some therapy today, because it is her birthday... If he only knew how things got worse."

"Go then, speak to him. I'll wait for you at six, alright?" Ruby said, standing up and walking towards the counter, taking Belle's empty cup with her. "I will steal some of Granny's chocolate ice-cream for us."

Smiling fondly at the other girl, Belle picked her things, planning to stop by her apartment to take a bath before she went to see the psychologist, after all she would need some time to recompose herself and not feel too weak to shame herself in front of Archie and spent a full hour weeping in front of him. She was about to get out when she suddenly turned around as something occurred her.

"Thanks Ruby and forgive me."

"For what?"

"Being the worse friend in the world for the last six months," Belle said. "I pushed you out of my life."

Ruby shrunk, tracing the counter and avoiding her glance for quite a few seconds before she felt comfortable to do so again.

"I should have been more stubborn. I couldn't have left you alone."

Belle didn't say anything, only shook her head, murmuring a final goodbye: "I see you at the loft."

* * *

 

Her eyelids were closed tightly as she took the stupid three steps over and over again. Belle was at Archie's office trying one of his techniques to banish her newest anxiety attack away, but it was hardly making her feel better. She had done it before in other occasions, but she never walked in the right pace, always too fast or too slow which actually got her slightly more anxious and today, she was too shaken by the news of her daughter's condition to simply try hard enough. Belle reached for the chair and opened her eyes, glancing at the psychologist who analysed her carefully.

"Alright, do it again."

A long deep and frustrated sigh left her because the last thing Belle wished to be doing right now was this, she would like very much to be home, crying under the covers of her bed and had only gone there because she thought Archie might have something to make her feel better. Wrong decision, apparently.

"Making me pace around your office won't do any help with my problems."

"I've told you already, it is not a problem nor a madness, it is a disorder," he answered, calmly reaching for his Dalmatian to pet his head. "You've been through a traumatic experience, Belle, you stressed too much and suffered too much, now you need to learn how to control yourself over the small situations that will bring it up and make your anxiety symptoms appear."

"Walking back and forward in the direction of this chair is not going to make them disappear," Belle insisted.

She hated the fact his expression didn't change when she felt just about to attack him for his stupid lack of reaction. It had been like this ever since she started therapy: she went there, cried, freaked out, said his techniques were silly and he heard, nodded and told her some wise things, when she allowed him to do so, which was not very often. Belle had never been an overly stressed person, but now, every little thing just brought her to the edge of fury.

"Did you feel your heart beating faster ever since we started?"

"No," she answered, folding her arms and going back to the place from where she should start walking.

"Then it helps," Archie shrugged. "The chair is the real problems in your life, Belle, you're afraid of them and that's why you walk so slowly, afraid of what will happen when you reach them."

How did he expected her to act when she had just found out her daughter's organs were slowly stopping to work? Only a heartless person wouldn't get shaken with this. God, she would feel shaken even if it was a random neighbour in Sarah's place, but with her baby girl it hurt even more. She had been facing Hell on Earth for too long and she really thought that once Sarah was gone nothing else would be able to help her. Belle would be lost.

"My daughter is going to die; my son has been dead for six months. Of course, I am afraid."

"And that's what has been causing you to feel so bad," he pointed out as she closed her eyes and started to walk again in an attempt to calm herself down. "I know it is hard for you accept this loss but is the circle of life. People die."

"Children are supposed to die before their parents."

The sentence left her lips as a harsh grunt just seconds before she stumbled against the chair, cursing under her breath at the pain on her knee. Belle opened her eyes to see that a red mark was already taking form on it.

"Rage," Archie remarked. "You're imprudent when you're angry."

"I'm done with this," she declared, letting herself fall on his couch. "I don't want to keep walking. I want my life back."

The objection was clear on his face and she knew that a whole speech about hope was about to come when her cell phone started to ring loudly. She searched for it inside her purse, grabbing the noisy thing and holding onto a breath when she saw the number glowing on the screen.

"It's the hospital," Belle mumbled, the panic filling her all over again.

"There is your chair," doctor Hopper assured her. "Pick up the call."

Taking a deep breath, she did it, already expecting for the worse and what she heard made fresh tears start to stream down her face, small sobs making her hiccup as he murmured monosyllabic answers. Belle hung it up, glancing at the therapist with the first real smile she managed to wear in full six months.

"She is awake."


	4. The Changes We Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold and Belle have to tell some hard things to Sarah.  
> In the past, Belle is jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter too. We just get some angst, so I hope you enjoy it!

Belle didn't have a car. She never truly wanted one, she never enjoyed driving and now she was pretty sure she would never risk herself doing it again, so that was the reason why it took her almost half an hour to arrive the hospital, as she walked all the way to there. Coincidence or not, Belle was just about to reach for the entryway when Gold did it too, both almost stumbling with each other. Lifting her gaze to him, the brunette got a hold of his arm, but she wasn't looking at him with the same bitterness she had been doing in the last few months. No, today her eyes shined with hope.

"Robert... Did they call you too?" Belle asked although she knew it was a useless question, because she already knew the answer for it. "Is that true? Whale was wrong?"

"Yes," he nodded and the smile that crossed his lips was so handsome that for a whole moment she wanted to kiss him. "Oh yes, sweetheart. Our girl is awake."

They stayed another few minutes in there, just staring into each other's eyes in a state of complete disbelief. They were so used to suffering by now that none of them saw it coming, not even Belle who had been the most faithful of the two during that dark period. She let her hand slid down his arms until it met his own, their fingers enlacing together.

"Should we get in?"

"Sure," Gold agreed. "I can't wait to see her."

Holding hands with her husband after such a long time felt weird, but as they walked inside the hospital it started to get less awkward and more comfortable. They were in this together, despite of everything that had happened ever since the crash and more than that, they needed each other's company right now. Maybe that was why Belle hadn't asked for divorce yet because they still had so much going on, which included their daughter's coma. She couldn't have enough presence of mind to think about those things when Sarah wasn't fine and the girl was the last link between them and she felt that doing it would somehow weaken the possibilities of her daughter waking up, because it would mean they would never be able to take their old lives back.

Sarah's room was a special one which they been paying a lot for, it was in the second floor of the hospital, two walls made of glass closing it in a nice corner, allowing some sunlight in. Day after day for a really long time, Gold and Belle had gone there to see their daughter sleeping deeply, but today they found her sat on the bed, auburn hair shining in the lights of the end of the afternoon, almost glowing in some stunning shade of red and not brown if seen from the right angle. She was clutching the bedcovers against her small body as she stared up t Whale.

"So," the doctor started, "what exactly do you remember Sarah?"

"I want my mama," the little girl answered. "I don't want to be here."

Grabbing the doorknob, Gold stepped in dragging a shocked Belle with him. None of them could believe it was actually happening, but the happiness in their faces was undeniable. Gold had an astonished smile on his lips and he finally released Belle's hand when their daughter glanced at them, eyes widening with joy at the sight of her parents.

"Sarah?"

"Papa!"

He took a shaken step into her direction and caught the girl when she threw her arms around his neck, making him fall onto the hospital bed with her in his arms, hugging that precious person as tight as he could. She felt warm and heavy against him, her messy hair was like silk under his fingertips and somehow there was still a trace of her old smell in her, although the hospital products ruined most of it, but what really matter was that she was alive. Countless nights he had dreamed with this moment and now it was real.

"Oh sweetheart, I have never been so relieved in my entire life."

Sarah pulled away from his hug, glancing at her mother who was still frozen by the doorway, tears running free down her cheeks. For the first time in forever anxiety felt nice, because the maddening beat of her heart had nothing to do with despair, but with the deep emotion of the moment.

"Mama, why are you crying?" Sarah asked a frown appearing on her face. "Can't you join the hug?"

Nodding, Belle slid to their side on the bed, hugging Sarah too while Gold caressed the little girl's hair. Her chest seemed about to burst, she was out of air, her body was shaking, but it all seemed to little compared to the joy of knowing that would be fine.

"I love you," Belle murmured between her tears, kissing her forehead repeatedly. "I love you more than anything."

A soft, childish giggle left the girl and she escaped her mother's grip, looking around the room and for the first time seeming to notice the box Robert had left there earlier right before Whale came with the exams. His words had frightened them so much they left it behind without a thought. Sarah gasped, blue eyes shining beautifully.

"Is that a Betty doll?"

"Aye, it is for you, my love," Gold said brushing his fingers at her rosy cheeks. "Today is your birthday."

It was incredible how healthy she looked now. For months Sarah had been a pale figure on that bed, but now life had come back to her in its fullest, flushing her skin making her lips seem a bit plumper now and the dark circles under her eyes were slowly disappearing. It was almost like she hadn't been in coma at all, even if her messy hair and hospital gown indicate the opposite. There was a frown forming in her face, and she stared at her father with a bit of disbelief.

"I thought my birthday was still far away."

"You have been sleeping for a long time, Sarah, I think you were so tired that you decided to nap for too long," doctor Whale said, softly, before gesticulating to the door. "Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold, can you come with me for a second?"

"We'll be right back," Belle promised her letting Sarah slid from her lap, moving in the direction of the doll's box without giving much a thought to it.

Then, they followed Victor Whale outside, watching him flip some pages of the big file he had in hands, brow narrowed and lips tightened. He looked a bit concerned and Belle immediately felt preoccupied too, because Sarah might have awakened up but that didn't mean she was fine. The doctor, however looked up at then with a short smile taking his lips.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happen nor what can still happen. We will take Sarah to some exams in a few minutes, so it would be good if you could explain her what is happening. She doesn't seem to remember the accident," he explained. "I'll prepare everything."

Belle found herself nodding automatically as he disappeared in the hallway. The fact that Sarah didn't have any memories of what happened make everything more difficult, although she was glad her daughter wouldn't have constant nightmares about a car falling from the toll bridge each night like did. Glancing back at Robert. She saw that he was tense, gripping tightly at his cane.

"We need to do this, right?"

"Aye," he agreed.

Taking a deep breath, she turned around going straight back inside the private room with Gold on her heels. Sarah was now playing with the doll, the box and its other contents, casted aside. Belle took a seat on the bed stroking her hair and thinking about the hard work it would be to brush it at first.

"Hey, babe, did you like your new doll?" The brunette asked. "Papa bought it specially for you."

"She is pretty," the girl agreed.

Robert approached them pulling a chair close to the bed and sitting, stretching his throbbing leg in front of him. He still wasn't used to the pain on the damaged knee and sometimes he walked more than his body's new condition could take, so he would have it aching at the end of the day. He reached for his daughter's hand, making her glance up at him.

"Sarah, my darling, what is the last memory you have?"

"Mama taking me to school," she answered, promptly. "Did I get sick while I was there?"

"No, sweetie," it was Belle who replied, "we got into an accident and that's why you were sleeping for so long."

Sarah's mouth opened in a perfect "o" shape. She had never been in an accident before and she couldn't quite imagine what truly had happened, so she kept quiet waiting for more information.

"The doctors will need to make some exams on you to make sure everything is fine and then we can take you home," Robert continued.

The prospect of being through exams kind of scared her, so Sarah clutched her doll close and trying to distract herself from these thoughts, she climbed up to her mother's lap, a question shining in her eyes.

"Am I going to have a birthday party?"

Of course, Belle was about to say no because they didn't have anything planned and she didn't feel like partying right now, but Gold gave Sarah a little smirk and she knew he was about to do exactly what he shouldn't.

"Not today really, but what about as soon as we can arrange it?"

"Ok," Sarah agreed with a smile, before turning back to Belle. "Mama, where is Bae? Is he sleeping too?"

If a hole had appeared underneath her and dragged Belle down, she would have felt better than she was feeling now. She had almost forgot that Sarah not remembering about the accident meant she didn't know they all got extremelly hurt and, for one night the Gold family was taken to four different surgery rooms and one of then hadn't survived it. The doctor's said Baden's brain stopped working even before they made it to the hospital, but in their eagerness to stop his internal bleeding, they hadn't been able to find it out until the next day after surgery when a neurologist came from Seattle to check on Sarah and decided to stop by his room too. Another day came and his heart stopped too, just a few hours before his parents woke up asking for him and his sister.

She couldn't tell these things to Sarah, she couldn't even make words on her mouth to say that he was gone. Belle looked straight at Gold, silently asking for help, but he also seemed to be panicking, unable to say anything. Gladly they were saved by a too happy redhaired nurse who walked towards the bed with a big smile on her lips.

"I'm looking for a little lady called Sarah Gold to join me in an adventure on a giant machine," she said and Sarah lifted a hand. "Can I take you there?"

"Yes!"

* * *

 

Throwing her old smartphone inside her purse, Isabelle let herself fall onto the chair beside Robert, fingers rubbing her own temples in a fail attempt of try to alliviate some stress. She had been worrying about what to tell her daughter once she came back from the exams and she had done everything she could to distract herself including drinking a big cup of expresso and pacing around the waiting room. Just after a few moments she remembered that she had promised to spent the night with Ruby and decided to do something about it, because she wasn't leaving this hospital so soon. That made her think that at some point she would need to go to Gold's house to pick some clothes and toys for Sarah and that thought made her shiver.

She hadn't been in that house for so long. Belle promised herself after their last argument that she would never set a foot inside it again both because she wanted to keep her distance from Gold and because he hadn't noticed how much living there was killing her until she decided to leave. That place was a constant reminder of what they had and what they lost and seeing the children's bedrooms and things and knowing they weren't there to make a use of it hurt like hell. But now she was there and Sarah was going to be fine, so maybe it wasn't so difficult this time.

"I just called my father and Ruby," she told Gold.

He nodded, wordlessly. His gaze was fixed on the floor, his was twisting the handle of his cane.

"We will need to tell her."

"I know," Belle murmured. "But if I think too much about this I will... Oh, God, I'll lose my mind."

It was nothing more than the truth, she could already feel the panic rising just for having spoken about it. Belle didn't want Sarah to suffer, but she couldn't simply bring Bae back, so sooner or later she would need to say those cruel words to her. Baden was dead. He was never coming back. They needed to live with it. She didn't realise she was shaking again until Gold gripped her hand.

"Hey, I'm here," he said in that gentle tone of his. "We'll do this together."

"Belle," Moe French's voice interrupted the moment, making Belle pull away and stand up.

Walking towards her father Belle gave him a quick hug, happy to see that despite his clear preoccupation he had a smile on his lips. He had been praying for this to happen to, Moe never failed believing Sarah would be fine in the end.

"Papa, I'm so glad you're here."

"Where is she?"

"Tomography, I think," she said, "a nurse took her a while ago."

Moe waved his head positively at her, cupping Belle's cheek affectionaly for a brief moment before he looked down at Gold who was still sat on the same place, playing with his cane, distractedly.

"I hope now you see the mistake you would have made if you allowed the doctors to unplug her from the live support."

"Yeah, Moe, you came here just to tell me how wrong I was. Predictable," Robert scorned. "Sometimes I wonder if you actually care for Belle or Sarah or if you just like to snap me for no reason."

"How dare you - " Moe started and Gold jumped up to his feet.

Belle immediately stood between them, because she had heard enough of it for a lifetime. Her father and her husband had never been friends, actually they hated each other, but it wasn't the place or the time for them to start another silly argument.

"Stop," Belle commanded. "This is not about any of you, it's about my daughter! Now stop acting like children."

They both looked at the floor with shame and she breathed a it relieved when she saw Whale making his way to them.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he said, "but we've taken lots of samples and done all the exams we could, they will be ready in a few hours, so fell free to spend some time with Sarah while you wait."

Belle smiled weakly.

"Thank you, doctor Whale."

She started to make her way to Sarah's room when she realised that she was being followed and turned around on her heels to face the two men behind.

"You're not entering there if it is to start another stupid argument."

"I'll behave," Moe assured. "I promise."

It was still hard for her to believe it, but Belle couldn't keep her father from seen Sarah when she knew just how much he loved and missed her, so she continued to make her way inside, finding the little girl changing her doll's flat shoes for a pair of high heels. Sarah was already expecting to see her parents, but not Moe and the happy scream that left her at the sight of him was a loud sound.

"Grandpa!"

"Hey, little angel," Moe greeted her pick the girl on his arms and kissing her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Now I'm fine but they have jabbed some needles in my arms," Sarah answered showing him the band aids on her skin.

"Oh, I'm sorry for that."

Sarah however, was the kind of child who wouldn't stick to things for too long. Ever since she was a baby she acted like that, she could fall a million times in her attempts to walk, but she wouldn't cry, just stand up and try again.

"Do you know that today is my birthday?"

"Of course, I do," Moe replied in a tone that was way too different from the one he had used with the girl's father just a couple of minutes ago, "and I will buy you something wonderful when I get out of here."

"Can I get a puppy?" Sarah asked with shiny eyes.

"No puppies, young lady," Belle intervened. "They are hard work and they are not meant to stay in apartments."

A frown appeared on her face and just then Belle realised what she just said. They hadn't talked about the fact she and Gold weren't a couple anymore and she had moved, so her daughter was confused in her grandfather's arms.

"But we have a big house," she tried to rationalize.

Belle sighed.

"A lot changed, Sarah."

Moe pulled the little girl back to the bed, realising it might not help if he stayed there while they tried to explain all of this to a child.

"I think I might give you some space," he murmured, adding to Belle: "Call me if you need anything, darling."

They waited until he left and she sat on the bed, getting Sarah onto her lap and stroking her hair, although she didn't seem really happy with it at the moment. She could be quite an tantrummy child sometimes, when she didn't understand why she couldn't get what she wanted.

"What changed? I like our house."

"Sarah," Belle started, "mama is living on the apartment over the library now and when we get out of here you are going to stay there with me."

"But there is only one bedroom," Sarah protested. "Will I stay with you and papa?"

"Sweetheart, what your mama is trying to say is that we no longer live together," Robert tried.

A gasp left her and the tears were crystal clear on her eyes. Belle felt her heart clench painfully inside her chest. Her poor girl had a whole, amazing family once and she woke up to find out she didn't have any of it anymore.

"Why?"

"Because sometimes mamas and papas have to split," Gold continued. "It is a grown-up thing."

"Then I don't want to grow up," Sarah cried, shifting away from Belle. "You love each other, you should stay together."

Oh, God, she couldn't even begin to imagine how this moment could hurt. Yes, she loved Robert, despite of everything. Meeting him had changed her life and she would never be able to erase all of their good moments from her memory, nor the feelings in her heart, but she wasn't able to heal her own scars too.

"Honey, we still care for each other, we just... We can't do this anymore."

"I think you should stay with the house. I can life in the back of my shop or I can get one of those rented properties," Gold suggested. "You two need it more than I do. Sarah deserves to have a nice bedroom."

"I - I can't go back to that house," Belle immediately refused. "Not even if I wanted."

The good memories, those she had been trying to escape from, they all lay in that house and if she went back, she would go mad.

"Where is Bae?"

"Oh, Sarah..." Belle murmured and Gold's eyes slid shut.

"Where is my brother?"

Somehow things could always get worse.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

Storybrooke didn't have many toy stores, actually it only had one, as the town was really small. Belle had gone there that morning to see if she could find a decent present to August, but she ended-up staring at too many stuffed animals of all colours and some very few plastic dinosaurs. Frustrated, Belle crossed the street to the grocery store which had a small kids section, but that was more well stocked than the previous store. If she had had the time, Belle would certainly have gone to Boston where she could go to a proper mall and do some shopping for the family too, but right now, that was all she had.

She hoped not be buying August the same toy he would already receive from someone else, so she chose one of the most expensive items she found there: a control remote car that seemed to be real fun to play with. Bae wasn't much of a cars' fan, he had always preferred board games and animated figures, but she knew most boys would like it, so she fished her phone from the purse and called her husband, explaining him what she was about to get.

"Do you think he would like the blue car or the red one?"

"Anything you choose will be nice, sweetheart," Gold guaranteed.

Rolling her eyes Belle picked the blue one, taking a better look at it to see if everything was in place and sighed loudly at his answer.

"Robert, I didn't call you to receive no opinion."

"I'm in an important meeting, Belle, I can't pick car's colours now."

Important meeting, the words echoed in her mind, making her see red with rage. That was Gold's excuse for everything lately and every single time she heard it broke her heart a bit. Belle glanced down at the basket she was carrying full of things they needed at home like milk and mushrooms, and on top of it, the things for her surprise. She didn't feel much like giving anything to him now that he was impatient with her at the phone, eager to go back to his business, actually she was feeling a lot like a fool for being such a duty wife and doing everything for him when she wasn't receiving much.

"Alright," Belle started, bitterly, "shall August hate his birthday present, it will be your fault. Or maybe the mayor’s since you don't leave her side ever since the funeral."

"I'm working in a case for her," Robert gasped.

Tears came to her eyes and Belle quickly wiped them, thinking that she was definitely too sensible to think straight. However, he could deny it the many times he wanted and it wouldn't change the fact that Gold had been spending more time with Regina Mills than with her. Robin de Locksley, the mayor's husband and the father of her two sons had been murdered a couple of months ago and nobody knew who did this and why, so when Regina came to their door to ask for Robert to help her investigate the crime, he had of course said yes, and now the pawn shop was closed every afternoon so he could work on it with her.

Belle had felt angry at first when she saw the two of them discussing some documents and watching a few security videos together, so she started to give him more attention than she would in normal situations, but as much as Gold seemed to enjoy it when they were together it didn't have any effect in making him give up this stupid investigation. She had hopes she could change it tonight, after what she had to tell him.

"You haven't acted like a lawyer for years! But of course, if Regina Mills needs one you suddenly go back to your attorney activities."

"Are you jealous?" Robert asked, astonished.

Blush came to her cheeks as she looked around the grocery store, praying that no one heard her sounding so unbelievably insane. Yes, she had to admit it to herself, she was jealous and maybe it had something to do with the fact Regina was a beautiful and powerful woman who was totally available while she spent her days at the library and her nights helping her children with homework.

"No," Isabelle lied.

"Oh, Belle," Gold murmured, unable to believe it. "Listen, I have to go, but we will talk about this later."

Swallowing, Belle fought against the lump in her throat as she murmured one last phrase: "At least remember that you need to pick up the kids at school."

But there was no one to hear it. Gold had already rung off the phone.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

They had promised to take Sarah to see Baden in the next day after they got out of the hospital. Belle spent the night there with her and Gold went home and came back in the morning with a bag of clothes for the little girl. She had been bathed, dressed and her hair was pulled up in two ponytails one in each side of her head. Her exams had come to be perfect, no signs of multiple organ failure like she had been previously diagnosticated with and nothing else that could be alarming, she was completely healthy again, as if a miracle had happened.

But the time for Sarah to discover the truth had arrived and Gold drove them to the cemetery. She had already been there at the rare times Belle would go there to leave some flowers by her mother's grave, so she wasn't surprised at first, probably thinking they would say hello to grandma Colette before going home and meeting Bae. At least until the moment they stopped by Baden's gravestone and she let out a painful wail when she read the words written in it.

Some people would say Sarah was a prodigy because at age of four she was already able to read lots of things, but Belle gave credit to her teacher Mary Margareth who now had a full class of alphabetized five-year-olds. The little girl, got a hold of her mother's leg as her father bent down to sit on the floor beside her with some difficult, his knee throbbing with the effort.

"No," she cried. "Bae..."

"He is in peace now, sweetheart," Robert said, caressing her cheek and brushing away her tears.

"I promise I will never steal his phone again if he comes back."

Belle's eyes slid close at this impossibly innocent and childish phrase, thinking about how much her baby girl still didn't understand about this world or how death really worked. She kneeled on the grass to ad she had done too many times to count ever since the stone was placed in there. He was twelve. Nobody was supposed to die at age of twelve. In her memories, she could still feel the weight of that happy toddler she had carried around town, singing the silliest songs and dancing in the clumsiest way. She had been given a child when he was already about to become two, but she was so damn grateful for it, because Bae was the centre of her world for a long, long time and her love for him was unconditional. Blood bounds be damned he was her son and seeing his grave opened that wound in her heart, making her bleed all over again.

"You know that's not possible, honey," Belle whispered in a broken voice. "We all got very hurt in that accident we've told you about, but Bae got more."

"He was my best friend. Who is going to play with me now?" Sarah inquired with a sob, turning around so he could throw her arms around her mother's neck. "I already miss him."

"Oh, babe, I miss him too. Every single day."

Sarah was weeping against her shoulder and Belle looked at Gold in search for any help and that was when she realised he had his face hidden against Sarah's hair, all three of them tangled on the ground, crying over the dead boy they loved so very much.

"I want to go home," Sarah asked after a while.

Nobody questioned the decision, because Gold and Belle didn't want to stay there for any other second either, so they headed back to the Cadillac and Robert drove them to the library. Sarah feel asleep during the short trip to there and Belle carried her upstairs, Gold following with the bag of clothes. The apartment was still as messy as Belle left it in the day prior, so dishes waiting to be washed in the sink, a coat left on the armchair and a pair of shoes kicked beside it.

Sighing Belle walked towards her room, laying Sarah on her double-sized bed and covering her with a warm blanket before going back to the living room where Robert was standing still, unsure of what to do next. He had to admit he wanted to go on his knees and beg Belle to go back to their house because it was where she belonged, but he wouldn't do just that so instead, he asked:

"Do you think that's for the best, Belle? Living in here?"

"We can't suddenly try to change anything that happened," she answered wearily. "I just need to get all of her things and go to the grocery store."

The second part Belle needed to do much more than the first. She didn't have much food at home, because her stomach hadn't been standing anything other than a small portion of vegetables at time and all she had to drink was water and whiskey, which wouldn't do for Sarah. God, only now she saw how much her life had been unhealthy in the last six months.

"Alright," Robert answered with a nod. "I'll do it for you."

She thanked him and gave him her keys, saying she needed to take a bath and probably would be too busy to open the door for him when he came back. Belle took a long, relaxing shower, pulled on a camisole - although they were in the middle of the day - and snuggled on the bed with Sarah, pulling her close so she could feel her warmth and be sure nothing bad would happen to her.

Meanwhile, Gold went home and found a suitcase, walking towards Sarah's room and filling it with some more clothes and all the toys and books he could find. He couldn't help but think about how empty this house was going to feel now that he knew he could have his family there, but they refused to share the same roof as him. Robert knew he deserved it, but the feeling of disappointment couldn't be controlled.

He stopped by the grocery store in his way to Belle's apartment and filled a whole kart with things he remembered she and Sarah liked to eat, then he followed to the library. When he arrived, there wasn't even the tiniest of the sounds, so he left the groceries in the kitchen and opened the door of Belle's room, peeking a look just to see if Sarah was still sleeping, and found her nestled safety beside her sleeping mother. Taking a seat on the chair by the desk, he thought about watching her this way for just a wee bit, however his eyes were feeling heavy and he eventually fell asleep too.

Hours later, Belle woke up to the painful feeling of someone jumping on her stomach, right above her surgery scar and she released a muffled groan of pain before opening her eyes to see Sarah staring happily at her.

"I thought you weren't living together anymore."

"What?" Belle queried, rubbing at her eyes with one hand and pulling Sarah back to the mattress with the other. She blinked and focused her gaze on the man sleeping by her desk. "Robert?"

He yawned, and then jumped in place, his cheeks getting flushed when he realised he had just slept there when he only planned to play the stalker for a few brief seconds.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"Belle?" Came a voice from the hallway.

"Oh, shit it's my father!"

Quickly, Belle sat up on the bed, looking down at her silky black camisole and cursing herself for that choice of outfit. Moe was outside and when he saw that Gold was there with her wearing only this stupid little piece of clothing, he would certainly interpret it wrongly. She slid off the bed opening her wardrobe and taking a giant dress from inside.

"Get out of my room, he has a key and he can't see you here!"

"You are not sixteen, you know," Robert teased her, watching Belle pull the dress above her camisole.

"Darling - " Moe opened the door and gasped.

"Shit!"  Belle picked Sarah up as a shield, clutching her close as she faked a smile, looking straight at Gold and hoping he would understand it was his cue to go. "Thank you for helping me with Sarah! See you tomorrow?"

"Right," Gold nodded walking towards her and placing a kiss to Sarah's brow. "Goodbye, princess. Papa will see you soon."

Then he turned around and left the apartment, leaving her to distract her father from the fact she was getting closer to Gold again at every passing day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear: Gold wasn't cheating on Belle with Regina, he was just working for her, but it was a dangerous work, that's why he was distant. You'll learn more about it in the upcoming chapters.


	5. Guilt Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle is angry at Archie.  
> Gold and Belle go on a hamburger date with Sarah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, my loves. Enjoy the chapter, we have some new revelations about the accident here.

Gold was preparing a big birthday party for Sarah at Granny's. He seemed more interested in that than in anything else and Belle, well, Belle had to take care of the rest. She went to school and talked to the principal about Sarah's return, she bought a small bed to put beside hers and started to cook vegetables for lunch again. Somehow, she was back to a motherly routine and that was at the same time wonderful and terrifying.

Belle didn't know how she had done it for the past years, because taking care of a children seemed much more of a big responsibility now than it had been before. She had taken the role of a mother happily even before she married Gold, because Bae's real mother, Milah Cassidy, had died even before he turned one, right after she left her only child behind to have some adventures with a random lover and it didn't end up well. The little boy was a joyful a thing and Belle had never been frightened of anything, so she started to play with him during her dates with Robert and when she realised she already loved Bae as if he was her own.

She tended him when he cried, she stayed firm and calm when he caught a flu or something like that. It was never hard for her, and even when she had no idea of what to do, Belle kept being strong for him. But the problem was that the accident had changed her, she had scars on her body and in her soul, her anxiety slowly killed her from inside and in the first couple of morning she almost freaked out when Sarah slept too much. Fear was a constant company for her now and as much as she wanted and tried really hard to free herself from it, Belle knew it was a long, painful battle that she wasn't even beginning to win.

That was why she was on Archie's office again, thankfully sat on his couch and not pacing around, staring at him as the psychologist absorbed the description of her week. It hadn't been a nice one, she was too angry with everything and everyone to see anything good in the world other than Sarah.

"Selfish," doctor Hopper said slowly.

Belle blinked at his words.

"What?"

"You're being selfish," he explained.

Her heart started to race as the fury began to make her blood boil. She could be a lot of things, but she certainly wasn't selfish, Belle was one of those people who always put others first, who never took anything for herself until everyone got what they wanted. How dare he calling her selfish? What kind of therapist he thought he were when he wasn't helping her with anything?

"I'm not! I'm doing everything I can to assure my daughter is alright and Robert is just planning parties!"

"And what is wrong with planning a birthday party when that's what Sarah wants the most?"

Snorting, Belle shook her head, angrily at him without understanding why he couldn't simply try to see things from her point of view. She had always been one of the greatest enthusiastic over children's birthday parties, but this wasn't the right moment for one, they were still healing and, she needed to admit she couldn't imagine having a party without Bae in it.

"It is just not important," she mumbled, already knowing this wasn't going to convince Archie of anything.

"Well, sometimes we need to give some attention to those unimportant things or we will live worrying about tomorrow," he shrugged. "Maybe that's why you and Robert split."

Oh, really wrong in that matter. Gold was probably the most responsible person she had ever met in her whole life, little were the times when he forgot to do something he should, he was always caring for the children and making sure they got everything they needed. She had learned how to be truly responsible with him, as she was young and still a bit reckless when they met.

"No, it wasn't," she guaranteed the redhead.

"Then why did you decide to break up with him?"

A long, deep sigh left her. Thinking about it still hurt, because the day she finally decided to give up was one of the worse days in her life.

"I was trying not to. I told myself I shouldn't blame him and I tried really hard to stand by his side but then..." Belle swallowed hard the lump in her throat. "The hospital called, they told us they believed there was no hope for Sarah and it would be best to unplug her from life support and he agreed."

"That was the reason?" Archie questioned.

"Not exactly," she admitted. "We had a big fight one night and he told me things he shouldn't, so I left."

She could still remember the look on his face she slapped him. His words had hurt her feelings and she didn't understand why he couldn't comprehend that she was suffering as much as he was, they lost everything and she felt empty like never before. Most nights, Belle couldn't sleep and every single day she spent grieving, she couldn't read, she couldn't watch the news or even smile. If he just accepted that a part of her had died when the car fell from the bridge, it all would be easier. But he couldn't do it.

"What did he say?" Archie inquired.

"It doesn't matter now," she whispered, looking down at her own hands.

"Oh, believe me, it does."

Therapy had seemed to be a reasonable attempt to solve her problems at first. The doctors had told her right from the very start that she should look for help, but Belle delayed it the more she could. In the first couple of weeks, it was probably only a heavy wave of depression that took her, the pain of losing her boy and not knowing what could happen to her girl eating her alive, but then, every little stress started to cause her the worse symptoms she had ever had in her life. Everything she ate caused her to feel nauseous, thinking about Sarah's coma resulted in her having no air to breath. That was when she started to go to doctor Hopper's office twice a week.

Talking about her problems - and crying her heart out - had been a relief at first, he would tell her everything would be alright and she would go back home feeling way more hopeful. However, as the months went by, Archie changed his methods and started to try taking reactions from her and making Belle speak about the things she wanted to hide, which was also when she started to get frustrated with therapy. She was already thinking about something harsh to say when she heard her phone start to ring and lifted it to Archie in an excuse.

"It is my father, I should pick up."

"No, no, put the phone down. We still have twenty minutes," he commanded and Belle gritted her teeth, refusing the call and looking back at him. "So, you have never been close to your father before, why now?"

Certainly, Belle didn't need a reminder that she never had the best of the relationships with her father. Moe had always been a very distant person and after her mother died, he only became more reclusive, and although Belle would still visit him from time to time, she had never been a daddy's girl and preferred to keep her distance too. But it changed when she got married, because even though Moe hated Gold, he really enjoyed playing with Bae and then with Sarah. It was like they were only Belle's children never Gold's and she got closer to her father.

The visits to grandpa were a weekly thing and both the children loved it, so she mostly never missed one of their Sundays together and she had to admit she kept taking them to Moe's house because she had never seen her father look happier than when they were around. He suffered a lot too when Baden died and, after she broke up with Gold, she was feeling lonely and in need of family, so she turned to him.

"He is the only one I have left," Belle explained. "When Robert couldn't support me, he was there. I owe him a lot and I don't want him to be angry and he is always angry when Gold is around."

"Ah, so you're avoiding Gold because of him?" Doctor Hopper queried. "You never did that before."

Of course she didn't, because before Moe didn't have any reasons to hurt Gold and now he did and if he got his hands on her husband, she didn't even want to think about what could happen. He was one of the few people that knew about the problems with the car and he would never be able to forgive Robert because of it. She suddenly stood up, because Archie would never understand any of this and she couldn't try to explain it, because he would involve the police and then things would get bad.

"Yeah, maybe I'm out of my mind! I'm sorry, doctor Hopper, but this Belle you've been talking about, died six months ago."

Grabbing her purse, Belle made her to the door, getting out of the office, feeling tears leak from her eyes.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

"Mama?" Baden called as he entered the library that afternoon. "Mama, are you still here?"

There was no one around as it was almost closing time, and his mother was nowhere to be seen, which only made the boy narrow his eyebrows, because his parents usually didn't disappear like that, however when Belle came from behind some shelves, holding the register book open in her hands, he immediately felt relieved.

"Hey, sweetie," she said smiling widely at the sight of him as she pulled the book away and walked towards the boy cupping his face and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Where is your father and your sister?"

"I don't know, papa didn't appear to pick me at school," Bae explained, "so I thought it was best to come here before it starts raining."

As she eyed the dark sky outside the windows, he saw an angry expression take her face. It wasn't good, Baden knew it, because in the few times he had seen her in rage like now, an argument always followed.

"Unbelievable," Belle mumbled under her breath picking her purse under the desk and walking directly to the door.

"Where are you going?" Bae asked, worried.

"To pick Sarah, of course, I can't leave your sister alone in there when a storm is about to hit."

She grabbed Bae's hand and dragged him with her down the street. The schools were considerably far from the library and he didn't think his mother could walk so fast in her high heels as she did that day. They rushed to the kitten garden and found Sarah sat alone with her teacher at the already empty classroom, she seemed to be pretty distracted colouring and Mary Margaret quickly came into their direction asking Belle what had happened. She made-up a story about the library, told the teacher that she was sorry and picked up Sarah.

Bae followed his mother and sister outside, already knowing his father was in trouble. He had never forgot to pick them at school, he and Belle always alternated days to get the kids, and none of them ever failed the task, at least not until today. The Cadillac had just parked outside the school as they left and Sarah squealed happily when she saw her father getting out of the car. She rushed towards him, jumping to his arms and hugging tight.

"Papa!"

"Oh, hello, sweetheart," Gold said with a smile, kissing her cheek before looking up at his angry wife and adding: "I'm so sorry, I lost the track of time."

"We will talk about this at home," Belle said, harshly, opening the car's door and settling herself inside.

The kids entered too and, feeling the tension between their parents, they remained quiet. Bae just hoped that wouldn't interfere his plans of going to August's birthday party, because he had been waiting for this the whole week, but when they arrived home and his mother immediately send them to bath, saying they should put up nice clothes, he knew he wouldn't be disappointed, so he went upstairs with Sarah, leaving Isabelle and Robert alone.

The drive home had been a bless to Belle because it gave her the needed space to breath in and consider that saying all the things she wanted to her husband may not be the wiser thing to do. She was angry and she knew that angry people tended to say things they would regret. Instead, she had some time to calm down. Belle turned her back to Gold, toying with her own nervous fingers as she felt some tears blurry her eyes.

"Sweetheart," Robert started, noticing how shaken she was, "why are you crying?"

Taking a deep breath Belle looked back at him, feeling her lips tremble. She needed to ask this, otherwise she would spend the rest of her life wondering, being consumed by this horrible jealously that she didn't want to be feeling.

"Do you like her? The mayor?"

"Belle, what kind of madness is this? I was down on you just this morning," Gold answered in disbelief. "You're the only one I care for."

"You forgot about the children," she sobbed.

He took a few steps into her direction, catching his wife in his arms and kissing away her tears. God, she was such a fool! Gold couldn't believe she was seriously jealous of Regina when she knew how much he loved her. He was pretty aware of his constant absence lately, but he was trying to do the right thing for Storybrooke, because it was their home and it would be dangerous as long as that murderer kept walking free through the streets. If Gold could help making it safe for everyone again, then he would. Of course, that excuse the fact he forgot his children at school, but that wasn't going to happen ever again.

"I really lost track of time," Robert told her. "I have two suspects now and I can assure you, one of them killed Robin."

Swallowing hard, Belle nodded touching her forehead against his. The tears were still falling from her eyes and she felt really stupid.

"I'm sorry," the brunette murmured.

"Hey, it's alright," Gold guaranteed, toying with her hair.

"No, it is not. I've been thinking bad of you for weeks now," Belle cried. "I'll make it up for you tonight, Robert, I promise."

Gold shook his head. The last thing he wanted was for his wife to think she should pay for any mistake with sex. He enjoyed having her in arms for love, not for a freaking meaningless blowjob or something like that, although he couldn't complain about how much she was always willing to give and receive, but a guilty payment wasn't something he would take.

"You don't have to do anything for me, I just need you to believe I'm working on something important," he assured her, kissing her lips in the gentler way he could. "More people can get hurt if this man isn't locked in a jail immediately."

Belle nodded, knowing this would have been a solved matter in their lives if wasn't for the things that were still going to happen before that day ended.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Gold made his way to the pawn shop with Sarah's hand tucked in one of his own and his face in the other. He had taken her to choose somethings to the birthday party, but they didn't find much thing in Storybrooke as always and he would need to buy a lot of stuff on internet, but the day hadn't been a waste in any sense. Robert missed his daughter and seeing her face light up when she saw Clarke's new goldfishes swimming in their aquarium, was a joy for him. She had eaten all of her lunch and behaved perfectly, so as they entered the shop, Gold thought he could give her some chocolate before Belle appeared to pick her.

"Papa, what happened to your leg?" Sarah asked as he led her to the backroom, leaving heavily on his cane.

She hadn't yet made this question, but he knew it was going to come sooner or later, because before her coma he was a normal man, not a cripple. Gold stroke her hair, giving her a soft smile.

"It is due to the accident."

Sarah tilted her head, taking a look at his cane as Gold reached for a drawer taking a small candy bar and giving it to her, who took the chocolate without much interest, appearing to be rather worried with his new condition.

"Won't you wall without this stick again?"

"I'm afraid not, sweetheart."

"Mr. Gold?" He heard a man's voice calling from the main room, just a second after the doorbell jingled.

Telling Sarah to wait there for a moment, he pulled the curtains away to see a man looking curiously around.

"How can I help you?"

He turned around, offering a smile to Gold.

"Regina Mills sent me here, I'm detective Rogers, she hired me to finish what you started and find her husband's murderer."

Eyes sliding shut of a second, Robert nodded. He knew that sooner or later Regina would look for another person to do the job, even though he had warned her to forget it for her own sake. She had two young boys that could be an easy target, but he was too stubborn to hear it. He opened his safe and handed a huge package to Rogers.

"The files," he explained. "Now, I would appreciate if you just do not come over again and tell Regina I don't to be involved in her business. It already caused me enough trouble."

Actually, Gold thought he would never want to act as a lawyer again. He knew he was clever enough to have that murderer arrested in a matter of days, but first he needed to conclude the investigation and find who of the last two suspects had did the deed, but he wasn't going to do that, not when he knew this person would do anything not to be find, including killing again.

"Oh, alright, I'll be just going then," Rogers said with a tiny smile. "Have a good day."

He didn't wait for him to go, before moving back to the backroom, where he found Sarah sat on his chair with one of the photos he still displayed on the desk in her hands. Only when Gold came closer he realised it was his and Belle's on their wedding.

"What are you doing, princess?"

Looking up at him, Sarah blinked those gorgeous blue eyes of hers and her saw there were tears in them.

"Papa, don't you love my mama anymore?"

"Of course, I do," Robert guaranteed. "It is just, complicated, Sarah."

"I want us to be together," she sniffled. "And I want my brother too."

Scooping her up in his arms, Gold took a seat on the cot, knowing he wouldn't be able to take more than a few seconds holding Sarah now that his knee was so damaged. He hugged her close, caressing her hair the most soothing way he could. Robert had always hated to see Sarah crying, maybe because she had always seemed so much littler and more fragile than Bae had ever been.

"Oh, I know, sweetheart, but we had quite some fun today, right?" Gold asked trying to cheer her up a little. "Didn't you like the things we bought for the party?"

"I did," she murmured.

Kissing the top of her head, he let Sarah slip back to the floor, making her way to the small backpack she had brought. Once again, he heard the door opening but didn't get enough time to go open it before the curtains were pulled aside by Belle.

"Hey, Robert," she whispered. "Hi, Sarah!"

The little girl waved quickly at her mother before looking back at the doll she had in hands, choosing a new dress for her. Belle arched an eyebrow at the gest and Gold pulled himself back on his feet, gesticulating for her to accompany him to the other room.

"Can we have a little talk?" Robert asked softly when they were alone and she nodded. "Sarah is sad, Belle."

"I know," she answered with a frustrated sigh before adding: "I'm sorry."

"For Sarah being sad?"

Shaking her head, Belle leaned against the counter and he couldn't help but remember about the times he had her pressed against it just his way, but he would be close and their mouths and hands would be occupied. This was such a distant memory that could have happened in another life. He missed her, but more than that he wished he could help her, because he knew his bad knee was nothing in comparison to the scars in her soul.

"No, for acting wrongly," she said. "I know I've been freaking out a lot lately, but I'm trying to be better."

He took a moment to decide if he should ask what he wanted or not, but for their daughter's sake he decided to do so.

"Do you think you could take a dinner at Granny's with me if it would make our daughter happy?"

"The three of us?" Belle questioned.

"Yes."

A tiny little smile passed through her lips as she nodded. "You're paying."

And all of the sudden he had a date with his wife.

* * *

 

It seemed that all of Belle's clothes were taken from the wardrobe and throw on the bed. The room was a mess and she was about to scream in despair. _Damn it, she had nothing to wear!_ All of her clothes seemed to be too simple or too fancy for the occasion and she knew that she shouldn't be freaking out over a dinner at Granny's, but she hadn't had a meal with Gold in almost five months and it was starting to get her nervous. She liked him, very much, and despite of everything she wanted to look good.

Sarah entered the room, wearing a blue princess gown her father had bought for her just that morning and both her eyebrows lifted in surprise. She didn't use to see anything messy around their home before, because really liked to have everything tied up.

"Are you angry with your dresses?" The little girl asked.

"Mm? Oh, no, I just I can't find anything nice to wear."

Belle sat on the bed, still wearing her bathrobe and Sarah curled on her lap, taking a look at the dresses on the bed.

"You look beautiful in anything, mama."

"Thank you, honey," Belle answered, picking a plaid shirt and a blue shirt and lifting for her daughter to see. "What do you think about these?"

"I like it."

"Then it is."

Sarah smiled and went back to the living room as Belle pulled own her clothes and picked a pair of shoes before taking all of her clothes back to the wardrobe. She did like that outfit, it wasn't much of a gorgeous thing or anything else, but it was beautiful enough for a nice dinner at Granny's. Belle was trying not to think what a big gossip it would be for people around town, the Golds were hanging out again.

Eventually, she would have to face the consequences of that night, but as long as she could keep her father away from Robert everything else would be reasonable. Right when she had pulled the last dress back to its place, she heard the knock on the door and crossed the apartment going straight to there, opening it to find Gold, all good-looking in his three-piece-suit.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey."

"You two are weird," they heard Sarah saying as she approached her parents.

They both laughed at the little girl as she hugged her father's leg, blinking those shiny blue eyes to her mother.

"We should be heading to Granny's," Belle said, picking her purse and locking the door before they headed to the elevator. She felt kind of awkward doing this, unsure of how to act, because when they were married, she would be holding his hand for clinging to his arm, maybe stealing a kiss while they weren't in public yet. Today however they stood in opposite sides, walking with Sarah in the middle of them, holding a hand of each her parents until they reached for the dinner and she quickly run to their usual seat.

"Can I have a cheeseburger?" She asked as Ruby Lucas approached with a big smiled, filling her cheeks with red kisses.

"It is so nice to see you around again!"

Sarah laughed at her beloved auntie and they chose their food before Ruby pulled Belle from her stool, claiming that she needed to show her some new lipstick she had just brought. It was Friday night and the diner was full. The eyes staring at Belle made her feel uncomfortable as Ruby dragged her to the other side of the counter, preparing a tray as she talked.

"So, we are back to hamburger dates?"

"No," Belle immediately answered, cheeks burning with colour. "We are just trying to make it all more acceptable for Sarah. She is missing having a family."

"I bet she is, but what about you? Are you missing it too?" Ruby inquired.  "Are you missing Gold?"

Biting down her lip, Belle looked back at their table were Sarah had stolen her father's phone and was showing something to him, which made a genuine smile appear in his lips. How could she not miss it?

"Of course, I am. I miss it all, I just... It's complicated," Belle sighed. "Archie called me selfish today."

Ruby's eyes became wide and she gasped at the new information. She was probably the one person who knew Belle better in this world, they had grown up together and she couldn't accept the psychologist’s world.

"What? You're the most selfless person I know."

"Apparently not anymore, that's why I'm here. I'm trying not to think about what I want but what Sarah needs."

Pouring ice tea into three cups Ruby nodded. She knew that if something could make Belle change and do anything it was her children, she didn't quite understand it, but she knew it was powerful and it extended to Gold do, he would run errands for Baden and Sarah.

"Gold has always been a wonderful father," Ruby pointed out.

"Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I married him,"

"Take the tea," she suggested, handing her the tray. "It's a good start."

And it really was, they ate hamburgers, had a good laugh with Sarah and shared the biggest Sunday that Granny served, then as Gold payed for their meal, Sarah fell asleep on Belle's lap. She stood up with the girl in her arms as Gold escorted them to the library.

"All those months in coma and she still managed to fall asleep at any time."

"She is just making up to us for the endless nights with her until she was a toddler," Belle giggled a bit breathless, because was getting heavier by the day. "My sweet Sleeping Beauty."

Robert smiled at her opening the door as they entered the library and went to the elevator. If that was a normal day, he would be holding the sleeping child, not her.

"I feel really useless to see you carrying her around and not letting help."

"That's alright," Belle guaranteed, eyeing his cane. "You need to take care of this leg."

They arrived her apartment's floor and he helped her in, following Belle almost automatically to her bedroom to watch her change Sarah's dress to a pyjama with a little complaining from the girl, before tucking her in and closing the door so she wouldn't be disturbed.

"You bought her a bed," he remarked.

"Yeah but she is still having trouble staying the whole night in there. She has been crawling on mine every day," Belle told him, kicking her high heels away and taking a bottle from her fridge. "What do you say about ending the night with some wine?"

He thought about saying no, but it had been quite a tiring day and he hadn't drink anything ever since Sarah woke up, so he didn't consider it able to make much harm.

"I'd like that," he agreed, taking a seat and watching her pour their drinks. "So, won't your father break in at any moment?"

"I got the extra keys back just this morning," Belle murmured, her cheeks flushing beautifully as she handed him the glass of wine. "I'm sorry for the other night. My father... You shouldn't be around him for now."

"He has always hated me," Gold shrugged.

She looked down at the floor, holding at her glass for dear life. Belle could feel her heartbeat increasing again and she hated when it happened because little were the times she was able to control it. She took a sip of her wine, watering her lips before speaking.

"Yeah, but he thinks..." The brunette started in a hoarse voice. "He thinks that the accident was your fault."

"It was, Belle."

"I don't see it like that, it was a stormy night."

He shook his head and she saw the tears gathered in his eyes. Belle couldn't even begin to imagine how much Gold hated himself for that day and for the decisions that made that accident happen, because after all it wasn't an accident. It was meant to happen, but he should have been alone in that car when it did, not with his whole family and if someone was meant to die it was him.

"Somebody damaged the car on purpose, intending to kill me, but instead..."

"It wasn't your fault," Belle bounced.

"How can you say this? How can you even stand the sight of me, Belle?" Gold inquired, his voice coming out broken through his ragged breathes. He was shaking now, the panic of the guilty taking him over, the same one that hit him hard the day Moe appeared at Granny's to accuse him. "You lost everything because of me! I wanted to unplug Sarah from the life support, I would have consented to it, I would have killed her for nothing."

In a swift movement, Belle pulled her glass to the coffee table and slid to the floor getting on her knees and settling herself between Gold's legs, cupping his face and brushing away the tears that fell from his eyes.

"No," she said, firmly. "Hey, look at me. I've been bitter for too long, I've blamed you, I've hated you and I've grieved with you. Now, I know that we need to move on, Sarah is alive and we have a reason to keep up."

"We could have a whole family, not just her," Robert cried, his own hand reaching for her cheek. "You'll never be able to have children again, my dear. All you have now is Sarah and it is my fault."

Belle leaned against his touch wanting to do anything but to start to think about those thinks again, because she already had enough to suffer about to add another thing to the list.

"When I was young I didn't want children, then we started to date  I got close to Bae and it suddenly changed. But I had the family I wished for back then, I can live with what I have now."

Gold of course, couldn't agree with it.

"You deserved better, Isabelle French, you always did."

Her old name, the one she didn't use for so long slipping through his lips was a whole new painful prospect. But he was wrong, she told herself. She had never deserved better.

* * *

 

Sleep didn't come easy for Belle that night. She kept tossing and turning on the bed, alternating between remembering about the past and wondering about the future, but both things were very painful. The things Gold said kept coming to her mind as the realisation that she would never have the possibility of having a bigger family again hit her. She already didn't have a husband anymore and even if she didn't she would never be able to give him another child. The scar in the lower part of her abdomen was a constantly reminder of that.

Belle had tried not to give much thought to it since the accident. Gold had gotten a bad knee from it and she had acquired a dysfunctional ovary, the one that hadn't been removed during surgery. She didn't actually give a damn about it because Belle wouldn't have more children now even if she could. She had lost too much and she didn't want to feel the pain of burying a child again, so she thought it was best to have only Sarah to worry about. That just didn't mean it wasn't rather depressing to have things put the way Gold did. However, Belle knew better to cry over things she would never have, so she cried for the ones she lost until she fell asleep.

It should be around three in the morning when Sarah crawled to bed by her side, shaking Belle's shoulder until she got a reaction from her - which had only been a grimace and a grumble.

"Mama?"

"Mm?"

"I've dreamed about Bae," Sarah confessed in a low voice.

The words didn't make much sense to Belle's still half-asleep brain so she nodded, pulling the bedcovers over the little girl and bringing her closer, like a baby's comforter.

"That's nice, sweetie."

"He told me to tell you that he gets sad when he sees you crying," Sarah continued with a yawn. "He likes it when you smile."

When she realised what her daughter had just said, Belle opened her eyes completely, ready to fill her with questions, but the girl was already drowning into slumber.


	6. Open Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle and Gold throw a birthday party for Sarah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Miscarriage, descriptions of the accident.
> 
> Hey guys, I hope you're having a nice holiday. I'll away for the weekend because of it, so no chapters, but I see you on Monday.

Belle was yawning when she reached for the library's front door that morning, her eyes here still heavy and her body moved sluggishly. She couldn't remember the last time she had awakened so early on a Saturday morning, but she bet it was probably by the time Sarah was still a baby. A gush of cold air hit her when she opened the door to find Ruby Lucas behind it, wearing a black hat and holding the biggest paper bag she had ever seen in one of her hands.

"Ruby?" Belle grumbled moodily. "What are you doing here, it is six in the morning."

"Well, I surely didn't come to see you opening the library in pyjamas," her friend answered walking inside and leaving Belle to turn the key again before following her to the elevator. "Granny is working on Sarah's birthday cake and Dorothy was blowing up balloons when I left so I came here to help you to get prepared."

Sighing deeply, Belle leaned against the wall behind her as the elevator started to work up. She still felt the need of going back to bed and curling under the covers for at least another couple of hours until Sarah decided it was time for breakfast. Her almost inexistent cooking skills hadn’t got better in the last seven months and all she could manage to prepare was cereal and some frozen stuff she bought at the grocery store.

Gold had always been the one to make their meals, Belle only helped with what she could like boiling water and occasionally mixing something for him. She could live all by herself without any problem, but to have a child around a no one to cook for it was a whole new story. On the first two days after she brought Sarah home she offered her different sandwiches and bought lasagne from Granny’s, but then, she knew her girl needed nutrients that came from real food and vegetables and started to buy a few things that seemed easy to cook.

Sarah had complained about the taste of her potatoes and broccoli but had eaten them anyway. However, the less Belle could cook, the better for her, so she kept on a very lazy routine, which included sleeping until five minutes before it was time to open up the library. As the elevator’s doors opened and they got out, Belle eyed Ruby, getting slightly frustrated to see her so happy and bubbly at this time of the morning.

"Did you need to come so early? Sarah is not even awake yet."

"Archie called me yesterday,” Ruby explained, “he said you might not be prepared and might freak out a bit, so I'll be here from the very start and assure this won't happen."

Opening the door to allow them in, Belle looked back at her, furrowing. They lived in Storybrooke for a lifetime and she didn’t remember seeing Ruby anywhere near to Archie despite the times he appear to buy his lunch at her grandmother’s diner, but everybody in town did it.

"Tell me, how does my therapist have your phone number?"

Worrying at her lip, Ruby asked: "You know I kind of slept with him a few times before I met Dorothy, right?"

Her jaw almost dropped to the floor and Belle felt really awake for the first time ever since she heard the doorbell insistently ringing. For months she told every little thing about her life to Archibald Hopper and now she found out that her best friend had shared his bed. Uh, she couldn’t even think about him this way, for her he was a lonely, kind – and sometimes irritating – guy who dedicated his life to hearing other people’s problems and making them pace around his office with closed eyes.

"No! And I’d rather continued not knowing it," Belle grimace. "Oh, God, this is so weird!"

"It is called being bisexual," Ruby shrugged.

"You can be whatever-sexual you want, I would just prefer if you stayed away from my psychologist."

But truth be told, Belle should have already expected it, because while she got married and settled on a routine, Ruby still took a few more years to enjoy her youth and date a lot. It all changed when Dorothy Gale came to town to take care of a sick aunt and they fell in love.

"It was a long time ago."

"Good,” Belle emphasized, making her way to the kitchen, “because I told him about that thing you did when we were in Amsterdam."

Ruby’s eyes bulged visibly.

"Oh, you didn't - "

"I did," she shrugged, going to her machine and pointing it at her. "Coffee?"

"I hate you."

"I know."

A tiny smile crossed her lips as she put some coffee ponder inside the machine and turned it on. It was nice to have somebody to talk like this again, because for ages the only company she allowed herself to have was her father, and he, could only talk about how late his rent was. Maybe if she hadn’t isolated herself she could have been able to overcome her loss more easily, but it was already in the past and, as Sarah entered the kitchen, rubbing her eyes with fists, she understood that what mattered now was right in front of her.

"Mama?"

"Hey, baby girl,” Belle said, bending to press a kiss on her cheek. “Go back to bed, it is still pretty early."

Sarah made no complain only nodded and turned around, sleepily going straight back to the bedroom without even noticing Ruby’s presence, who remained quiet in the corner of their kitchen.

"She is looking a lot like you lately," her friend pointed out.

"She has Robert's chin. And his pixie ears," Belle said with a giggle, before taking a serious expression. "Can tell you something?"

"Anything."

She wasn’t exactly sure if she should share this with anyone, but she still felt the need to and if there was one understanding person in that town, it was certainly Ruby, most of the rest were just annoying gossipy things. Belle took two mugs, taking some time before speaking and pouring some coffee for them.

"Sarah woke up the other day telling me that she dreamed about Bae and now it is becoming a constant thing,” Belle told her. “Last night she was eager to go to sleep so she could talk to her brother…"

"Creepy," Ruby shivered.

Turning around, Belle offered her one of the cups and Ruby took it with a grateful smile. She sipped her drink, tracing the floor with her sleepers. Belle hated to think that it all could be affecting her poor daughter and she felt really afraid that Sarah might get troubled by these dreams forever.

"Do you think I should take her to see Archie?"

"Nah, it is just dreams,” Ruby said. “She misses him."

Belle nodded, sighing deeply. She missed Baden a hell lot too. Her beloved boy, all smiles and jokes, always cheering everybody up, his absence was a constant hole in her heart.

"It has been seven months today."

"Oh, Belle!"

Ruby threw her arms around her and hugged the petite brunette, who let some fat tears fall from her eyes, because every month felt even more terrible. Her wounds didn’t seem to heal, they were always getting open again.

"I was the first one to wake up, you now? I saw everything," Belle sniffled, referring to the accident. "I think that might be the reason why I'm the one who needs the therapy."

"Maybe it is because you're the one who feels more. Who loved more."

No, she didn't think she loved any more than Gold did, but he was tougher than her. Before, Belle liked to believe herself as a brave person, but now she realised the only thing she was, was weak.

* * *

 

**_Seven months ago._ **

Once Belle was calmed down and everybody got into finer clothes for the party, they got into the car, driving to the other side of the town. The rain had become a true storm by that time, thunders were resounding as lightning flashed in the sky. On the backseat of the car, Sarah was swinging her feet in the air, looking through the windows as Baden stretched himself between the two front seats, so he could speak to his parents.

"Mama, can we go to the cinema next week?" He asked, blinking his big puppy eyes at her. "There is this new superhero move I'm dying to watch!"

Worrying at her lip, Belle looked at her husband, laying a hand on his tight and caressing him as he continued to drive.

"I think we could go to Boston, right, Bobby?"

A half-smile crossed his lips at the nickname she rarely used now-a-days, but he was glad she was back at her usual lovely humour and that the jealously was gone. Satisfied with his answer, Baden leaned back against the seat, groping the empty space beside him where he had put his cell, but it wasn't there, so he immediately turned to his sister, who had something in hands, hidden by the giant Teddy Bear she insisted to bring.

"Sarah, is that my phone?"

She glanced back at him with a huge smile on her lips, blue eyes shining with excitement as she flipped the smartphone in her hands.

"I just want to play a bit."

"Oh, give it back," Bae complained, reaching to take it from her.

"Sarah, sweetheart," Belle said in case the little girl decided to start a tantrum. "Give your brother's phone back."

But she didn't. Sarah returned the phone and Bae accidentally dropped the box with August's present to the floor. Sighing he unplugged his belt and tried to reach for it.

"I think it is time for us to buy one for her, right?" Gold was saying.

"Oh, no way, she is four and..." Belle's voice died when she felt the car skid through the road. "Robert!"

It all happened too fast, in a moment they were crossing the bridge and in the next the car had lost control, sliding through the watery ground. Gold tried to stop, but the break wasn't working, so the car continued to spin, until it fell down, rolling a few times before it stopped. The shock of the moment was breath-taking, their bodies hit the car's walls at each drastic movement and eventually the unconsciousness came, however it was the pain that woke Belle up hours later.

The first thing she thought was that she wanted to scream, there was a sharp pain coming from her lower abdomen and when she looked down Belle saw there was a large piece of metal impaling her. She sobbed noticing the puddle of blood formed on the seat, unstoppably dripping from her body. Belle swallowed hard, trying to keep herself from panicking and glanced at Gold. He was pale.

"Robert?" She tried to call, but it was useless, so she looked back, hoping for something better, but all she saw was her girl laying still with a cut on the right side of her head. "Sarah? Babe, wake up! Sarah, please!"

There was no answer. She was the only one awake in there and she wanted to scream louder but in no words, because they were trapped, the car had been smashed on the fall and... And Baden wasn't there. Risking herself and knowing there was no point in keeping quiet to not cause any more damage to herself. She grunted when the metal ripped her flesh even more open as she moved to see that his limp body was laying on the rocks outside of the car.

"Baden!"

"Mrs. Gold," said a voice beside her and Belle looked up to see David Nolan, the local Sheriff stretching himself through the broken window to reach for her. "Stay calm, we are going to get you out of here."

The deputy, Graham Humbert was already trying to open the door, as he placed some clean clots to her wound when Belle started to shake her head, trying to push him away.

"No, don't touch me, go see if Bae is alright and then take Sarah out!"

David blinked eyeing the children as if he thought they could wait a little bit more, without understanding they were her priority, always.

"Mrs. Gold, please, you're bleeding."

"I'm miscarrying, ok?" Belle yelled through her tears and he stepped back. "Now go save the children I still have!"

In a quick second, David disappeared from her sight and Belle leaned against the seat, crying in despair and pain. It all hurt. She was losing her baby; the children were unconscious and she couldn't do anything to help. It was still raining although it was very little now, but none of this mattered anymore. She heard a gasp and looked at Robert seeing him struggling with the position in which he found himself, one of his legs pressed down in a awkward position.

"Belle?"

"Don't move," she warned him. "Your leg..."

"Where are the children?" He asked, not daring to move once he saw the damage the smashed car had caused. She tried to answer but suddenly her vision was getting blurry. "Belle? Are you alright?"

Belle was no fool, she was a well-read woman who knew car accidents could cause a lot of harm and that loss of blood was dangerous, but she also could hear David and Graham sending Baden with a doctor in the ambulance. Soon they would come for Sarah. She could wait. Her life didn't matter as much as theirs did.

"My head is spinning," she managed to mumble to her husband just a second before she passed out.

Gold's eyes widened and although he was also feeling the sleepy push again he couldn't leave Belle like that.

"No, no stay awake," he tried to beg, however his voice too was getting lower and all he could to was to attempt screaming: "Help!"

 

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Having breakfast with Ruby had proved to be a great medicine against her anxiety. Belle had already been feeling a bit sick in the night prior due to her inability of not anticipating things, but she had to admit that having a friend around helped her to stay calm. Sarah was really happy to find her favourite auntie there and the two of them had some fun playing with dolls before Belle sent Sarah to take a bath and the they got ready to go to Granny's. Ruby said she prepared one of the rooms in the small inn attached to the dinner for them to dress for the party, as she had picked up some clothes for them herself - which was a bit scaring for Belle because they didn't really have the same taste in fashion.

She allowed Ruby to take Sarah directly to the inn and stopped in front of the diner, looking at the pink and gold decoration and smiling for a second. Everything looked very beautiful, just like any other birthday party they'd throw for the kids, so she gathered some courage and entered seeing her husband inspecting a few items as Granny placed a huge cake on the counter, turning it around to see if there was something wrong with the carriages and princess that adorned it. Sarah had gone for a fairy tale theme this year and as she had dressed as all known princess ever since she woke up from coma, she decided she wanted to be a fairy for the party.

"Belle," she heard Robert saying and turned around to see him approaching her. "I wasn't expecting to see you here this early."

"I thought I should come and see if everything was going according the plan," she shrugged. "And Ruby bought secret outfits for me and Sarah that we are no supposed to see until five minutes before the party starts."

"I'm sure you two will look amazing in anything," he assured her.

For some reason, Belle felt her cheeks burning with colour and it was only then that she realised she hadn't received a compliment ever since she got out of the hospital and her father said the bags under her eyes weren't so bad - which at the time was the best she could get. Seven months and she didn't feel like a woman, like an actual human being. She never allowed herself to, she was drowning so deep in her grief that she forgot she was a whole live-breathing person.

The tiniest of the smiles crossed her face as she pointed at the pink piece on the counter, trying to distract herself for her own thoughts, otherwise only God knew, she would start to want her for husband - who was now basically her ex-husband, even though they hadn't signed a divorce yet - to keep compliment her and, worse, doing more than that. She hadn't thought about kissing anyone or making love to anyone in so long that it made her shiver with an almost forgotten feeling. But she shouldn't be thinking about that when he was only trying to be the gentleman he had always been.

"Granny got to make a great cake this year," she remarked.

"Every single cake I bake is great," Granny yelled from the kitchen, clearly paying attention to their conversation.

Rolling her eyes, Belle looked straight back at Gold, who was nervously rubbing at the handle of his cane. She saw their wedding ring shinning in his finger, still in the same place, a moonstone one just as huge as her diamond piece that was now hidden in one of her drawers. He never took it off and sometimes she got herself wondering why. She had noticed it the night she found him in Sarah's room at the hospital after months of utter silence and no contact in which she thought he would have probably moved on. Robert never stopped surprising her.

"Can I help with something?"

"I don't think so, Dorothy did most of the hard work," Gold said, gesturing to the decorated space. "Why don't you go see if our little princess is ready for the party?"

Nodding in agreement she made her way towards the inn's rooms, already knowing which one Ruby would have taken for them, because it was the same one they used to hide themselves in when they were teenagers and Belle didn't want to go back home. There was a time, right after her mother died, that her father drank too much and when he did, Belle got afraid of him and came to Ruby for a shelter. Maybe it was the reason why she still felt a bit worried about Moe's aggressive behaviour. She knew that he had changed and he didn't drink in years, and that was the reason why she allowed him to go back to her life again in first place, but yet, she'd rather be safe than sorry when it came to him.

The room number two had its door half-opened and she swung it open, revealing Ruby finishing to put on Sarah's wings. Her daughter looked gorgeous in a pink outfit with a giant tutu and those wings that seemed to shine in the lights, the golden details giving the impression that they were moving.

"Mama, look!" Sarah yelled happily as soon as she saw her. "I'm a fairy!"

Taking a seat on the bed in front of her, Belle touched the curls of her hair, pulled up on a ponytail. Her whole face was glittery and her eyelids were painted with pink products and her cheeks shined with gold lines. She looked so perfect and so full of life that Belle needed to contain herself not to start crying.

"You are a beautiful fairy. Now, why don't you go show your new outfit for papa?" The brunette suggested and Sarah nodded happily rushing out of the room and leaving her alone with Ruby to who she added: "You did a great job."

"I sprinkled glitter on her face and used some eyeshadow," she other woman said with a shrug tapping a hand to the wardrobe behind her. "Ready to see your dress?"

Not having much choice in that matter, Belle waved her head positively and Ruby opened the door taking a mint-green dress with black details out of it. Belle' mouth fell open with a gasp, because it was yes, a beautiful piece of clothing, but it was also very revealing and not a thing she would have chosen to wear for the occasion.

"Ruby, what the real hell is that?"

"Didn't you like it?"

"I think everybody in Storybrooke will be able to see my belly button with this cleavage," Belle said, pointing at it. "For God's sake this is not a date, it's my daughter's birthday party."

Rolling her eyes, Ruby took the few steps towards were Belle was and pushed the dress to her.

"Stop overreacting and try it on."

She knew she wasn't going to be able to win this, so Belle sighed taking the dress in hands and heading to the bathroom. Even though she didn't consider that dress appropriate for the party, Belle might have worn it a year ago, because she would have felt confident enough to, but now, she had no one to impress and didn't truly wanted people to stare at her. She pulled on the dress taking a look herself in the mirror and trying to feel good.

Ruby had left a necessaire full of make-up products in there and she tried to use some brown eyeshadow and a very light pink lipstick in an attempt to make herself believe she looked worth getting out of there. Belle played with the curls of her hair and took a deep breath before going back to the bedroom where Ruby was waiting.

"I look ridiculous!"

"You look fantastic," her friend assured her, "now go downstairs. I've spotted some people arriving."

The last thing she wanted was to face everybody mainly now, after Leroy saw her having hamburgers with Robert and Sarah at the other night, but she had no choice. It was no surprise the whole town was gossiping that the Golds might be coming together again, as Leroy was known for spreading any news around. Belle wished she lived in a place where people didn't watched for their neighbour's lives as entertainment.

When she stepped inside the dinner a few of Sarah's old classmates had arrived with their parents and were attacking the sandwiches. She found Gold talking to another man who had a redhaired boy by his side. The sight made her heart clench and her breath become difficult, but Belle decided to face it as a chair, like Archie had suggested in multiple occasions, so she walked towards them with a fake smile on her lips.

"Thanks for coming, Marco. We are still really sorry we couldn't make it August's this year."

"No, I'm the one who feels sorry..." Marco trailed off when he saw Belle approaching them. "Oh, hello, Mrs. Gold."

Her cheeks became flushed as he excused himself, taking August to one of the tables. She turned around to see Robert who was staring a her appearing to be spell bounded. Belle shook her head for herself, folding her arms in front of her as if it could shelter her.

"I knew it was a bad idea, I should go back upstairs and put on another thing."

"Don't you dare," Gold said immediately. "Belle, you're beautiful. Now, let's go outside and see what Sarah is up to."

His reassurance didn't have the meaning it would if she had heard it when things were still normal, but it could make her blush even more anyway, because the feelings she had regarding him couldn't be erased so easily. Belle allowed him to take her hand, leading her to the open area in front of the diner where a big table had been settled with the cake and some decoration. Sarah was running around, being chased by two other girls and she was about to call her to straighten her wings before she heard that known voice coming from the gates.

"Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold, it is very nice to see you," Regina Mills started with a solemn smile, urging her boys inside the party. "Thank you for inviting Henry and Roland."

"You're welcome, madam mayor," Belle managed to say, swallowing hard the lump on her throat.

Regina wasn't her favourite person, she had never been, not even before the all that investigation thing had been, but it probably had something to do with her refusal to use more money to update the library's computers or even the book sections. However, she had been avoiding the mayor as much as she could ever since the accident, because an irrational part of her blamed Regina for it.

"Mrs. Gold, if you don't mind I would like to have a meeting with you in the upcoming week, just to talk about the library."

"Yeah, sure."

"I'll send you an e-mail."

As she walked inside the diner, Belle sighed in relief. Gold was tense by her side without knowing how she would react, but Belle wasn't in the mood for giving a damn about the mayor, even though she was still able to make her feel out of balance. Instead, she walked towards the mother of Sarah's best friend, the little Alex.

"Hey, Ashley, thanks for coming,"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything!" The blonde answered. "Alexandra is so excited to have Sarah back at school."

Oh, and so was Sarah. Mary Margaret said she should start in the next week and Belle had been shopping for new uniforms as the old ones were too small for her now and some stuff she was surely going to use like pencils and all those kinds of things. She was happy to her daughter could be back to an old routine, it would be good for her and maybe once Sarah was distracted with school she could overcome all of those dreams about Bae.

Telling Ashley to enjoy the party Belle turned around to see her father arriving with a big wrapped box in hands. He didn't look much happy, but he had pulled on one of his best clothes and wasn't wearing his blue cap with was a surprising thing lately.

"Papa, I didn't know you were coming," Belle said, still a bit stupefied to find him there.

"I wouldn't miss Sarah's birthday party for anything, even if that bastard payed for everything."

He was glancing at Gold and she got a hold of his arm, trying to show him her best pleading look.

"Please, don't start this again."

"He should be in jail, Belle," Moe insisted.

"No," she replied, firmly. "Papa, don't you understand? Robert isn't this monster you keep painting him as, he is a good man who was trying to do the right thing. The monster who killed my son is the same one who murdered Robin de Locksley."

She hadn't yet spoken about this with anyone but Gold and whenever her father started his infinity monologues about how guilty of Baden's death Gold was, she stayed quiet, but Belle couldn't do it anymore. During the edge of her grief, she had blamed him too, however once the pain was a bit more manageable, Belle understood it all. She couldn't talk about it, or the killer could come back for Sarah or someone else, but she could relish in knowing that Robert was an innocent who had lost as much as she did because of that twisted man.

"Grandpa," they heard the little fairy yelling before she ran towards Moe.

"Hello, Sarah!"

Breathing in, Belle made her way inside were Ruby was serving some juice for a few kids. She felt a bit nauseous, but told herself it would be better if she just tried to control herself because she couldn't ruin this day for her daughter.

"Are you alright?" Ruby asked.

"I think it is time for the cake."

The rest of the day was a success. No fights, no fussy children, just balloons and cake. Sarah was radiant and after the guest were gone she sat on the floor with a pile of presents by her side, opening them with Ruby's help while her exhausted parents sat by a table, drinking some tea.

"I can't believe she still have energy," Belle sighed.

"Neither do I," Gold agreed. "Every year it gets more tiring."

Belle caught her lower lip between her teeth, tracing the border of her cup. Most of their birthday parties were at Granny's, although some of them had been thrown in their own house, in times they felt more like doing an intimate thing with only w few people, but none of them had lacked the fourth member of the family as this one did.

"I keep imagine Bae running around with Sarah," Belle murmured. "And I should've be near my due date for the baby now. It could have been a happy day."

"It still was, for Sarah at least," Robert answered reaching for her hand and stroking it gently. "I can't even begin to say how sorry I am, Belle. We've lost so much..."

They lost it all. She had even lost herself in the process. Belle couldn't define who she was anymore because all she knew was pain and the phantom of what life could have been like hadn't they left home in that stormy day.

"Sarah dreams about Bae every night," Belle told Gold. "She misses him."

"We all do, but I believe it is even harder for her, even if she can hide it pretty well. She reminds me a lot of you. Beautiful and brave."

"It is the third time you call me beautiful today."

Robert gave her a little smirk catching a lock of her hair between his fingers. Belle loved the way he looked at her and how it hadn't changed even after everything.

"Time can't make your beauty fade. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever set eyes on."

She didn't know what she was doing, but she leaned close, that sudden desire to be kissed that she felt earlier coming back to haunt her. Belle felt her husband’s breath on her skin and her upper lip touched the corner of his mouth, making her heart race, but for the first time in ages for a good reason. She felt his hand on her hip and was about to give in completely when a scream came from the other end of the diner.

"Belle," Ruby yelled. "Oh, my God, Belle!"

Almost jumping from her seat, the brunette quickly stood up to see that Ruby was holding her daughter’s flaccid body in her arms and she didn’t know how, but in the next second, she was by their side, taking the little girl from her and trying to shake her shoulders to see if she would react.

"Sarah," Belle begged in tears, as an expressionless Gold slowly approached them. "Sweetie, wake up! Wake up!"

But no prayers or screams could be heard.


	7. In Need of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whale has a new diagnostic for Sarah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: In the flashbacks we have the afterwards of the accident, so the child death thing will be really strong here. Also, mentions to the miscarriage again.
> 
> P.S.: All medical information in here is as real as possible, just of course, not Sarah's miracle awakening from coma. Am I a medical geek? A huge Grey's Anatomy fan? Or just someone who had to face lots of med classes only to get a teaching degree? All of it, lol.

Robert and Isabelle couldn't wait for an ambulance, but none of them were feeling good enough to drive either, so Ruby took them to the hospital in her bright red car. It was just around eight when they arrived and doctor Whale took Sarah in alongside his new assistant, Ariel and it took him only a few minutes to come back to the waiting room. Ruby had already left to help Granny tying up the dinner and Gold was alone with Belle who was impatiently toying with the handle of her purse. Only a small sight of Whale and she was up on her feet again, eager to know any news about their girl; Gold however needed a longer moment to stand up with the help of his cane.

"Sarah is not in coma again," Whale said and both of them were able to breathe properly again. "She just fainted."

"Oh, thank God," Belle sighed in relief. "But why did this happen?"

"I'm not sure yet, we are making a few more exams," he answered taking a quick look at the tablet he was holding. "You can see her once we are done."

They thanked him and Whale disappeared in the corridor and Belle hugged herself as she watched him leave. It was only then that Robert realised she was still wearing the same dress Ruby had gifted her with and it had no sleeves and was rather short, ending just before her knees. He thought himself an idiot to not have noticed until now that she must have been trembling all the time.

"Are you cold?"

"A little bit, yes..." Belle admitted and he took off his jacket, placing it around her shoulders and receiving a brief but grateful smile from her before it faded and she whispered: "I'm afraid."

"I know, but she is going to be alright. Sarah survived coma, she can survive whatever decease is taking her."

Opening his arms for Belle, he let her nestle on his chest in what he thought to be an instinctive gest. She needed comfort, he wasn't the right person to offer it and probably the last one she would like to, but he was the only one she had right now.

"Let's just hope," Belle murmured and allowed him to lead her back to their seats.

It was going to be a long night, but as long as it ended-up well, neither of them wouldn't mind spending hours and hours awake.

* * *

 

**_Seven Months Ago._ **

She woke up feeling hazy and sleepy, too numb to be just awakening in a normal day at her own bed beside her loving husband and that was how reality hit her hard. Belle was laid of her back, arms resting at each side of her body an insistent beeping resounding in the walls, her body felt twice as heavy as it did before and her head ached. Turning her head to the other side, she saw a grumpy nurse taking notes.

"My children?" Belle tried to ask but her voice sounded low and hoarse.

She coughed a couple of times, causing the nurse to look up, leaving the medical records, in which she was working, aside.

"Mrs. Gold, it is so good to see you awake," the woman attempted to smile, but it was a very fail attempt. "Do you know where you are? The name of the place you were born?"

"Do I look like a fool?" Belle answered harshly. "This is Storybrooke's freaking hospital, now tell me what happened to my children."

In other days she wouldn't have treated that poor woman so badly but her worry was interfering in her behaviour. Belle remembered everything perfectly, from the moment the car started to spin unstoppably in the road, by the moment she yelled at David Nolan to safe her children and leave her behind. Obviously, they all had made it to the hospital, so they should have some information and right now, she needed it.

Belle tried to sit up but groaned with a sharp pain that surged from her abdomen, which made her remember about her own wounds and the child she most certainly lost. Tears came to her face, as Belle let herself fall back to the pillows and the nurse touched her shoulder empathically.

"Please, Mrs. Gold, calm down, “she begged, looking genuinely worried too. "You've been through a very delicate surgery, you lost lots of blood and there were permanent damages. You lost the baby you were expecting, but even if it was due to the accident, it would have happened anyway, because you were going through an ectopic pregnancy."

"Excuse me?" Belle furrowed at the new term.

"It means the baby hadn't settled on your womb when it should've. The mass of cells was trapped on your right tube which cause the loss of it. I'm afraid the other has been damaged in the accident and is dysfunctional by now, so I'm truly sorry to say you probably will never conceive again."

Slowly, her eyes slid shut. It didn't bring her any comfort to know it wouldn't have been a successful pregnancy even if anything had happened and hearing the words "mass of cells" made Belle want to jump to the nurse's neck and strangle her. It was a baby, no matter how little it was. A life had been lost, they hadn't removed a cancer. She hated medicine sometimes. And she hated the fact she was never going to have the chance of having another child anymore, but couldn't give much a thought about it now, not when she still had two precious little ones to care about.

"I want to see my children," she told the nurse, throwing the sheets that covered her away and managing to sit up successfully this time, even though it caused her a horrible pain.

"I don't think this is the right thing to do now."

"Well, you don't get to decide it, I do," Belle answered pulling herself up to her feet and sliding to the wheelchair before she could fall. "Take me to them."

The nurse's lips tightened as she reached for the records again, when she turned around again, Belle could see that her name was Gabrielle Smith. She would never forget it, because that woman was the responsible for telling her the worse news of her life.

"Mrs. Gold, you should prepare yourself," Ms. Smith said, snorting heavily. "It was a very serious accident. Your son, Baden wasn't wearing a belt, he was thrown out of the car."

Of course, Belle already knew it, she had seen it with her own eyes, but it didn't yet make sense to her.

"Is he alright?"

"He had an internal bleeding that we managed to stop, but he hit his head really badly on the fall," there was a pause, a really long pause in which Belle swore her heart stopped in anticipation. "He was brain dead when he arrived two days ago. Last night the rest of his body gave up."

Still, the words meant no much to her for long, long seconds. Maybe her mind didn't want to make sense out of it, because she knew the pain would eventually come, but Belle stayed there, staring at the nurse with a limp face. Then, she started to shake and tears started to fill her eyes as the silence helped her to understand. His brain died, his heart gave up. _He was dead._ Her boy, her beloved Baden was gone.

The memories came in a flash: the first time she held him, just a toddler sucking his own finger, the day he called her his mama after his teacher saying his mother was there to pick him. Belle had been stunned by how quickly children could get attached to people and accept realities, Baden never had a mother, so when someone presented him the chance of having one, he embraced it gratefully. From that day and own, she was mama, mummy or simply ma all the time and she couldn't be happier. One day, Belle was simply a librarian dating the mysterious pawnbroker and in the next one she was taking a little boy to the park and buying him gifts.

People say your life chances once you feel your baby moving within your womb for the very first time, hers did when Baden Gold giggled at her from his father's arms and stretched himself into her direction, silently asking to be hold. Now, it was all over and she couldn't quite accept it.

"I want to see him," Belle demanded, taking away the clip on her finger that plugged her to one of the machines and looking up at the nurse. "Please, he is my boy."

It was probably what made the nurse sigh loudly and push her wheelchair through the white corridors of the hospital, but when they reached for the metal door and Belle saw that Gold was coming from the opposite direction, accompanied by another doctor, she understood they would eventually have to face it anything, if now or then it didn't truly mattered. She reached for his hand when he approached and Belle noticed there was a gesso covering one of his legs.

"Robert," she mumbled in a broken voice. "Did they tell you?"

He nodded wordlessly, eyes fixed in her face. It was like the moment they got married and they looked at each other knowing they had a new responsibility, but this time it was all too sad and heart-breaking to have a beautiful meaning. They were in this together just like they were in anything else for live, but none of them wanted to go on with this and see what waited for them behind that metal door. Time was needed, but their companions couldn’t quite understand it and pushed their chairs inside.

Victor Whale, one of the towns most known doctor was there, talking to a redhead, but he turned around when he heard the door been open and his face became expressionless as he walked towards the table in the centre of the room and uncovered the small body above it.

"Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold, I'm really sorry."

But no condolences could be really heard by now. Robert and Isabelle’s eyes were fixed on Bae’s pale face, eyelids closed and a bit more protuberant than it would have been before. It was one of the effects of the brain dying first, Belle had read once. Until now she had stuck to medical terms that only made sense for her in books, however once Bae was laid in front of her and she could see the reality with her own eyes it all became real and made her shoulders shake as started to sob. He wasn’t moving. He would never move again.

"No," she heard Robert murmuring beside her. "No, please no."

With some effort he pulled herself up to her feet, feeling the jolts of pain take her breath way, but she managed to slid to the metal table, taking a seat beside her son and touching his cold face.

"Bae… My sweet, darling Baden," she wept, lifting him up on her arms and hiding her face on his hair. "No!"

Her scream was a painful and pitiful thing to hear, she was crying, holding a dead boy in her arms and all everybody could do was to watch, because of them understood her pain. Gold was still sat on his chair, silent tears falling from his eyes, getting more and more constant at each second. Whale took a deep breath and approached Belle, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"Mrs. Gold you can't - "

"Get your hands off me," she yelled at him. "I want my son! My Bae!"

"Isabelle - " he tried again.

"No," the brunette retorted. "He was supposed to be going to a party. He asked me to take him to the movies! _He is just a child!"_

She was getting hysterical and he gently tried to pull Baden’s body away from her, but Belle acted like a fierce lioness protecting her puppies, she wouldn’t let go and the hospital couldn’t allow her to keep in contact with a deceased person when she had just gone through a surgery. The doctor summoned the other two and pointed at Belle.

"Take her out and give her some medicines to calm her down," Whale instructed.

There was a quick battle in which Belle fought to not be separated from Bae but ended-up being dragged away by Robert’s doctor as she screamed repeatedly: "I don't need your fucking medicines I need my son!"

"Mrs. Gold..." Whale trailed off in a weary voice.

"Where is Sarah?" Belle asked with a sob. "Is she dead too?"

He shook his head, but by the wrinkles that appeared in his brow she knew nothing good was about to come and, oh, what she wouldn’t give to be the one thrown out of the car to certain death in that moment.

"She is in coma," he answered.

Then, she felt something jabbing her arm and everything went dark.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Exams took a long time to get ready, it was no surprise for anyone, so Gold and Belle had made themselves comfortable near Sarah in the emergency room. She was awake when they first entered there, a bit confused on why she was back to that place, but once they explained her the doctors thought she could be sick and needed to know what was making her faint, she was pretty understandable and fell asleep in her mother’s arms. But it had been hours ago.

Robert had allowed himself to take a nap on the chair beside Sarah’s bed, in which Belle was curled up with her, however he woke up after no much time and checked his phone to see there were a thousand and one missing calls from Ruby Lucas, but didn’t give much a thought to it, he had no news for her and Belle would eventually make the call herself. He sighed and fixed his eyes on what was left of his family, sleeping on that hospital bed. Gold heard steps coming from the hallway and glanced over his shoulder to see Whale walking towards him.

"Excuse me, can we talk outside for a moment?"

He nodded to the doctor and got a hold of his cane, standing up with some difficulty and shaking Belle’s shoulder to wake her up. Her nose wrinkled beautifully and she whimpered before opening her eyes.

"Sweetheart," Robert murmured, brushing the hair away from her face. "The doctors have news."

Whale was waiting for them in one of the corridors away from the patients and he had his “bad news face” on, which made Gold feel out of breath. He had been hoping and praying – even thought it was a really out of faith thing from his part – ever since he saw his daughter laying still in Ruby’s arms, and now he knew it all was for nothing. Something as already happening and he doubted they could stop that. And, God, he couldn’t lose another child.

"So what Sarah have is a deep anaemia. That's probably due to the time she spent in coma receiving all those kinds of medicines," Whale begun, looking between them as if he was making sure both were still fine. "We need to start a treatment soon or it can turn into a leukaemia."

"And what shall be done?" Gold immediately questioned.

"The most recommended treatment, the faster and more efficient uses stem cells," he explained. "We usually ask the family for identical sample, because it can take us years to find one that matches Sarah, but well, it is out of consideration in here, so we will start with more meds and try to find matching cells to use in her."

Glancing at Belle, he could see that she had her eyes closed and was nodding slowly. He knew what she was thinking, f it wasn’t for the things that happened in that accident or the way she had been hurt, then maybe they could have a chance to save their daughter for sure. Gold wasn’t an idiot, he knew stem cells could only be find at the beginning of a life and an identical sample required the same genetic material as Sarah. It was going to be a rocky road to find a donor compatible to her.

"There is nothing we can do to help?" Belle asked, hopelessly.

"Did you keep the blood of Sarah's umbilical cord stocked somewhere?" the doctor inquired. "Because that would be a life-saver."

Once upon a time he remembered hearing about clinics that stocked those kind of things, but who could ever imagine you would need stem cells to any sort of treatment? Only a few people in this world needed this stuff and they could never guess Sarah would be one of those.

"No," his wife shook her head. "We never thought it could be of much use."

"Well then, I'll prescribe her the right medicine and you can take her home," Whale said, lips tightened as he looked for a pen in his coat’s pockets. "I'll keep in contact about the cells."

They nodded, hearing him curse over the fact he had lost another pen, before making his way to the main counter to ask the attendant for one. Robert turned around to look at Belle and saw that she was visibly shaking, a hand pressed firmly to her throat.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm trying not to throw up," she confessed.

He quickly disappeared on the hallway and came back a few seconds later with a plastic cup in his hands, offering it to her and helping Belle to sit as he cradled her shoulders in his arms. It was a too-intimate gest to a basically divorced couple, but she never sent him any papers to sign and didn’t ask people to use her maiden name in any occasion, so he thought that maybe it was alright to give her some comfort.

"Drink some water it will be good for you," he advised and she lifted the cup to her lips, drinking eagerly.

Belle had never spoken about her weekly sections with Archie, although he knew she kept going there, because all the trauma had affected her deeply and sometimes he wondered if she would ever be the old Belle again. Crying the way she was doing now, had never been her thing.

"Sarah will be alright, won't she?"

"Yes, my love," Gold guaranteed, although he too needed some reassurance. "I promise she will."

The doctor came back a few moments later with the prescription and he took her and a still sleepy Sarah to the library’s apartment. Gold then, worked like the father he once was, sending Belle to take a bath while he cleaned the make-up and the glitter from Sarah’s face and changed her fairy outfit for a pair of pyjamas, he tucked her in bed and was just about to leave when Belle appeared in the room, wearing a huge t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She slid under the covers of the bed and tapped the empty space by her side.

"Robert, can you stay with me tonight?"

He wanted to say no, to confess it would only break him even more if he spent the night cuddling her knowing they had no future, but her voice was a pleading he couldn’t deny anything to, so he took off his jacket, tie, waistcoat and shoes and laid by her side, allowing Belle to tuck herself under his chin, getting comfortable before falling asleep.

* * *

 

The night had been a true hell for him. Gold hadn’t been this close from his wife for six months now, he had a lot to think given Sarah’s new condition and all he could to was try to control himself and not enjoy too much the warmth of a woman’s body beside his. He was afraid of falling asleep and accidentally having a wet dream about Belle, which wouldn’t be a surprise to happen this days, but he didn’t want to shame himself, so he kept awake instead, watching the beauty sleep and wondering how he could have been so lucky for her to have wanted him one day.

It wasn’t the case anymore of course. She was sad, needed comfort and he was there to hold her when she needed, but he was pretty sure once Belle woke up she would expel him from her apartment just like she did the day Moe entered there without permission. He had to admit that he missed her, though. She was the love of his life and he wished he hadn’t being such a bastard to pull her away the way he did. Gold knew she would have continued to fight for them if it wasn’t for the things he said and, if today she didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, then it was his own fault.

And as a big bastard as he was, he couldn’t help but remembering the amazing years he had spent by Belle’s side during that night. Life had once been magical for them, but today it was only a weird black and white path they didn’t want to be facing.

When she eventually woke up, around six in the morning, Belle offered him coffee and Robert had a nice breakfast by her side before excusing himself to work. Not that he was really planning on staying much time open like he did every Sunday after Baden’s death, today actually, he needed a drink stronger than the expresso Belle gave him. He made his way to the shop feeling exhausted enough to not notice the man standing in front of his door at first.

"Mr. Gold, I was waiting for you," detective Rogers said with that stupid smile of his.

"I told you to get away from me," Gold remarked finding his keys and opening the shop's door. "I don't want to have anything to do with this case, I have my own problems."

"But - "

Rogers was interrupted by the sound of a car's door being rudly closed and looked away from Gold to see a little blonde girl, about ten years old rushing to his side.

"Papa!"

"Tilly, I thought I've told you to say in the car."

"Mummy is calling you again," the girl explained lifting up a cell, "should I turn the phone off?"

"Good idea, now go back," Rogers insisted.

Rolling her eyes, the girl finally did as he said. He couldn't even count how many times Bae did this same thing, rolling his eyes like he thought the whole world was a silly place. Gold would do anything to see him doing it now and if it wasn't for that one job he agreed to do for Regina - and not exactly for her, but for the whole town's sake - he would still have his son there with him.

"Let me warn you about something, detective," Gold said, against his better judgment. "If you love your child, get the hell away from this town, because seven months ago I had a beautiful, strong boy and now, because of this case he is dead."

The other man's eyes got wide and he sensed that Rogers was about to say something, however Gold didn't give him the chance, he entered his shop and slammed the door shut behind himself. He went to behind the counter and opened the safe where he kept a good scotch and a few other things, finding a glass and opening the lid when a bang came from the backroom and Robert turned around, startled.

"Who is there?"

He wasn’t really expecting the curtains to be pulled away to reveal Jefferson Madden, in fact he thought a cat might have broken in through that gap on the window he always forgot to fix, however there was only one person in that town despite of Belle who had his shop keys. His fucking best friend.

"Hey, I was looking for you," Jefferson said with his usual large smile. "Sorry I didn't make it to Sarah's birthday, Grace has a flu, but I've got her a present."

Madden put a sparkly purple box on the counter, but Gold merely snorted at it, because he truly wanted to be alone right now and Jefferson was ruining his intentions to drink until he passed out.

"Thanks, I'll get it to her tomorrow," he answered, hoping the guy would leave, which he obviously didn’t.

If there was one insistent person in Storybrooke, it was certainly Jefferson. The reason they were friends was probably because they were very alike, bad childhood, a thing for sarcasm, hate for most of the town, lots of money and an unconditional love for their wives and children. Belle had always enjoyed hanging out with him and Alice, but it had been quite a while since he saw Madden.

Not that he hadn’t received quite a lot of messages, phone calls and some visits from time to time, but Gold didn’t want to see anyone after Baden’s death. He had accepted company during the funeral, but it was only because it was supposed to be short and quick moments of condolence. Then, he preferred to deal with his pain all by himself, which was why he felt angry at himself for not just going home instead of coming to the shop, as Jefferson had started to pace around with no intentions to leave.

"You need to stop opening this place at Sundays,” Madden suggested. “The whole Storybrooke is closed."

Sighing deeply, Gold leaned against his cane impatiently.

"Jefferson, why did you come here?"

"Ruby said that Sarah fainted," he answered.

 _Of course, she did_. A damned secret couldn’t be kept in that town. Not that he didn’t know Ruby had probably told him about that because she was worried and knew that Jefferson was one of the only few people capable of talking some sense into him, since Belle wasn’t able to do it at the moment, but it didn’t made him feel any less irritated.

"Anaemia,” Robert explained. “Another thing we didn't need to face."

He took the bottle of scotch in hands again and started to pour himself a drink before Jefferson’s hand stopped him. Gold arched an eyebrow at him, wondering how he could dare to put himself between him and his scotch, but the expression in Madden’s face was so serious that he truly caught the preoccupation in there.

"It's ten in the morning, you are not drinking," Jefferson stated. "Come on, you are going home with me."

"I don't want to get a flu," Gold grumbled, watching as he picked the bottle and closed the lid, throwing the half-full glass on the trash can.

"You are not," he guaranteed. "Alice will be upstairs with Grace all the time and you and I will have some fun with playing chess."

"Jefferson, playing chess is not fun."

Madden furrowed as if utterly disagreeing with it. They used to go out for drinks, play billiards and just talk in general, but as Gold was having this little problem with alcohol, Jefferson obviously wouldn’t that him to The Rabbit Hole or any other place like that.

"Alice wouldn't like if I took you to the arcade,” Jefferson pondered. “They got some dancers there."

"My child is sick, I don't want to go out," Robert insisted.

"Sarah is strong, we both know it and you won't help with anything if you keep locked here drinking forever," he replied firmly, gesticulating towards the door. "Stop being stupid and come along."

Gold had a choice, he could go or he could stay, but he did followed Jefferson out and not because it was what he truly wanted to do, but because it was what he needed to do to be a better father to Sarah.

* * *

 

It had been ages since Belle felt so safe as she did in Robert’s arms in that night, she slept peacefully even after such bad news. She only asked him to stay because she didn’t trust herself to not have the biggest anxiety attack she did in her whole life if she stayed alone. Belle felt useless. Sarah needed stem cells and she could be able to provide it for her body still worked like it should. It all was so pointless that she kept having her period every single month but she couldn’t actually conceive any more children.

She felt stupid too. Belle had read about stocking umbilical cord’s blood and she hadn’t given much attention to it, so now all it was left for her was to pray that somewhere out in this world a child would have similar genetic material to Sarah and could save her illness to evolving to a leukaemia.

Her breakfast with Gold had been peaceful, almost like the ones they used to share before, but he left all too soon before she could even attempt to ask him about what was happening between them in the day prior before Sarah fainted. Then, she was left to prepare something for her daughter to eat before she woke up. Sarah came to the living room yawing and rubbing at her eyes. Belle served some sandwiches for her and she started to eat while her mother washed the dishes.

"Mama," Sarah called from her seat by the counter.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Belle inquired, approaching the little girl and touching her forehead to check if she wasn’t warm with fever. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," the little girl waved her head positively, drawing patters on her plate using some of the jam that had fallen from her sandwich. "Last night Bae told me we need to believe in miracles. He said everything will be fine in the end."

Belle smiled at her, but her heart was pounding furiously inside her chest. She truly thought Sarah’s dreams were just dreams, but the words coming out of her mouth made her shiver, just as if they were a prediction.

"Your brother had always been a faithful person," she murmured, petting Sarah’s hair.

"I believe in him."

And oh, she wished she could have the same faith.


	8. A Matter of Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold and Belle attempt to have a talk about their problems.  
> Moe continues to try to manipulate Belle's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we need a warning for angsty smut?

It was Tuesday morning and the Golds were gathered in front of the school’s gates. Sarah was supposed to start school at Monday, but she had stayed home instead to make sure the medicines were working and she wouldn’t faint all of the sudden in a small classroom full of six-year-olds, she wasn’t happy about it though, but seemed to be in a better mood today. The little girl had jumped with happiness at the sight of her father waiting for her and Belle by the door to accompany them to the school and she had taken a hand of each her parents as they made their way there.

Sarah had always been a confident girl, she never cried on her first day at school, which was a surprise for Belle, because Bae had been really reluctant when it was his time to go to school. He had been on Ashley’s day-care ever since Gold arrived Storybrooke, but it was very different from a real school, there were only a few children in each room at time and he was used to his caretaker, Aurora, so he got all clingy and tearful before finally giving in and leaving his mother’s embrace to go play with the other kids. They were really different and that was clear everything they did, but not Gold nor Belle loved any of them more than they did the other.

Saying goodbye to Sarah and watching her go that day, was like the very first time all over again. She didn’t look back after kissing both her parents and promising she would tell her teacher if she felt sick, but Belle couldn’t help but shedding some tears. Her treatment with Archie could be helping a lot, however the damage in her mental stability had been permanent, she would never be her old-self again, no matter how hard she tried. Now, Belle was more sensible, more preoccupied, more everything. And it wasn’t good by any means.

"Do you think she will be fine?" Gold asked, staring at the gates.

"She loves school, I couldn't keep her away for anything and she is taking the meds Whale prescribed, so I think she will do great."

Belle was more worried about how she would face the day without Sarah than the other way around. Before fainting, she had proved herself to be healthy enough to do anything other children did and Belle believed that with the help of the medicines she would stay alright. What she wasn't convinced of was that her anxiety would make her feel sick until she saw her daughter again, but she needed to deal with that on her own, which was why she was going to see Archie after she closed the library today.

"You don't seem much convinced of that," Robert pointed out.

"I'm not, I'm just trying to be."

Her shoulders had shrunk a bit and Belle looked down at the flowers she had in hands. She had asked her father for the most beautiful roses he had yesterday and now she would place them where they belonged before work.

"Are you going to the cemetery?"

"Yeah," Belle agreed. "Bae has been saying some nice things to Sarah, I thought I could take him some flowers."

The look that crossed Gold's face, haunted by a pain they both knew so well, made her heart flip. He was staring at the flowers as if he was seeing Baden laying in that coffin again.

"You know he is not really talking to her, right?"

"I do," she sighed. "I don't need to leave flowers by the gravestone if you don't want me to."

There was a snort, a quick shook of his head and then his hand were on her arm, just for her to shift away as if his touch had burned her.

"Oh, Belle not that again..."

"I just - " she worried at her lip. "I never understood why you couldn't comprehend my pain. I loved him as my own and I was destroyed by his death, by Sarah's coma, by the miscarriage... It was too much for me."

"I know, sweetheart."

"Then why did you freak out on me? Why didn't you stood by my side when I needed you the most?"

Tears were falling from her eyes now and she didn't even care for the fact that they were arguing in public. His words left a scar on her soul as deep as the one the accident did. Belle knew she hadn't been an easy person to live with for weeks, she needed help and she wasn't ready to look for it at first, but she was there willing to fight for their marriage, to be with him in sickness and in health. After a while, she had started to open the library again, although she didn't get any better at communicating, but neither did Gold.

"I was in pain too, Belle and I was too much of a coward to do the right thing for you," he shouted back, gripping at his cane to keep up on his feet.

She was about to yell another couple of hard words at him when she saw Alice Madden crossing the street with a huge smile on her lips, walking directly towards them.

"Belle, it is so good to see you!"

"Hey, Alice," Belle said, wiping the corners of her eyes. "How is Grace?"

"She is home, recovering from a terrible flu," Alice answered. "I think we should have tea tomorrow let the girls have some fun together."

Alice was a good friend although they weren't close as she was to Ruby, but she was Robert's best friend's wife and they used to have nice conversations and go out together a lot. But just as she did with everyone else, Belle had also pushed her and Jefferson away.

"That would be nice."

"It is a date then," she clapped her hands. "I'll call you tonight."

Belle nodded, watching the cheerful woman leave and already thinking about making her way to the cemetery, but then she heard Gold speaking again and stilled in place instead of start walking.

"I think we need to discuss this," he said. "That last argument."

"We should, but... I'm not prepared. I'm very angry at myself right now."

Her eyes were fixed on her shoes. She had been wanting for them to talk ever since she gathered her things and left their house to live on the library's apartment, but Gold never looked for her and even now that they were always together because of Sarah, he didn't want to speak, so she was always wondering if he really meant everything he said or not.

"Why?"

"If I could still conceive we could cure Sarah," Belle murmured, tracing a petal of the roses and avoiding his glance.

Gold seemed to be holding onto a breath, his face had suddenly gone a shade paler and his knuckles were deep white gripping at the cane. She didn't want to startle him, but after everything they had been through she thought she could at least talk about their daughter's illness. Not that she would ever expect him to offer himself to help with that, but this cure was out of reach so what he thought didn't really matter.

"And would you lay with me again, even hating me the way you do?"

"I would do anything to save my daughter," Belle assured him. "But I don't hate you, Robert, we both know it very well."

"I don't," he whispered.

"Then you're more fool than I imagined."

Shaking her head at him, Belle turned around on her heels and took a deep breath, aiming for the end of the road before she felt his hand on her arm again.

"Alright, if you don't want to talk about us or about Bae, let's talk about Sarah at least, like adults," Gold proposed. "I want to see her."

"You just did," Belle pointed out.

"No, I mean, I want to take care of her, like before," he said. "I thought we could do an arrangement."

The last thing she could take right now was being separated from her daughter, but when she looked at his eyes, she understood that he was the one all alone in the moment. Belle couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for him who was such a family man. She felt selfish.

"You get her on Thursday nights, bring her back to me on Sunday by noon," Belle proposed. "Now, I have to go, I need to open the library."

* * *

 

**_Seven months ago._ **

Gold had never liked funerals, actually he thought nobody was supposed to. He had gone to Storybrooke only to bury his father, but when he realised he could build a nice life for him and his son in there, he decided to stay. Meeting Isabelle French seemed to be fate, he quick found himself deeply in love with her. She was smart, beautiful, for reasons he would never understand she loved him too and most important, she was nice to Baden. Robert never had the model of a mother in his life, Milah, his deceased wife had been a disinterested woman in these matters, although she did care for Bae when it was needed to, but she decided to flee away with another man when their son was only a few months old and after a while he received the news of her death. Overdose, someone said.

His own mother had died giving birth to him and his poor aunties were so old when he was sent to Scotland that everything they did and said was clumsy and followed by unexpected giggles. Belle, otherwise was firm, gentle and responsible. They couldn't quite enjoy their honeymoon because she kept calling the nanny to be sure that Bae was alright and when he finally got to lay her down it was to look at her eyes and say how lucky he was before they did anything else. She had become Baden's mother even before they got married and she seemed to love that role. Belle took care of him as if he was her own and even after Sarah came along, she didn't treat them any different, Bae was her baby boy and nobody could say it otherwise.

That was the reason why he felt so damn useless as she pushed his wheelchair to the cemetery. She was crying, she was in pain and yet she was being forced to push her lame husband to the yard where they sat wearing black clothes and hearing Mother Superior say a bunch of stupid things while they stared at their son laying still inside the coffin. A lot of people had come to offer their condolences, Ruby and Jefferson with their families between them, but all Gold and Belle could do was to nod, because they had no words to answer any of them. Robert was cursing God and the fate for taking his boy from him that way, for imprisoning Sarah into a coma.

Somehow, they survived through it, they put a big gravestone on the cemetery with their boy's name in it and went home, empty, shattered and broken. They barely talked for weeks. Gold learned how to walk again with the help of a cane, as his knee would never heal completely again and opened his shop again. The library remained close. At night he would drink more than usual, but never enough to get properly drunk, because Belle would have spent the whole day sat on the same place, without eating or bathing and he needed to take care of her.

A certain night he arrived home to find her on Baden's bedroom, sat on the floor with Sarah's favourite stuffed duck on her arms. Her eyes were fixed in an invisible point as she clutched at the animal, she was still wearing the same set of yellow pyjamas she did when he left and her hair was a mess of curls. Gold sighed approaching her and laying a hand on top of her head.

"Have you eaten today?"

"Mm?" Belle blinked as if awakening from a deep sleep. "Oh, I don't remember."

"I'll prepare something," he said with a nod.

It wasn't a surprise that she wouldn't have eaten when he got home, which was why Belle was getting skinnier by the day and it got him worried. They lost Bae, Sarah was out of reach and if he lost her too, he would become mad. Gold went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, finding some things he could use and put it all into a pan. In a few minutes he had a mix of vegetables and chicken and served some into a bowl to be taken upstairs and made his way back to Bae's room. Just like he expected, Belle hadn't moved a finger.

It took him some effort, but Gold managed to sit on the floor beside her, dropping his cane and offering Belle the bowl he had brought.

"Food?"

"Thank you," she said as she took it with a fake smile, voice hoarse for the lack of use.

Belle tried a piece of carrot and ate slowly without casting Robert a glance. She didn't know what was happening to her, none of them did because they were both reluctant in accepting the doctors' advice and looking for therapy. What she won from that however, was this big void on her chest. She couldn't feel anything but despair and sadness and it was slowly killing her.

"I miss him," Isabelle whispered, pulling the bowl down to her lap.

"I do too," Gold answered bitterly. "I was asking myself the other night 'why them?' It could easily have been us. Me dead, you in coma. Not them."

She nodded solemnly.

"I've wished that too."

Robert looked back at her, noticing how her eyes had started to shine with tears and how the hand that had been clutching the stuffed duck was now pressed to her belly. His eyes slid close for a moment. Whale had been clear with him when Gold woke up at the hospital, he said every little thing that happened in that accident and it included the loss of a baby. He had been so busy grieving Bae that he hadn't properly given a thought about the fact he had lost not one, but two children that day, one which didn't even get a chance to live. A life interrupted even before it begun. And he hadn't even known about it before it was gone.

If they hadn't left the house, if August's party had been cancelled, Bae would be alive and they would be expecting the arrival of a new member of their family.

"We never talked about the miscarriage," Gold started, hesitantly. "How far long were you?"

"Eight weeks," his wife murmured. "I was going to tell you after the birthday party."

"Oh, Belle..."

His hand came up to cup her cheek and she pulled the bowl away as she sank into his arms tears falling free from her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, feeling as she started to tremble, playing nervously with his hair as she continued to speak.

"It was an ectopic pregnancy, it would have happened anyway. The baby was growing in the wrong place, that's why I can't..." Belle swallowed, glancing up at him. "I can't have any more children, Bobby. I'm sorry."

It was like the whole world stopped to him. Gold was an old man by now and he didn't felt the need to have any more children, although any babies Belle might give him would be welcomed and love unconditionally, but she was still a young woman, she deserved to have the chance of having more, mainly now that they lost Bae.

"You don't have to apologize to me, alright? Never."

"I feel like there is a whole in my heart," Belle sobbed.

In mine too, Gold wanted to answer, but instead, he kissed her. They hadn't kissed or shared any caress ever since the accident, their bodies were still healing from their recent surgeries, but suddenly he needed her like he needed to breathe. Robert barely realised that at this point, he was crying too, all he knew was that he was pulling Belle's shirt up and she wasn't complaining about it. She was still trembling in his arms and it had nothing to do with desire, but certainly with the weight of their loss making her feel like there was a void on her chest.

He nibbled at her neck as he unhooked her bra and for the first time he heard a sound that resembled enjoyment leaving her mouth. Belle wasn't being eager and lustful like she used to when they were undressing each other, her movements seemed to be mechanic and mindless, but she managed to undo his tie and take his jacket off. Gold pulled it own the floor and tapped a hand on it, indicating that she should lay above.

"Come here, my love."

There was a bit of uncertainty in her eyes as she laid on her back and he thought he knew why. They were in Baden's bedroom, about to ruin his carpet permanently, but the boy wasn't coming back home to make use of this place anymore, his books would gather dust on the shelves and the bedspread would never be changed again. Just to think about it made the blood seem to become ice on his veins, clenching his heart and making him want to cry, so Gold covered his wife's body with his and caught one of her nipples in his mouth. He needed something to make him feel numb like he knew he couldn't allow all the whiskey he had been drinking to do. He needed Belle and he was already rock hard for her.

Her hands were tangled in his hair and he could hear her heavy breaths as he tried to stimulate her body the better he could. A part of Gold's mind knew he was being a bit forceful, that his touches weren't as gentle as they used to be, but he didn't think Belle cared right now, because she was rubbing herself against him and when he pulled her shorts and panties down he could see that she was glistening with arousal.

He managed to get his trousers open and settled himself above her again, half-dressed and hungry. Gold felt his knee protesting the position, throbbing and making him regret starting this, but he wasn't going to let that ruin the moment. Not that there was any real romantic thing to be interrupted, but both he and Belle needed this and he would keep going at any costs. Robert stole her a kiss and took himself in hand, coating his cock's length with her juices before finding her opening and sliding in with a slow thrust. Belle gasped and clutched him close, kissing his jaw with a love he knew he didn't deserve.

All he wanted to do was start moving, soothing the ache that being buried inside her warmth brought, but although he felt he could cum at any second he also felt like his heart could explode. It was beating too fast, faster than it ever did before and for a moment he got out of breath and closed his eyes, trying to stable the rhythm of the beating as Belle cupped his cheeks.

"What is wrong?" She asked with concern.

"My heart feels a bit strange ever since that day," he confessed.

Belle touched his brow affectionally, she was laying still underneath him appearing to be not even aware of their joined bodies.

"Whale mentioned a heart attack," Belle whispered, brow narrowing and nose wrinkling.

He didn't quite remember the whole thing, he had been unconscious during the surgery, but the doctors said they had almost lost him. Three different medicines needed to be taken from now on, at least for some time until he was healthy again, but Gold didn't want to think about it anymore, so he pulled out before thrusting back inside Belle and making her moan. His knee was still hurting and he gritted his teeth, trying to concentrate in the good sensations building up, making his body tremble.

"You look in pain," Belle breathed, brushing the hair away from his face.

She looked worried, preoccupied and not enjoying it a bit. Gold couldn't speak right now, he only could try reaching his release even harder, thrusting faster and making a strangled sound leave her. He kissed her cheek and felt when one of her tears bathed his own face.

"Don't talk," Gold demanded.

And a moment later he was spurting inside her, panting as he reached his peek, everything exploding into white light and pleasure. But he rolled off her and it was over, blissfulness only lasted a few seconds and beside him, Belle was sobbing again.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

The morning in the library had been peaceful. Belle had time enough to do the inventory and choose a few books for the reading time with the children on Friday, but a part of her was thinking about the Sarah all the time. She had to admit she was waiting for a call from the school at any second and couldn't quite relax, even though she had taken one of the pills Archie prescribed to her, for the moments she felt the most anxious.

Eating hadn't been an option for her that day, as she knew nothing would stay on her stomach for much longer. Belle was making a few researches on the internet about anaemia and treatments with stem cells when a man stopped in front of her desk, looking agitated and nervous.

"Excuse me, are you Isabelle Gold?"

"Yes," she answered looking up at him. "Do you need a specific book?"

"No, I'm detective Rogers," he presented himself. "I'm working on the case of Robin de Locksley's murderer. Your husband doesn't want to talk to me and I know very little about this town so I thought you could have some information."

A small, humourless chuckle left Belle. She knew a lot about the case - although not enough to have a name for the murderer - because she had spent a lot of time reading her husband's files all over again, trying to understand how Robin's death suddenly had become a bigger thing. The day he was found dead on an alley was a surprise for the whole town, because nobody had ever been killed that way in here and Robin was a nice man who worked at the park. Nobody would ever want to kill a man who spend his days feeding ducks and playing with his sons. At least, that was what they thought.

Being married with the mayor could have been one of the reasons why he was killed. Regina Mills was a nice mayor most of the time, but she had made lots of enemies through the years. Most people didn't understand how someone so kind and cheerful like Robin could love someone so cold as her, but then nobody understood how the young librarian had feel in love with the old and grumpy landlord, that including the own Regina and her husband. Love was strange and unexpected, that Belle knew very well, but as she glanced at the photography she kept on her desk, she knew life was unfair and sometimes all you had to do was not think much about things.

If Robert had heard her when she told him to not help Regina with that case, Bae would be alive and Sarah wouldn't be ill. And if Rogers was a smart man he would get the hell away from Storybrooke while he still could.

"Do you see these two children in the picture detective?" Belle asked pointing at the photo. "One of them is dead and the other one is severely ill. That's all I know about Mr. de Locksley's case. My husband got involved and the killer decided to give him a scare in order to stop him from doing his job. My children payed for it."

"I'm sorry, I truly am," Detective Rogers said, eyebrows narrowing in confusion. "But I don't think there are any charges at the station about it."

"Everybody thinks it was an accident," Belle shrugged. "Most days I do too."

They had never pressed charges about the problem in the car, although Billy confirmed the breaks had been damaged before the car fell from the toll bridge. People blamed the rain and they let them, because it was easier and because getting that twisted man in jail wouldn't help with anything. It wouldn't bring Bae back from the dead.

"And will you let the man that killed your son go unpunished?" Rogers inquired.

Belle shook her head, incredulously. That man knew nothing about her or her family, he was only there because of a stupid job and he didn't know the pain of losing a child, of holding their lifeless body in your arms and knowing they would never breath again. She still had Sarah to worry about and if it was to keep her safe she would never speak a word about the car's sabotage.

"I'd rather have him free than bury another child," Belle retorted. "You can search wherever you want, detective, but you're not taking any information from me."

Rogers nodded and turned his back to her, disappearing through the door at the same time as Moe entered the library, making his way towards her as Belle blinked away the tears that started to gather on her eyes.

"Are you alright, darling?"

"I am, I was just..." Belle took a deep breath and pulled on a fake smile, whispering: "Never mind."

Standing up, Belle picked a few books that had been recently returned and took them to the small table near the last shelves. She needed sometime alone, just to breath and try to calm herself enough to not feel the need of throwing up her breakfast anymore, but her father followed her, insisting in a conversation

"Was Sarah excited for her first day back to school?"

"Yeah, she was a bit sad that she couldn't go yesterday, but she was pretty happy to be back anyway."

"That's is good," Moe smiled. "I was thinking we all could go to Boston this weekend and maybe take Sarah to the movies."

Her lips tightened in a line as she remembered about her talk with her husband that morning. Belle felt bad for being harsh with him, but she wanted Gold to react, to say something and not just keep going with the wave. _God_ , he had almost kissed her and then he held her the whole night and it almost felt like before, like when they were engaged in a real marriage full of love. She could say his feelings hadn’t changed, otherwise he would have already taken his wedding ring off and he wouldn’t have been comforting her the way he was.

She was angry at him most of the time, but Belle couldn’t let it interfere in his relationship with Sarah, she was just a little girl who still needed her father and they had lost too much already for her to be selfish to the point of separating them.

"It would be nice, papa, but she is spending the weekend with Robert," Belle replied, not daring to look at her father’s eyes.

"What?"

"We'll be sharing responsibilities for now,” she continued, “he wants to take care of her and she misses him so..."

Moe’s face went red with rage and he slammed a fist on the table making Belle jump, startled. It was like as if she was sixteen and he was drunk again. She felt her hear race and got a hold of the shelf, telling herself to breath in and out slowly.

"How could you even think about leaving her alone with that man?"

"Papa, Robert is her father!” Belle exclaimed. “He loves Sarah and he has been caring for her ever since she was born. Why should it be different now?"

"Because he tried to kill her," Moe yelled back.

"No," she stated, firmly. "Don't you ever repeat this, not for me and certainly not for Sarah. We both know this is not true, so she is, yes, staying with her father whenever she wants."

The colours on his face evolved from red to purple. He was really angry, but if Belle allowed him to keep dictating her life this way, then she would never be free again, because Moe would get to decide everything, even when it came about her own daughter and she couldn’t let that happen.

"Isabelle French…"

"I'm not a child and my name is Isabelle _Gold_."

Taking the books in hand again, Belle turned her back to him, her legs feeling like jelly as she started to walk away. She hated her body for being so weak, hated her mind for being so mad, but if he ever wanted to get better, to be a good mom to her daughter, she would have to start by taking back control of her own life.

"You should ask for a divorce,” Moe added harshly, “and you should rethink your decisions."

* * *

 

One of Gold's favourite things in the world was to pick his children up from school. He loved to see their smiley face as they rushed towards him, excited to tell their papa everything about their day. For months however, this routine had been inexistent and that was why he had asked Belle to let him go get Sarah while she went to her session with Archie, because he needed to know for sure that this part of his life hadn't ended. Of course, there was only one child to pick up today and the cheerfulness was not on her face when he got her from Mary Margaret's class, although relief was.

Sarah took his hand and walked with her head down all the way to his shop. She was quiet, playing with the end of her ponytail, pulling at the auburn curls that fell down her shoulders. Usually she would wear her hair shorter, but it had grown a lot during her time at the hospital and Belle hadn't take her to cut it. He thought about the times he had sat in the nursery with her as a baby, marvelling at how much Sarah looked like her mother and now seeing how silent about her own problems she was, Gold concluded Belle had gotten a perfect mini-me in her.

He led the little girl to the back of the shop and found the bag of muffins he had bought on Granny's that afternoon, offering one of them to Sarah, who took it without even smiling.

"How was your day at school?"

"Not nice," she sighed.

Taking a seat on the cot, Gold let Sarah curl on his lap, taking a small bit of her muffin and laying her head on his chest. He pulled his cane away and hugged her, petting the little girl's hair very gently.

"Why not?"

"The kids were talking about me. About all of us," she sniffled and he realised he was trying really hard not to cry.

Gold had always known this town could be cruel, but he didn't think the children at school could be mean too. He wasn't a fool, he knew kids were always up to mockery and all but Bae and Sarah had always dealt perfectly fine with social occasions, probably because they hadn't been faced with anything big. People used to talk about the age difference between Gold and Belle, sometimes they whispered a few lies about Bae's birth mother, but it was never enough to bother any of them, however, now they had a lot more to talk about and unfortunately, he hadn't thought about the possibilities of those gossip reaching this daughter's ears.

"And what did they say?"

Looking up at him, Sarah blinked her teary blue eyes and held the muffing tighter, making its shape change.

"Is my mama crazy?"

"What? No!" Gold immediately exclaimed. "Who said that?"

There was another sniffle. Sarah rubbed at her eyes with a fist.

"Hansel said she got mad and that's why she is seeing Archie. He also said his mother thinks you are dating the mayor," she murmured. "Is that true?"

So that was it. Robert should have seen it coming, because he had already heard it all around town. Belle's therapy wasn't a secret for anyone, but only a few people knew that what she had as an anxiety diagnostic, nothing else. As for him and Regina, everybody thought he had broken up with Belle because of that, as they had seen him hanging out with the mayor before the accident, but they didn't know a thing about the truth. Maybe cheating on Belle would have hurt her less than all the stupid things he dared to say to her.

"No," he told Sarah, rubbing at her back, soothingly. "Oh, sweetheart, people in this town talk way too much about things they don't anything about. Your mother is not crazy and I'm not dating anyone."

Nodding, Sarah threw her arms around his neck and he felt her tears coating his skin.

"I love you, papa," the little girl whispered. "I miss how things were before and I wish I wasn't sick, so mama wouldn't cry at night."

"My love, you are the most precious thing in the world to your mama, that's why she worries all the time. But you're not the only reason why she cries."

"She misses Bae," Sarah completed. "I do too."

Pulling away from him, she turned to sit on the cot, eating her muffin as Gold watched her with a sad smile on his lips. Sarah was so precious that he wanted to hide her under a dome where no bad things could affect her life. No anaemia. No idiots at school.

"Sarah?" They heard Belle's voice calling from the front of the shop.

Gold grabbed his cane and stood up, tapping a finger to his daughter's nose and making her giggle slightly.

"Let's put on a smile on this face for mama, huh? I'll have a talk to your teacher about Hansel tomorrow."

"Alright," Sarah agreed smiling widely at him.

Gold pulled the curtains away to meet Belle, thinking that he wished he could have the same ability of adapting to things as children did, so then things wouldn't hurt so much and for so long.


	9. Scars in Our Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina makes a decision that Belle doesn't approve.  
> In the past, Belle and Gold have a decisive argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, sweeties.

Meetings were Belle's last favourite thing in the world. She woke up feeling sick just at the thought of having to discuss anything with Regina Mills. Archie had tried to help her not feeling anxious over some social situations, but his techniques only made her feel an idiot and didn't do much help, that was why she refused to have breakfast that morning and tried to take slow breaths as she took Sarah to school. Her poor, sweet daughter had no idea of what was happening or why her mom barely talked that day before dropping her there.

Belle didn't like to reach out for the medicines Archie had recommended her to take when she felt more anxious, because she knew they were very little efficient and only made her feel weak, but she was feeling so bad and apprehensive that she ended-up taking one of them before settling herself in the tiny office on the back of the library as she waited for the mayor to show up. Regina was mostly like never late for anything, she was a serious and very professional person, which was probably why people thought she was a cold woman, but anyone who saw her with her boys, the ten-year-old Henry and the five-year-old Roland knew it was only a part of her role as the town's most import woman. Before the accident, Belle didn't think she could find a similar thing between her and Regina, but now, when she looked at the mayor she recognised those sad lines around her eyes and she knew they were reflected in hers too.

But the fact Regina was suffering over her husband's death didn't change the rage she felt whenever she laid eyes on her. Belle still blamed that woman for all of her loses, which was probably why she always got so badly anxious at the prospect of seeing her. She had taken the medicine, but when Regina opened the door, her heart still raced painfully inside her chest and she got slightly out of breath as she stood up to greet her.

"Madam mayor, it is a pleasure to have you here."

Regina barely casted a glance at her as she laid a black file in the table between them and opened it, showing her two pages full of numbers and inscriptions that Belle couldn't really distinguish from where she was.

"I'm going straight to the point, Mrs. Gold," the mayor started in a calculated voice. "This library is costing way too much. I've thought about closing it, but the school wouldn't allow, as the students use it constantly, so I will start cutting costs. Your payment will be reduced and I've fired Margie."

These words made Belle gasp. Her payment wasn't exactly big, but it covered all of her bills, including the ones she was still paying for the hospital, but with it being reduced, she wouldn't be able to keep up with it. Of course, she knew they were bills related to Sarah and that Gold wouldn't mind helping her out with this, but yet, she felt so angry that her cheeks flushed and her hands became fists by her sides.

"You truly expect me to clean too? And with a reduced salary?"

"No," Regina shook her head. "I'll be paying half I did to Margie to one of my late husband's friend, Will Scarlet."

This time she blinked in surprise, because she knew the guy very well and there wasn't a cell in her body willing to let him step a foot inside her library - her home. Will was Robin's best friend, they worked together at the park and you could usually see them hanging out with de Locksley's children, but the difference between Robin and him was that while the mayor's husband went home every night to his wife, Will went to The Rabbit Hole and drank until he passed out.

He was a loner, that Belle understood. Somebody - probably Ruby - once told her that his fianceé Anastasia, had run away from town three days before their wedding and never came back, which was why he was such a jerk, but as long as he was near Robin he made a little bit of an effort to keep himself sober during the day. Now... Well, now he could be find sleeping in alleys really often. Belle couldn't allow a man like that to be any near the library.

"Will Scarlet? But he is a drunk idiot!"

"And he also needs a job, so please do yours with your mouth shut," Regina snapped at her, closing up her file and picking it up. "Our meeting is done. He will start after lunch, so have a good day."

A moment later she was gone and Belle fell to the nearest chair with a frustrated sigh.

"Unbelievable!"

Of all things, that was the last one she needed right now. At least she had managed not to vomit in front of the mayor and humiliate herself, now she just needed to think how she would make it out with a reduced salary and then face Scarlet. But first, she needed to start working, so Belle gathered some courage and rose on her feet, marching towards the circulation desk and turning on the computer. It was going to be quite a long day.

She hadn't eaten anything at lunch and felt too agitated to keep sat by her desk all the day, so she tried to keep herself busy, returning books to the shelves and helping people to choose some titles before she saw Will stealing some of the gumballs she had beside her family portrait and rushed to where he was, eyes narrowing at the sight of him.

"Mrs. Gold, right?"

"Yeah, now first rule: you only enter this library if you are sober," Belle started angrily as she got them gumballs back from him. "Second rule: you never take the elevator to upper floor."

Will gave her a lazy, daring smile. He looked awful, dark circles under his eyes, smelling cheap bear and shirt buttoned the wrong way. Belle wrinkled her nose at the sight suddenly remembering why looking at her husband was so pleasant. Robert always dressed impeccably, wore the best colognes and had that dangerous - but yet soft and sweet - smirk playing in his lips.

"Too many rules don't you think?"

"There is more," she added. "I have a daughter and if someday she happens to be around, you don't get to talk to her."

"Understood," Will nodded.

Arching an eyebrow, she thought it hadn't been as bad as she expected it too. At least the idiot wasn't as stubborn as Regina was.

"Good," Belle affirmed. "You can start cleaning then."

Turning around on her heels, she started to make her way back to the shelves she had been reorganizing when she heard his voice calling up again.

"Fine," Will muttered before adding in a louder, daring tone, loud enough for everyone in the library to hear: "Hey, have you been complimented by this amazing ass today?"

Belle didn't know why, but her first reaction at this wasn't an anxiety symptom like she'd expect, actually she felt the blood boiling in her veins with rage and the old version of her came to surface as she took the needed steps back and slapped him in the face.

"Fuck you," she snapped. "And you're out of this library today, unless you want me to call Sheriff Nolan."

The man seemed stupefied with her reaction, but he nodded in awe and made his way to the door, leaving her there, heart pounding furiously, but for the first time in months with adrenaline and not despair.

* * *

 

The Maddens lived in one of the biggest houses in town. There were very few rich people in Storybrooke and so very few huge residences. Belle had lived in one of those for about ten years which was quite a contrast compared to her tiny apartment above the library and being in Alice's backyard, having tea in those expensive china made her think about how much she missed the life she once shared with Gold. She had never been a shopaholic person, nor cared much about money, actually Belle had spent countless days living with very little when she was travelling around the world with Ruby, but the way she saw somethings changed when she got married.

Gold was always spoiling her and she was glad to add her own touches to the house. Belle still didn't care much about being rich or not, but back then she had found a comfortable home and her children never wished for nothing, however now Sarah shared a small room with her and she barely found strength to smile to her daughter every morning. She had fell very quickly from who she was and, as Belle observed the girls choosing hats for their dolls, she felt her heart clench at the thought that she was failing in giving everything Sarah needed.

"It is so good to have you here," Alice Madden was saying as she poured some milk in their tea. "I've missed your company and Grace missed having someone to play with."

Cleaning up her throat, Belle tried to put on a smile, but she was pretty sure her happy face looked genuinely fake.

"I haven't seen you and Jefferson around town much."

"You know we are very reserved, this town speaks too much and the less you get out, the less they have what to talk about."

"I have to agree," Belle said, taking a sip from her tea.

Alice served a piece of cake for her and reached for the sugar. Her dark-blonde hair was pulled up on a ponytail and she was wearing a blush pink summer dress with purple prints, cheeks slightly flushed and grey eyes shining a bit. The image of healthy. It made Belle feel bad with herself for having to hide the dark bags under her eyes with a concealer and lots of foundation.

"Jefferson was talking about Sarah's illness the other day," Alice said, softly looking up at Belle to watch for her reaction. "He said she has an anaemia."

"Yeah, it is getting bad," she sighed. "Whale wants to try a treatment with stem cells."

"Stem cells?" The blonde repeated with surprise. "So, you and Robert are trying for another baby?"

Oh, that she wished. Not that Belle wanted another child, because she was too scared of the world right now to consider the possibility of bringing a small, fragile baby into it safe, but she would do anything to save Sarah, even if that meant she needed to face her biggest fear right now: having another child to lose. But she didn't truly need to worry about it as she wasn't fertile anymore and all she could do was to pray for someone to have similar genetic material as Sarah.

"No... I can't have any more children, Alice. Not after the accident," Belle confessed. "The doctors are trying to find a compatible donor."

"Oh."

Her glance fell to her teacup as she traced the borders with her index finger. She didn't really speak about it. Archie knew, of course, as did her father and now Ruby, but she hated the look of pity in people's face whenever she talked about infertility. It was fine for her, but the others didn't seem to understand. Belle could still remember the night she told it to her father, sobbing as she talked about the miscarriage and he suddenly stood up all full of rage and started to curse Gold with a bunch of words she didn't even know he could profess. For him, it was her husband's fault, as everything else was.

"Mama," Grace yelled, running towards them with Sarah on her heels. "Tell Sarah that you're getting a little sister for me!"

Mouth falling open, Belle glanced back at Alice. The dress she was wearing was quite large and didn't allow her to see the bump, but when the blonde covered her belly with a hand, Belle knew it was truth, even as the question slipped through her lips.

"You're pregnant?"

"I'm sorry, Belle," Alice whispered. "I didn't want you to find this out like this."

More pity. _Wonderful._ She knew Alice was worried about hurting her feelings, having a baby when Belle couldn't conceive anymore - and actually needed to for the own daughter's sake. She shook her head, fighting with that wave of jealously that hit her.

"Mama," Sarah called, tapping a hand on her arm. "I thought I was having a little sibling too, before the accident."

Eyes fluttered close, Belle decided she definitely wanted to hide herself in a dark corner and sob. _Oh, God_ , she had forgotten that Sarah knew about her pregnancy. She had been so excited about it and now Belle needed to crush out her dreams and it killed her inside. She cupped her daughter's face in hands, brushing her auburn hair behind her eyes and stroking her chin tenderly.

"Sarah, honey... " Belle trailed off in a broken voice. "The baby became a star in the sky, just like Bae."

"Why?" Sarah cried out, climbing onto her lap with eyes full of tears. "Why everyone is dying?"

"I wish I knew," was the only thing she could whisper as she hugged her daughter close.

Tears were now streaming down Sarah's face and it hurt her more to see her daughter's suffering than to deal with her own. She had awakened up to a foreign life and all she had in the past was gone. No little girl should go through this.

"Don't cry, Sarah," Grace said, taking her hand. "I can share my sister with you."

* * *

 

Reforming old objects was a huge part of a pawnbroker’s life, one which Robert really enjoyed, because it was a slow, meticulous job that required a lot of attention and care, which meant it kept his mind busy for a while, concentrated in painting small details, gluing broken pieces and changing those damaged ones that couldn’t be restored. He was working on a clock that afternoon while Jefferson paced around, taking things out of place and just messing around.

"Your wife is at my house having tea with Alice today."

"Mm."

"Mm?" Jefferson inquired. "That's all?"

Pulling the paint-brush he was holding aside, Gold looked up at him, an irritated expression on his face. It was nice to have someone to talk to, as long as this person didn’t insist in subjects he wanted to avoid and that man was an expert in trying to make him speak up about everything he wanted to keep buried deep inside his twisted mind.

"What do you want me to say, Jefferson? I'm busy with this clock and Belle is hardly my wife by now."

"You two are still married," Madden shrugged.

"I believe she is going to ask for the divorce at any time."

Truth be told, he didn’t understand why Belle hadn’t send him the papers a week after she moved out, but he also didn’t understand what this new proximity between them meant. He was trying to convince himself that it was just both of them looking for comfort over their recent problems and that holding her during the night or almost kissing her after the birthday party were just mindless, wrong decisions.

"Seriously, Robert?" Jefferson arched an eyebrow, leaning against a shelf. "You two love each other and the lovely Belle is the only one who can get through your skin."

"I've ruined our marriage," he sighed. "There is no coming back."

His friend’s eyes narrowed slightly and he took a few steps towards the working table, taking a seat in front of him as he played with his cufflinks. Gold could recognise the curiosity in his eyes, it was the same glow his wife always had when she found something new or intriguing.

"Did you really cheat on her?"

"No," Robert exclaimed, his accent thickening in the world and making it sound almost foreign. "I've said things that I shouldn't and I did when she was deeply grieving. I was a bastard, Jefferson. I ruined everything."

"But if you could you would fight for her, wouldn't you?"

Gold looked down to the clock again. He knew that after everything he had said to Belle, she would never, ever want to have anything to do with him, but he still missed her and he couldn’t put in words how much he had desired her in the night of the party, when she was wearing that revealing dress and then, when they said side by side on her bed. And he was an even bigger bastard for that.

"I don't deserve her anymore," Robert admitted. "But if my wife still wanted me, I would do anything to have her back."

A victory smile spread on Jefferson’s lips as he leaned back against the chair, seeming to have something wicked going on in his mind.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

The phone slid through Isabelle Gold's fingers to fall on the floor with soft noise. Her knees felt weak and she had to lean against the wall to keep herself from falling, her breath became hard and her heart beating got mad. She needed long minutes to calm herself down and even so, she still felt as if her whole body had become some sort of jelly. Her husband was in the kitchen, on the other end of the hallway and she could still hear the sounds of him working on their dinner, as if it was a normal day, as if Bae and Sarah were upstairs playing and waiting for their meal to her ready. But it wasn't and that call was the very proof of it.

Pulling her grey cardigan closer to her body, Belle took some shaken steps to the kitchen, finding Gold slicing some cucumbers for their salad. He looked so relaxed with tie and jacked forgotten aside, concentrated in his currently task, that Belle almost felt guilty to ruin this moment of peace for him, but she had to.

"Robert."

"Yes, my love?"

He glanced up at her, leaving the knife aside and washing his hands, before getting a towel to wipe them as he made his way towards her.

"Doctor Whale just called," Belle started in the weakest and lowest voice she had ever used before. "It was about Sarah."

She didn't need to say much for him to understand that was an important call, one that could wreck their hearts even more than they already were. He reached for her hand with this free hand, the one that wasn't holding the cane now, and she grabbed his arm for support feeling her eyes start to water as she faced her loving husband.

"What did he say?"

"It is being more than a month now and he doesn't believe she is going to wake," Belle whispered. "There was a meeting between all doctors from the hospital today and they all think it would be better if we unplugged her from life support and allowed her to just go peacefully."

Gold's eyes slid close and he nodded, solemnly. She wanted to threw herself in his arms and cry with him, but for some reason that strange acceptance of his, made Belle hesitate, waiting for the words she knew that were coming.

"Should we go to the hospital now?"

"What?"

"I believe they will need us to sign a few papers..." Robert started, but she didn't let him finish.

Suddenly, Belle had pulled away from him, shock and horror crystal clear on her face. She could barely believe what she was hearing. How could he even think about giving Sarah up this way? Couldn't he remember all the joy she had brought to their lives? Was he seriously willing to go through the pain of planning another funeral to another child of theirs?

"Do you really think we should follow with this and kill our own daughter?"

"Sweetheart, she has been gone ever since that day," Gold pointed out.

In his voice, Belle could recognise the grieving too, but she wasn't really caring about it right now, what she truly cared about was keeping her daughter alive. Whale and the other doctors could think what they wanted to, but she wouldn't unplug Sarah from life support. They may not have any faith that she might awake again, but she was a mother and she would never give up hope.

"No," Belle said, determined. "Things can happen, diagnostics can change. She can still wake up, Bobby! Sarah is still alive!"

"Belle, it is time for us to let her go," he answered slowly, trying to touch her face, but she only pulled away again.

"I can't accept it. I won't survive this if I have to go through the pain of burying another child."

Fat tears fell from her eyes, her shoulders shaking visibly. At this point, Belle had admited to herself that she wasn't fine, although she still refused to seek help, but it also meant she knew that she wouldn't be able to take it if she lost Sarah too. She watched as Robert narrowed his eyebrows at her, worried, angry and sad all at the same.

"So this is because of Bae?"

"It's because of everything. I suffered a miscarriage, I held Baden's lifeless body in my arms! I can give up hope this way or I'll get mad."

He shook his head, gripping the cane so tightly that his knuckles went white.

"Sarah don't deserve to keep suffering because of your selfishness!"

"I'm not being selfish," Belle gasped. "Haven't you heard a word I said? I'm in pain!"

"Well, I don't know why you are in such a pain. Baden was my son, not yours, I should be the one grieving here, not you."

Her mouth fell open and she took some steps back. He had never spoken this way to her. Never. In any circumstances, not even when they had their worst fights. She had always been Bae's mama, she had always decided what was best for him and Gold never complained, so she didn't understand why he would do this now.

"You can't say that to me, Robert," she sobbed. "I've raised that boy as if he was my own. Bae was barely a toddler when we met, I held his hand when he took shaking steps around town, I took care of every fever and every flu, I made him sleep when he was afraid of the dark. He was my son!"

"You were not his mother," Gold snapped out. "You were just like a nanny, nothing else."

This time she felt as if she was shot in the heart. Belle understood that he was angry and that angry people said stupid things, but Robert had done it on purpose, he had said that with the clear intention of hurting her and he had in fact succeeded. She had never felt so little, useless and meaningless before.

"Oh, so that is it? A nanny. It is good to know how you have seen me for the past ten years," Belle answered, harshly. "But don't you worry, Robert, I'm never talking about Bae again, even though it is not going to heal my heart in any way. Now, about my real daughter you don't get to opine about, she will live until her heart stops beating on its own."

"She is my daughter too and I think we should end this!"

"I don't care for what do you think," Belle rasped out. "I've been a ghost in this house for six weeks now, I walked through those two empty bedrooms upstairs and I cried. I looked through the baby clothes I bought to reveal my pregnancy to you and I cried too. I'm dead inside, and you didn't give a damn about it."

It was his turn to gasp incredulously. The duck he was roasting was starting to smell like burnt food, but none of them could manage to care about it now as rage filled them.

"I did everything I could for you, but you didn't want help," Gold accused.

"You offered me food and sex. None of this would ever heal me, Robert," she retorted. "You didn't even ask me about the baby we lost."

"There was nothing to be asked," he replied in a rather cold tone of voice that made her heart clench. "Eight weeks is not even a life yet."

She remembered about the nurse's words right when she woke up at the hospital. A mass of cells. Not a baby. As if it made that pregnancy less important for her or as if not all lives started that way. Belle's lips tightened as she nodded slowly at him, feeling empty, unable to feel anything good again.

"I couldn't be more disappointed to realize my father was right all along," she murmured, more to herself than to Gold. "I didn't know who I was getting married to."

Aiming for the staircase, Belle left the kitchen, the tears starting to fall again as she entered the master bedroom and grabbed a suitcase, throwing everything she could inside before filling a purse with her documents and the money she had on their safe, then she went back downstairs but stumbled with Gold in the middle of the way.

"Where are you going?"

"Away," she said. "I can't stay here anymore. Not when the man I loved is dead."

Then, she walked towards the door leaving the salmon house behind, decided to never again step a foot inside of it.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Belle had packed a bag for Sarah and accepted Ruby's invitation to have a drink with her and Dorothy at The Rabbit Hole. She knew she was probably going to watch them have fun and share occasional passionate kisses, but she needed to go out today, as it was the first time she wouldn't have Sarah around after she woke up from coma. And some shots of whiskey - and maybe tequila - would make her forget for long enough all the struggles of that miserable life of hers, so at least she would be able to not feel preoccupied all the night like Belle knew she would do if she stayed home.

Of course, all of her plans would be just plans if she didn't convince Sarah to get up and follow her to Gold's house. She had been excited about spending the weekend with her father for days, but now she had simply sat on the couch, and wasn't willing to stand up, with was seriously getting Belle stressed.

"Mama, I don't want to go."

"Why not, babe? Don't you miss your papa?"

Sarah nodded, however there was something in her eyes that Belle recognised as fear. Sighing, she took a seat by her side watching as her daughter's eyes quickly flashed to the window and she shrunk.

"I do, but... It's raining," the little girl mumbled. "I don't like rain anymore."

"Oh, Sarah! It will rain more times than you can count during your life, but that's not a reason to stay home. Besides, there won't be any car to fail and hurt us, alright? You and I are walking."

She needed to admit that storms had become a problem for her too, but some sections of therapy with Archie had shown her she couldn't avoid them for the rest of her life, so Belle started to slowly cross the street when it was raining and do things like going to the grocery store, until she was able to have a normal routine whenever it was raining. Thunders were still a problem though, but she was trying to face this fear too and she wasn't going to let Sarah drown into panic.

Taking the bag and a big umbrella, Belle and Sarah left the library to start the long way to Gold's house. It was set on the other end of the town and Sarah was tired and afraid which resulted in her having to carry the little girl during most of the way. The rain had become a real storm when they arrived to find Gold already waiting for them in the balcony.

"Thank God, I was sick worried about you two," he said, picking Sarah up from Belle's arms. "You are soaked!"

Belle glanced down at her dripping clothes and sighed. Her arms ached from the time she had carried Sarah and the umbrella was so weak because of the rain that it seemed about to break.

"She has another change of clothes on the bag and her pyjamas are in there too, so you can dismiss from this," Belle quickly informed, watching how Robert rubbed at their daughter's back soothingly. "Sarah is scared about the rain, so it would be nice if you read for her or something like that. Call me if you need anything, alright?"

"What? Do you really think I'm going to let you go in this storm?" He inquired. "No, you're staying."

The brunette blinked at this. She was trembling with cold in these clothes, but she couldn't wait to go back home and take a warm bath and after all, she couldn't cancel her plans with Ruby once again.

"I can't stay, I have things to do!"

"Belle, please, I won't get peace of mind if I let you go and you'll get a cold if you keep on these soaked clothes for another couple of minutes."

A thunder resounded loudly, making Belle jump in place and Sarah hide her face on her papa's jacket.

"Stay, mama, please."

"Sarah - "

"Please," Robert repeated.

The thing she wanted the most was to refuse, to say that entering his house and waiting for the storm to pass was probably to open all the wounds she was trying to heal, but Sarah had those pleading blue eyes fixed on her and she couldn't deny anything to her.

"Alright," she snorted. "I guess I'm staying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Will is going to be a big jerk in this fic, but maybe he knows something about the killer.  
> And well, maybe Alice and Jefferson's baby could be compatible with Sarah.  
> What do you think?


	10. Things We Never Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle spends the night in Gold's house.  
> In the past, Gold realises that Belle is not coming back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this is the longest chapter I've ever writter for fanfiction! I'm sorry for the length, but I couldn't help myself. At least I can say it will have something I know you all were waiting for. And no warnings, so just enjoy it! <3

Being back on her old house was a bittersweet torture. Belle had taken Sarah upstairs, given her a warm bath and changed her soaked clothes for a pair of pyjamas, drying up her hair and sending her to the living room as she took off her dripping cardigan and making her way to the dresser, opening it to get another bath towel when she heard the tap of Gold’s cane against the floor and looked back to see him standing by the door, holding a few clothes.

"I haven't found anything of yours lost in the closet,” he started handing the clothes for her. “But if you need anything warm, you can put on these pyjamas."

"Thank you, I'll take it."

He nodded, turning around and disappearing to give her privacy. Belle locked the door and stripped her clothes, going back inside the en-suit and taking a quick back, using the products that Robert had recently bought for their daughter. She ended-up smelling like a strawberry cake, but at least she wasn’t shaking with cold anymore. Pulling back her underwear – because otherwise she would have to be naked under Gold’s pyjamas and the thought seemed forbidden in their current situation – Belle took a more careful look at the clothes he had offered her.

It was a grey set, made of a soft, shiny fabric that felt like silk when she slid them through her body. Comfortable. Exactly the kind of expensive thing her husband would have. It looked very large on her, even though Robert wasn’t much taller than Belle and was quite a skinny man, but she was even tinier and everything looked huge on her. Getting out of the bathroom she peeked a look at the window, hoping that she could go home and not show up wearing Gold’s cloths, but the rain hadn’t stopped.

She sighed deeply, giving up and taking hers and Sarah’s clothes to the dryer before making her way to the living room, a bit shy and totally sure that her cheeks were shining red. Sarah was sat on the couch with Robert by her side, they were zapping through the TV’s channels as they talked and both of them looked up at Belle, when they heard her steps.

"Mama, you look funny," Sarah exclaimed, giggling at the sight of Belle in such large clothes.

"Oh, do I?"

"Yes!"

Chuckling, Belle approached her, feeling stupid for being so shy at the moment, but she couldn't help realising that this beautiful house was no longer hers. She took a sit on the couch just as Gold stood up. He seemed uncomfortable, a bit out of air and anxious - the good kind of anxious, not her hysterical kind - he got his cane in hand and cleaned his throat, trying to look at anything in the room but not Belle wearing his newest pair of pyjamas and managing to look absolutely gorgeous in it.

"I was going to prepare some chicken for dinner, is that good for you?"

"Yeah," she answered, "perfect."

He nodded then, walking straight to the kitchen as she snuggled up with Sarah, bringing the little girl to her lap and hugging her close. Bolts still lightened the room as thunders resounded outside and Belle faithfully hope that they didn't go through a black out, or this would get even worse and twice as awkward. Sarah seemed to have forgotten about her fear of the storm, singing happily along with the characters of her favourite show, it was nice to be this cosy with her in the house in which they had once being so happy.

The smell of food was also so nice that it made her stomach flip with hunger for the first time in long. Belle was feeling calm despite of everything, as if being in there knowing that at least Sarah was safe for now, was nice and a part of her felt as if she had gone back in time. When Gold came announcing that the dinner was ready, they followed him to the dining room and ate the best meal ever. Robert had always been splendid in the kitchen, the kids, even being fussy eaters always gave a chance for any dishes he cooked and most the time, they liked it.

Today it wasn't any different. Gold had served chicken with tomato sauce, cheese and rice. Sarah eagerly ate it all and at some point, both of them stopped dinning just to watch their beautiful five-year-old having fun trying to cut the melting cheese to take it to her mouth. Belle needed to admit it had been quite a while since she last allowed herself to do something like that, simply staring at those small amusing moments and trying to memorize them.

After she finished, Sarah excused herself back to the living room and they started to take the dishes to the kitchen. She had always been the one to wash them, as she wasn't much helpful in the making of their meals, but Gold very often offered to help. Belle insisted in washing them that night, but Robert only handed her a towel, saying she could dry them, so she wouldn't get all soaked again. With some short arguing, she agreed.

"This storm doesn't seem to be willing to stop so soon," Belle started after a while of quiet work, attempting a conversation because the silence really bothered her.

"Aye, it doesn't."

"The food was delicious. I think both Sarah and I haven't eaten anything like this in ages."

"It was just chicken," Gold answered with a little smirk as they finished with the dishes.

She knew it was a simple food, that he had already cooked lots of more elaborated things, but yet this one was special, and not just because Belle had spent so many time eating so little that she didn't realise how hungry she was, but because it was the first time in six months that she ate something he prepared for her.

"But it was cooked by you," she added softly a smile playing on her lips.

Those words seemed to get him by surprise and Belle looked down a bit worried that she had gone way too far when she hear the little scream that would save her from another five minutes of awkward staring.

"Mama," Sarah called with all the strength her lungs had.

"I will check on this."

"Alright," Gold nodded.

It was supposed to be his night with Sarah and Belle knew she should let him do what he wanted and take care of her, but she couldn't help herself. She found Sarah in the library, sat in front of the lowest shelves with a bunch of boxes taken out of place, laying by her sides.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I've found our board games," Sarah announced, pointing at the boxes, before her shoulders shrunk. "I miss our house and Bae."

"I do too," Belle agreed with a sigh. "Do you remember which one of these was his favourite?"

Sarah took some time to think, tapping a finger to her own chin before she reached for a blue box and lifted it for Belle to see, causing her to smile.

"Monopoly," the little girl affirmed. "He always won."

"You're right," she said, offering her a hand and helping Sarah to stand up. "Let's go upstairs, brush your teeth and take the meds, huh?"

They went back to Sarah's bedroom, which's walls were painted in a baby-pink tone, the furniture all white with grey details. Belle simply adored that room, she had always dreamed of having something like this while growing up and although she had first painted it in a beautiful yellow colour - Sarah had begged them to change it when she got older - it was still her perfect little place. Her bedroom on her parents' house had been a small white thing, cosy of course, but not every girl's childhood wish. She felt bad for Sarah to be losing it too because of her, because she and Gold couldn't come to terms, but for now she couldn't worry about superficial things.

Belle helped Sarah to brush her teeth and gave her the meds, hoping as she did every single night that they would miraculously cure her without the need of any stem cells treatment, because it seemed more far away from them at each day. Alice had offered to test their baby's compatibility to Sarah, so they might help her, but she wasn't counting much on that, because Whale had been very clear about the chances of they getting a donor. The baby itself couldn't be tested just now, so it would be Grace's blood they would be taking on Monday to know the probabilities of a successful treatment and thinking about it made Belle feel anxious again.

Concentrating in the present moment, she tucked Sarah in bed and started to sing to her, before the door was opened and Robert peeked a look inside, grinning at the two beauties.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting to see you already in bed, princess."

He was looking straight at Sarah, whose eyes, were fluttering close as she fought to stay awake.

"The meds get her sleepy," Belle explained.

Stretching herself over her mother, Sarah gripped at her father's hand, blinking those puppy eyes of her to him.

"Papa, can you read me a story?"

"Of course," he obliged, going to the shelf and picking a red book. "What about this one?"

"Good! I like it."

Standing up, Belle gave him some space to lay by Sarah's side and start reading for her while she watched. During their marriage, it was one of her favourite hobbies: hearing him read. His voice was deep and husky, his thick accent giving the words a whole new meaning. She loved the sound of Robert speaking and she enjoyed his reading as much as Sarah did. It didn't take long before she fell asleep in her father's chest.

Carefully, Robert pulled her down to the bed, adjusting her head on the pillow and covering her with the blankets. He took a moment, to just look at her, brushing the curls of her hair away from her face before he bent to press a kiss on her forehead. Belle's heart melt at the sight.

"Sweet dreams," Robert Gold whispered to their daughter.

Getting his cane in hand, he placed the book on the nightstand and rose on his feet, gesticulating for Belle to follow him out. They left the bedroom, closing the door behind them and Belle stood there at the hallway for a moment, worrying at her lip.

"You're still really good at this," she decided say, as a compliment.

"At what?"

"Parenting," Belle shrugged. "I have always admired you for being a good father."

There was a tiny smile in Gold's lips, but it didn't last longer. He was rubbing his thumb on the head of his cane nervously, avoiding her eyes the best he could.

"I don't feel like a good one most of the time," he confessed, then cleaned his throat to make his voice sound a bit louder and confident. "I'm going to take a shower. You can use the guestroom if you want to."

She nodded, watching him make his way to the master bedroom and disappear behind a closed door, she sighed and for a long moment she stood there remembering how good he always looked when he got out of a bath. Usually she would be lying in bed, with a book in hands, waiting for him to show up and would feel the heat pooling in her belly when she saw him leaving the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist, the edges of his hair, still dripping and his whole body smelling like soap. It was a delicious vision and thinking about it made her cheeks go red. Shaking her head she turned around to be faced with another closed door, but one which made her heart race.

It was Baden's bedroom. She sucked in a breath, quickly glancing back to guarantee Gold was still inside his own room before she grabbed the knob with trembling hands, pushing the door open. Two walls were painted in a light-blue tone, the other two in a dark one; she switched on the lights, stepped in, running a hand through the polka dot printed duvet and breathed in. Everything was still in place, his collection of mini-cars, carefully displayed in the glassware, his school books laying on the desk and his old sweatshirt hanging on the chair.

Carefully, Belle took the piece of clothing in hands and brought it up to her face. His smell was still in it, sweet, soft and child-like. Her beloved boy. She missed him so damn much, that she couldn't even begin to say how so. Belle had no idea how many time she spent inside that room, just holding the sweatshirt and staring at the walls before she heard the tapping of her husband's cane and heart attempted to stop.

"I thought you would be sleeping already," Gold said.

"Oh. I - " Belle swallowed hard, quickly standing up on her feet and pulling the sweatshirt back to its place. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be find in here. I was just…"

"I know," he assured her. "Sometimes I find myself in here too, imagining that he is sitting on the bed, doing his homework or reading a book."

She nodded, knowing it was exactly what she had been doing for the last few minutes. Belle was glad that he didn't got mad with her for being in there and she let the tiniest of the smiles cross her lips when she noticed he had pulled on one of his old pyjamas, a dark-blue long-sleeved set that she particularly had always liked, mainly because it the design of it reminded her of his usual suit jackets. Robert got to look classy even when he was ready for bed.

"It seems unreal, right? As if he is going to come back at any second."

"Yeah," Gold murmured, looking down at the floor, before adding: "Would you accept a glass of wine?"

"Sure."

In other days she would have refused because Belle most likely never drank anything when her children were around and having Sarah sleeping peacefully in there while they shared some wine seemed to be quite wrong, but she needed a drink. Her stomach gladly hadn't protested the dinner yet and as conflicted as she felt with all those mixed feelings coming up to surface, she thought she could give the wine a go.

Following Gold downstairs, she found herself back in the living room, sitting up on the couch as he poured two glasses of the best white wine he had. Robert offered one to her and Belle took it with a grateful smile, leading the glass to her mouth and taking a long sip of the drink. It burned her throat in a comforting way and she sighed deeply as she pulled it down again, looking at the window to see the rain unstoppably falling outside.

"Are you alright, Belle?" Robert asked. "You look a bit off."

"This house brings too many memories up. Good ones and bad ones," she whispered. "It is difficult to keep myself from exploding into an anxiety ball."

He nodded understandably and reached to touch the back of her hand, noticing how the glass was trembling between her fingers.

"How is your treatment going?"

"Archie makes me pace around his office with closes eyes, I occasionally get bruises from stumbling in the furniture..." Belle released a snort. "I'm pretty done with it, but therapy has helped me a lot and I want to be a good mom for Sarah, so I'll keep going."

Some days she just wanted to give it up, she got so frustrated with herself and with Archie too for her not seeing the great evolution. Anxiety still strick her down very badly, she still spent too long without eating, afraid that she would throw up and she still had a hard time trying to make her heart calm down at night. Most days it would only get better when she took the meds.

"I feel bad to see you like this," Robert murmured, rubbing at her hand in a way that made her breath get caught on her throat.

"Mad?"

"Unstable," he corrected. "You were the most secure person I knew."

"I changed," Belle remarked. "I wish I hadn't, but I did."

His hand left hers, coming up to stroke her cheek. He had placed his glass on the coffee table and was now so close to her that Belle felt something cold stirring deep in her womb. It was just like that day in the diner when they were so close and everything she could think about was to kiss his as passionately as she would have done when they were married.

"I know," he whispered. "I'm not sure if I should ever ask this, but I need your forgiveness. I'm so sorry for everything I have said to you."

"Robert..."

"I need you to hear it," Gold insisted, still stroking her face. "I was wrong, I was grieving too and I shouldn't have freaked out that way. I didn't have the right to."

"Oh, yeah, you didn't."

They had avoided this conversation so much, but now the time had come when they would need to finally speak up. She saw the tears gathering in his eyes and dropped her glance to her hands, reaching out to place her glass beside his.

"Look at me, sweetheart," Gold pleaded, cupping her face so he could stare at her gorgeous azure depths. " _You are_ Baden's mother, you have always been and I know you love him even now as if he had come from you. He was _ours_ , not just mine, alright?"

"Alright."

One single tear ran down her cheek and he brushed it away. Belle couldn't count how many times she had dreamed of hearing him asking for forgiveness this way nor how many of those fantasies included her shouting a few bad words at him, however in the reality of the moment she couldn't manage to say anything, because she knew how sorry he was and how she had refused to let him in when she should've. They were both guilty of the time they spent apart.

"And I don't want you to think I didn't care for the baby we lost. I was just... I was suffering so much that I didn't want to have another child to grieve, it was better to not think about it as a life at all, than feeling more pain. But it came anyway," Robert continued. "You walked away and I realised that you were going through a lot more than I did, because you knew you had this child inside you all along, you felt it slipping away... Oh Belle, I was so selfish."

"Your words hurt me more than you can imagine," she replied. "I thought I would never be able to stop crying after that night."

"I was wrong, sweetheart," he repeated. "I'm so sorry about that baby we will never get to meet!"

Throwing her arms around him, Belle nuzzled her face on his neck, bathing his skin with her tears. If only they could have acted like this months ago, nothing would have ever changed and they would have been able to do best for Sarah from the start. But the grieving was burning them like hellfire and they were too weak to fight against it.

"Me too."

"I feel so guilty about it all, I have lost myself deeply in my own damaged mind and there were days in which everything I wanted was to die," Gold confided her and she noticed for the first time that his wrecked tone of voice was followed by tears. "If I have listened to you all along about Locksley's case, none of this would have happened."

Pulling away from him, Belle looked right at his eyes, brown and warm, full of tears. He wasn't much of crying, although she had seen it happening some few times during their marriage, but she hated to see the sadness in his face knowing if was because of this big guilty he was feeling. And God, it wasn't fair that he had been feeling this way for six months. Carding her fingers in his hair, Belle came closer to him, touching their foreheads and breathing in his musky scent.

"It wasn't your fault. I know my father insists in saying it was, but it wasn't."

"Belle, dearest, you have no idea how it kills me to see that precious little girl walking around, talking in her cheerful way and knowing I spent months trying to convince you to unplug her from life support," this time he sobbed, clutching her close until she was sat on his lap. "I'm a monster."

"You're not. Stop it," Belle commanded, petting his hair in an attempt of calming him down. "You thought you were doing the right thing as did I, but none of this matter right now. Robert, you're so good to her!"

"I'm not," he cried. "I'm a coward. The whole town knows how bad I am, so I have no idea how you could have ever loved me."

"Because they don't see what I did," she assured him, before thinking about what she just said and correcting herself: "What I still do."

A moment of weakness, she could have described it as, but in fact she wouldn't. Belle was pretty aware of what she was doing and for the first time in what seemed to be forever, she felt strong enough to make a proper decision. They were really close and it was just easy for her to lean forward, pressing her lips against his own. It took him a long second to react and kiss her back, but when he did it, she threw her arms around his neck, trying to deepen the kiss, before being pushed away.

Eyebrows narrowing, Belle tried to understand his weird reaction and why Robert wasn't looking at her as he tried to catch his breath again.

"You don't need to kiss me out of pity," he finally said with bitterness.

"I'm not pitying you! We've been getting close for weeks now and I'm just trying to understand if you're as tempted as I am to give in," Belle told him. "I want you, Robert. I need my husband back."

Reaching for his hand, Belle expected him to pull away again, but this time all he did was to stare at her incredulously. She brought his hand up to cup her breast as she kissed him again and heard him groan against her mouth. Unlike minutes ago, his soul was in this kiss, she could feel it in the way he eagerly worked his mouth in rhythm with her, tracing her lips with his tongue so she would part them for him. It had been months since Belle was kissed. She never kissed anyone after she married him, she wasn't the cheating type and with the husband she had, Belle would never want another man. He tasted as mint toothpaste and wine, the way he gripped at her waist and squeezed her breast sent shivers down her spine.

"Take me to our bedroom," Belle said against his lips.

Pulling away from her, Robert nodded in agreement, taking his cane in hand as he helped her to stand up. The two glasses of wine were long forgotten while the couple made their way to the staircase as they had done, many times during their years of marriage, hand in hand, desire burning between them, but the people doing it today had many differences between the two who did it so long ago. It took them a longer time to reach for the upper floor with Gold being slowed down by his bad knee. Belle was trying not to feel anxious about it all, repeating for herself that she was doing the right thing, that it was what she wanted.

They were damaged by life’s circumstances, but they were willing to try again. When they reached for the hallway she placed a kiss on his hand before releasing it and making her way to the door of their daughter's bedroom and opening it slightly, just to peek a look before closing it again.

"What are you doing?" Robert questioned in a murmur.

"Making sure Sarah is asleep. She has an annoying timing, remember?"

He chuckled at this, remembering about the many times they had been interrupted by Sarah's insistent calls for their names. Robert gestured for her to follow him and made his way towards the master bedroom, allowing her inside before he locked the door behind them. They weren't sure how to start it, as if they had lost all of their experience. Belle worried at her lip, taking a few steps into his direction and brushing her lips against his in a soft kiss.

She was nervous and felt too unsure, but when he cradled her head with one hand and trailed kissed down her neck, she trembled with desire in his arms. Belle was too sensible as if her skin begged for his touch, burning slowly with his lingering ministrations. He was taking his time, enjoying every bit of her he could reach, sucking at her pulsing point to make her moan, and running his hands along her body, feeling her curves under his fingers.

Slipping her hands under his shirt, Belle touched his belly before sliding her hands to his back, pulling herself close as he started to open the buttons of her pyjama. Long were the nights in which she had him by her side to warm her, to make love to her and then hold her in the safety of his arms. Belle was dragged to the bed when the first button was open and it was only then that she realised that Gold's cane had fallen to the floor and his balance was staring to fail.

She sat on the bed watching as he did the same and hurried to open his own pyjama shirt, but was stopped by his hands on hers, pulling them away.

"Belle, sweetheart, don't you think we are rushing it?"

"Do you want to make out a bit more? Because I wouldn't complain..."

"No," Robert shook his head. "I just want you to be sure of it."

Rolling her eyes, Belle passed a leg each side of his, straddling herself in his lap as she ran her hands through his greying hair. Oh, he was gorgeous when he was trying to be kind. She slid her shirt down her arms and unhooked her bra, taking them off in a way of showing him her assurance.

"I want you," she whispered. "I couldn't be surer of it, so please touch me."

Gold swallowed hard at the sight of her. It had been really long since they last laid together and he felt his cock twitch with want. She was in need of pulling on some weight, that was pretty clear for him since the moment the shirt slid off, he could see the protuberant mark of her bones and it broke his heart to know she still wasn't eating properly, but it didn't make him desire Belle any less. He settled his hands on her waist and bent his head to capture one of her nipples in his lips, causing her to arch against him.

Robert swirled his tongue around it until he felt the nub hard on his mouth. He moved his mouth to the other breast and Belle trembled when he lavished it with his tongue, biting and licking, taken gasps and moans from his lovely wife. She was rocking her hips against him almost blindly, seeking for any kind of friction that could soothe the ache between her legs and her lust only make him feel himself getting impossibly harder. He looked up at Belle, seeing how dark her eyes were and captured her lips in his own as she freed him from his shirt, hugging him close to feel the skin of his chest pressing hers.

Rolling Belle on her back, he hooked his fingers on the waistband of her trousers, standing up to take them off alongside her panties, leaving her laid naked in the bed. She spread her legs for him as an invitation and Gold covered her body with his, starting to trail kisses down making her writhe as he bit all the sensible points he knew so well. Robert had years to discover what she liked and by now he could consider himself an expert in pleasuring her. Belle sighed deeply when he traced the scar of her surgery in the lowest part of her belly, where she had been hurt during the accident.

"Does it hurt?" He asked a bit concerned, sitting up to look on her eyes.

"Just if you press too much, but I bet your knee does," she answered pointing at his bad leg as she too sat on the bed. "Lay down and let me help you."

She reached for his trousers and he allowed her to take them off, before pulling down his boxers. Gold couldn't remember the last time he saw Belle smiling as much as she was doing right now, it was a small, seductive smile, not her usual radiant one from months ago, but even so it was better than the haunted expression she mostly wore lately. Belle kissed him again, wrapping her delicate hand around his cock and he swore he saw stars.

For six months the only pleasure he had come from his own hand, but now having her pumping him this way, he wasn't sure he would be able to not embarrass himself and come too soon, so he took her hand away and switched positions, making his knee throb painful in response. But Gold didn't let it stop him, he made his way down Belle's body and breathed in the smell of her arousal, parting her glistening folds with a finger.

"Robert, your knee - " she protested with a sob, moaning when he rubbed at her clit.

"I can take it," Gold swore. "Please, don't worry about me."

She shook her head, gripping his shoulders and making him come up and lay by her side, so they were looking at each other's eyes.

"Up here, it's only fair."

"I hate this," he murmured under his breath as she kissed his jaw.

"Making love to me?"

"No," he answered. "Not being able to do it properly."

He still had his finger inside her, caressing gently but not putting any effort in the task. Belle however, was humming happily, running her hand up and down his back. She lifted her leg, propping it on his own, giving him more access.

"Bobby, all I care about is having you," she purred as he circled her clit. "The last time we did it you were in such a pain I could barely enjoy, because I was worried."

"I'm just half the man I was before the accident, but I'm feeling better now," Gold confessed. "I had a few physiotherapy sections at the hospital after you left. My knee will never be the same, but it is not so painful now."

"Ok," she whispered, pulling him close as he urged his index finger to her entrance making her tremble in his arms. "I don't want to kill your mood, I'm just concerned about everything lately... It is an anxiety thing."

"Let me make you forget," Robert murmured.

Leaning forward, he brushed his teeth on her neck and added a second finger, thrusting them up and down as his thumb rubbed at her little pearl. It made the tightening in her belly increased, the sweet pleasure filling her body, making her moan and hold onto him for dear life. Belle panted as he bent his head to give her breast some attention, she felt herself nearing the edge at each stroke of his fingers, the marvellous push and pull making it impossible for her to think about anything other those beautiful sensations he was creating in her body.

Then, his thumb found just the right motion, that hit just the right spot on her clit and Belle cried out. It was strong and for a long moment as he stroked her through the orgasm, she could barely catch a breath, her pleasure becoming liquid and making her feel boneless. When she felt Gold kissing her forehead she opened her eyelids, realising she had unconsciously closed them, lost in her own paradise.

"Was it good?" He asked as he lifted his wet fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean.

"I'm in Wonderland," Belle breathed. "But I still want you."

Reaching out to kiss him, she allowed Robert to roll over her, bracing himself in his arms as she one of her hands held his length and the other cupped his face. Even after years, he still looked at her with the same adoration he did on their very first time and that would never stop surprising her.

"You're not half the man you were before, you're still my beloved husband and now I can see it crystal clear," she assured him.

Belle wasn't sure, but she thought she saw tears shining in his eyes. He kissed her temples, just holding her close for a while, because he couldn't quite believe they were there doing it and that she was saying all those beautiful things after everything that happened, after they hurt each other so much. She was still holding him in hand and ran the blunt head of his cock through her slick folds and for a brief second, he thought about reaching for the nightstand to get a condom, but then he remembered it was no longer needed and allowed her to align them.

"I've missed you," Gold murmured at her ear before pushing all the way in, gasping at the feel of her tight channel gripping him. "Isabelle..."

"Oh," she moaned. "You feel incredible."

Being stretched that way with him buried to the hilt inside was the bliss she needed in the moment. She ran her hand through his hair and Gold released a grunt as he pulled almost all the way off before thrusting back, sending jolts of pleasure through her with the movement, causing Belle to lift her hips up as they found a rhythm.

"Fuck, I didn't remember you were so tight," Robert mumbled under his breath.

A smile appeared in her lips as she did her best to keep her moans low, knowing they couldn't awake Sarah, but it was getting more difficult at each new push and pull of their lusty bodies. She wanted it harder and faster, enough to make her numb when she came, but Gold wasn't speeding up like he usually would do and when she took a better look at his face she realised that he was gritting his teeth and his arms were shaking.

"What is it?"

"My knee," Gold admitted.

Her mouth fell open at the realisation that he was probably feeling more pain like this than pleasure at all, so she folded her legs behind his back and switched positions, landing above him, but unfortunately losing contact with his erect member that had slipped out of her.

"See?" She said, gripping his cock and guiding it back inside with a happy sigh. "That's better."

The brunette palmed his chest as she lifted herself in her knees to start rocking against him. Gold had been about to protest, saying that he could very well keep going the way they were, but once she started to circle her hips up and down, he lost his ability to talk, not only it felt better this way, with him buried even deeper inside of her, but she was looking like an ethereal goddess bouncing above him. Her curls framed her face beautifully, her lips were plump from their kisses and her breasts moved in their own motion.

He threw his head back as she started to go faster, moaning incoherent things as the warm clenching feeling in their bodies got more intense. Robert gripped at her tights, moving his hips up to meet her half-way in a maddening motion, already feeling himself leak inside her with precum.

"Oh, Belle," he groaned, sliding his hand down her mound to find her clit. "I'm so close."

He wasn't sure if he had in fact nodded or if it was just an involuntary reaction, but then when he pinched her clit he felt her walls start to flutter around him and gasped at the feeling of Belle coming apart.

"Robert!"

Her name resounded through the room accompanied by the unstoppable thunders outside and he couldn't help to let go to, thrusting deep inside her as he spurted the thick hot seed within her womb. Belle sighed in contentment and fell against him, allowing Gold to encircle her with his arms as he pulled his softening cock out. She hummed something he could quite understanding, rolling to her old side of the bed and laying her head on his shoulder.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Mm, yes," Belle whispered. "It was the best orgasm I've had in months."

He blinked without knowing what to make out of that phrase. It was certainly the best orgasm he had in months considering he hadn't felt the warmth of a woman ever since their last fumble in Bae's bedroom all that time ago, but did she meant the same or was she seeing someone that couldn't quite satisfy her? Robert wasn't sure, but the mere possibility of his wife laying with another ruined the whole moment for him, until she got his hand and pressed it to the space between her breast with a sweet smile on her lips.

"Feel this," Belle asked and he could in fact feel her heart under his palm. "The beating is getting slow on its own. Usually only the meds can calm this heart, but I think I found quite a more pleasurable solution."

She kissed his cheek and she was so damn grateful and happy that he nodded, trying to forget the things his twisted mind was trying to make him believe on just a few seconds before.

"I'm glad you're here," he told her.

"Well, so am I."

Belle nestled herself against him as Gold petted her hair very gently, looking up at the ceiling and thinking that with his wife and his arms and his daughter in the room next to them, all he could ever pray for was that Bae was in somewhere better than here and that maybe they could find the cure for Sarah's illness. Maybe Jefferson and Alice's child would be compatible and it all would end soon. That definitely sounded good. Trying to hold on to this, Robert closed his eyes - the warmth of Belle's body cosier than any blanket he could have - and hoped for a miracle.

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

Gold understood he had made a big mistake by the moment the door closed behind Belle. He didn't expect her to follow with this and really go away for good thought, he thought he would have a chance to apologies, so he waited. And waited. But she didn't come home that night, nor in the next one.

On Monday morning, he refused to go to work and stayed home instead, just waiting in case all she needed was a weekend away, but Belle didn't show up and when it became clear for him that she wasn't coming back, he took his car and went to the library, just checking if she was still working or if she had left town, leaving him to watch Sarah die, like Milah left him to take care of a baby, but she was there, talking with people as if nothing had happened. It hurt more than he can explain to understand that what she didn't want any more was him and that it was utterly and completely his fault.

Gold couldn't do anything about it now. He had destroyed their marriage, so he went to the grocery store bought two bouquets of pink roses that he knew his stupid father-in-law had delivered to the small ridiculous shop and added a bottle of cheap whiskey to his kart, then he paid for it and headed to the hospital. It wouldn't have been his first choice of place to go in other days, but Robert was feeling so miserable that all he wanted to sit beside Sarah and cry, because he knew that even if she wasn't in come, even if she saw him breaking down in tears, she would never judge him.

The walk to her room was painful, but he made it there and pulled one of the bouquets he bought on the table near her bed, then he turned around to face her. She was so beautiful! So young and innocent. It shouldn't end like this, with her sleeping forever in that hospital bed, machines beeping at each beat of her heart. He hadn't started a family to watch them all broke apart this way. Robert sobbed, bending to press a tender kiss to the top of Sarah's head, caressing her before pulling away to get one last view of her before leaving.

He had never noticed before how much of a perfect combination of him and Belle she was. The auburn curls and the sparkly blue eyes were totally her mother's, but the shape of her chin, cheeks eyes were his. Gold didn't appreciate his features a lot, but when he looked at Sarah and saw them copied in her face it was a very different story. His daughter was perfect and it hurt even more to know she would never grow to be the gorgeous woman she was meant to  become.

Wiping the corners of his eyes, Gold left the hospital and drove to the cemetery. He hadn't been there ever since the funeral, because he didn't want to think that it was his boy who was buried under that ground, but everyone had to face the things that scared them the most someday and Gold's time to do it had arrived. He kneeled in front of the gravestone, deposited the flowers in front of it and closed his eyes for a brief second.

"I'm sorry, son. I was all my fault."

Gold had started to feel sick when he finally decided to drive back home, however it was only when he arrived the salmon house that he realised that it would be forever empty from now on, with only him to make some use of all the rooms it had, so he opened the whiskey bottle's lid and lifted it to his mouth, taking a long thirsty sip. And for the first time in his life, Robert Gold drank until his mind was fog and he couldn't manage to move from his spot on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys hoping for a miracle too?


	11. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle needs to make a decision.  
> Gold has a weird talk with Archie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this week has started good. I shall have two WIPs finished until Sunday and another couple of chapters for this fic ready to go. I can't really stop writing and planning it, lol. Well, so no warnings.

Gold woke up with the sunlight bathing his face. He had forgot to close the curtains in the night prior and the reason for that came to him in a torrent of remembrances that made a lazy grin stretch in his lips as he groped the sheets beside him until he found the other body that should be resting in that bed, but despite what he expected, Belle wasn't laid asleep, she was sat up wearing this blue pyjama shirt and grinning back at him. It was a vision from paradise to him, the way her hair was messy and the shirt slid down her right shoulder, showing up some skin was marvellous and he caught her hand, pressing a gentle kiss to the palm. He couldn't really believe she was there and those memories of the last night were real.

"Good morning," Belle said softly.

The best morning of months, he thought, playing with her fingers and wondering what should have happened to her wedding ring. Once, she had been amazed by and would show the thing to everyone. That ring was a special piece, large and full of diamonds, it had costed him a lot of money, but Gold ever only cared for making her happy.

"How long did you spend staring at me?"

"Just a few minutes," she replied, pulling away from him and slipping off the bed. "I need to go home."

He watched as she collected her discarder underwear from the floor, suddenly feeling years younger, just caught up on a one-night-stand. But that wasn't the situation, of course, that woman was his wife and whatever had happened in the night prior, was anything but meaningless, because it would affect their relationship and, eventually, their daughter too.

"Oh," he mumbled, sitting up on the bed. "Yeah, sure. Do you... Do you want breakfast first?"

Belle shook her head.

"No, I think it would be better if Sarah didn't see me, otherwise she will beg me to stay and this thing of spending the weekends with you will never work," she said. "And I have to see Archie tonight, so it would be good if you got a hold of her."

"Right."

Robert wanted to say more, he wanted to talk truthfully like they did last night, but Belle seemed to be in a rush and he wasn't going to be the one asking her to stay. Maybe he got it all wrong and she just wanted sex after all, not him. Why would she? He was a cripple now and he had disappointed her in many different ways. A couple of apologies wasn't going to change anything, nor would a quick fumble, probably moved by desperate need.

"I'll go get my clothes," the brunette said, after pulling on the pyjama bottoms, opening the door and disappearing through it.

Sighing deeply, Gold fell back to the mattress, staring at the ceiling for a minute, trying to understand how it was possible that his world could fell down this way, but at this point he should already be expecting this. Life always had a way of offering him the worst situations ever. He sat up with a frustrated groan and grabbed his boxers from the floor, pulling them on as he went to the closed and picked a few clean clothes for the day. He heard Belle coming back to the room, probably to dress herself up, and delayed his choice of tie, avoiding seeing her again, however he couldn't stay inside the closet forever and at some point, he had to come up.

Gold found Belle finishing to zip up her shirt. She had brushed her hair and pulled the rest of her clothes on, the pyjamas she had borrowed yesterday was now folded with perfection on the nightstand that had once belonged to her. It could have been a usual morning for them, both getting ready for the day after a night of love-making, but nothing was the same and apparently, it would never be again.

"Are you alright, Robert?" Belle asked when she noticed the way he furrowed at the sight of her.

He blinked, placing the clothes he selected on a chair and holding his cane a little tighter.

"Just wonderful," Gold answered.

A tiny smile crossed her lips, that kind of sad one she had been wearing ever since the accident, but something in it had changed. A flicker of hope was there and, as she walked towards him, Gold suddenly forgot how angry he was. He watched as she placed both hands on his chest, the warmth of her skin the greatest feeling in the world. She reached for his lips and kissed him senseless, making Gold pant and groan against her lips until the moment she decided to pull away.

"Thank you, for letting me stay last night and thanks for always being what I need."

Kissing him one last time, Belle made her way out of the bedroom, leaving Gold to wonder that the real hell was happening between them.

* * *

 

Belle blushed and smiled all the way home. She couldn't stop thinking about how wonderful it had been to be in her husband's arms again, the way he made her whole body tremble, the way he kissed her ever so gently when it all was over and how he held her all night, the safe feeling of just being with him again calming her mad heart in a way not even the medicines were capable of. It had been really long since Belle felt this happy and satisfied, but it also meant that she had to make a choice right now, one that she didn't know if she was ready to.

For too long, she had hidden herself in her apartment, refusing to live again, afraid of being hurt again, but once Sarah woke up, it all changed. She had to be a good mother again, she had to be strong and if she wanted to have Robert back of her life she would need to double her efforts. As much as she was feeling good today, she knew it wasn't the reality of a daily life for her anymore and she was afraid that she was too much of a difficult person to live now and she couldn't ever restore her marriage.

When she arrived the library, the conflicted feelings were so loud on her mind that she didn't notice that Ruby standing in there, looking up at the apartment with her phone on hands and an angry look on her face. She turned around to see Belle distractedly making her way to the door and snorted in frustration.

"Ah, there you are," Ruby exclaimed. "Dorothy and I waited for you all night at The Rabbit Hole! What happened?"

Oh, Belle had forgotten about that. She really had the intention to call her cancelling, but then she needed to distract Sarah from the storm, put her to sleep and when she realised, she was in bed with Robert and it all was forgotten. Fishing her keys from her purse, Belle opened the door and gestured for Ruby to follow her.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot to call you," she explained. "I - I spent the night with Gold."

Eyes widening, Ruby grabbed her arm, preventing Belle from rushing to the elevator, like she most certainly was going to do.

"You had sex with him?"

"Mind-blowing sex," Belle corrected, cheeks getting even redder. "But I'd be grateful if you tried not to scream it out loud for the whole town to hear."

Sighing, Ruby entered the elevator, watching the doors close as Belle nervously looked down to her shoes. She was worrying at her lip, wondering about what to do with her new dilemma and still considering the pros of trying again, when Ruby spoke again.

"Well, how was it?"

"Ruby, we are not teenagers anymore and it is not like I haven't done it with him before," Belle answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, but you two weren't even talking a while ago," her friend insisted. "Things changed."

In fact, they did and it all only became clearer during their love-making. What Belle wasn’t expecting, however, was that it would be so good. Their last attempt at it, very recently after the accident was all about pain and tears, their bodies weren’t ready for that and nor were their minds, but last night it was all they needed it to be.

"Indeed,” Belle agreed, crossing the hallway with on her heels to open the door of her apartment. “But he is still as good in bed as I remembered."

"And what are you going to do now? Are you guys back together?"

"I don't know, Ruby," she sighed. "I want him. I want us to be a family again, but I feel like both of us need some time to get used to it again."

Giving her a sympathetic smile, Ruby took her cold hand in hers, giving it a little squeeze.

"That's a good start. If he wants you back, he will respect it."

Belle nodded, knowing that Gold was the most patient person in the world and if needed be, he would wait for as long as she asked him to. However, it still didn’t change the fact she had become a terribly unstable person who hadn’t found a way to cope with her son’s death and her daughter’s illness yet. She would be difficult to deal with and she didn’t know if Robert deserved it.

"Yeah,” Belle murmured, “I just hope I don't manage to ruin things first."

* * *

 

**_Six months ago._ **

In all her ten years of marriage, Belle never thought she would ever leave her house, knowing there was no coming back. She had packed the essentials and found the keys for the old apartment above the library in one of her drawers, intending to live in there as she didn’t have anywhere else to go, however for tonight she felt like she couldn’t be alone. Belle was lost in the many reactions her body was suddenly having to that argument, her heart beating way too fast, her breath coming short and difficult and, finally, when she was just a few steps away from the house, came the vomiting.

She had never felt so helpless before, betrayed even. All Belle wanted was to curls herself in the dark and cry, but she needed to keep walking, cross the city to the white house in which she had grown-up, knock on the door and humiliate herself a bit more. It was sad to realise she had no family left but her father, who she used to avoid most of the time, but there she was watching him open the door with a confused look on his face.

"Belle, what are you doing in here?"

"Can I stay?" She asked in a sob. "Just for tonight."

"Why?" He inquired in awe. "What happened?"

Truth be told, she didn’t want to speak it out loud, because it would only hurt more, but Moe wouldn’t take her excuses. No, he was too stubborn for that. Belle looked down, grasping the handle of her suitcase, knowing that coming here and saying those words was admitting that she was wrong and her father was right, was killing her pride. But Belle didn’t have one thing she cared for anymore, so why would she care about herself?

"I think my marriage is over."

Moe’s mouth fell open. He didn’t say anything for a long while, long enough to make Belle feel nauseous and nearing madness again, but then he nodded and opened the door fully, giving her space to walk inside.

"Come in."

Grateful, she tried to smile between her tears, but all she managed to make was a silly grimace as she pulled her suitcase along and entered her childhood house, going straight to the living room and letting herself fall on the blue printed sofa, covering her face with hands. Belle took a few deep breaths, trying to steady her heart and stop her panic attack, but it all was pointless, she was too hysterical for any of it.

Her father followed her after a second, taking a seat on the brown armchair in front of her, which made Belle remember how none of his furniture ever matched and she had to control herself to not explode into a very crazy, nonsensical laugher. Belle took a deep breath, trying t cope with everything she was feeling and give Moe the explanation he was certainly expecting.

"Robert and I had a big fight," she started, slowly. "He said I wasn't Bae's mother as if I hadn't raised him as my own and then he talked about the baby we lost like it didn't matter at all."

"Oh, darling, why would he do that?"

"We started yelling bad things at each other because of Doctor Whale's call," Belle told him. "He think we should turn off Sarah's life support and let her die."

Suddenly Moe stood up, a fury she couldn’t remember ever seeing in him appearing in her father’s features. His teeth were clenched, his hands turned into shaking fists by his sides and his face had started to become red. Not even when her mother had died and he was drinking way too much Moe had looked this enraged.

"You can't do this, Belle!"

"I know. I won't," she assured her father, wiping the tears that kept falling down her face. "But Robert agrees with him, he things it would be for the best."

"That bastard is wrong, alright?" Moe yelled. "And I'll do whatever it takes to stop him from harming that sweet little angel. Even if for that I have to end his life with my bare hands."

Belle’s eyes got wide and she shrunk on her place on the couch, hugging herself and thinking she might just have put Robert into some serious danger.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

It had been quite difficult for Gold to convince himself to not follow Belle to ask what the hell it all meant and go take a shower. Sarah was very much of a morning person, so he knew she would soon wake up and he didn't have much time to settle things up before she appeared cheerfully bouncing and asking for attention. Once he was clean and dressed up, Robert make his way down the stairs and found the ingredients he needed to start preparing breakfast.

His mind was still focused on Belle, in trying to understand what changed and what didn't, analysing every single small part of their time together in an attempt to remember everything she said. Gold knew he had been the one talking the most and that most things Belle spoke that night was to calm him down, but she also talked about her problems a little. _Anxiety_. He remembered placing his hand between her breasts and feeling her heartbeat get stable again. She seemed marvelled by that and it made him feel good to know he had the power to help her with this, but then there was this thing about not being satisfied enough in other occasions.

All he could think about now was that she was seeing someone. Maybe it was the reason why she couldn't stay over and have breakfast with him, or even come to terms with what they did last night. And she did say something about having a meeting with Archie. His face went blank as Gold suddenly pictured his wife kissing the redhaired psychologist. It couldn't be, but hell, maybe it was.

Flipping a pancake into a plate, Robert tried to convince himself that it was madness, but at each passing second, he only thought it was probably true. Belle must be feeling lonely, she didn't go out very often, he only remember about seeing her doing groceries once a week and going to her father's shop, nothing else, so the only person she really had any contact with for about six months was Archibald fucking Hopper. His blood was boiling in his veins and Gold needed to breath in and out a few times to get cool again, but for his luck or not, Sarah came into the kitchen right on cue.

"You've made pancakes," the little girl exclaimed happily.

Leaving the pan aside, Gold turned around to pick his daughter up from the floor, lifting her on his good side, whist holding the cane with the other hand. Her heavy weight wasn't as easy to hold as it was before, his knee already throbbing from his efforts with Belle, so he had to quickly deposit her on a chair by the breakfast table, pressing a kiss to her brow and putting a plate in front of her.

"Aye, I know how much you love it."

"Thanks papa," Sarah smiled kindly, looking around the kitchen. "Where is mama?"

His eyes slid shut as he took a side beside his daughter, watching her pour some honey on her pancakes and not wanting to be the one to do this, crashing her dreams of spending a weekend with her family.

"She had to go home, but I'm going to drop you at her place tomorrow," Gold said in the gentlest tone of voice he could, but a frown appeared in her face despite of it and the little girl looked away from him. "What is it, Sarah?"

"I think Bae is wrong," she answered, angrily.

"What?"

"Last night he told me everything would be fine, because you two still loved each other very much, but... Mama doesn't want to stay here with us, so he must be wrong."

He blinked at her words. Those dreams about Baden were getting more constant and it certainly wasn't good for her, but in one thing he had to agree with what Sarah said. Robert still loved Isabelle madly and deeply. It wasn't just physical attraction or the effects of their night together that made him say so, but the immense need to take care of her that couldn't quite leave him. He wanted to hold her every night so her heart wouldn't race too much, he wanted to help making her eat again, so she wouldn't continue to get slimmer, he wanted to be her husband again and be the man he should have been when she most needed his support. But he wasn't sure if that could ever happen.

"Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea of how much I love your mama. I do want us to be a family again, but it takes time and sometimes it doesn't gets to happen. That just doesn't mean things won't be fine."

"Bae thinks you two are foolish," she replied with a sight.

"Sarah," Gold carefully started, "you know these dreams are not real, right?"

"Yeah," Sarah mumbled, them looked up at him, blinking watery blue eyes in a way that made him want to crush her into a hug and never let go. "Papa, this is not fair. Bae should be here and I should have another sibling. Grace is going to have one, but mine is gone."

_She knew about the baby._ Oh God, how could he have not seen it coming? Of course, Belle would have told her, she would have wanted the children's approval and probably told it to Bae and Sarah in the most cheerful way she could, making the arrival of a new member of their family look like something wonderful for all of them. But the problem was there was never going to be another child being born to them and Sarah was too young to understand it.

"You're right, it is not fair. But maybe it means you can get cured."

"I still wanted our family," Sarah sniffled. "All of us."

After that, she started to eat her breakfast again, still looking extremely sad, but at least not insisting in the subject. Gold ate a toast himself and then washed the dishes while Sarah went back to her bedroom to brush her teeth and change her clothes. He looked through the window and pulled on his jacked, decided to do something - anything - in order to make things better, even if what he was going to do was a pretty stupid thing.

Finding his phone, Robert sent a text to Jefferson and finished off his chores. When Sarah came back to the living room, he got his car keys and stretched out a hand for her, gesturing to the door.

"Come on, sweetheart, papa needs to go somewhere and you're coming too."

"Where are we going?"

"We'll see uncle Jefferson."

It had been quite a long time since Sarah had last seen him, so she seemed pretty excited at the prospect and followed her father to the car willingly, taking the doll he gave her on her birthday with them. Gold knew he shouldn't do what he was planning to, but he needed answers and there was only one person in that town who could give it to him. He drove to his shop as slow as possible, suddenly too conscious that his daughter was on the backseat and that any mistake he made could cost her life, like the accident costed Bae's.

They arrived safely, though and after taking Sarah out, Gold followed to where Jefferson was waiting for them by the backdoor of the shop with a not so happy expression on his tired face.

"You know I have better things to do on a Saturday morning other than answering your calls, right?"

"Yet, you're here," Gold smirked.

That was when his daughter peeked a look from behind him and then rushed towards Madden, throwing herself in his arms. Immediately he opened up a smile.

"Oh, Sarah! Hello ladybug," Jefferson said cheerfully ticking her belly and making the little girl giggle. "I missed you."

"Good, you're happy, she is happy. I'll be back in an hour," Gold informed.

Jefferson's eyes widened as he turned his attention from Sarah to him. This was certainly not what he was expecting, but Gold was counting on surprise, because if he said to him that he needed a babysitter, there was no way Madden would show up.

"What?"

With a little grin playing on his lips, Gold pressed a kiss to Sarah's cheek, appreciating for a brief second how her hair glowed almost red in the lights of morning.

"Papa loves you," he whispered to the little girl. "See you soon."

Leaving Sarah with Jefferson, he made his way to Doctor Hopper's office. Gold wasn't thinking clearly and had no idea what was driving him, but it wasn't good. He entered the building and went straight to the door, knocking on it with more strength than needed. Archie appeared some seconds later, showing him his usual too-happy-too-silly smile.

"Mr. Gold, you're here for the rent?"

"No I'm not here for the damned rent," Robert answered harshly, taking a step forward and grabbing the other man's collar. "Are you the one fucking my wife?"

Archie's face went white, his eyes bulged and he made a choking noise as he tried to pull away, but Gold kept him in place, not giving the psychologist the chance of running. He wanted to be looking into his eyes when he answered this.

"Fu... What? No! I'm just her therapist," Archie defended himself, stupefied. "Why would you think that?"

"She said she wasn't getting properly satisfied lately, and you're the only man she had been seen."

Arching and eyebrow to him, Archie lifted a hand and gripped at his wrist, pulling him away and gesturing to the office behind them.

"Mr. Gold, get inside and calm down."

Robert didn't know why he obeyed, but it was probably because he knew how crazy he must be sounding and looking right now. He shouldn't have come there, he should have left Belle's private life alone, he doubted she would do the same if it was the other way around, however she wasn't as mad as he was. Gold swallowed hard, feeling ashamed and walked inside the office, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to breath.

"Let's make things clear," Doctor Hopper started. "I'm not sleeping with your wife and I don't believe she is sleeping with anyone else. I believe she was talking about... Uh, about herself."

Some blush had come up to his cheeks and Gold wanted to bury his own head on the ground. He shouldn't be discussing this with Hopper. No one should ever be discussing Belle's life this way and now he felt like an intruder. Or worse, a stalker.

"Oh."

"Yeah, believe it or not women have needs too."

And now the town's therapist thought he was dumb enough to need a lesson. Wonderful! He wouldn't be able to humiliate himself more than he did this day not even if he lived for three hundred years. God, he should have known. Robert was married to Isabelle French for ten years, he had adored her many times and he had received enough of those long endearing calls, full of lust from her whenever he was out of town to know she was no innocent woman.

"I know it perfectly and I'm feeling stupid for not thinking about that," Gold mumbled as he took a seat on the leather couch.

Taking a few steps closer, Archie sat in front of him with that serious analytical look he always wore and that made him so different from the rest of the town, mostly because even after Robert Gold the fearsome landlord freaked out on him, he wasn't judging his actions, but trying to comprehend them.

"Do you want to talk about something?"

"Not really, I just need a minute to hide my shame before I go back to my daughter."

Tilting his head, Archie readjusted his glasses and cleaned his throat, trying to find a good way to take something from him.

"Have you ever talked about the accident with someone, Mr. Gold?"

"Yes, with Belle," Robert answered without thinking twice. "And Moe French, her stupid excuse for a father, even though it was a yelling not a talk."

The therapist clasped his hands above his lap, nodding understandably as he watched Gold mindlessly play with his wedding ring. Everybody had noticed the fact he hadn't taken it off, although Belle did, by now, but none of them could ever imagine the real reason why he still wore it. They thought Gold still wanted to control the librarian's life, but they couldn't see it come of love, a reciprocate love that had been separated by that tragedy, but probably wasn't very far away from finding its way back.

"You and Belle have been distant ever since that happened, you must miss her, given the way you stormed out on me."

"I love her," Gold admitted. "I've said pretty bad things to her when Bae died, but I think she is willing to forgive me. That much I hope. We've spent the night together yesterday."

He didn't mean to tell this to Archie, but the guy had a way of taking things from people with only a glare that Gold couldn't quite explain. It was inevitable. And he had to confess now that he had said it out loud, he felt a bit lighter.

"I see," Doctor Hopper nodded. "She is still healing, Mr. Gold, you'll need to be patient with her if you're willing to try again."

"I'd do anything for Belle."

"She needs to feel safe and happy again. Start with this."

Safe and happy. He could do this. Yes, Gold remembered about how relaxed she looked in his arms yesterday. If he could keep making her feel like that, then maybe they could have a chance and maybe they could offer a family to Sarah again. Not whole, but the best they would ever get now.

"Thank you, Doctor Hopper," Gold said, standing up with the help of his cane. "I count on you to not tell anybody that I was here."

"Of course, Mr. Gold," Archie chuckled. "Have a good day."

* * *

 

Belle certainly hadn’t expected her weekend to be so interesting. Nothing really exciting had happened other than she and Ruby watching a few movies together, but her appointment with Archie had certainly not been what she expected. She sat in front of him and cried her heart out, telling him how much she was sure she would ruin everything with Robert and the therapist, with flushed cheeks, managed to tell her about her husband’s visit.

She couldn’t really believe Gold would have reached the silly conclusion that she was sleeping with Archie, but then she remembered that once she had thought he was sleeping with Regina and it made suddenly made sense. They loved each other so much that only the mere possibility of the other seeing someone else got them mad. Belle had apologised to Archie for his behaviour, but she couldn’t help feeling slightly happy with it because it meant he still cared for her like before.

During the time she had alone, Belle tried to think and come to terms with the things she wanted and what she thought would be good for everyone, until she got to a conclusion. She had taken her free time to do groceries and sat with a book as she waited for them to come. Belle had given Gold a key for the library’s front door when they stablished that agreement about sharing their time with Sarah, so she wouldn’t have to go down there every time.

When Belle heard the knock on the door she quickly casted her book aside, and went to open it, catching Sarah up on her arms by the moment the little girl came into sight.

"Mama, I've missed you!"

"I missed you two, honey," Belle assured her, smacking some kisses on Sarah’s cheek, before looking up at Robert, who was standing by the doorway, holding her backpack. "Do you mind to come in for a while? I want to talk to you."

"Of course."

Gold stepped in, closing the door behind him and placing their daughter’s bag on the armchair as Belle pulled her down to the floor.

"Sarah, why don't you go play dolls in the bedroom?" Belle asked. "I'll get a pizza for us."

"Ok!"

Rushing to the bedroom, Sarah opened the box with her dolls’ clothes and shoes, spreading them on the floor and Belle smiled, turning around to see Gold, standing awkwardly in her living room. This wasn’t supposed to be something they should have been through, because once they had promised each other forever, but so many bad stuff had happened that they didn’t even know how to start a conversation anymore.

"I think I left the wrong impression yesterday," Belle tried to say, thinking that she owed him apology after all. "Archie said you went to see him."

"Oh God,” Robert’s eyes slid close. “He said he wouldn't mention it to anyone."

"Bobby it is alright. I needed to know, so I could see my own mistake," she replied, reaching for his arm, drawing herself close and making him look into her eyes again. "I should have stayed in bed with you and I shouldn't have left the way I did."

He shook his head, lips pressed tightly, letting his free hand – the one that wasn’t holding the cane – wander to her waist, holding onto Belle as if he suddenly had gotten surer of what to do.

"No, I overreacted and for that I'm sorry."

_Silly man_ , she thought, reaching up to touch his lower lip and then caress his cheek. She knew there was a risk of Sarah walking on them, but she wasn’t caring much for it right now, all Belle wanted was for Gold to understand she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings by leaving the way she did and nor was she seeing another man, but he was the only one she would ever desire.

"Do you want to try again with me?" Belle asked. "Slow? Just… Slow?"

"I think it would be nice," Robert smirked. "Have lunch with me tomorrow?"

Belle nodded happily, carefully watching as he bent to kiss her. She opened up her lips, allowing his tongue to slip inside and stroke the insides of her mouth as she clung onto him, diving her hand to his hair and finding herself about to say she couldn’t wait until tomorrow to have him again, but it all was interrupted by the sound of Sarah coming from the bedroom.

"Mama," the little girl called in a voice full of pain. "I'm feeling sick."

They both pulled away to look back at her and saw as Sarah bend down coughing and emptied the contents of her stomach on Belle’s rug. The brunette immediately reached for her, holding the girl’s hair away from her face and catching her in her arms, when Sarah helplessly fainted.


	12. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogers takes information from Jefferson.  
> Meanwhile Belle needs to face the killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, you all. Have some answers about the accident and who planned it.

The Storybrooke General Hospital had become one of the Golds' most visited places within the last seven months. Their worst memories were made there and, as a desperate Isabelle paced around the waiting room, still wearing her pyjamas and a large oversized coat, she knew there were no good news coming. They had rushed out of the library to Robert's car as soon as she was able to grab her purse with all the documents, carrying an unconscious Sarah in her arms. Once they arrived the hospital, Ariel, Doctor Whale's new apprentice took her away for the same exams they always did there: blood, urine and tomography, the last one to be sure any sequels of the coma were showing up all of the sudden.

Gold was sat on one of the many chairs, holding his cane tight in his hands, his brow pressed against the golden handle. He and Belle were tired, all this preoccupation exhausting them in a way nobody could even begin to imagine, but they showed it in very different ways. She was agitated, couldn't quite stop walking for a second, because Belle felt like her mind was about to explode, Robert however was quiet and solemn, preferring to just wait in silence. A part of him wanted to reach for her, ask his wife to take a seat too and try to calm her down, but he knew this wasn't going to work.

As soon as Whale appeared on the hallway, Belle rushed towards him and Gold quickly did the same, standing up slowly with the help of his cane and following her to where the doctor was, his brow narrowed as he took a look at his papers, waiting for Robert to reach them.

"Doctor Whale, please, what is happening to our daughter?" Belle insisted to know.

"The medicines are not working," he told them in deep sigh. "Actually, I think her body is rejecting them and that's why she threw up and that's bad because the anaemia is getting worse."

A sob erupted from Belle's throat. She didn’t want to be crying in the middle of a full hospital for the tenth time, but she couldn’t believe it was happening to them, he must have done something really bad to be tempting fate this way, Belle must deserve all of this pain for some reason, but Sarah? Poor little Sarah was the purest being in that world, she didn’t deserve any of it.

"And what are we going to do?" Belle questioned, her voice a low, choking sound.

"Alice Madden will be here tomorrow with her daughter for the test,” Whale told them. “She is five months long into her pregnancy, so if her baby is compatible, we can try another kind of medicines to help Sarah until her due date."

"But what if her baby is not compatible?" Gold inquired.

Belle was glad he asked it, because the question immediately popped up in her head when Whale finished his discourse, but she didn’t know if she would be able to form the right words to ask it. She felt her husband’s hand on the small of her back, stroking soothingly and thought that at least she was glad she didn’t have to go through all of this alone. Knowing someone else felt that same pain was somehow, comforting.

"I'll make a few calls to some fellow friends in Seattle to see if they can help, but I wouldn't be hopeful," the doctor said. "My assistant, Ariel is with her, so I'll prescribe some new meds and you two can take Sarah home."

"Thank you," Robert promptly murmured.

"You're welcome," Whale answered, writing something down on a piece of paper and handing it to him. "If anything changes, bring her back."

Even though he was still balanced by the news, Gold somehow was more in control of his feelings than Belle were, so when she collapsed against him, hiding her face on his chest as her body trembled and her tears soaked his jacket, he was ready to catch her, holding her close and kissing the top of her head as she cried.

"This can't be happening..."

"We will find a compatible donor, Belle," he promised, although he knew it was a foolish thing to do.

At this point he wasn’t sure if there was anything that could be done to save Sarah anymore, but if he started to think that she wasn’t going to survive, then he would go mad. Things had been so fast when Bae died, that when he woke up from his surgery, the boy was already long gone, but with Sarah, they were there fighting with her and he wasn’t going to give up now, even more knowing he had been the first to attempt to give up on her when she was in coma.

Pulling away from him, Belle lifted her eyes to the same level as his. Her lips were shaking and pale, the dark bags under her eyes a real proof that Sarah wasn’t the only one slowly dying.

"The chances are small,” she whispered, “you've heard what Whale said."

"Yes, but you were always the one saying we can't lose faith."

She shook her head taking a step back when he tried to reach for her. Gold sighed, remembering about Archie’s words and how he had said Belle was going to need time, because she was still healing and if he tried to press her into anything – even if it was, just accepting his love and comfort – she might make a regression in her treatment.

"I should be the one able to help our daughter, don't you understand?” Belle yelled loud enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear it. “But my freaking body doesn't work anymore."

"Hey, I know," Robert assured her. "This is not your fault, alright? We will find another way to cure her."

Pressing her lips tight together, she nodded, allowing Gold to take her hand and slowly hug her again until her breath had taken a normal rhythm again and her heartbeat was almost stead again. Ariel appeared a couple of minutes later, saying Sarah was being discharged and was already ready to be taken home.

They then were guided to the room where she was, waiting impatiently for her parents. Sarah’s eyebrows narrowed when Belle offered a hand to her on their way out of the hospital and she took it with a funny look on her face.

"Mama, why are you crying?"

"Nothing," Belle said, wiping the corners of her eyes and smiling at her. "I'm just silly."

Sarah laughed slightly at this, letting herself be led to the car. Then Belle nestled her in her own arms, ignoring the children’s car seat as they drove home, because she needed to feel her daughter’s warmth and believe, even if just for a few seconds that everything was going to be fine.

By the time Gold parked his car outside the library Sarah had already fallen asleep and Belle had to carry her to their apartment while he opened all doors for them. She laid Sarah on the couch and covered her with a blanket, decided to let her have a little rest before she woke her to take a bath and change those clothes, she sighed deeply looking up at Gold who was still standing near the opened front door.

"See you tomorrow at lunch?"

"Robert... I - I need some time, alright?” She whispered feeling tears burning her eyes again. “It will be better if we don't start trying anything right now."

"Alright," he murmured, offering no resistance to her decision. "If you need anything, just call me, ok?"

Belle swallowed hard as she nodded. She didn’t know why, but she was expecting him to fight for this, for them, but she was a fool. Seven month ago, when she went away, he never truly looked for her so why would he insist in restoring their marriage now? And that was what she wanted, wasn’t it?

Accompanying him to the door, Isabelle murmured in the most confident voice she could manage to use: "Goodnight."

But when he left, she fell to the floor and started to cry again.

* * *

 

On Monday morning, Jefferson parked his car in front of his house after dropping Alice and Grace at the hospital for the compatibility test. Grace was going to school after that and Alice wanted to pay a visit to Belle then, so he went back home alone, decided to do some work, but his plans were interrupted when he saw there was a nervous man standing by his doorstep, trying to look through the windows, which would be weird if he didn't know exactly who that was. Jefferson got his keys and walked silently towards the man, cleaning his throat when he was close enough and making him jump, startled.

He turned around to see house's owner smiling at him as he toyed with the keys in his hand. Rogers' cheeks flushed a bit as he took a step away from the door, clearly ashamed for have been found there this way.

"Excuse me, you're Jefferson Madden, right?"

"Yeah, and you must be the detective that has been annoying Gold. Rogers, right?" Jefferson said with a smirk, finding the surprised look in the other man's face totally amusing. The detective appeared to be confused, so he explained: "There is no one new is this town, so believe me, by now everybody knows who you are."

Rogers nodded, solemnly. He was starting to miss Seattle, he had never lived in a small town like that and the fact that everybody knew everything - well, almost everything - about everyone was really weird to him. The detective needed to admit he had only accepted that job because he needed a break from his life in Hyperion Heights. His ex-wife Eloise had been annoying him quite a lot lately, insisting in seeing their daughter, Tilly, more times a week.

He wouldn't have minded sharing the girl, but Eloise never truly cared for her and seemed to only want to annoy him now that he was seeing someone else. Ever since they arrived Storybrooke, however, Rogers had gotten to spend some precious time with Tilly, taking her to the pier, reading to her or just playing chess, but now he needed to focus on his work, or they would never make it back home and he would never see his girlfriend again. And she would be really pissed off if he broke his promise of not being back soon.

"Right," Rogers answered. "Can we have a little talk, please?"

Jefferson nodded and opened the door.

"Come in."

Taking some steps inside, Rogers found himself in one of the biggest houses he had ever been at. Storybrooke seemed to have quite a few of them, as the mayor owned her own little mansion and the Golds' seemed to have quite a nice salmon palace. Back home everything was about tiny modern apartments but here, most buildings were houses and even the room he was sharing with Tilly at the inn was bigger than most of the places where he had lived along the years.

People in here apparently had a lot of money to waste as even the furniture seemed to be expensive, not to say that the wallpaper and the floor were so clean that it could have been pulled on just yesterday.

"So, what do you want from me?" Jefferson asked, taking him away from his musings.

Rogers watched as he took a seat on the black leather couch, relaxed and intrigued. The detective folded his arms, mentally going back to the moment he was analysing Mr. Gold's file.

"Answers. Nobody talks about Robin's death, the ones who must know something about it refuse to and I've never felt more lost in my whole life," Rogers started. "I figured, since you're Gold's best friend you could know something about the case."

"He hardly speaks about it," Madden responded in a serious tone of voice. "Robert lost his son, because he was involved with it and he is still paying the price for trying to do the right thing help."

"I've heard it plentily enough times," he snorted.

Clasping his hands on his lap, Jefferson narrowed his eyes at him, carefully thinking about what to say next, as he knew it all was a dangerous game in which he didn't want to get involved too. After that accident - the car sabotage - no one would dare angering the man that killed Robin, but also didn't think he should go unpunished this way.

"Well then, detective, I don't know as much about the case as Gold does, but I think I might have some useful information, as long as you be aware that I'm denying I have ever spoke to you if someone asks," Jefferson warned. "I have a wife, a daughter and another little one on the way, so I have to be careful."

"Of course."

"Robin was married before he started seeing Regina," Jefferson started. "Marian was her name. She died of cancer."

Arching an eyebrow at it, Rogers chuckled, because he had heard plentily enough bad things around town for that to not surprise him. Not that Seattle was any different, because when you work as a detective you get to know all the craziest stuff, but the truth was that he never expected such a small place to have so many horrible things happening.

"This town is full of tragic stories, huh?"

"The thing is, Marian was engaged before marrying Robin," Jefferson shrugged. "He got himself in a lot of trouble for her, but after she passed and he married Regina I think he started to think himself untouchable and he really was until two people came back into town."

"The two suspects of Gold's list," Rogers finished.

Jefferson nodded.

"Keith Nottingham and Jonathan Hades."

"So, these are the names," Rogers exclaimed. "But why would they want Robin dead?"

He was pacing around the living room now, trying to think and rationalize. Of course, Rogers didn't know anything about Nottingham or Hades, but if wasn't difficult to discover the reasons behind a murderer when you had years of experience in the area. But Jefferson, however, was willing to give him more information to help with it.

"Keith was Marian's fiancé and Hades, well, let's just say that Robin defied him in a way no one should."

Rogers nodded, drumming his fingers against his own arm.

"Do you know each one of them Gold was betting to be the killer?"

"No, he never told me, but if you want to know more about Robin you should ask his best friend Will Scarlet," Madden suggested. "If he is sober he might say something that makes sense."

_A drunk. Wonderful._ Well, but at least now he had something to work with and not just all those clues about people he didn't know anything about gathered in a few pieces of paper full of red notes.

"Uh, yeah," Rogers said, already making his way to the door. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Madden."

Then, he left to find who exactly Will Scarlet was and how could he help him.

* * *

 

**_Seven months ago._ **

Billy called Robert on a particularly cold Tuesday afternoon. He and his father were the only mechanics in town and David Nolan had sent the destroyed Cadillac for them to analyse. Gold didn’t really believe there was anything wrong with the car until that call, but when Billy told him about the brakes everything made sense. That day, before the accident, the last bits of information Regina provided him made Gold realise that Keith was just a jerk, but not a killer, however with Hades the story was very different.

He would do anything for revenge, including killing and he didn’t want to go to jail, so he needed to eliminate the only threat he had at the moment: Robert Gold. The quickest solution would be sabotaging his car and letting him die as if an accident happened, but what Hades might not have imagined – or maybe he was cruel enough to have considered that option after all – was that Gold would have his whole family in the car with him when it happened.

He was feeling weak when he entered the bedroom that night, finding Belle already under the covers, eyes swollen and hair tangled around her face. Gold took a seat beside her, not wanting to speak, but knowing that she would never forgive him if he kept this secret from her.

“My car was sabotaged. Someone cut off the brakes,” he said in an emotionless voice. “I think it was Jonathan Hades.”

Belle blinked. Her body was tense and her brow had wrinkled in confusion.

“Why?”

“He is the one who killed Robin de Locksley,” Gold told her. “It should have been me.”

He thought she would scream, maybe slap him and tell him how right she was from the very start and he should have never get involved in that case in first place, but all Belle did was to reach for the lamp and switch it off before turning around on the bed without another word.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Sometimes Belle wished she simply didn't need to work. It was a very new thing for her, as she had always enjoyed her time at the library and loved organizing the shelves, but now it was getting hard for her. Most of the time, Belle just wanted to be home, taking care of Sarah and bothering all the hospitals in the United States to get the cells that could save her, but instead, she was sat in front of the circulation desk, taking notes of the last books that had been returned when she felt a little hand tapping her leg and looked down to see her smiley daughter pointing at the jar near her.

"Can I have a gumball?"

"No," Belle answered, pulling the jar away from her.

"Why not?"

"Because you already had one."

Sarah made a whiny sound, climbing up the spare chair and reaching for her colouring kit. What she really wanted was to be at school, playing with her friends, but Belle had decided that it was better if she stayed home a couple of days until she was sure Sarah wasn't going to faint all of the sudden as she did in the night prior. She had gone to a drugstore earlier and bought the new medicines Whale prescribed for her and Sarah already took them, so she was watching for any bad reactions.

It was weird to have become this pessimist person, but after so many tragedies, Belle couldn't quite relax. She heard the door opening and glanced up to see if anybody needed help, but the only person who entered was Will Scarlet, which made a grimace cross her face at his silly smile.

"Good morning, Mrs. Gold!"

"Morning, Will," she mumbled, moodily.

Belle never thought she could hate Regina as much as she did when she thought her husband was having an affair with her, but now she did. Will was the world's most annoying person and she hated having him around. She couldn't quite understand why the mayor would send him to work there when there were so many other jobs available around town, but maybe Regina also disliked her a lot. Tapping her nails on the desk, she waited for him to disappear, but Will continued to stand there.

"I see you have a little assistant today," he said. "She is as pretty as you are."

He was smiling fondly at Sarah, who glanced at him quickly with an equally sweet smile for just a second before looking back at her draw, but it was just enough to make Belle furrow.

"Mr. Scarlet, I believe the bathroom is in need of a cleaning."

"Oh, come on, I like children."

With that, Belle stood up, grabbing Will’s arm and dragging him between the corridors to where the library’s bathroom was set. She pushed him inside, resting both hands on her own hips as she gave him her most threatening look. This wasn’t a good day and if he wanted to survive his shift he’d better not play any games with her.

"One of my rules for you was to stay away from Sarah, so you're going to clean the bathroom and disappear from my sight."

"You look pretty stressed, Mrs. Gold,” Will said with a wink. “You could come with me, so I could help you _relax_ a bit."

She gasped. Belle couldn’t believe he was really insisting on this. As someone who had travelled through different countries and cultures, Belle had heard a lot of harassment, but will was seriously getting her mad and the fact that she had to actually work with him every single day only made things worse.

"Listen up, jerk, you're only here because the mayor wants you to, but keep with this shitty talk and I'll let the library close, but I won't have you working in here."

Will arched an eyebrow and was about to say something when they heard a small voice coming from behind Belle.

"Mama, aunt Ruby is here!"

Sighing Belle turned around on her heels and got a firm hold on her daughter's hand, taking her back to the front of the library with her and leaving Will behind. Ruby was waiting by the circulation desk, tracing invisible patterns on the wooden surface.

"Hey."

"Hey, I came over to know how Sarah is doing."

Following her daughter's movements under the desk with her eyes, Belle came closer to Ruby, not wanting the little girl to hear what they were saying. Sarah knew she was sick, but Isabelle and Robert had agreed to spare her about the details, which also entailed how bad her illness were getting. She didn't want Sarah to think she was dying nor that her parents were constantly sad because of her, so the less Sarah knew the better.

"She is not going to school for a few days, but she seems to be better today," Belle said, gesturing to the small figure playing with books a little further away from where they were. "We are trying the new meds Whale gave her and waiting. The result of the compatibility test will take a month or so to be ready because it is being analysed in Seattle."

"You will get a positive," Ruby guaranteed, squeezing her hand.

Belle wanted to believe it with everything she had, but lately she wasn't finding any hope inside herself. For a very brief moment, when she was kissing Gold in the middle of her living room, she  thought maybe things could go right this time, that the night they spent together was the beginning of a new chance for their marriage, but then her world was crush down and it hurt so damn much that she didn't want to have the chance of experiencing pain again, so she backed off, but it also hurt.

She was so angry at herself, both for not being able to keep a relationship with Gold and for not being able to give Sarah the cure she needed. Just thinking about that got her to feel sick all over again.

"I'm getting afraid, Ruby. Afraid like I've never been in my whole life."

"What about Gold? How are you two coping with it and your new-old relationship?"

Her friend's dark eyes were fixed on her and Belle had to look away, because she felt really bad for how much she was closing herself lately.

"I..." Belle swallowed. "I stepped back."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a mess right now. I can't live with myself and I doubt Robert would manage to live with me again," she said with a snort. "I feel horrible all the time and all this situation with Sarah only makes me feel worse."

"Oh Belle - "

Ruby was looking at her with pity again, making her stomach twist, reminding Belle that she was a great failure. If her old twenty-four-year old self was told what would come of her eleven years later, she would have laughed. She had been such a joyful person back then, just settling herself back into her hometown after so many travels and falling deeply in love with a man nobody approved. Her life had a happy, wild taste back then and she missed those days more than she could ever tell.

Blinking away some tears she took a step forward, hugging Ruby tight, because she needed to know not everything good was over. They stayed there, holding each other for a while before the library's door was open and someone entered, interrupting the moment.

"Mrs. Gold, very good morning to you," said the ironically cheerful Jonathan Hades. "Ms. Lucas."

In Ruby's arms, Belle shivered. She pulled away from her, looking up at the redhaired man, and feeling herself shrink at the same time her heart attempted to explode inside her chest. Oh God, she was really going to be sick... He was the very last person Belle would expect to see at the library and his visit was the very last thing she needed right now.

"Mr. Hades, hello," the brunette forced herself to say.

Ruby shared a quick glance with her, keeping a hand on Belle's back, stroking in circles very slowly, trying to show some support as Hades took a piece of paper from his suit jacket’s pocket and handed it to her.

"I was hoping you could find this book for me."

"Sure," Belle murmured.

Trying to keep herself up on her feet she walked towards the shelves with the books from the author he was looking for, but once she reached it, Belle had to take a moment to simply breath in and hold herself against a wall. She was panting, shaking, her eyes were filled with tears and Belle lamented the fact her pills weren't anywhere near, because she really needed them right now. Jonathan Hades was there. The man that killed her son was waiting for a fucking book while she tried to not freak out.

A dark part of her she didn't know that existed, wanted to have some kind of weapon in hand, so she could give in to his murderer feeling inside her and make justice with her own hands, avenging her poor Baden's death. She wanted to kill Hades with her bare hands, for everything he made her go through in the last seven months, but she couldn't, so she found the book and went back to where he was with the fakest of the smiles on her lips.

Hades took the book from her with a grateful nod, drumming his fingers against the cover, before letting his eyes wander to the photography in her desk.

"Beautiful family picture this one," he pointed out. "A pity that live doesn't lasts forever, right? But making babies is such enjoyable business that I bet you soon will have another one like that."

Belle gritted her teeth, getting a hold of the desk so she would keep her hands away from his throat. How could he come there and talk this way about her child's death?

"Uh, no," she forced herself to mumble. "I can't, actually, I'm not fertile anymore."

"What a horrible thing," he answered as if shocked.

Go away, Belle's mind screamed. She couldn't take another second of this, even knowing Ruby was right by her side to help if anything might happen, but thankfully Sarah's arrival made her thoughts stop for a few seconds.

"Mama," the little girl called, stretching her arms in a plead for being taken up and Belle reached to pick her, nestling Sarah against her chest as she showed up a folded piece of paper. "Will helped me making a plane!"

In other moments, Belle would have been angry to know Scarlet hadn't taken her advice to stay away from her daughter, but with the killer's eyes fixed in them, she could barely give it a thought.

"Sweet Sarah Gold, miraculously awakened from coma," Hades said, slowly. "Some people are very lucky, a pity not everybody is. But well, thanks for the book."

As he made his way out, Belle let herself fall to her chair, breathing hard and clutching Sarah close, knowing she would never be able to see that man and not feel like she was watching Baden being buried all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this separation won't last long and I have a very exciting chapter coming next. ;)


	13. Against All Odds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah worries about her mama.  
> Belle receives the results of the compatibility test.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got the best of me. Seriously. I think I've re-written it like three times until I got this final version which is the one I've liked the most, but this is a chapter to give you all some hope.

The closed sign had been pulled on for hours when the bell in front of the shop jingled. Robert Gold had been distracted, restoring an old chair while Sarah took a nap on the cot. He had picked her up from school earlier and brought her to the shop while Belle was on her appointment with Archie, but she had to take the medicines and it made her feel sleepy, she struggled to keep her eyes open for a while but ended-up falling asleep in his arms. After he pulled Sarah down on the cot, Gold spent quite a long time, just watching her sleep, contemplating the change of scenario in that shop, because just a few months ago he would have found himself in there, finishing a bottle of scotch and trying to decide if he should risk himself to go home or just spend the night right where he was, but now he had Sarah back to look after and he would never be tempted to drink to oblivion again.

A tiny smile filled his lips, as Gold thought that despite the circumstances, he was happier than he ever thought he would get the chance of being again, but the sound of the bell, of course couldn't bring any good news. He pulled his paintbrush down and grabbed his cane, standing up from his corner at the floor and making his way to the front of the shop, where he found Regina Mills carefully dusting a finger through his counter.

"What do you want?" He asked behind clenched teeth, not even caring for greetings and amenities.

Regina had once been somewhat a friend of his. She was already the mayor when he arrived town and was the very first person he met once he made it to Storybrooke, she was a nice and very professional person, offered him her condolences over his father's death and helped Gold with the documents he needed to make all of Malcolm's properties legally his. From that moment and on they mainly saw each other during the monthly town meetings, but she attended his and Belle's wedding, was present in most of their children's birthday parties and they always looked for each other when business asked to. Things changed, however, when she arrived his shop on a cloudy day, crying and begging him to help her find her husband's murderer. For the good of the town, he agreed, but then, surely, he retreated it. After the accident he avoided Regina in all ways he could, he didn't go to town's meetings anymore, he didn't take a list of the people who moved out of his properties and he didn't answer her calls.

Gold knew it wasn't really her fault, because she hadn't been the one to sabotage his car, but still, there was a small part of him, that blamed her. She looked back at him with angry eyes, folding her arms and taking a step ahead.

"You're avoiding detective Rogers," the mayor accused.

"Oh, the cry-baby came to you?" Gold mocked. "I've told him to stay the hell away from me."

She shook her head angrily at him. Ever since Robin died, Regina's life mission had become to find his murderer, people barely saw her out doing stuff with her children like she once used to, but that man was dead for a year now and she should recognise when to stop.

"Why are doing this?" She asked harshly. "He is going to put the man who killed your son in prison, you should've been feeling thankful. All he needs is some information you haven't written on the files."

"Regina, about nine months ago when you came here and asked me for help, I did everything I could to find evidences and discover what exactly happened to your husband in that night. The thing is, I was an idiot back then," Gold answered, looking right at her eyes. "I lost everything, because of you."

The dark-haired woman gasped, eyes narrowing in what every single people in town would have taken as a threatening look, but not him. If Regina was feared, then so was Gold and even though he was soft and good inside, he knew very well how to play the part of the cruellest man he could.

"So, your problems are my fault now?"

"Yes, they are," Robert stated. "You brought me to the killer's aim, now Bae is dead and Sarah might still die!"

"This is ridiculous," Regina replied. "I don't know why I came here in first place, you've gone mad."

Turning around on the balls of her feet, the mayor crossed the shop and slammed the door behind herself when she left, but she could do all the drama she wanted now and Gold wouldn't give a damn about it. He was angry too, more at himself than at her, but he needed someone to discharge those guilty feelings that were burning him inside or he would be back to wanting to die.

"Papa?" Called the soft voice behind him.

Gold looked back to see that Sarah was standing near the curtains, rubbing her eyes with fists as she yawned. He smiled fondly at her, thinking that he would never tire being amused at how much she looked like his Belle and how he could have helped making something so beautiful as her. Gesticulating for her to go back to the back of the shop, Gold walked towards her, following little Sarah to the cot, taking a seat and allow her to climb up onto his lap.

"Sweetheart, I didn't know you were awake. Are you alright?"

"I was dreaming about Bae," Sarah told him. "He said that something good is going to happen."

As impossible as these dreams might sound, Gold was glad Sarah still had this connection with Bae, because at least she wasn't grieving so terribly as he was Belle were. Robert kissed her forehead, stroking gently the curls that framed her face.

"I hope he is right."

"Papa," Sarah started, very hesitantly, "do you think mama is going to be fine again?"

A confused expression crossed his face. He knew Belle was still struggling with anxiety, but she always seemed to pretend to be alright when she was near Sarah, so unless it had changed since the last time they really spoke to each other - in which she dumped him after they just had sex - then he didn't know why his darling daughter appeared to be so concerned.

"What do you mean, my love?"

"She is sick too, but in the mind. Aunt Ruby said she is crying and she is seeing Doctor Hopper because her mind is messy and hurt," Sarah explained. "I didn't know you could get sick of the mind."

"And the heart too," Robert completed. "But your mama is a strong woman, she will get over it."

_Oh, Ruby, of course!_ She had quite a big tongue that she couldn't keep inside her mouth. You don't try to explain mental disorders to children, everybody knew it. Telling Sarah that her mother was ill would only get her preoccupied and do no good.

"She is not getting any better," Sarah sniffled, tracing his tie with a finger. "She is crying more and eating less."

"You're too attentive for someone of your age," Gold whispered, tapping a finger to the tip of her nose. "Don't worry about it, ok?"

"Ok."

Even though she had agreed, Gold could see in Sarah's eyes that she was not quitting worrying about her mother and it made him feel worried too. With many layers of clothes and make-up Belle could look normal to most people, but he had seen her naked and exposed and knew she was getting too slim. He wanted to help her more than anything, but she needed space and he was trying to understand it. However, sometimes he knew doing right for someone was also showing them support and not letting them get totally lonely.

"What do you say about us getting some lasagne from Granny's to her?"

Sarah's eyes shinned as she nodded.

"Great!"

Smiling Gold took her off his lap, placing Sarah on the floor and offering his hand to her. She grabbed her bag and they went straight to the diner.

* * *

 

"You're scared," Archibald Hopper affirmed, that afternoon, after almost an hour of poor rantings from Isabelle Gold.

On her very first appointment, she had cried more than she had talked, but lately Belle was feeling a bigger appeal to complain about life than she did weeping in front of her therapist. She didn't have anyone to talk, although Ruby and Alice were good friend that were trying their best to help, because she didn't want to be that annoying person who only talks about herself. Her father had always been willing to listen to her, but they haven't spoken to each other ever since that unfortunate episode in the library, so she was feeling really lonely and the fact that she had pushed Robert away didn't help with anything.

"Yeah, I've just told you so. The test's result shall come soon and there is a huge possibility that Alice's baby is not compatible to Sarah."

"That's not what I'm talking about, you're scared of life in general."

"Doctor Hopper..." Belle trailed off with a sigh.

The bad thing about therapy was that Archie always told her the truth and, sometimes, she wasn't ready for it, but at least the things he said, her anxiety could take. She had a bad time after speaking to people like Regina and Hades, but Doctor Hopper could irritate her as much as he'd like and she wouldn't feel her body reacting badly to it, which was good because it meant there was a part of her brain which understood that therapy was a good thing for her. However, it didn't make it any easier for Belle to hear when he was being sincere like now.

"You said you wanted to try again with Gold, then you suddenly stepped back and now your anxiety symptoms are exploding," Archie pointed out.

"It's just the nausea mostly and sometimes, the heartbeat."

The last couple of days were a whole new hell for Belle. She would sleep with her heart beating so damn fast that sometimes she thought it might explode inside her chest and she woke up rushing to the toilet to empty her stomach, not to say how tired and sleepy she was feeling lately. Belle had never felt so ill in her entire life. Before the accident she rarely got sick, but now her body was betraying her and the more ill she felt, the less she ate, which she knew that couldn't be a good thing.

"Alright," Archie started after writing something in his notebook, "I want you to make a list for me. Write what happened before you felt sick, each time you do and then we can analyse the problem."

"The heartbeat increases whenever Sarah coughs or I have to see Gold, but the nausea is usually during the morning," Belle told him.

"Dreams can affect the anxiety too. Did you have any nightmares recently?"

"I don't think so."

"Ok, I think that's all for today then," the therapist smiled at her. "Make the list and don't forget to face the chair."

Rolling her eyes, Belle grabbed her purse and made her way to the door, leaving the building as quickly as she could, because she was tired of trying to face chairs. It never worked and only made her more anxious. Belle would rather hide in her apartment and not think about her problems at all than attempting to do anything about them when she knew that they could hardly be solved. She was about to make her way to Gold’s shop to pick up her daughter when a hand on her wrist stopped her and Belle froze in place, startled by a brief moment before she looked to see it was Ruby.

"How was the therapy?"

"Are you my shadow now?"

"No,” the other girl affirmed, pushing a cup into her hand, “but I brought you cocoa."

Shaking her head, she refused. Anything with the slightest taste of chocolate was exactly what she felt the desire to have right now, but Belle knew that if she drank the cocoa it would only last a few hours in her stomach at best perspective and given the fact she had a whole night with Sarah, she couldn’t allow herself to try even a sip of it.

"No, thanks."

"Seriously?" Ruby inquired outraged. "I've prepared it myself."

"I’m sorry, Rubes, my anxiety has stricken me down this week. My stomach is rejecting everything."

"Belle, honey, I didn't want to be the one telling you this, but you're so slim that you seem to be ill. You _need_ to eat."

"I'm - " she started about to object it.

The sentence, however wasn’t finished, because Belle’s vision got blurry and she had to get a hold of Ruby’s arm not to fall. Her knees were bucking and the cup fell from her trembling hands, hitting the ground and spilling hot chocolate on the street. Belle’s breath became difficult and she felt a sharp pain on her abdomen, coming right from her surgery scar. She needed a moment to compose herself again before she glanced back at her friend with a nervous sigh.

"Whoa, what was that?"

"I guess you might be right," Belle murmured, still feeling a bit of. "I'm living on tea. I haven't eaten anything today."

"Alright,” Ruby said in a decisive tone. “You're going to the hospital tomorrow, whether you want it or not, you'll make a full check-up and ask for the doctor to indicate what you can eat and what you cannot, then you’ll start a whole new heathy diet."

"Ruby..."

"We are not arguing, Isabelle, I'll take you there by myself."

Of course, she was just about to reject the idea completely because Belle hated the hospital more than she hated anything – well expect Hades – and she wasn’t willing to go over there and submit herself to a whole check-up. Plus, she was pretty sure it all was due to her anxiety so there was nothing the doctors could actually do for her. She didn’t have time to tell any of it to Ruby though, because in that moment Sarah crossed the street running towards them and collapsing against her legs, almost making Belle lose her balance.

"Mama!"

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Belle, are you alright?” Asked Gold who was coming right way with something in his hands. “You look pale."

"I'm fine," she guaranteed.

For six weeks they only had a few quick conversations like this one whenever he came to pick Sarah and Belle was really angry at herself for being the one to have caused this awkwardness between them again. He had been so gentle with her in that night, so loving that she still couldn’t believe she ruined it all.

"I bought some lasagne for you."

"Oh, thank you," Belle said, accepting the package from Granny’s that he was offering her.

Granny’s hamburgers used to be for date nights, lasagne for lazy moments at home in which they would watch movies with the children before sending them to bed and making passionate love on the couch. She smiled bitterly at the warm tray of food in her hands, feeling her stomach clench at the wonderful smell of it, complaining about its emptiness.

"Mama, can papa eat with us?"

"That's a wonderful idea, little Sarah," Ruby exclaimed even before Belle could managed to understand what her daughter just said. "Go on."

She wasn’t going to be the one to say ‘no’ at this point and a part of her hoped Gold would accept the inviting and hey could maybe have a real talk and end this weird tension between them – maybe in the same pleasurable way they ended it the last time – but when he shook his head, her hopes died.

"Actually, I’ll need to decline. I have a few things to do," Gold said, excusing himself as he pointed back at his shop. "But I hope you two enjoy the meal."

Belle tried to smile to show him that she didn’t care, however the expression in her face was so sad that she wouldn’t have managed to trick anyone, not even herself.

* * *

 

**_Five years ago._ **

Giving birth, Belle decided, was the most bittersweet thing in life. She had been in labour for fourteen hours to bring a daughter to this world, begging for the epidural when she couldn't take it no longer. Robert stood by her side all the time, whispering words of encouragement as she pushed and panted, but then when the squealing baby was pulled down on her arms all the pain seemed to be worth it. Everyone in the family was very happy to receive Sarah, including the ever-grumpy Moe French who even showed up at the hospital after the baby was born to bring flowers and balloons.

Her pregnancy had been the best she could expect: no symptoms at all, no water retention, just backpain and swollen feet, which everybody could take for a while. Belle was overjoyed to now have a baby entirely hers, but she constantly stopped everything she was doing to simply give Baden some attention, because after he was her son too and she loved him to the moon and back. She didn't want him to feel pulled aside, so even if she was super tired and sore, she would sit, read for him, help him with homework or just play some video-games. Belle had found out from the moment she met Bae and held him in her arms that she wanted to be a good mother and she would do anything in her reach to give those children the good life they deserved.

Sarah's first two months were basically spent at home. They had a lot of visitors coming and going, wanting to see the new baby and bringing her presents, but after a while Belle grew tired of being at home. She knew she should be enjoying her maternity leave to rest as much as she could, but Belle missed being out and about, so after insisting a lot, Gold allowed her to take Bae to school by herself as long as she promised to always take the stroller with her and not let everybody in town bounce around their baby like fools.

She had been happy to agree with these terms and, in her first day out, she dropped her son at school and decided to take a walk on the park on her way back home. It was a beautiful sunny day and she wore one of her favourite outfits, red skirt and blue shirt, enjoying the natural warmth that bathed her skin as she pushed the pink stroller through the park. Belle was almost too lost in thoughts to notice anyone, but the man sat on the bench was sighing loudly as he stared at a tree and it caught up her attention.

"Robin, hi!"

"Oh, hello, Belle," the man said, forcing a smile to fill his lips. "I've heard you had your baby, is that her?"

"Yes," she smiled, sitting by his side and picking the tiny sleeping child up from inside the stroller to nestle her against her chest. "Meet Sarah Grace Gold."

"She is lovely," Robin praised.

This park, his safe haven, was one of her favourite places, there was a space for the children and she loved to bring Bae there to let him play and be free. From the moment she became his mother, she wanted to give him the world and Belle had a conviction that allowing your children to feel free was a big step into making them independent, fearless and clever. She could tell Bae was all of those things and it made her very proud. Belle truly hoped she would get to raise Sarah to be like that too, so she would always choose her own paths and never let anybody decide her fate.

It was a good thought, even more hopeful now that she was holding this small baby in her arms, but when she looked back at Robin she saw that he looked ponderously again.

"Are you alright?" Belle questioned. "You seem a little bit off."

Robin straightened himself on the bench, moving his shoulders uncomfortably as he glanced down at her. She wasn't much acquainted of his wife, but he was a nice person and whenever she was at the park with Bae, he would bring his oldest son, Henry to play with him while the two of them discussed the weather and the changes in Granny's menu.

"Have you ever done something and then regretted it five minutes later?"

"Many times," she admitted, before asking as empathically as she could: "Have you done something like that?"

"Yeah," he nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose as he snorted. "I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not so sure and I think I have angered the wrong people."

A slight frown appeared in her face as Belle caressed her daughter's pink cheek with the pad of her thumb. The way Robin was talking with this horribly hopeless tone of voice made something inside her feel cold and fearful as if it was the beginning of something big and definitely bad.

"Maybe you could ask for forgiveness?"

"There is none of this for me, friend," Robing sighed. "I can't tell anybody about that, not even my wife. She would hate me."

"Is it so bad?" Belle inquired.

Robin nodded, clasping his hands on his lap as he went back at staring at the trees. He appeared to see something past them, his eyes distant and his breath short. She had never seen him in such distress.

"How much does you value the life of your child?" The man questioned, looking back at her. "Of both your children?"

"They are everything to me," Belle said, stupefied, clutching baby Sarah close.

"That is it," Robin pointed out before standing up. "Have a good day."

With that he disappeared in the woods, leaving Belle alone to wonder what was really happening to him and if it was as bad as he made it seem to be.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

Belle spent the whole morning in the hospital. She wasn’t willing to go over there, but Ruby appeared at the library when she was just about to leave and take Sarah to school and insisted she needed to be checked, so after they dropped her girl there for the day, the two friends headed to the hospital and Belle allowed Whale to take some blood from her and do some other few exams. He was all cheerful and hopeful, saying the compatibility test’s result would arrive that afternoon, but it only made her more anxious, which wasn’t good.

She was expecting good news of course, but Belle wasn’t a fool, she knew that the result would mostly likely be negative. Whale told her to not keep thinking much about it and that he would call her by the end of the day to tell if something was wrong with her or not. Truth be told, she didn’t give a damn about herself at that point, she just wanted Sarah to be fine.

Ruby took Belle to Granny’s after that and prepared a nice lunch for her. She wasn’t really hungry, nor wanted to risk eating and feeling sick again, but her friend was being so kind – in her own irritating way – that she ended-up eating a bit before going to work. Belle didn’t think anybody would bother for the library not being opened in its usual time, so for a moment she was surprised to see a man waiting outside, until she realised who it was.

"Hey, Belle!"

"Jefferson, hi,” she greeted him. “How is Alice going?"

Taking the keys out of her purse, she opened the front door making it invitingly to whoever might wish to get a book, not that much people did, as Storybrooke had a poor number of readers, but she was always there to help whoever seek some acknowledge or wanted to travel very far away without leaving the comfort of its own home.

"Fine, she actually asked me to come over and ask if you already have the test results," Jefferson told her. "She really wants to help."

"You two are good friends," Belle smiled. "I just spoke to Whale, he said he shall have the papers this afternoon, then I'll let you know."

"That's nice," he nodded, noticing that her gaze was fixed on the floor. "Hey, if you ever need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks, Jeff. See you around."

"See you around, bookworm."

A smile crossed her lips at the old nickname he had for her, but Belle didn’t allow herself to stick to old memories of a time in which she was truly happy, she only entered the library and started to work. That day thankfully wasn’t a cleaning day, so she wouldn’t have to see Will, which made things easier for her in addition to the fact no much people appeared and the very few teenagers that were there, made no much noise as they studied on the tables in the back room.

She wasn’t expecting to receive a world from Whale anytime soon, so she started to choose books for the afternoon with the children when her phone started to buzz on her purse. Belle reached for it, furrowing when she saw the hospital number shinning in the screen, but she picked up anxiously anyway.

"Doctor Whale, hi, I was really eager expecting your call."

"Mrs. Gold good and bad news," he answered in an impassive voice.

"Give me a moment, I need to sit," Belle said breathing in and reaching for her chair with heart pounding furiously in her chest. "Alright, I think I'm ready."

"Unfortunately, the Madden's baby is not compatible to Sarah," Whale started, carefully. "But against all odds, I've found another donor."

Her heart attempted to stop. The Madden’s child suddenly didn’t matter anymore because they had a donor, a compatible one. Her daughter was going to be safe and sound again, she would be cured. Tears started to stream down her face as Belle covered her mouth with a hand in wonder, the happiness she was feeling with this news something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

"You did?"

"Yes," Whale confirmed. "Mrs. Gold, I'm holding the results of the exams you did today. You're pregnant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shout out to McCartneyQc who guessed this at the very beginning of the story. Sorry I couldn't give you the spoiler, but I hope everyone is happy now.


	14. A Real Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle tells Gold that she is pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I got to finish this today! Yay! I must say I was really eager to finish this one. We have Gold's reaction here and Moe is coming in the next!

Gold's day had been stressful. It was the middle of the afternoon and he already wanted to go to bed and drown into slumber. He had awakened up at five in the morning because his stupid neighbour couldn't make his car work and was shouting some ridiculously loud curses that had probably bothered everyone in the houses near his, then he had to deal with Leroy, one of the town's drunk idiots entering his shop as if it was his own house just to pass out in front of the counter. Of course, he had to call Regina after that and tell her to send someone to remove this problem from there, which wasn't anything pleasurable.

He was considering to close the shop earlier and ask Belle if he could have Sarah for the dinner, because it was one of those days he felt so tired and exhausted that he really felt the need to drink and if he had his daughter to distract him, then this wasn't going to happen. Gold still felt bad for refusing Belle's invitation to have dinner in the night prior, but he knew she was being pressured by Ruby to do so and he didn't want to give her any other reason to be anxious. He thought it was the right thing to do, but something about the way she looked at him as he declined made him believe that she actually hoped him to agree, which made no sense in his mind. Even though he was trying, understanding what Belle was a difficult thing, mainly now when she was being so impulsive and confusing.

Writing down the list of the people whose rent he needed to collect this week, Gold thought he might have another word with Archie, ask for some advice on what he should do, because giving her time, wasn't working. He let the pen tap against the paper a few times, lost in thoughts, but then the little bell above the shop's door jingled and he looked up to see Belle stepping in. For a second, Gold attempted to smile as he dropped the pen and straightened himself, but then he saw how pale she looked gripping at her own hands and taking shaky, slow steps into his direction. He held his cane tighter making his way to the other side of the counter, feeling a lump appear on his throat as he could only think there was someone awful going on.

"Belle, what are you doing here?" Gold immediately asked, concerned and frightened. "Are you alright? Is Sarah alright?"

She swallowed hard, he could see it by the way her throat bobbed. It only made him feel worse, each second of silence making his heart race.

"Something has happened," Belle murmured, hesitantly, her voice broken. "I - I don't know how you will take it, but I thought you should be the first to know."

"What?"

"Listen, I know it is a big thing and that you weren’t expecting it, you are not prepared and God knows neither am I, but I'll keep it."

Gold blinked without having a clue about what it all meant. Belle was visibly nervous, playing with her own fingers, tracing the place where her wedding ring should be. In her eyes, he could see the glow of her unshed tears.

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?"

"A miracle as happened," Belle said, a strangled sound coming along the last word, the teardrops that now fell down her face forming a wet trail on her cheeks. "Robert, I'm pregnant."

He gasped, eyes following her hands as they went down to palm her belly. _Pregnant._ She _was_ pregnant. They had slept together in that stormy night and now she was pregnant. He was going to be a father again. Gold didn't know how to feel about that, he was overwhelmed he had forgotten how to speak, so all he could do was to watch her cry for long moments as she caressed the still flat belly. That was when something clicked in his mind because there wasn't supposed to be another child not now nor never.

"How?" Robert questioned. "I thought you couldn't have any more children."

"I did too, but apparently that night at your house, we conceived a baby," she contemplated in awe. "One that can save Sarah."

Through her tears, Belle was smiling, it was such a beautiful smile and the way her hands were placed so protectively on her belly was so sweet that it awakened something in him. It was like a burst of light in his chest, a weird sound that slightly resembled a sob left his mouth as he took a few steps into her direction and, without thinking twice, pulled Belle into a  hug, breathing in the scent of her perfum as it all made sense, even if it didn't. He had no idea how it could have happened as Belle had a cruel diagnostic for months, but somehow it didn't and he couldn't be happier.

"This is the best thing you could have ever told me!"

She trembled in his arms, her hands coming to rest on each side of his waist through the fabric of his clothes, she pulled away a bit looking right at his eyes as she worried at her lip. Belle looked so young, so scared and so fragile that all wanted to do was to protect her from any harm. And he would, God, he would do anything to protect her, Sarah and this child, because he was being given a second chance and he wasn't willing to waste it.

"You're not angry?" She asked, uncertain.

"Why would I be?" Gold replied, eyebrows narrowing at her weird question. "Belle you said it yourself, this is a miracle."

"But we just lost Bae," the brunette sobbed.

He touched her face, feeling how cold her skin was. There was suffering in each feature of her beautiful face, almost eclipsing the happiness he knew that she was feeling. They had suffered too much and he understood this new fear that was taking her, she wanted that baby more than anything, but burying a child had left scars on her soul and she would forever feel frightened of going through another loss. Gold knew it, because it was exactly how he felt.

"Yes, and if it wasn't for this child, we would Sarah too."

"Bobby..." Belle sniffled, her hands tightening its grip on his waist, fingers tugging at his jacket. She looked down avoiding his eyes and her lower lip trembled when she spoke again. "Whale said there is a huge possibility that this is another ectopic pregnancy, just like the last one and if it is the case, we will need to terminate it or I might die."

His breath got caught on his throat and without Gold even noticing it, his hand slid from her back to her belly as his chest clenched painfully. He couldn't bear thinking about losing Belle but the possibility of having to end the pregnancy made him sick. How could them be able to let go of a child this way when they knew how hard it was? Gold glanced up at Belle and knew she was wondering the same, because her chin was contracted and her tears had become more constant.

Months ago, when he told her that a few weeks weren't a life he was just being an idiot. He hadn't known about the other pregnancy, he wasn't attached to it and he really didn't want to give it much thought because Robert knew that if he did, he would feel more pain. But now, he knew it from the very start, he felt the happiness and even if just for a few minutes he pictured what a life with this new baby would be. Now he knew what that miscarriage must have felt to Belle, because he didn't want it to end, he wanted to watch her stomach swell with life, nurturing his child until it was the moment for them to meet it. Anything other than this, was unacceptable.

"How do we know if the baby is in the right place or not?"

"An ultrasound," Belle explained. "Whale told me to go straight to the hospital, but I needed to see you first."

He nodded, brushing her tears away and trying to think clearly.

"You're six weeks long, right?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "If the pregnancy is successful, I shall have a bump soon."

The thought made a little smirk appear in his lips. His wife was currently wrapped in his arms, something he had waited for weeks to happen again, he didn't know what exactly the future could bring them, but he knew he would stand by her side. For a second the remembrance of them making love while the rain poured outside his house filled his mind and all he could think was how, against all odds, it had been just the right night, maybe the only one in which she would be fertile for long and they were there, on that bed in throes of passion. If a miracle was being given them, then he prayed it wouldn't be taken away.

"Look at me, sweetheart," Robert purred, cupping her cheek and adoring the way she bit down her lower lip. "You and I are having this baby and he or she will be healthy and beautiful, alright?"

"Alright," she whispered back. "Can you come over to the hospital with me? I don't want to be alone."

Robert's face contorted in a grimace. He was waiting - hoping - for her to ask it, so he nodded, happy and emotional, wanting more than anything to shove his lips against hers, but knowing it was probably not the right moment for it.

"Of course," he agreed. "We are together in this."

Belle smiled. It was genuine, sweet and all he needed to keep having faith that the ultrasound would have a positive answer. Then, he grabbed his car keys and dragged her to the Cadillac, in the longest drive to the hospital he ever did in his life.

* * *

 

Belle never thought she would find herself in an ultrasound room again, but there she was, blouse hitched up, shirt pulled a bit down and her flat stomach exposed. After Whale called her, she had spent a while just staring at her phone, trying to process the information, but she actually felt brain damaged by it. She couldn't have any more children, the doctors let it clear, one of her ovaries had been destroyed and the other wasn't functional anymore, or at least it was what they thought. But still it didn't quite made sense in her mind. Belle had slept with Gold _only one night!_ They spent years trying for a baby before Sarah was born, so how was it possible that she became pregnant from only one night?

When she felt like she would start crying, she expelled everyone from the library, texted Ruby asking her to pick Sarah and then sat down again, trying to make sure she wasn't going to be sick. Her anxiety was exploding, her heart beating too fast and she felt out of breath, but somehow, she managed to close the library and make her way to Gold's shop.

She had imagined that once she talked to him things would feel more real. Maybe if he screamed at her, asking how dared she lie to him about her infertility and made him get her pregnancy, Belle would feel awake again. But instead of yelling that if he knew, he would never have cum inside her, he supported her and then it all seemed more unreal. God, she was frightened of this! Belle didn't want another child, she was thrilled to be able to save Sarah, but she never planned it. Babies were tiny and fragile, they could die easily than children and there still was the possibility of this baby never even being born and just think about that made her want to throw up.

Isabelle Gold didn't want another child, because she was afraid of losing it, but now it was happening and she couldn't stop it. She would feel heartbroken all over again because she already loved that baby with every fibre of her being. The term "mass of cells" be damned, if Whale dared to tell this to her again, she would kill him with her bare hands, because his cold doctor mind couldn't understand what it meant to her. That child was a new part of Robert and her, the lost she once thought to be lost multiplying itself again and if this pregnancy was a success, she knew that the little boy or girl would be perfect.

Her husband's hand caressed her cheek and she reached to take it in hers, needing his support now more than never. She didn't know how it would be to be a mother to a baby while struggling with anxiety, but if he was there, she knew that she could make it. Robert stood by her side, smiling softly at her and being the calmness she needed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous, sick, anxious," Belle listed. "I might have a heart attack before Whale shows up."

"Please don't, I wouldn't bear losing you."

Against her best will, Belle let her lips brush his knuckles, the cold surface of his wedding ring brushing the corner of her mouth and making her understand that from all people she was lucky to have married Gold, because he had never truly given up their marriage. Or at least that was what she hoped the fact he never took it off meant.

The door was opened and they saw Doctor Whale pass through it, a smile filling his lips in their presence for the first time ever since the accident. He never smiled, he had always a frown stamped on his face, but today Belle could dare to say that he looked genuinely happy for them.

"Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold, it's really good to have you here in better circumstances," Whale said in a greeting as he took a seat on the small stool in front of the ultrasound machine. "How is Sarah doing?"

"This new medication seems to be working," Belle responded.

"That's good, now let's take a look at this baby."

She took a deep breath, gripping at Gold's hand and trying to stay calm as Whale poured some gel over her belly and started to spread it with the probe, pressing at her scar and making her hiss with sudden discomfort. Robert's thumb started to rub circles at her hand, trying to distract her from what the doctor was doing, but Belle couldn't avert her eyes from Whale's concentrated expression.

"You're too quiet," she pointed out, nervously.

"I was checking your tromps. There is nothing in there," the doctor informed, moving the probe up and blinking at the black and screen. "Ah, there it is!"

"Where?" Belle and Gold asked at the same time.

"Here," Whale answered pointing at a curved black spot on the screen. "Settled perfectly inside your womb. Congratulations, you two are really having a baby."

Something between a squeal and a sob left Belle's mouth. It was happening. It was really happening. The baby was really safe and was going to grow like any other child. She could barely believe it. Belle was already expecting the worse, trying to prepare herself for the heartbreak but, instead all she found herself feeling was joy.

"Oh, thank God," she heard Robert breath out.

Whale took a few screenshots and took the probe away from her, offering her a paper towel so she could clean herself. Belle sat on the hospital bed, feeling herself shake and thinking that she had never felt so afraid in her whole life, because she also felt hopeful and it would hurt too much if anything bad happened now.

"Mrs. Gold, I want to see you constantly, we are keeping a close eye on this baby to make sure everything goes just fine," Whale told her as he printed two sonograms and handed them to her. "We will be talking about Sarah's treatment and the best options of delivery for you later."

"Right, thank you, Doctor Whale."

Gold offered her a hand, helping Belle to slid off the bed and leading her through the hallway. For whoever saw them now they would look just like any other happily married couple, walking out of the ultrasound room as close as possible, his hand resting on her low of her back and joyful smiles on their lips.

They were reaching for the Cadillac, when Belle suddenly stopped, looking up at him with that nervous expression appearing gain.

"Robert, can we go to the cemetery? I want to see Bae."

"Anything you wish," he said with a nod, opening the passenger's door for her.

This news made Belle remember about the pregnancy she lost and how Bae had been the first to know about it. She had taken a test after noticing that her period was really late and not showing any signs that it would soon appear. Belle had been so happy with this that she shared the news with her son in that same day when she picked him up from school and he had been happy. A boy, he asked her for. That baby was long lost and this new one, Baden would never get to know. This thought brought a strange pain to her chest and as, Robert took her by the hand and they walked towards the gravestone, it only became worse.

Belle fell to her knees in front of the grave, stretching out a hand to trace the words Baden Raymond Gold, beloved son written on it. There were some dead flowers, left in here and Belle felt tears falling down her cheeks all over again, because no matter how many times she went to that cemetery to feel closer to her boy, she never did. She was talking to a stone and she knew it, but a part of her still wanted to believe that somehow, he heard her.

"I can't stop thinking about you lately," Belle murmured. "I know you would be very happy with this, my sweet boy. I'll tell this child all the good stories about its big brother and how he taught me to be a better person."

"Belle..." Gold trailed off, laying his hand on her shoulders.

"I want Hades dead," she confessed in broken voice.

Her words seemed to be echoed in the cemetery, the tears rolling down her chin now and falling to the ground. They would never get back what Hades took from them and as happier as she felt right now, she couldn't stop hating him.

* * *

 

As soon as she arrived from the hospital, Belle headed to Granny’s, knowing Ruby would have taken her there. She was still astonished and overwhelmed. Belle suddenly found herself being more careful, aware that any harm that came to her would also come to the baby; she looked twice before crossing the street and splayed a protective hand on her belly as the other gripped Sarah’s. She had promised Ruby an explanation about what happened today soon, but she wasn’t going to give it to her now, because there was still a lot of things to be resolved and she knew her friend would have all the questions she didn’t have answers to now, if they just spoke.

When she arrived home, Belle let herself fall on the couch exhausted and sleepy, but Sarah seemed to have questions of her own too, because she dropped her backpack to the floor and climbed up to Belle’s lap, eyebrows narrowed as she undid the braid in her hair.

"Mama, why didn't you come to pick me up from school?"

"I was at the hospital, my love," Belle explained.

"Are you sick?"

Her poor girl was clearly concerned. She knew Sarah was noticing how sick she had been in the last few days and now she knew most of her constant nausea was probably due to the pregnancy and not her anxiety as she had thought. Belle didn’t have these symptoms when she was expecting her girl, but she guessed that every baby is different.

"No,” Belle guaranteed her, “but I have something nice to tell you."

"What?" Sarah asked, eyes shining with excitement.

Petting the little girl’s hair, Belle smiled at her, saying in a secrecy tone: "You'll have a new sibling!"

Sarah's eyes became wild and her mouth feel open, making Belle giggle. She was really precious when she was surprised.

"Will I?"

"Yeah. It is growing on mummy's tummy right now," Belle answered, placing a hand to her stomach, seeing her daughter furrow. "What is it, Sarah?"

Her daughter laid her small hand above hers, tapping her fingers against her skin. Months ago, her reaction had been really different, Sarah had been thrilled, jumping around with happiness for having a new playmate, saying this like how much she had always wanted a doll that really moved and talked, but now all she looked was preoccupied. And it shouldn't be something a five-year-old should feel.

"Mama," Sarah started, hesitantly. "Will this baby die like the other one?"

"Oh, no, sweetheart," Belle assured her. "It is safe."

"Then, I'm happy," the girl decided. "But, mama, how do you get babies to grow inside you?"

That wasn't a question she was expecting to have to answer now, because she never did. When she discovered her previous pregnancy, Belle considered one of the kids asking this kind of thing, but none of them did, maybe because she asked them to keep it a secret and they didn't have much time to think about it at all. Now, she wasn't prepared. Belle felt her cheeks start to burn with colour as she lost all her coherence.

"Ah... Well, papa put them in here."

"How?" Sarah inquired.

Oh, God, not how. Why she had to ask her this?

"Magic," Belle found herself saying. "When two people love each other very much, they create babies together with magic."

"Oh, so it happens with a True Love's Kiss," her daughter concluded.

Laughing, Belle thought she definitely needed to stop reading so many fairy tale stories to Sarah, but letting her believe a True Love's Kiss made babies was easier than attempting to explain the reality of it, so she relished in that answered.

"Yeah, sure."

Poking her belly, Sarah smiled.

"Can it be a girl to play dolls with me? Grace is having a sister."

It was wonderful how children thought they could rule the world and decide all things. Belle would be happy with whatever they got as long as she managed to carry that baby to term and he or she was healthy. Robert had said pretty much the same to her earlier when they were inside his car, parked in front of the shop and he touched her belly, a sweet smile spreading in his lips. She thought he couldn't look more breath-taking than when he was solemnly happy like that.

"Sorry, babe, but we don't get to choose that."

"Why not?"

"Because no one controls it," Belle answered, pulling Sarah down to the floor and standing up to go to the kitchen. "But I'm sure you would do fine with a baby brother too if that is the case."

Sarah sighed loudly, clearly not satisfied with that prospect but grabbed her backpack and took it to their bedroom, taking off her shoes and picking a colouring book when she suddenly stopped, narrowing her eyes at the small space between her mother's bed and hers.

"Mama, we will put a crib in our room for the baby?" Sarah asked. "Because I don't think we have space for it."

Belle arched an eyebrow to that. She knew Sarah was a very clever girl, but sometimes she just surprised her.

"I haven't thought about that," she murmured. "Well, we still have months to decide what we should do about that."

But months could go by very quickly and Belle knew it. She needed a solution soon and Gold had agreed they had to talk what they would do from now on, because even if their arrangement worked with Sarah it wouldn't work with a new-born, not to mention they still had to think about their daughter's new treatment. They had no idea how it was going to work, but they were willing to get all the needed information together and that was why there was a knock on the front door. They had also agreed he should come over to dinner so they could talk.

"There is someone in here," Sarah announced.

"It must be papa," Belle replied, making her way to the door. "Do you mind that I invited him to sleep over?"

"No, that's nice!"

She swung the door open to find Gold waiting in there, his cane and a bag from the grocery store in his hands. He almost lost his balance when Sarah rushed towards him, colliding with his legs giggling happily.

"Hello, sweetheart."

"Papa, do you know that mama is going to have a baby?"

"Of course, I do," Gold smiled. "Isn't that exciting?"

"Yes!"

In a split second she was back to her colouring book on the coffee table. Belle took the bag from him, gesturing for Gold to follow her to the kitchen where they could talk more privately, without Sarah getting to hear every single word they said.

"She is this happy and she doesn't even mind that this child is going to save her life yet," she contemplated.

"That's the incredible thing about children," Gold agreed, pushing her away from the sink and taking off his suit jacket, placing it on the stool near the counter. "Now, please, let me work."

"Work?"

"I'm going to cook and you're going to eat," Robert said, decided. "I can see your bones and this is not a good thing. You're carrying a child now, Belle, you need to get strong."

He touched her cheek and her breath got caught on her throat. The look he gave her was even more intense than the ones they shared in the bedroom, he was genuinely concerned and not just for the baby but for her. She knew she shouldn't look anything like the woman she once was, she had mirrors in this house and she could see for herself how slim she was getting and Belle knew it couldn't be good for her child, however she couldn't help it. If she ate, she got sick and it wasn't nice too.

"I don't feel good enough to eat most days," Belle explained.

"I know, but promise me you'll try," Robert begged. "For the baby."

Breathing in, she nodded.

"For the baby."

She settled herself in the task of helping Gold getting the things he needed to prepare the dinner, then when it was ready they gathered on the couch to eat it - the apartment was too small to have a dining table. Just like everything Robert cooked, it tasted delicious, although it was only pasta. After that, Belle took the plates to the kitchen, washing the dishes while Gold coloured with Sarah.

She eventually had to take her medicines and it made her sleepy so he prepared her to bed and read a story for her before going back to find Belle sipping some tea in the living room. He took a seat by her side, taking off his tie to make himself a bit more comfortable.

"Sarah is already fast asleep."

Waving her head positively, Belle lowered her cup to the table and pulled her legs up to the couch bringing her knees close to her chest as she glanced at her husband, knowing that small talks weren't going to help with anything now. They needed to go straight to the point or they would continue to dance around each other for the rest of their lives and it couldn't be good for their children.

"What are we going to do now, Bobby?"

"What do you want, sweetheart?" Gold returned, moving on the sofa so he was facing her. "I'm willing to do anything you wish."

"Are you still willing to try slowly with me?"

He took a deep breath, she could see it by the way his chest moved. Something that resembled a sad smile - but could also just be a grimace - filled his lips as he reached for her hands, taking them in his.

"Oh, Belle, of course I am," Gold said, voice full of love. "Sweetheart, you're still my wife and nothing would please me more than trying again with you. But I don't want you to do this because you're pregnant, I want you to do this because you still believe in us."

"I do, I was just too scared to follow with it," Belle admitted. "Of course, now I have one more reason to, but the first one is you."

Licking his own lips, Robert approached her, cradling the back of her head in his hand as he traced the top of her nose with his, making her eyes close in anticipation as he gently pressed their mouths together. It was good, so good and perfect that it hurt. She parted her lips for him and Gold thrusted his tongue inside, tasting every bit of her mouth and making her moan. Belle wanted more proximity, more action, more anything that would bring her bliss again, but she had to pull away, because she was still exhausted and she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.

"Can you take me to bed?" Belle asked in a whimper and when he opened his mouth to protest her words, she added: "Just to hold me."

Smiling he helped her to get up her feet and together, they entered the bedroom.


	15. Despair and Self-Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moe finds out that Belle is pregnant.  
> Rogers has a talk with Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this should be a warning or not, but here we go, we have scenes with descriptions of an anxiety break down.

Two weeks could change everything and for Gold it was the best change he could ever dream about getting. He and Belle hadn’t yet decided what exactly they were willing to change in their lives as they were taking things slow, but he saw her daily and sometimes he slept over at her place. Sarah was indescribably happy to have them getting along again and, although they were trying to be discrete – because after all they still lived in Storybrooke and everybody still loved spreading rumours – as they didn’t want people knowing about her pregnancy so soon, nor suspecting they were back together.

A big part of the reasons why Gold and Belle opted to keep this a secret was because they didn’t want Sarah to hear stupid things being murmured by her friends at school, but their fear that Hades might sooner or later know he didn’t definitely shattered their happiness was also one of the motives. The only people who knew about that were the Maddens, but they didn’t want to worry about them making any gossip. Jefferson opened his best wine to celebrate the news, he said he was sad that they couldn’t help, but was happy with this solution, in his words, his new baby girl would need a playmate.

Gold smiled at that as he polished a quite small statue he had just acquired and had a few costumers who he was looking forward to see it. Some years ago, Belle had suggested him to create a website for the shop and through it, Gold had met a lot of people and made some nice deals out of Storybrooke. He could barely believe some people would pay so much for international shipping, but he discovered it happened very often.

His wife had been there that morning, actually she had just left and that made his day start better. Yesterday had been rent day so he didn’t spend the night in her apartment and, when Belle showed up there moments after he opened, he couldn’t contain his excitement. She had dropped Sarah at school and had a little time before opening the library, so she took him by the hand and they went to the backroom to talk and kiss.

He needed to admit he felt like a teenager sneaking up this way, making out on the cot and never crossing the line, but it was good to know their relationship was once again growing stronger. Belle was smiling more often and for the first time in too long he felt like things were going to be fine, but Gold needed to remember that their problems hadn’t been magically solved and they still had a lot to face, which was only emphasized by Moe French’s arrival I his shop.

"Are you happy?" The florist asked angrily.

"More than I can say, actually, but I have no clue on why that would be of your concern, Mr. French."

"I don't speak to my daughter for almost two months now and this is your fault!"

Chuckling, Gold pulled the cloth he was using to polish the statue down, turning around to see his annoying father-in-law standing there with hands in fists, face burning red with rage.

"My fault? Sure, let's add it to the list of things you think I'm blamed of," Robert answered with a roll of his eyes taking his cane in hand and walking towards the other side of the counter very slowly as he added: "But just so you know, I had no idea you and Belle weren't talking."

"I'm not up to hearing your lies," Moe yelled. "I just saw her leaving the shop. Admit it, Gold, you've plotted all of this, made her step away from me so nobody would make her see how much of a bastard you are. You don’t want daughter to ever free herself from you."

"Mr. French,” he started, “you're most certainly mad."

The words had barely left his mouth when the door swung open a second time to let Belle in. It was starting to get really cold again so she had pulled on a pink coat – Sarah’s favourite by the way, she used to say mama looked like a real-life doll wearing it – and was looking down at her opened purse. It took her a moment to realise her husband wasn’t alone in there.

"Robert I..." Belle trailed off as she glanced up to see her father. "Papa, what are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to defend you from this monster," Moe answered, pointing an accusative finger at Gold.

"Defend me? Papa, I'm not a child and Robert is no monster. This needs to stop. You have to go and I have to find my keys."

She passed by him, taking a few steps into Gold’s direction. He took her hand in his, rubbing circles as he offered her a little smile. Gold didn’t wish she had walked in that moment, because the last thing Belle needed right now was to deal with her stupid father, but if she was decided to ignore him, then so would he.

"You could have dropped them on the cot in the backroom, sweetheart."

"Probably," she agreed.

"No," Moe affirmed, getting a hold of Belle’s arm and pulling her away from Gold with a rude pull. "You're coming with me, Belle. You are not getting anywhere near him."

"Papa, stop," the brunette begged. "He is my husband!"

"Sarah is going to die because of him!"

"No, she isn't! We have a donor."

Moe’s eyes got wide at the new information and Gold lips tightened in a thin line, he knew this couldn’t get anywhere good. If Moe was already so irritated just for Belle to be there with him, then when he heard the rest of it, he would freak out.

"What? Who?"

Belle’s free hand feel to her stomach as she murmured: "I'm having a baby."

In the seconds it took for Moe to process what she just said, Gold held onto a breath, already waiting to be attacked, but what really happened surprised him to the point he didn’t have an immediate reaction. Moe’s grip on Belle’s arm tightened painfully and she released a strangled sound as he pushed her away against a counter, making her trip and almost fall as Moe lifted a fist to actually beat Gold. That was when he seemed to get back to himself and used the cane to defend himself hitting Moe’s chin with it.

"You son of a bitch," the florist cursed.

"Don't you ever touch her again. Do you understand me?" Gold threatened. "Next time I'll call the Sheriff. Now get the fuck out."

Shaking his head, still visibly angry Moe took a step back as Gold reached for Belle passing an arm around her back to help her to keep up on her feet, he touched her face, brushing away the tears that were falling down her face.

"You've made a mistake," Moe told Belle. "This child is going to die, just like Sarah and then when _he_ shows he doesn’t care about any of them, you will see that I'm right."

He left the shop, slamming the door shut behind himself and Gold took a sobbing Belle to the backroom and helping her seat on the cot as her whole body trembled and she held onto him.

"Oh, my love, are you hurt?"

"They are not going to die, right?" She asked, desperate and when he took a second to answer she yelled in a squealing voice: "Right?"

"Belle, of course not," Gold assured her. "I'm sorry to say that, but your father is an asshole."

"What if I miscarry again? What if - "

"No, let's not talk about 'what ifs', ok? This isn't going to happen."

She nodded taking a few raggedy breaths and dipping her fingers into his suit jacket. Gold had never seen her look so distressed before and he had no idea of what to do but to keep holding her until she looked up at him with terrified eyes.

"I need my meds," Belle pleaded. "Bobby, I _can't breathe_."

In that moment he knew it was up to him to make the next move. His wife was helpless panting and crying in his arms, but he wasn’t the one able to help him, so he fished his phone from his pocked and called the only person he knew would be able to do something about it.

"Doctor Hopper, I need you in my shop. _Now."_

* * *

 

Belle had never felt such panic before. There were different levels of despair you can find yourself into, she realised, each one related to a different thing and she had already feared for all her loved ones, but never for herself. At least, not until now. Not even that day in the accident, she had felt so terrified, Belle was aware of everything happening, she felt the pain of the metal ripping her flash and tried not to care for it, but now, her whole body seemed to be about to explode, she felt some many things at the same time that all she could do was to clutch against Robert and cry as she panted, trying to catch a breath.

He took her to the backroom of the shop, held her close, stroking her back and murmuring sweet nothings to her ear until they heard the doorbell jingling and Archibald Hopper appeared, telling Gold to go away to give him some time to work with Belle. At this point she was internally begging to not be left alone, but a small part of her knew Robert couldn't do anything else for her, so she let him go and followed Archie's instructions of laying on her back and closing her eyes.

Her heart was beating madly, her breath came out raggedy as her tears fell down her cheeks and she shook from the efforts her tired body was doing to attempt keeping some control over it all. She was tired of feeling like this, she just wanted it to stop. It seemed there was a black hole in the place of her heart, emanating a deadly cold air that made her sob even harder. Belle wanted it to stop, but she was afraid the only way of it happening was death and as much as she wouldn't care for dying right now, she still had a baby inside her that depended on her life to keep theirs.

She tried to hold onto Archie's calming words beside her then, Belle felt him getting her hand and showing her how to move her fingers on the cot's mattress. One, two, three times. He told her she was going to be fine, she murmured something about her child between her sobs and he assured her she would soon have a beautiful babe to care for that would need her to be herself and not a ball of anxiety. She kept her eyes close even when Gold entered the room to quickly explain Archie what happened, before making his way back to the front of the shop and leaving the two of them alone again.

Doctor Hopper taught her how to breath properly, told Belle to keep moving her fingers and then do the same with her toes. Slowly, her breath came back to normal and her heartbeat calmed a bit. He asked her about her father and it made her cry again, but she told Archie how he was never the best dad in the world, how he became a drunk after her mother died, but thankfully overcome this. She told him about his hate for her husband and how wrong he was about everything he ever said about Gold, because she never knew what a good father looked like until she met him. Then, she finally mumbled a few things about their earlier encounter and Archie told her it was better to keep the distance from him from now on.

"Breath out," the therapist instructed as a closed-eyed Belle tapped her fingers against the mattress trying to imagine the things he described. "You're in a boat, all alone, no chairs on your way, just you relaxing in a warm weather. How do you feel?"

"A bit calmer," she confessed, "but my heart is still beating fast."

"Alright, take this," Archie's said, opening his bag to take a box from inside it and give Belle a pill. "It is a natural medicine, it won't do any harm to the baby, but you can't take the ones you were before."

Sitting up on the bed she took it from his hands, accepting the bottle of water he was also offering her and taking it. She was a bit ashamed of herself for causing that little scene, but she was also glad her body was slowly going back to normal and she didn't need to panic anymore, although Belle still felt extremely tired and could do some sleep. There was a soft noise coming from the front of the shop and both she and Archie looked up to see Gold pulling the curtains aside to appear with a tray in his hands.

"Doctor Hopper, may I come in? I have tea."

"Yes, please, Mr. Gold."

Smiling weakly, Robert pulled the tray down to a table and served two cups, one for her and another for Archie. He handed it to them, taking a seat beside Belle and gently caressing her face as she took a sip. Chamomile, she concluded, smiling at the thought that he still kept her favourite flavour of tea in his shop. Belle leaned into his touch, receiving a kiss on the forehead from her preoccupied husband.

"Is she going to the fine?" He asked the therapist.

"Yeah," Archie assured. "What you two need to understand is that Belle's biggest trauma was the loss of Baden and that previous pregnancy, it is what makes her anxiety explode, so whenever someone mentions it like you said Mr. French did."

She dropped a hand to her stomach, noticing how much the other one, which was still holding the cup was shaking in her other hand. Gold did too, so he took it from her and settled on the table. Doctor Hopper smiled fondly at the two of them.

"Archie, does it affect my baby?" Belle asked.

"Not exactly, but anything that affects your mind affects your body, so I'd recommend you to stay calmer for the next few months."

Belle swallowed hard.

"How... How am I supposed to do that? You know I didn't make any improvement lately."

A genuine laugh escaped Archie as he reached for her hand, receiving a puzzled look from Gold.

"You'd be impressed with how much strength some people gain when it comes from their children," he told her. "Before Sarah woke up I was really afraid you'd end up drowning in a depression, but then, all of the sudden, you became stronger, you started smiling again. You didn't do this for yourself, you did for her and I'm sure that this is what you're going to do for this baby too. You have no idea of how fierce you are."

The tiniest of the smiles took form in Belle’s lips. Archie could annoy her when he was way too sincere about things she didn’t want to hear, but the fact that he always spoke the truth, made her believe him every single time he had other kind of stuff to say, like now. She squeezed his hand, not being able to put in words what it meant to her.

"Thank you, Archie."

“You’re welcome,” he answered promptly, pulling his cup aside and handing Gold the box of the medicine he had given Belle, so he could buy more, just in case. "I have a patient in a few minutes, but I'll only go if you're sure you'll be fine."

"I will," she guaranteed. "I have to."

"Good," Archie smiled, picking up his bag and rising on his feet. "See you on Friday."

She nodded solemnly, leaning against Gold as they watched him leave. Belle was grateful for all of Archie’s help, but more than that she was grateful to have her husband there by her side, grateful for him to know exactly what she needed. He was stroking her hair now and she was almost fully curled into his lap, feeling the effects of the medicine start to hit her, relaxing her body and making her eyelids feel heavy.

"I'm sorry... Bobby, I'm so sorry I've freaked out this way," she murmured. "You must think I'm mad. You must be angry at me."

"You are not mad and I have no reasons to be angry at you," Gold reassured her, taking Belle’s face between his hands and brushing his lips against hers very softly. "Sweetheart, I've already told you so, we are together in it and I'm going to help you with everything I can, alright?"

Closing her eyes, she touched her forehead against his, playing with his hair as she breathed in and out slowly, just like her therapist told her to do. She would be fine again, if not for herself, then for her child.

"I can't go to work," Belle confessed, feeling defeated.  "Not today."

"Forget the fucking library, what really matters is your health," Gold answered shifting his position on the cot, so her could her laying down again, getting a hold of the blanket and covering Belle with it. "Now, why don't you take a nap?"

She couldn’t lie about how much she really needed a nap, so Belle nodded, sliding a hand along the mattress in front of her and finding the coldness of a metal piece, a small laugh escaping her lips as she lifted it for her husband to see.

"Found the keys."

He smiled, but she could see in his eyes that he wasn’t thinking about it at all, and she only confirmed it when he touched her face with the most heart-warming look on his face.

"Come home," Gold asked.

"What?"

"Move back with me again," he explained. "We will have enough room for Sarah and the baby there, I'll be able to watch for you and... We would be together."

In other days, her pride would have made Belle say no, but today everything was different. Today she decided to admit she needed more help than she was getting and that it was time to make a few decisions. She had been reckless and confuse during the last few months and it wasn’t taking her anywhere good.

"You can pack a bag for me and Sarah while I sleep," she instructed, placing the keys in his hand. "And buy those new pills Archie prescribed."

Nothing could pay for the way Gold’s face lit up.

"I'll be locking the shop, but the extra key is in the safe."

"Bring me lunch?"

"The biggest hamburgers Granny's have," he promised.

When he left, Belle tried not to concentrate in the still rapid beating of her heart, instead she thought about the future and, for the first time since the accident, she dreamed of Bae.

* * *

 

Rogers took some time to do a bit of a thinking before looking for Will Scarlet. Tilly was loving to be in Storybrooke and he was glad it wasn't a really dangerous town because he could take her with him to most of the places he observed in order to get more information about his case. They went to the park, where both Robin and Will had worked in the past and he found out that the guy was now the library's janitor, but about Hades and Nottingham he didn't find out much. He knew both of them had returned to town about an year ago in different moments and had established jobs, nothing else, which was why talking to Scarlet was so important.

He had gone over the library, hoping to catch up with him there, but it was closed, so Rogers decided his best chance of finding him in the middle of the after was - if not his ridiculously small flat - The Rabbit Hole. Rogers wasn't much of a bar's fan, ever since he became a father his favourite place to go was bakeries and patisseries as Tilly was a small girl with a big appetite for sweets. This place in special didn't make him any appeal, as it seemed to be where Storybrooke people hide themselves attempting to escape their boring lives by drinking.

A walk around was everything he needed to find Will, sat alone by a tall table with a glass of whiskey in his hands. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself to be as tough as needed, Rogers walked towards him, taking a seat on the empty stool beside him.

"Excuse me, you're Mr. Scarlet right?"

"I have nothing to talk to you, detective," Will answered, barely casting him a glance.

Rogers thought that what Jefferson Madden had said was truth then, everybody in that town already knew who he was and why he was there. It wouldn't make things easier for him in his search, that was for sure. Nobody trusted detectives. Nobody would give you any kind of information if they knew you were one.

"Oh, apparently you do," Rogers continued, anyway. "I was told you were Robin de Locksley's best friend."

"So?"

"So, you must be the one he told all of his secrets to."

Will laughed out loud.

"I'm not telling you anything."

Yes, apparently this was going to be difficult. There were two types of people in this world: loyal friends and lame friends, from one you couldn't take the truth, from the other the truth came to you very easily as long as there was some threatening involved. But Rogers wasn't the kind of guy who would threaten someone if he had other choice and, in that moment, he really had one.

"Mr. Scarlet, do you know Robert and Isabelle Gold?"

"Everybody does," Will shrugged.

"Well, their son died in a car crash caused by the person who killed your friend."

A humourless chuckle left Will as he lifted his glass to his mouth taking a long, thirsty sip.

"You know it wasn't really _their_ son, right? Belle wasn't his biological mother,"

Actually, Rogers didn't know it. Nobody had minded telling him this, but by the way Isabelle Gold talked about the boy he knew it didn't matter to any of them. The picture on her desk spoke for itself, they once were a happy family and that was the important to them.

"Does that make any difference to you?" He inquired. "The woman loved him as her own and now he is dead, but if you tell me what bloody business Robin had with Keith Nottingham and Jonathan Hades, then I can put the guilty behind the bars."

Will twisted the glass in his hands his glance fixed in it, other than in Rogers. He never looked him in the eye, the detective noticed.

"And what do I get with it?"

"The satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing?"

"I'm not this kind of guy," Will pointed out. "Robin was."

His eyebrows narrowed. Robin seemed to be exactly the kind of peaceful person anyone would ever want to kill, which made this case even more complicated. He was a married guy, a good father and a nice friend. Nothing made sense.

"If he was nice, then why someone would want to kill him?"

"Exactly because of that. He couldn't deny help to anyone," Will replied. "You want to know what is going on, you should look for Zelena Mills. A pity she is far away from here, but I wish you a nice trip."

"Where is she? And why her?"

"She is in San Francisco I think, or at least she was the last time I've heard about her," Scarlet said with a shrug, asking a barman for another drink as he finished his. "Her new name is Kelly West."

And it only got even more weird. Mills was Regina's maiden-name, so whoever this Zelena was, she got to be a relative. But what kind of runaway relative was what he really wanted to know.

"New name?" Rogers questioned. "What else should I know about her? Did she have an affair with Robin?"

"Oh, no, she was just his sister-in-law, nothing else, but while she lived here, she was engaged to someone," Will told him, accepting his second - or at least it was what Rogers guessed - glass of whiskey. "Hades."

"Right," he snorted. "I think I know how to put two and two together."

Will shook his head and even though the effects of the drinking were already starting to show up, for the very first time he looked extremely serious. It was the face of someone who indeed held a secret but had no intention of sharing it with anyone.

"No, friend, you have no idea how dark this gets," Will informed. "I assure you San Francisco is nicer than Storybrooke."

Nodding, Rogers slid down from his stool, making his way out of the bar to make some researches about Zelena Mills. Or probably Kelly West. Whoever he found first.

* * *

 

The whole day was a blur for Belle. She spent most part of it sleeping on the cot, Gold had brought hamburgers from Granny’s for lunch and they ate in a comfortable silence. A part of her expected for her stomach to immediately reject the meal, but lately she was getting more and more hungry and the nausea was getting tolerable, probably because the baby needed nutrients to grow, so her body apparently was willing to cooperate. Gold took good care of her, got her a blanket, water, bought her the new medicines and picked Sarah up from school.

When the little girl arrived the shop, Belle had just pulled on some make up on her sleep ruined face, they talked about their day as Gold finished closing the shop and Belle toyed with her hair. They were standing in front of the Cadillac waiting for him, Sarah dancing in circles around her.

"Why weren't you working today?"

"Mummy took the day off, because she was tired," Belle said, realising for the first time that keeping the library closed for the day all of the sudden would probably get to anger Regina, but she couldn’t worry about it now. "You really don't mind if we sleep over papa's house tonight?"

"No," Sarah shook her head. "I think it will be fun."

"Yeah, me too."

"We've seen a blue bird at school today," Sarah started.

She was tugging at her mother’s coat now smiling as a story obviously played on the back of her mind. It was so good to see her clever girl had such a better day than hers that Belle wanted to pull her up in her arms and hug her tight.

"Mrs. Gold," she heard somebody calling and turned around to see Will Scarlet coming from down the street. "You look hot today!"

_Good._ The very last thing she needed.

"Will, have you been drinking?"

"Just a little bit... What do you say about the two of us enjoying some time together," he said as he walked towards her, grabbing her waist and sniffling her hair. "I'd love to make you writhe."

"Take your hands off me!"

Belle didn’t know where this strength came from, but she pushed Will away making him fall to the floor and hit his head on the floor a cut appearing in his head and making blood pour. She held onto a breath as she instinctively grabbed Sarah’s hand and stepped back at the same time Gold left the shop and Jefferson crossed the street.

"Oh my God, is he dead?"

"I don't think so," Madden answered, kneeling beside Will. "Gold take her out of here. I'll be calling the Sheriff and talking to him myself."

Gold nodded, then he opened the Cadillac’s door helping Belle and Sarah to settle inside before he drove them home.


	16. Beginning Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold takes care of Belle.  
> Belle has a talk with Regina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A better chapter for Belle, as I promised.

Dealing with her father’s disapproval and Will’s assault in one day wasn’t something Belle could take easily. The whole way back home, she held onto Sarah, ignoring the child’s car seat and embracing her instead, the little girl didn’t question her mother’s action, probably because she had watched the whole thing, which she was luckily too young to understand. Gold didn’t say a thing, he only drove them home as if it was the mission of his life.

She was glad she was being able to handle herself better than she did earlier at the shop, but then Belle knew the pill Archie gave her was probably still making its effect in her body, keeping her a little bit calmer, instead of at the edge of her anxiety.

When they arrived home, Gold hurried to open the door for her and she let Sarah slip from her lap, accepting the hand he had stretched out for her to help Belle to get out. They entered their home, carrying the bags he had packed for them earlier and she took a moment by the doorway while Gold and Sarah took off their coats, just smelling the scent of the house she so desperately missed and at the same time feared going back to. But she was there now, for all she held dearly in her life, she was there and she wasn’t going to ruin things again.

Feeling a tug on the hem of her skirt, Belle looked down to see a preoccupied Sarah staring back at her, who hadn’t moved to even start to take off her own coat. Gold reached for it, helping Belle to slid the piece of clothing down her arms.

"Mama, what happened back in the street?" Sarah asked. "Why was that man trying to hurt you?"

She opened her mouth, but nothing came. Belle had no words to answer her daughter, because she couldn’t quite admit to herself that things like that happened very often with women in all parts of the world. There was no soft way of explaining it to a child, but somehow her husband found one, stepping forward and taking Sarah’s little hand in his as he led her to the kitchen.

"You know, sweetheart, this world is full of bad people," he started. "But mama won that fight, huh?"

"Mama is a super-hero," Sarah shouted out, jumping happily.

Another moment was needed for Belle, but she ended-up kicking off her boots and taking the bags up the stairs instead of following her family to the kitchen, she tried not to look at Bae’s bedroom’s door as she opened Sarah’s and dropped the bag on the floor near her closet, noticing how clean everything was. Gold probably had someone dusting the place and changing the bedcovers earlier, which made her smile at all the care he had been taking of them.

Decided to unpack tomorrow, as she was really tired right now, Belle made her way to the master bedroom and let herself fall to the bed, opening her bag and taking a few clothes off, knowing that she needed a bath. She had a head ache but wasn’t sure if she could take some ibuprofen to ease it, both because she already taken a medicine today – even though it was an anxiety med – and because of the baby. Belle made a mental note to have talk with Doctor Whale about it the next time she saw him.

Standing up, Belle made her way to the en-suit bathroom, opening the door and seeing just one towel there. She sighed, feeling some hormonal tears fill her eyes at the proof that there was nothing left of her in that house. Not a bath towel or a toothbrush nor any clothes in the closet or small trinkets in her nightstand. She was about to sit on the floor and start to weep again as if she was just a spoiled child, but then she heard the tapping of Gold’s cane against the floor and turned around to see him coming around with a plate in his hand.

“I’ll keep Sarah downstairs until she is ready for bed, but I thought I should bring you something to eat,” he explained, placing the plate on her empty nightstand.

“Thank you.”

Belle turned around coming closer to see what he got for her and finding a simple sandwich with lettuce, ham and cheese, just the kind of thing her stomach wouldn’t reject – although it hadn’t protested the hamburgers they had earlier. She picked it up, taking a bit as Gold opened the closet’s doors and started to look for a few things. When he came back, he had a full new bath set ready for her and placed it on the bathroom before making his way towards where she was and caress her face.

“I’m so sorry for what happened in front of the shop,” he whispered. “I wish I could have been fast enough to defend you from Scarlet.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Belle guaranteed. “We are here now and that’s the important. Will be dammed.”

A little smirk appeared in his lips as he bent down to press a kiss on her forehead, but he still looked a bit sad, however he didn’t say anything else, only made his way back to where Sarah was, because after all if he didn’t hurry she might destroy the house. You always needed to be careful with kids. Belle finished her sandwich and brushed her teeth with the brand-new brush he had displayed on the cup on the sink for her.

Then, she took off her clothes and took a long, hot shower. She was feeling more relaxed when she left the bathroom, picking up a white nightgown from her bag, pulling it on and sliding under the covers. Belle only switched the lights off before laying her head against the pillow on her usual side of the bed.

The sheets still smelled the same as they did when she left. Funny she hadn’t realised it the last night she slept there, but Belle guessed she was too overwhelmed by the pleasure and just the peaceful sensation of being in her husband’s arms again to notice anything else that wasn’t related to him. Now, in the darkness of the bedroom, she touched her belly and thought about the little life they created that night.

After what seemed to be a long while, she heard the door opening, but pretended to be asleep as Gold reached for the closet again before going to the bathroom himself. She heard the shower’s noise and imagined Sarah should already be asleep. _Great_ , it was such a waste of day that Belle barely spoke two words with her daughter and didn’t even read for her before bed.

A tear slid down her face and she reached to wipe it just as the bathroom’s door was opened and Gold stepped inside their room, smiling at her as he took a few steps towards where she was. The ends of his hair were dripping, small water drops falling into his open bathrobe, which revealed his smooth naked chest and his pyjama trousers.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not like a super-hero, that's for sure. I feel pretty lame today," Belle murmured.

"You're not," he assured, before reaching for the ends of his robe and taking it off, laying it on the chair near the fireplace. "Do you mind if I crawl into bed with you?"

"No, I was waiting for it."

Smiling he pulled the bedcovers up and slid to her side, getting comfortable in the bed and taking a moment before approaching her. Belle was glad he did it, because she only truly wanted to fall asleep in his arms that night and feel that for once she wasn't alone at all. Gold spooned himself against her, nuzzling his face on the crook of her neck and enlacing her waist with his arms, splaying his palm on her belly. He was all hot from his shower, emanating a sweet soap scent that made her feel home.

"I think we are getting a bump," he murmured to her ear, caressing her stomach.

She didn't have any changes in her body yet, although her belly was definitely firmer than it had been before, but the weeks were passing and the child kept growing strong. There was no bleeding, no sign this pregnancy wouldn't be successful and Belle was trying really hard to hold onto that.

"You know, I'm obsessing about getting to Friday, because that will be when I turn nine weeks," she confessed to Gold. "I lost the last baby at eight, so feel like if I get to nine, then there won't be danger anymore."

"Oh, sweetheart," he whispered, kissing her neck. "You've been through a lot today. If you and him survived it then you can survive everything."

"Him?" Belle inquired with a chuckle.

Even though she couldn't see his face, Isabelle knew that Robert was smiling. His lips were still brushing her skin very slightly, his hot breath sending shivers through her body.

"I think we are having a boy."

"It is a girl," Belle corrected.

"You can't be sure."

"Neither can you."

"You thought Sarah was a boy," he exclaimed in disbelief.

It was a funny story now, but Belle had bought a blue thing or two for Sarah before the ultrasound proved her wrong and showed she was expecting a girl and not a boy. Gold had mocked her for weeks after that, turning her whole world into a pink and purple room, full of girlish things she never thought could exist before she had a child.

"I changed my mind then," Belle answered.

"Yeah, after the scan told you she was a girl."

They were joking, having a nice conversation like the ones they used to share before the accident, but somehow a part of her was sad, desperate even and it made Belle feel bad with herself. She touched Gold's hand right above her belly and turned her face to the side to get a look at his face.

"I don't want it to be a boy," Belle whispered, the weight of her words making her heart clench inside of her chest.

A confused expression appeared in her husband's face as his thumb traced circles on her stomach.

"Why not?"

"Because... Because it would hurt. It would remind me too much of Bae," she confessed, fresh tears starting to fall down her eyes. "I know it is selfish and I wouldn't love this baby any less if it was a boy, but it would hurt."

"Think about how much Bae would like that, maybe it helps," Gold suggested, kissing her wet cheek.

"If - " she swallowed hard. "If it happens and this baby is not a girl, then will you help me? Will you remember me daily of all the reasons I have to love him and not be sad?"

"Always," Robert promised.

She pressed herself more against, filling every curve of his body moulding against hers as she released a delighted sigh. Belle couldn’t count the many nights she tossed and turned on a cold, empty bed, wishing her husband were laid by her side and they would cuddle by the morning, laughing and talking as they explored each other’s body.

"I miss us," Belle admitted. "The way we used to be."

"I do too," Robert agreed, running the hand that was laid on her belly, down her body, caressing her tights and pushing the hem of her nightgown up. "But I know I'm guilty of our separation."

His fingers brushed against her cotton panties and she wished she was wearing something fancier for him, but then, Belle was exhausted, her eyes heavy and attempting to close whist they talked, however her sleepy state didn’t made her want him any less. And, to be honest, he was the guilty over her clothing situation as he had been the one to back her bag. Not that Gold ever cared for what she was wearing, he would look at her as if she was a goddess even if Belle wore her grandmother’s curtains as a dress and he only confirmed that by pulling her panties away and sliding a finger between her folds.

"You're not the only one," she obliged, opening her legs a bit to allow him more access, feeling his clever digit rub her clit deliciously slow, making her senses awake and a wetness start to coat him. "Mm, that's good."

"Does it still calm your heart?"

Belle chuckled but the sound came out strangled and weird, because just in that moment he dived his finger inside her entrance and she squirmed with a sudden rush of pleasure. Calm her heart was the last thing he was possibly doing now; however, she wasn’t complaining.

"Well, now you're making it beat faster but after I think it might still work."

It was like she could feel him smiling as she adjusted her position again and he inserted a second finger inside of her. Belle moaned as his hand moved between her legs and Gold pressed his lower half against her backside, allowing her to feel that he was hardening from the low moans she was letting escape.

"Robert..." She lost all of her words when he scissored his fingers in consonance with stroking his thumb up to her clit. Her head rolled back and she tried to remind herself that she couldn’t scream like she wanted to, otherwise they would have a lot to explain to their daughter, so she bit down her lip and reached for the back of his head, carding her fingers through his hair. "Oh, please!"

"Is it pleasurable, sweetheart?"

Her answer was a muffled cry when he crooked his fingers in a way that drove her directly to the edge. He stroked her through her climax, nibbling at her throat and she thought that his touch felt like fire today, maybe because her pregnancy hormones made everything feel twice as overwhelming, but she didn’t care for it right now, all she wanted was to keep drowning into that bliss. She reached for Robert, behind her, trying to tug his trousers down, but he didn’t move to happen.

"I want you," Belle said. "Please."

"No, today it's about you," he replied, removing his hand from between her legs and bringing it up to stroke her hair, leaving the trace of her scent in it. "You're fragile right now."

"Just stop being silly," she rolled her eyes. "I want this. If I am to be fragile, then I want to be fragile in your arms."

He still looked like he wasn’t agreeing with it, but Belle kissed his lips and attempted to roll back, so they could face each other. He sighed them, allowing her to and immediately pulling her back into his embrace as she pulled his trousers and boxers down to his ankles, hooking a leg over his hip as she kissed him again.

"Belle," Robert murmured against her lips, reaching down to join their bodies.

She trembled in his arms when he entered her and although this position was rather uncomfortable and made it all a bit clumsier, none of them changed it, both because it was better for Gold’s leg and because they could look right at each other’s eyes. They made love in a sluggish way, letting out soft whimpers as they clung into each other’s body until they finally found release.

Later, when they were trying to catch their breath and Belle limited herself to petted his hair as she felt her heart undoubtedly settling back on its normal rhythm, she reached to kiss his jaw, swearing to herself that she would never again let their problems become bigger than the love they felt for each other. They would face the world together from now on and nothing would come between them.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For taking care of me."

"I love you, Belle," he said and these simple words gave a whole new meaning to their renewed relationship. "I'll never stop loving you."

"Good, because I love you too."

* * *

 

A peaceful night of sleep wasn't a luxury Belle often got. An annoying part of her anxiety was her problems to sleep until the right time to get up, she always woke hours before she needed to, which was pretty irritating, but in that day, specifically, Belle slept so deeply, wrapped in Robert's arms that the only thing able to wake her up was the screaming sound of his alarm clock. She made a whiny sound as she felt Gold moving to turn it off, causing the blanket that covered them to slid down her body and make her shiver with cold.

"Mm, stupid thing."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Gold murmured, kissing her forehead. "It is time to go to work."

"I know," she sighed, sitting up on the bed and scanning the room in search for her bag. "I need to find some clothes, but I'm sore."

Her muscles were aching, mainly her legs, but nothing could pay the fact she had woken up on her old bed with Gold by her side, slowly stroking her back up and down.

"You're not going to work today," Robert said.

"What?"

"You're done with the library for now," he explained, sitting up on the bed too and straightening her messy hair. "It is better if you stay home during this pregnancy. It's safer."

Never before he had asked such a thing of her. Gold always offered Belle all the freedom she wanted, he was proud of how hard she worked and said she should be able to rule her own life, which she appreciated very much, but now what she saw in his eyes weren't a possessive look most husbands had when they wanted to restrain their wives’ social life to their house and their children, but a tender look of genuine preocuppation. She smiled fondly at him, touching his chin and pressing it between two fingers.

"I can't take a leave now, Regina will just fire me."

"Then let her," he shrugged. "Belle, I'll find you something else to do, you can work with me at the shop, but think about it, alright? Being near Will Scarlet won't be good for you now."

Worrying at her lip, she slipped off the bed, touching her still flat stomach as she reached for her bag, opening the zipper and taking a look on what he had packed.

"I think you're right," Belle agreed. "It is time to move on."

"Won't you stay in bed then?"

"No," she shook her head, picking up some clothes and turning around to look at him again. "I'll talk to Regina myself, she is not going to fire me. I'm tired of not being in control of my own life. I'll quit."

A little smirk appeared in his lips as he threw the blankets away and stood up as naked as the day he was born and just in timing with it, came a knock on the door.

"Papa," Sarah called from the other side of the door, turning the knob.

"Holy shit!"

Gold quickly jumped back under the bedcovers, his face turning bright red as the little girl came inside jumping happily. She was wearing pink pyjamas and had a Teddy Bear wrapped in her arms.

"We need to start locking doors again," Belle chuckled, taking Sarah's hand and leading her back to the door. "Come on, babe, let's get dressed."

So, while Gold took a shower, Belle got Sarah ready for school and sent her downstairs where she could wait for papa to make breakfast. Belle bathed herself too, knowing it wouldn't be nice to show up at the mayor's office smelling like sex. She pulled on a nice skirt and a beautiful blouse and tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing as she made her way through the hallway to the kitchen, stopping when she heard a knock on the front door.

"Jefferson, hey," Belle smiled when she opened it. "Come in."

"How are you feeling?" Madden asked, taking a good look at her.

"I'm fine. Do you have any news about Will?"

She was expecting to call him later, maybe after she talked with Regina, but Jefferson was a loyal friend, so course he would have showed up even before she could remember about finding her phone.

"Yeah, he doesn't remember what he did to you. He was complely drunk," Madden explained. "David wants to keep him in prision for a few days to see if he learns his lesson."

They entered the kitchen, finding Gold and Sarah already sat by the table having breakfast. The amazing smell of eggs and bacon filled the whole house and made Belle's stomach feel empty and her mouth water. Yes, her appetite was definitely back and she thought she might die if she didn't have a plate full of food in front of her in a few seconds.

"Uncle Jeff," Sarah exclaimed, rushing to give him a hug.

"You look lovely, ladybug!"

Jefferson played with her ponytail, twisting the fake purple hair stripes that fell from her hair-tie as she went back to her seat.

"Sit and eat with us," Gold invited him.

"Oh, no thanks, I've grabbed a donut from Granny's on my way to here," Jefferson answered with a wave of his hand. "I just came to see how you all were doing after a very unfortunate day."

"I intend to have a talk with Mr. Scarlet as soon as possible," Gold guaranteed, "but we have priorities right now."

Belle looked up at him, from where she was taking all the remaining bacon from the pan and sliding it into her plate. She thought he would just forget about Will's assault, but he surely wouldn't. They would need to talk about it later.

"Yeah, like taking Sarah to school and quitting jobs," Belle completed.

Jefferson arched an eyebrow at her.

"Quitting jobs?"

"I love the library, but I think it is time for a change," she said with a soft grin. "I'm going to Regina's office."

"In this case, I'll go with you," Jefferson smiled.

* * *

It took a lot of courage for Belle to get into Jefferson's car knowing that she was about to face Regina Mills. A part of her screamed that it wasn't right to run away from her problems and simply give the library up this way, but an even bigger part yelled even louder that she needed to start over. For once, she decided to do the brave thing and follow with her original plan, because if she didn't make any changes in her life now, then she would spend the rest of her days afraid of trying.

As they drove towards the town hall, she thought about the adventurous girl she had once being, remembering how much she had always encouraged Bae to explore the world. They had done a few travels together, the whole family having a fun time, but it never seemed enough and now she regretted not taking her children to more different places. Bae would never visit half of the places he should. Those opportunities were lost and weight of it brought a whole new ache to her chest, but Belle tried to ignore it, concentrating in the words she should day to the mayor.

When Jefferson parked the car in front of the huge building, she picked her bag and took a deep breath, preparing herself.

"Thanks for the rid, Jeff," she said with a smile. "I think I can handle it on my own now."

"Are you kidding?" Madden inquired, arching an eyebrow at her. "Do you think I'll lose the opportunity of seeing Regina Mills smashed down? Oh, no, I'll come with you."

"I didn't come here to smash her down, just to quit my job."

"Anyway, I'll be your support, bookworm."

Giving him a thankful smile, Belle shook her head. She opened the car's door, feeling a cold gush of wind hit her, making her shrink inside her coat. The changes between the seasons were always welcoming, but sometimes she needed a few weeks to get used to a new weather and the fact the sun was hiding itself between the clouds didn't make things easier for her.

"No, stay here," Belle said. "I'll scream if I need help."

Jefferson seemed to want to protest, but she slipped off the car faster than he could speak, rushing inside the building before she could change her mind and go back home. Truth be told, she didn't want Jefferson to get in with her because it would make Belle feel pressured to have a great attitude again when all she could ever hope to do was not cry again. She was tired of crying and she was tired of feeling weak, so as she made her way to Regina's office, she told herself that her mother had raised her to be better than that and Colette would be disappointed to know she had become a scared rat.

"Madam mayor?" Belle called, knocking on the door before opening it and peeking a look inside.

Regina was sat by her desk, reading what she thought to be some kind of document as she toyed with a pen between her fingers.

"Mrs. Gold," the mayor said, without looking up at her. "I don't remember having an appointment with you."

"You don't," Belle agreed. "I came here because I'm giving the library up."

These words made Regina glance at her, placing the pen carefully on the desk as she moved herself on the chair, shifting the position of her crossed legs.

"What?"

"I can't work with Will and if you have any questions about it I think Sheriff Nolan will be glad to explain the whole situation, but more than that, I just can't work anymore."

"I've never taken you by someone who gave up things this way," Regina answered, eyes wide with surprise.

"Believe it, I'm not," she assured her, "but these past months have me destroyed, I don't think you can understand the pain of losing a child and I don't wish you ever have to, but I need to collect myself right now and I can't do this when I keep fearing who is going to ask me for a book next."

Belle was being sincerer with Regina - and with her self - than she did in a long time. After the accident, when came the grieving, she was in denial of course, but Belle thought that seeking for help and having all those therapy sections with Archie would be enough to fix her life, but it wasn’t, not as long as she kept fearing everything. She wouldn't stop being preoccupied with Sarah and the new baby all of the sudden, nor be surer of where things were going with Gold but start to try living a calmer life was a good step to begin with.

"Alright, you have all the rights to quit," Regina nodded. "I just want you to know you won't get this job back if you truly follow with this."

"This library has been my entire life for almost eleven years," Belle contemplated. "I'll miss it, of course, but I have other passions and I have learned that family always comes first, so I'll give myself a chance of fixing mine."

She hadn't realised that her hand had floated down to her belly, only when Regina followed it with her eyes and blinked, a surge of pain shinning in her dark irises, she remembered it should be a secret.

"You and Gold are back together."

"Yes."

The mayor leaned back against her chair and Belle thought she saw her fighting against tears. Maybe, she thought, she wasn't the only broken woman around town. Regina just knew how to hide it better than Belle would ever manage to.

"How did you forgive him?"

"Forgive him?" Belle inquired, furrowing at her.

"For the accident."

"It wasn't his fault and we both know it."

Lifting her hand, Regina brushed her thumb against her left eye and she saw a silver trail tracing down her other chin. She too had lost somebody she loved to the moon and back.

"I can't forgive Robin, not even now, after all this time," she whispered in a pained tone of voice. "He left me alone."

"He didn't ask to die, Regina."

"No, but he died for a reason, one that your husband refuses to speak up."

Sighing, Belle nodded. It all came back to that investigation. She hated to know the truth, although she never asked for the details of it, while Regina, who had all the rights of knowing exactly why Robin had been killed remained in the dark, but Belle couldn't just open up her mouth and let it all slip off, for the sake of her own family.

"My husband is a good man, he would do anything to help if he believed it was for the best. We've lost our son, but right here," she started, slowly, pointing at her own stomach with one hand and cradling it dearly with the other, "we have the cure for Sarah's illness and the second chance we needed. We can't risk it, Regina and you shouldn't risk you boys' safety too. Give up on this search."

"I can't," the mayor replied with a sound that was half a sob half a gasp. "You have a new beginning, but all I'll ever have is the answers Rogers can get me."

Shaking her head, Belle took a few steps back.

"I'll take my things off the library as soon as I can."

In better days, she would have stayed and tried to comfort the woman that was now helplessly crying in front of her, but there was still a lot of resentment between Regina and her, not to say that Belle knew she couldn't just change her mind. She turned around and left.


	17. The Truth About Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle finds a new job.  
> Rogers talks to Zelena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has mentions to suicide and abortion.

It took Belle almost two months to decide that being a housewife wasn’t healthy for her. She felt absolutely bored during the first week but tried to convince herself that if she tried harder, it wouldn’t look so bad, so she started doing some non-stoppable cleaning, reorganised all the things Gold had gotten out of place – well, actually out of the place Belle considered right for them – brought all her stuff back from the library’s apartment, made research about Sarah’s future treatment with the stem cell, read lots of books and even tried to cook, but that life wasn’t for her.

She could do a million things in a day and she would still feel useless. It was during an afternoon tea with Alice and Grace in which she complained about how stagnated her life was that her friend suggested Belle could take a job at the school. Alice Madden was a teacher. One of the good ones, all the kids loved her and her joyful way of presenting new things. Belle had a Literature degree, but she had only ever worked in the library, so at the beginning she wasn’t sure if that could work.

Alice insisted in taking her there anyway and she met Jasmine Shirin, another teacher who was in need of an assistant. Belle had taken a walk around the corridors, seeing the children running around with notebooks in hand and suddenly, she smiled for herself, knowing it was something she could do and that would bring her a lot of joy, so she accepted the job and went home to tell the happy news to her husband.

Gold of course, was thrilled for her, he wanted her to take a rest from what was making her mind troubled and he was glad she had now found something that was healthy for her to do. Sarah spread the news about her mama working at her school in the next day, so then most of Storybrooke was knowing and whispering about it. She didn’t care. Belle told Archie this new job made her feel good and secure about herself in a way she hadn’t felt in months and he also supported her decision of taking it, so that was enough for her.

On Monday morning, Gold dropped Belle and Sarah at Granny’s for a special breakfast while he went on his journey of collecting the rent. It was her first day at the school, he had bought her a diamond necklace to celebrate it and they made passionate love in the night prior, which made Belle a bit sore in actual fact, but she couldn’t quite believe how happy she was feeling. She had a scan booked for the weekend, they would see their baby, discuss the plans for the birth and Sarah’s treatment and everything would be fine. Except for the one thing she didn’t want to think about.

After the scan, she planned on going to the cemetery and take some flowers to Bae and she hoped it wouldn’t affect her. The more her pregnancy advanced and the happier she felt, she was also reminded that Baden was no longer there to enjoy any of this with them.

Taking a long sip of her tea, she looked up at Sarah who was currently playing on the other side of the counter at Granny’s, being all spoiled by Mrs. Lucas, Ruby’s grandmother, while Ruby herself shoved a few – much more than a few – questions at Belle, who tried not to get annoyed at her best friend’s clear concern.

"Are you sure about that?"

"About my work?" Belle inquired. "Of course, I am. Alice was very gentle to help me getting it and I can't wait to start."

"But you quit from the library because you didn't want to face people," Ruby pointed out.

Sighing, Belle lifted her cup again, drinking all that was left of her tea before pushing it into Ruby's direction. She knew everybody had reasons to believe she couldn't do it, she was reluctant at first too, but Belle understood that her problem wasn't dealing with children nor with books as she did her whole life, but other people. Will, Regina and Hades were the main reasons why she decided to quit from the library.

"Yeah, cruel adults I mean," she shrugged. "I'll be working with kids, there is nothing wrong with that. Jasmine said they are learning how to read. It will be fascinating."

"I'm glad that makes you happy, Belle..." Ruby trailed off gesticulating towards her middle section. "But you're pregnant."

Oh, she was pretty aware of that. Her stomach was getting bigger and, in most clothes, people already see the solid curve of her bump, even with the loose dress she had chosen today it was pretty visible. She would never do anything that could put her child at risk, it was the sparkle that was shining from within her, bringing hope back to her life with the promise of saving Sarah too. Belle was careful, but she needed to do things for herself too.

"Ruby, I appreciate your concern, but you're not my mom! I will be fine, I promise."

"Alright," she snorted. "Guess I'll have to trust you."

"Good," the brunette smiled touching her shoulder before standing up. "Come on, Sarah, let Granny work, you and I have to go to school."

Rolling her eyes, Granny picked up a cookie and gave it to Sarah, pinching her rosy cheeks tenderly before letting the little girl follow her mother out of the diner. The school wasn't far from there and Belle thought a good walk was a nice way to start the day. She wasn't wearing any of her beloved high heels, which made it easier, but she considered earlier that the school wasn't the right place for this kind of shoes. And God forbid her from accidentally tripping and falling in her condition.

Belle took Sarah to her classroom first, leaving her with Mary Margaret and Alexandra who had also already arrived as her mother always had to go to work pretty earlier. She was glad Sarah didn't have to stay there all alone and went to the teacher's room with a lighter heart for knowing the two girls were currently colouring together in a good mood. The greatest part about being back home with Robert was that they could give her all those family moments she had been lacking in the past few months. Sarah never complained but both of them knew how much happier she was now. It was clear in the way she laughed and jumped cheerfully around the house.

Her dreams about Bae hadn't quite stopped, most mornings she would tell them about how they had spent hours talking and playing in a beautiful garden and how glad Baden was that their parents were back together and expecting a new child. Bobby and Belle got to the conclusion that Sarah missed him too much to simply let go. She looked healthier now that the meds were working, although sometimes she would still be too tired to do anything and would just want to sleep.

Caressing her bump, Belle told herself that very soon she would be cured and be back to who she was. She pushed the door open and peeked a look inside to see a bunch of women talking around a big table, some of them writing in notebooks, some just having a delayed breakfast. A petite brunette lifted her eyes to Belle and smile widely, waving at her.

"Hey, Belle, it is very nice to see you," she started, standing up and making her way towards her. "I think the kids will love having you around."

"Thanks, Jasmine."

She joined the teachers, being introduced to everyone and feeling nice for the first time in the presence of so many people. When the time came, Jasmine guided her to their classroom on the second floor and they waited until all of the children were settled on their tables before Jasmine stood in front of them.

"Alright you all," she started, gesticulating for Belle to stand up too. "Say hello to Mrs. Gold, our new class assistant."

"Hello, Mrs. Gold," the kids answered in unison.

Jasmine started her lessons and Belle sat back by her table, taking a few notes before she stood up and started to walk around the classroom to see if any of the children were having trouble doing them. She stopped by a little blonde girl and kneeled beside her, seeing how she stared confused at the words.

"Do you want some help with that?"

The girl nodded and presented herself as Amy and Belle helped her to put the letters together, repeating the sound of each one of them with her like she used to do with Bae and Sarah.

"Did you eat too much?" Amy asked at some point, dropping her eyes to her bump. "You have a full tummy."

"Oh, it is not food," Belle chuckled. "I'm having a baby."

Amy's eyes got wide and she had a few questions to Belle before she moved to the next child. Apparently that girl had never seen a pregnant woman before, which was quite amusing. She kneeled beside a skinny boy with a way too pale skin and black curled hair.

"My mom is afraid of your husband," he said as soon as she approached him.

"Is she?" Belle blinked.

"He always wants his rent and we never have enough money."

The kids had an interesting opinion about her husband, Belle found out. That was probably due to all the gossip about him and although she didn't agree with the way Gold used to threaten his tenants, but she knew that if he was a soft man with everybody he would never get his payment. It just didn't make her feel any less sorry for the people who really didn't have money to pay for the rent every month, like that poor boy.

By the end of the day, Belle was exhausted, but also very happy. She gathered her things and picked Sarah up from her class, thanking Mary Margaret for her day of work and going out of the school to find her husband waiting for them with a bouquet of red roses in his hand. Smiling at him Belle kissed his lips, tucking Sarah inside the car alongside with their things and the roses which she thanked Gold for. He caught her in his arms, kissing the top of her head as he caressed her stomach.

"So, what do you think of your first day of teaching?"

"I think we are lucky parents," she said with a sigh. "They are a bunch of curious brats, but I like it."

"I'm glad you found something to do," he answered nuzzling his face at her neck. "I'd be sad if knitting was your only hobby."

A laugh escaped her at the remembrance of Gold and Sarah arriving home after a long day just to find her curled up on the couch, knitting white baby hats. She had never been good at it, but she got way too bored of everything, Belle opened her laptop and searched for video tutorials, thinking it would be a great way spending her time. Robert made fun of her whenever he found her knitting, telling Belle how much she reminded him of his aunties when she was doing that.

Stealing another kiss from his lips, she considered murmuring on his ear all the things she wished him to do with her that night, but Belle didn't quite have time for it, as a man approached them with a perfect sceptical smile on his lips.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gold," Jonathan Hades greeted them. "Hello."

Clutching her husband close, Belle felt her heart race in that painful pace it hadn't reached in weeks.

"Mr. Hades," Robert murmured back, nodding at him and trying to swallow the lump on his throat.

"Lovely afternoon, right? Sometimes I like taking long walks, watching the town moves and remember about remarkable events. The tool bridge and the park have seen quite memorable ones," Hades said with a dark smile that made her stomach twist and a shiver pass through her body. "I thought you weren't together anymore, but that's not a big surprise I guess."

Gold was still in her arms, his jaw clenched and his arms possessively wrapped around Belle, one holding her back as his left hand remained splayed on her bump.

"We should always fight for the ones we love," the brunette answered, wishing he would just go away.

"Oh, you're right, my dear," Hades agreed. "Now what really is surprising is that you have another bread on the oven."

Looking down, Belle noticed that her biggest fear was becoming true. Hades had found out about her pregnancy, well that counting that he hadn't yet heart about that. She knew every single person in town would eventually know about it, as her belly grew bigger to nestle that new life, but out of all the grumpy old people who could spread all the bad humours about them, the only one she feared knowing about that was Hades. Robert still knew things that could put him in jail and he could still want them dead.

"Our miracle," Belle finally replied, joining her hand with Gold's above her stomach.

"That's just touching," Hades said. "Miracles happen once in a while, but of course, you need to take care to not let them die or fade away."

"What - " Gold started but Belle interrupted him.

"Have a good afternoon, Mr. Hades," she finished off, letting it clear to him that this conversation was over.

"You too."

Hades dived his hands into his coat's pockets and followed his way down the street, leaving Isabelle and Robert Gold alone again. She saw as her husband released the air he was holding and his hands tightened in fists as he dropped them to his sides.

"God help me, Belle, I'm going to kill him."

"No," she exclaimed. "No, my love, you have to promise me you won't do this! I was wrong when I said I wanted Hades dead, we shall not avenge Bae with our own hands."

"He has just threatened our baby and he killed our boy," he yelled back and Belle was glad there was no one else around to hear it.

She took a look inside the car and saw that Sarah was thankfully distractedly playing with a stuffed duck singing to herself and not paying attention at all at her parents.

"I know," Belle whispered, covering her belly with a protective hand.

"The gun is still in my safe," Robert confided her, talking about the objected he had acquired right before Robin was killed and it became clear that Storybrooke was no longer a safe place to live. "I thought about taking my own life with it many times during our separation but now I think it can be of better use."

"Bobby..." Belle trailed off, taking a step into his direction and palming his cheek. "Please, don't speak like that anymore, I don't want you to ever feel like this again."

He snorted, but nodded, taking her back into his arms and pressing his forehead against hers.

"I won't," Gold promised. "I thought I would never find happiness again, but you are right, Belle, we must fight for the ones we love and that's why I must get rid of Hades."

"Look at my eyes," she asked as he had them shut close. "We have what we need and we will stay very far away from him, alright? Now, please take me home."

Kissing her wrist, Gold nodded, opening the car’s door for her and making his way to the driver’s side, not quite ready to forget Hades’ threat, but willing to take a break from his murderous thoughts towards him to take care of his family.

* * *

 

Rogers initially had plans of going straight to San Francisco as soon as Will Scarlet told him about Zelena Mills, but when in the next morning after it, he found out the idiot had been arrested for harassment, he decided to be careful and not trust his words so easily. Along the next few weeks, he made the most innocent questions he could to people around town about Robin as he tried to take any information about Zelena from her sister, the mayor.

When she confirmed that Zelena had moved to San Francisco, Rogers decided to invest everything in trying to find her. He couldn’t simply ask Regina for an address, because the stress of the whole situation would only cause a bomb to explode in town and, if Hades was crazy enough to kill Robin and sabotage the Gold’s car, then Rogers was pretty sure he would anything to shut up anyone who tried to put in in prison.

He went back to his home in Seattle, the agitated Hyperion Heights, so he could use the precinct’s resources to make a proper research, while he caught up some lost time with Sabine, his girlfriend, who was really upset by his absence. Tilly was happy to be back and spend some time with her soon-to-be step-mother too, mainly because Sabine was always cooking for her and well, Tilly loved food.

Those were nice weeks but work still called him – most literally as his phone usually had a hundred missing calls from Regina daily – and he had to meet up with Zelena at some point. He left Tilly behind, for safety reasons and begged Sabine to not let Eloise, the little girl’s mother, get any near to her.

He spent a whole day at the hotel, revising his notes about the case and trying to memorize every detail about this twisted story that he had collected before going to the gym where she worked as a spin instructor. Rogers waited outside her class for almost an hour, annoyed by the loud music until the people started to come out of there and he could finally enter the room. Zelena was all alone, drying her sweaty face with a towel.

"Zelena Mills?"

For a second, she went still, then her hand disappeared inside the opened pure in front of her to appear again a moment later with a gun in it. One that was being pointed right at his chest.

"Who are you?" Zelena inquired, wildly. "Who the hell are you?"

"Whoa, calm down," he begged, opening his distinctive for her, which made Zelena drop her hands to her sides, lowering the gun. "I'm detective Rogers, I'm investigating the murder of Robin de Locksley. Can we talk?"

She bit down her lip, getting her purse in hands and gesticulating towards the door behind them.

"Come inside."

He followed her to what looked like a mini-kitchen, very, very tiny, will dark walls, a huge fridge that took most of the room’s space and a counter with four stools in front of it. Zelena opened the refrigerator’s door and took a bottle of whiskey from it, pouring a glass for her and taking a second with a question shining in her eyes.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Ah... No, thank you."

Nodding, she took a seat and, after a moment, so did Rogers. He didn’t quite know how to start talking, for the very first time in his entire career, because Zelena looked scared as hell as she took a long sip of whiskey and sighed deeply, avoiding his glance.

"You want to know why Hades killed him," it was her who started.

"Yes."

"Robin was trying to help me," she confessed. "It was my fault."

Well, it seems Scarlet was really right about that. He took an attentive look at Zelena, trying to catch all the emotions she was feeling, but only noticing how different she and Regina were. The woman in front of him was a tall redhead with light blue eyes, with Regina was way smaller and had chocolate hair and eyes. His best guess was that they were just half-sisters, but then, it didn’t matter now.

"I've hear you were going to marry Hades."

"Yeah, I was," she murmured. "I loved him, _very much_. In the beginning he was sweet and full of love, but then things changed, he wanted to rule my life, he wouldn't allow me to work or to visit my sister… I was all alone and when I tried to stand up for myself, he beat me. I had to run away."

"I understand," Rogers said, sincerely. "But how exactly did Robin get involved?"

Along his years as a detective, Rogers had seen a lot of cases with women like her involved, but most of them ended-up being killed by their abusive partners, or simply disappearing without leaving a clue. Never a second person other than the female victim died. At least, that was what most experiences showed him, but this story somehow, had a unique ending. One which’s reasons Roger’s needed to find out.

Truth be told, he thought it would be way harder to get anything from Zelena, but she seemed to have the need to speak up. Probably because she had spent years holding the truth for herself.

"He used to do some gardening for us once a week, so one day when he came over I begged him to help me," she told him. "I knew it was dangerous and I would anger Hades, but I needed to go, so he drove me to New York first. I spent a full month hidden in there, changing from hotel to hotel until Will Scarlet managed to fake an ID for me and I came to San Francisco."

"But why didn't Hades kill Robin all those years ago when you first disappeared?"

"He didn’t know what I did," Zelena said, drinking more from her whiskey before lifting her cold blue eyes to him. "Listen, Regina has no idea of what really happened, she thinks we just broke up and I moved out of town, so one day she told Hades I had a daughter."

Rogers blinked. Now things were starting to make more sense.

"You were hiding his child?"

"No," she said with a shook of her head, tracing the border of her glass. "Thank God, my sweet Margot is not his, but my husband's, Chad. Hades just didn't know that until very recently as I was pregnant when I left. He spent years looking for me because he thought I was keeping his child from him, but when he finally decided to give up on his search and went back to Storybrooke, Regina told him I had a daughter and was living in here, so he came looking for me."

She hissed at the thought as if just the remembrance of that day made her feel some kind of invisible – and maybe psychological – pain. Rogers must not know every detail of this story yet, but he could already say that Hades was a bastard who should be sentenced to many years in prison.

"Did he hurt you?"

"He tried. Chad stopped him," Zelena snorted. "When I told him that I had made an abortion he went mad. I thought he was going to kill me."

"So instead he came back home and killed Robin," Rogers concluded.

The redhead nodded and a tear slid down her face, falling on the dark counter in front of them.

"Yeah. Robin was my saviour. He booked the appointment at the clinic and held my hand while the doctor worked..." Now she was shaking and Rogers could tell none of this had been easy for her. Whoever Zelena Mills was and whatever she had done, she still suffered for it. "I wanted to have that child, but I couldn't bear to be bonded to Hades forever."

"I'm not judging you. I just wanted the truth," Rogers affirmed. "You need to come to Storybrooke with me, Zelena, so we can put Hades in prison."

Waving her head at him, Zelena slid down from her tall stool, grabbing her purse and leaving her half-empty glass on the counter.

"You don't have any real proof that he killed Robin," she started. "When you do, we can talk again, so I'll be sure I won't expose myself for nothing."

Opening up the door again, Zelena Mills disappeared, leaving Rogers alone to wonder what the hell he could do with the truth if she was totally right and he had no real ways of arresting Hades. At least, not yet.

* * *

 

Ultrasounds always got Belle nervous. She would be pacing around the room if Ariel hadn’t already covered her skirt with towels so the gel wouldn’t ruin it, but she guessed that having her husband sat by her side, murmuring how much he loved her was a great incentive to be still while they waited. Doctor Whale appeared after what seemed to be a long hour but was actually just a few minutes.

He was holding a red folder in his hands, which he was calling “the miracle” folder as it contained all of Belle and Sarah’s medical story, from their diagnostics of infertility and multiple organs failure to a surprisingly pregnancy and a sudden waken from the coma. Ever since she found herself expecting, he was tracing down the best ways of doing every single thing and she was glad to have someone as dedicated as him taking care of them.

"Hey," Whale greeted them. "Nice to see you two again, although I'm happy our meetings are not so frequent anymore. I'm glad Sarah is alright for now."

"And so are we," Gold said, petting Belle’s hair. "But I can help worrying about her all the time, I think that sometimes she looks way too pale and she is always tired."

"It all will come to pass when we start the treatment with the stem cells, which leads me to something I want to discuss," the doctor started, taking a seat on his tiny stool by the ultrasound machine. "I think this baby should be delivered with a C-section. I know you must want a natural birth, Belle, but this way we will make sure everything goes according the plan and both the baby and the cells are perfectly safe."

She wetted her lips. Belle hadn’t thought about that. Her previous delivery had been natural and she just assumed this one would be too, painful contractions and all, but now the reality hit her. She needed to understand that the child wasn’t the only factor to be considered, but the blood that contained the cells too and without it, they would lose Sarah, so she better agree with anything the doctors proposed.

"I - I think we can do this."

"Right," Whaled smiled. "I have two friends from Seattle who would love to work with us. They are very interested in you and Sarah, for medical boring reasons, so if you allow you'll have the best paediatrician and the best neo-natal surgeons coming over to Storybrooke to take care of you."

"Oh, that's fine," she said, amused with the fact anyone would want to come all the way from Seattle just to help with a labour and an anaemia treatment.

"And suddenly it becomes a show down…" Gold trailed off, also impressed.

Whale laughed, picking up the bottle of gel and spreading some on Belle’s stomach with the help of his probe. She had to admit that she didn’t enjoy being pressed by that thing, but then it was needed if she ever wanted to see her precious miracle baby on the black and white screen.

"Doctors have funny hobbies, Mr. Gold," Whale said. "Now, let's see the little one."

For a moment, Belle closed her eyes. It was her fear of something – anything – going wrong that made her feel so anxious again, although not in the way she had been feeling after the accident. Some days were so good and so normal lately that she considered if she had been cured of her anxiety, but then, all of the sudden her heart raced and she knew she would never be truly free of it.

"Everything seems to be just fine," the doctor murmured.

"Can you see if it is a boy or a girl?" Belle asked.

"Yes. Do you want to know?"

She looked up at Gold and he nodded, excitedly.

"We do."

Whale moved the probe down on her belly and pointed at the lower parts of the baby, making a red circle with a button of his machine.

"Here," he said, pointing it out. "No doubt a boy."

The whole world stopped. She wanted to cry. Curl herself in a corner and just weep because she was so overwhelmed with this that she couldn’t really find words to say how much. Gold helped her to clean herself of the gel when Whale left and then, took Belle to the corridor, but she was walking as if she was blind, only focused in the thoughts of little Baden walking around with small chubby legs and a giggle that warmed her heart in the most special way.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"We are not replacing Bae, right?"

"Oh, Belle, of course not," Gold guaranteed, cupping her cheeks and kissing the top of her nose. "He wanted a little brother, remember? You've said it yourself."

"But he won't be here to play with him,” she sniffled. “I miss our Baden."

"We will miss him forever," Robert whispered. "I can't spend a day without thinking about him, remembering his laugh or the times he crawled into bed with us, talking about a bad dream."

Some tears were falling from her eyes, but he promptly brushed them away. Belle was glad he was there, because if she was doing all of this alone, then she thought that she wouldn’t be able to take it.

"It breaks my heart to remember."

"Let's not be sad right now, we should be celebrating this news," Gold said. "We have a healthy son on the way, Belle."

A little smile appeared on her lips and she felt for the very first time a quick coming from within her. She took Gold’s hand above the place and it kicked again. Their son, making his presence known, assuring her that her fears were stupid, because she would never stop loving Bae just because she now loved him too. And oh, how much did Belle love him!

"I already love him very much, Bobby,” she felt the need to say. “I want him to look just like you."

"Poor thing," Gold chuckled.

The moment was interrupted by a shout that came from the other end of the hallway, which led to the maternity waiting room.

"Robert!"

"Jefferson?” Gold inquired, glancing up at their friend that looked way too messy, as if he had come straight from his bed. “What are you doing here?"

"She is born," Jefferson exclaimed. "My daughter is born! Come and see her!"

Belle blinked but got a hold of Gold’s hand and followed them to the room where lots of babies were laying, some of them sleeping peacefully, some screaming loudly. Jefferson pointed at a tiny baby girl, wrapped in a white blanked with a pink hat on her small head.

"There my dear friends, is Margaret Elizabeth Madden."

They smiled, the babies cried, the little boy that was still to be born kicked and Belle Gold felt hope.


	18. The Wrong Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold gives Rogers some information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: I’m not sure if this is should be labeled as “graphic descriptions of violence” but this chapter features the flashback of Robin’s death, so be warned anyway.

Finding Gold in a good mood had been quite a difficult thing for about eight months after the accident happened, but ever since he got back together with Belle, the pawnbroker was constantly spot wearing a tiny smirk in his lips, almost as wider as the one he wore before it all. _Almost_. The whole town knew by now that they were slowly finding happiness again, if the times they shared quick kisses on the sidewalks and Belle's ever-growing belly weren't enough indicate of that. They were always together now, unafraid of showing everybody how much they loved each other and were fighting for their marriage.

There were things that haven't changed though, like how Belle was still afraid something could happen to their baby boy or how Sarah still looked weak, even with the help of her medicines, but the fact that they were giving the best of themselves to work things out, made everything seem better. Belle seemed better which for him was on top of his list of reasons to be happy. She continued to see Archie two nights a week, but she was now eating more, smiling more and the pills to control her anxiety hadn't been needed.

Her new work seemed to help with that, alongside the fact she hadn't crossed paths with her father too and Gold was determined to not allow Moe to get any near to him. The same could be told of Will Scarlet who he had visited at the Sheriff station shortly after he attacked his wife. In that occasion Gold had found him lazily laid on a very uncomfortable, small bed and with David Nolan's consent he approached him for a talk.

"Mr. Gold," he greeted him with a nod, sitting up. "What can I do for you?"

Robert took some threatening steps towards him, grabbing the bars of his cell and narrowing his eyes at that damned man. If it wasn't for the cell between them he would have already jumped on his throat.

"You can stay the hell away from my wife," Gold said behind gritted teeth. "If you ever get anywhere near her again, I swear I'll make you regret it. What kind of man would harass a pregnant woman?"

"Being pregnant doesn't make her any less hot. I bet you agree with that."

"You son of a - "

"Alright, Gold, time is over," David Nolan intervened. "We will take good care of him, don't worry. He has another two weeks of enclosure to decide to never get any closer to Isabelle again."

It wasn't of any reassurance for him, but if Will insisted in being the jerk he was, then things wouldn't end in a pretty way. That he would make sure of, but that conversation had happened days ago, now he was making the shop's monthly inventory and trying to rush it as he had promised to pick Belle and Sarah up from the school and he still had to go out to buy some lunch before knocking on a few doors to collect the rent.

Flipping a page, Gold snorted, hearing the bell on the front of the shop jingle, announcing the arrival of a costumer - or in this case, just an annoying idiot. He lifted his eyes to see detective Rogers walking towards him with a fierce look on his face.

“Fuck off,” Gold said immediately.

“The sign on your door says you are open,” Rogers retorted.

“I don’t care what the damn sign says, the shop is mine and I’m saying we are closed for you.”

“Enough of this, Gold,” the detective shouted out. “I know the truth. I’ve talked with Zelena.”

At these words, Gold closed the book in which he was writing, pulling the pen down above it very carefully. It had been a long time ever since he last heard that name, but whenever it came up, it didn't bring any good news with it.

“Congratulations then, detective," he started in a calculated voice. "You’ve unlocked this town’s darkest secret, now you have to decide what to do with it.”

“I’ve already decided," Rogers said without any hesitation, "that’s why I’m here. I’m going to put Jonathan Hades in jail and you are going to help me.”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t make this enough clear for you, but no, I won’t.”

“He killed your son,” the man screamed, his voice echoing in the shop's walls.

A long sigh escaped Gold. He was the first to want Hades to pay for what he did. He had been the one to feel all the pain and he didn't want to give that twisted man a second chance at ruining his life, but if he agreed with it, he would only bring Hades' eyes over his family again and that couldn't happen.

“Yes, and think twice, detective, you have a daughter yourself. I had this same mission a year ago, I had this same sense of justice, I wanted to free this town from that bastard, but then, tables turned and I lost my boy,” Robert said, slowly. “I’ve made the wrong decision once, I won’t make it twice. I still have people I care about, a very pregnant wife and a lovely daughter, who I would kill to protect, so no I won’t get involved in Regina’s shitty avenge plan.”

Rogers furrowed at him.

“Are you really afraid of Hades?”

“I’m not afraid of him, he is just a coward with money and a few mortal tools. But he was the one to destroy my life and now that I’ve found happiness again, I’m not willing to risk it.”

The detective sighed, tapping his fingers together as he took his time to think. It was obvious that Gold wasn't giving in because he had a family to protect, but if his name wasn't involved in the investigation then maybe things could work.

“You have the clue, the proof that he killed Robin,” Rogers carefully pointed out. “Give it to me and I will assume all the consequences.”

Gold looked down, tracing the edges of his notebook. He didn't know if he should this, but maybe if he only gave Rogers the right information, then the idiot could figure things out on his own.

“Anastasia. Will’s ex-fiancée,” he responded. “She was at the park in the day Robin was murdered, she saw everything. The cameras filmed her, which is why the video from that night is missing. Will is the only one who has access to it, he was going to give it to me, but after the accident, he gave it to Ana and told her to never come back to town again.”

Nodding, Rogers gave him a tiny smile.

“I will find her, then I will arrest Hades and you can be sure your family will stay safe.”

Turning around, the detective left, but Gold wasn't sure of anything he was actually trying to decide if he had done the wrong choice or not. He turned around then and opened the safe, taking his gun from inside of it and knowing that it was better to be safe than sorry.

* * *

 

Belle couldn’t manage to sleep. Half an hour tried to, but every single position she tried felt uncomfortable, her belly wasn’t even that big yet, but it already felt too heavy and the fact that Robert hadn’t come back home yet was making her anxious and she didn’t really want to have to take any pills to calm down her heart. She stood up then, made the bed – because Belle had quite a complex with messy sheets and she wasn’t going to sleep on an unmade bed – and curled herself up on the arm chair and opened a romance.

Her day at the school had been lovely and she couldn’t wait to tell her husband all the details about the gardening experience they were trying with the kids, but he had called her during the break to tell Belle he had a few things to do and wouldn’t be able to pick her and Sarah up from school, so they should go home walking, which was exactly what they did.

A little walking wasn’t a problem for her at all, nor was spending the night alone with her daughter – although Sarah complained a lot about the poor taste of her dinner – but what she truly cared about was the reason that was keeping her husband away until so late. The last time he had arrived home after six was when he was making those investigations to Regina and all of them knew it didn’t have a good ending.

Sighing, Belle dropped the book she was holding to her lap, mindlessly stroking her bump and feeling an insistent little feet kick against her spine, making her hiss in pain. In that moment, the door of the bedroom was opened to reveal Gold, who had a bad and his jacket hanging in one hand as the other tugged at his tie, unfastening it.

“Hey, I was sick worried about you,” Belle exclaimed, standing up and reaching for him, taking the things he was holding and pulling them down to the bed before she helped him to free himself from the tie and he kissed her lips. “Sarah tried to stay awake until you arrived but she passed out half an hour ago.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I needed to take care of a few things, I hope the walk home haven’t exhausted you,” he answered touching her face with a preoccupied look in his brown eyes.

“I’m fine,” she guaranteed. “I was just concerned.”

“You’re crying,” Gold pointed out, furrowing as he brushed the tears away from her face.

She hadn’t realised it, but crying shouldn’t be a surprising thing for Belle at this point, as the last year of her life could be summarised in tears and more tears. It didn’t make her hate to feel this emotional any less. Back when she was pregnant with Sarah, she had been a perfect ray of sunshine, but she had also fallen asleep on her desk plentily enough times, which wasn’t good too, so she guessed she couldn’t complain.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s the hormones and the baby changed his position which is killing me with pain,” she explained.

“Sit on the bed,” Robert said. “I’ll give you a backrub.”

He went straight to the closet, kicking off his shoes in the process, as Belle accommodated herself in the bed again. Gold reappeared some moments later with a bottle of her favourite body moisturizer in hands and settled himself behind her, pulling the nightgown off her and spreading some of the cream on her back.

Some sort of purr left her when his long fingers pressed up and down her back, relieving some of the pressure there, which appeared to bother the baby as she felt him moving away from the place his father was rubbing. Her belly waved at the movement, which was both weird and fascinating at the same time, but the pain was gone and that was all that mattered.

“Mm, that’s a bit better.”

“Belle, my love, can you open my bag, please?” Gold asked, spreading more of the moisturizer on her skin and she reached for it, opening the zipper. “Get the gun from inside.”

Her breath got caught on her throat as she lifted the silver object, feeling her hands start to tremble.

“What are you doing with it?”

“I want you to have it and to carry it with you wherever you go.”

“What? Why?”

Belle moved away, sitting in front of him so she could look at his eyes. She thought the whole story about this gun was over, but apparently it was not and trying to imagine his reasons to bring it to her, made Belle feel sick for the first time in weeks.

“Because Rogers came into my shop today and he is very close to the end of his investigation,” Robert said. “Hades can come for us again and if he is stupid enough to try touching you, I want you to have a way of defending yourself.”

“I can’t shoot him,” she swallowed, looking down at the gun and feeling suddenly terrified of it.

Gold shook his head, placing both his hands on her naked shoulders, rubbing circles on her skin with his thumbs. She was about to start crying again and it was the very last thing he wanted, but they needed to have this frank conversation, for own safety.

“Sweetheart, if you had to choose between that little son of a bitch’s life and yours – _our child’s_ , you can’t hesitate.”

“Bobby… You’re scaring me.”

“I don’t want to, but I can’t lose you, Belle,” he said and she saw that there were tears in his eyes too. “I can’t lose any of you.”

“What if he comes for you?” Belle asked. “What are you going to use to defend yourself?”

“This gun is new, the old one is still in my safe.”

She nodded, sliding off the bed.

“I’ll, put it in my purse.”

Taking long, deep breaths, as Archie had taught her, Belle made her way towards the chair in which she left her school stuff, opening her purse and laying the gun inside, right above a red scarf she used to keep in there for when the day got suddenly colder. Nobody would see it this way and she could try to forget it was there herself.

“May I ask you something?” Belle inquired as she sat back beside her husband, taking her nightgown and pulling it back.

“Aye.”

“You told me once that you wanted to use the gun to take your own life… Why?”

Robert looked away from her face at the same time he pulled her closer to his body, allowing Belle to lay her head on his chest, but she kept staring at him instead of just looking down as he was doing. Ever since the day he let those words slip from his mouth, her heart had been aching some kind of despair that she hadn’t yet experienced.

“There was a time, after you were gone that I couldn’t feel anything but pain,” Gold started. “I spent my days locked in that shop drinking until I was numb. I blamed myself for the accident, for pushing you away and the fact that our family was destroyed was too much for me.”

“Oh, babe…”

“I was raised by my two crazy aunties, my mom died in childbirth and my father never wanted me, as you well know, my ex-wife disappeared before Bae was one and then she died of overdose. I was a bitter when we met and I had the perfect past to become a horrible person, but you brought the light I needed to my life, Belle, you became the mother my son needed and the companion I’ve always wanted for life. With you I had everything I never thought I could have, but then it all was over and I couldn’t accept it. I stopped taking my heart medicines, started drinking and staring at the gun…” He trailed off as if just talking about it took his breath away. “I drowned deep in darkness. The good things I had were gone and I didn’t want to be alive anymore.”

She reached up to touch his face and was surprised to feel that his cheeks were wet with a few tears. Her poor love had suffered as much as she did during their separation and she hated herself for not having noticed it earlier.

“Robert, I’m so sorry that you ever felt like this,” Belle whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth. “I love you so much and I won’t ever leave you again.”

“I know, and I love you too.”

She pressed their lips together again then, giving everything, she had in that kiss, because he had helped her healing and she wanted to do the very same for him.

* * *

 

**_Two years ago._ **

Anastasia regretted going away by the moment she left Storybrooke, but she wasn’t one to admit it and she probably would never have done such a thing if she hadn’t found herself so unhappy, which was the reason why she entered the local park that particular night, hours after it closed. The was a particularly cold night and she was wrapped inside a big red coat, trying to figure out exactly what she should say to Will when she saw him again.

It had been a long time since they last spoke to each other and she wasn’t sure if he was willing to forgive her, but she hoped so, because even after all that time she still loved him with all her heart. She made her way towards the cabin in which Will and Robin usually stayed for a drink or a game after the work was done and from where she was, Ana could already see the lights of it, which made her smile as she remembered some of the occasions she spent in there, planning for her future with Will.

Maybe, she thought, this night could be one of those and he could accept her back without much questioning. Anastasia almost felt hopeful with her own fantasies as she kept walking, but it was a loud sound of pain that echoed in the quiet of the night that made her stop, taking her out of her musings. There was a muffled bang and another groan that caused her to jump in place and hide herself behind a tree as she peeked a look at the most horrific scene she had ever witnessed in her life.

Robin de Locksley was stirred on the ground, curling himself in a ball, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth as another man, dressed all in black kicked his back and made him gasp for air again. Ana covered her mouth with a hand, trying to prevent herself from screaming when the man reached for a long, large piece of wood and used it to beat Robin again, taking another painful scream from him.

“You thought I would never find out, right, you vermin?” The man said and suddenly Anastasia recognised his voice. Jonathan Hades, one of the town’s most powerful men. “You helped that bitch to kill something that was mine.”

“She was afraid of you…” Robin coughed.

“Of course, she was, and so should you,” Hades insisted, beating him up again. The sounds were terrifying and Ana was already crying in fear. “You should learn, dear Robin, to mind your own business.”

Hades had a wild look on his face as he took a gun out of his jacket’s pocket and made Ana lose all of her air. She was about to scream out loud, to do something to prevent him from doing what he clearly intended, but then she felt a hand pressing hard to her mouth and looked back to see Will gesturing for her to get quiet and she focused into looking at his eyes when the sound of three consecutive shoots reached them.

Eyes closed she started crying silently as Hades left the park and, when they were sure he was gone, Anastasia freed herself from will, rushing towards Robin to find his limp body bleeding in the floor, his blue eyes opened and staring up at her. She sobbed and looked back at Will, certainly not the reunion she expected.

“I’ll call the Sheriff,” Ana said in a trembling voice.

“No,” Will shook his head. “You have to get out of here. I’ll make an anonymous call when I’m home, but nobody can find out we witnessed this. You saw what Hades is capable of.”

She licked her lips, wanting to fight against him at the same time she wanted to say all the things she had planned to, but Anastasia was too scared right now to do any of it, so she nodded and, turning around, she also left the park.

* * *

 

**_Present days._ **

“Can you tell me again why are you kidnapping us? I promised Alice I would visit little Maggie,” Belle said, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at Gold. “I even bought her a present!”

Gold sighed, reaching for her tight and caressing her as he drove. He had awakened that day and insisted for Belle and Sarah to pack because they were going to spend the weekend away in their cabin. He wasn’t sure if his wife would agree as that place was full of memories of them with Bae and they had spent quite good days with him in there on the last summer before he died, but he felt like, away from the rest of the town he could get himself some peace of mind, so he bought lots of food, picked some board games and toys to distract Sarah and tucked them inside the car.

“You can see the baby any other day, sweetheart. I can assure you she won’t be any less cute on Monday than she is today,” he said, starting to make his way through the woods.

“I was planning on throw her a baby shower,” Belle complained, crossing her hands over her own belly, “but Maggie came a week earlier than she was supposed to.”

“Babies doesn’t like to wait.”

She sighed but nodded in agreement, continuing to pet the little mound that was now her stomach. This pregnancy was way different than it had been with Sarah – who had been a baby that liked to wait, as she was born at forty weeks, all chubby cheeks and pink skin – Belle felt different symptoms than she did the first time around and her belly was way smaller than it had been at this same stage. He thought it was maybe due to her problems with eating during her first trimester.

“When are we going to get my baby brother?” Sarah asked from the backseat, stretching herself forward so she could take a better look at her parents.

“In about two or three months, darling,” Belle answered.

“Can we call him Bae like my other brother?”

Gold couldn’t help but quickly glance back at her, to see that the little girl was blinking her amazingly blue eyes at him in a pleading way, but by his side, Belle had held onto a breath, hands tightening on her belly. That was the last thing she needed to her and he knew the word “replacement” was probably being screamed out loud inside her mind.

“That’s not a good idea Sarah and I’m sure Bae would like him to have his own name.”

“Can I choose it?”

“You can help to,” he added softly.

“Can we call him Bobby like mama calls you, papa?”

“Let’s try original names Sarah,” Gold chuckled.

He parked the car in front of the family’s cabin, something he had acquired as soon as he moved to Storybrooke, almost twelve years ago. They had spent good moments in there, family moments – Belle, Bae and him, then later in life, Sarah too – and some romantic moments too, whenever they could leave the children with a nanny. Gold sighed, hearing both Belle and Sarah to unbuckle their seat belts and a moment later, Sarah had jumped to his lap, tapping a finger to his chin to call for his attention.

“Can we swim on the lake?”

“I’m sorry, honey, but it is too cold for that,” it was Belle who answered. “Let’s hope papa has some fun ideas for us other than curl under the blankets for two days.”

“Oh, I have all the best ideas,” he replied with a wink as she suddenly started to giggle, but she wasn’t even looking at him anymore, but down at her own lap, hands running up and down her stomach. “What are you laughing at?”

“The baby,” she said, taking his hand in her and pressing it to a point lower in her belly. “Feel it.”

It wasn’t a kick, like he was used to feel, but a wave that brought the biggest of the smiles to his lips, because his child was apparently playing within its mother and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“I want to feel it too,” Sarah exclaimed, pushing Gold’s hand away to press both of hers in her mother’s belly.

The two girls he most loved in that world shared a smile and Robert moved to open up the car’s door, getting out of it and giving then a moment as he picked their bags and took then to the porch. It didn’t take long for Belle and Sarah to follow him, walking hand to hand as he swung the door open and they faced the cabin.

He took a long breath and for the first time ever since he woke up that day and decided to go there, Gold wondered if he wasn’t just pulling his family through a weekend full of ghosts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny thing: I was one second away from updating this chapter into my other fic, The Dark Children, oops.  
> Now, what do you thing is this going to be a painful weekend, a blissful one or a mix of both of them?


	19. Yellow Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle hears and sees things that weren't there.  
> The Gold's pick a name for their baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, my loves. We have lots of references to Bae and a shameless smut. Enjoy it.

The cabin used to be their little piece of paradise. Two months after Gold and Belle started dating, he had hired a nanny to take care of Bae for a weekend like this one and brought her there for the first time. It had been his little secret ever since he bought it and most of the time, when he wanted to be alone, he would gather his things and flee there with his son and showing it to Belle was like opening up another chapter of his life’s book.

She had been amazed by the forest surrounding it, the lake and the animals they found around there. He loved watching as Belle discovered every bit of that place, loved spending some quality time adoring her and knew she was the one when she woke up in the middle of the night to say that she missed Bae and they should bring him over the next time they came there.

In fact, in the next time they did, Bae was with them and they were a family in all the ways that mattered. They were newlyweds and had lots of plans for the future and now as Gold stared at the cabin’s porch, he could remember every single detail of every single time they went there and it hurt because it was the very first time they were there without Bae and he would never be able to visit it again.

A plaid towel was stretched out on the grass, sandwiches and cupcakes placed above it right in front of Gold and Belle, who were eating slowly, both lots in thoughts as Sarah walked around the open glade near them. They watched as she kneeled down on the ground, squealing happily.

“Look papa,” she screamed, “it’s a rabbit!”

The brown and white thing started to hop away from her and Sarah rushed to follow it trying to grab its paw, which made Gold’s head lift in alarm. He tried to decide if he should take his cane and go after her, but she stopped when she heard his voice.

“Sarah stay close, do not chase this thing around!”

Beside him, Belle giggled.

“Afraid she is going to fall in a hole and end-up in Wonderland?”

“I’m more afraid that she is going to trip and wound her knees,” he answered taking a sip of his orange juice before waving a hand at the little animal trying to approach their plates, completing: “And that these freaking squirrels will steal our lunch.”

Belle was about to answer when they heard a different sound and saw that their daughter had finally got a hold of the rabbit’s paw and it was now kicking madly against her.

“Sarah stay put! Free the poor little animal,” she yelled and the little girl let it fall back on the floor, immediately running away from her.

“The rabbit…” Sarah started, blinking watery eyes at her mother.

It could be an indicative that a tantrum was about to start – although she hadn’t been this kind of child ever since she overcome the age of three – but Belle didn’t want to risk anything, so she picked the pack of nuts Gold had brought and opened it, waving it to Sarah who came to pick it from her hands with a curious look taking her face.

“Here,” Belle said, giving it to her. “Take the squirrels away, papa is afraid of them.”

“I’m not,” Gold protested.

Sarah giggled, taking a nut from inside the pack and placing near the squirrel that immediately made its path to it, grabbing the nut and rushing away. There were a lot of them around – actually they seemed to have taken the whole forest and Belle just hoped, not the cabin too – and Sarah took the pack of nuts to feed the others.

“Has the baby gone quiet?” Robert asked, touching Isabelle’s face.

“Yeah, I think he slept.”

She placed a hand above her belly, trying to see if she was right and finding out that she really was, because out of what used to happen every time she pressed her belly – except when the baby was asleep – there was no kicks or sudden movements. Belle looked up to the porch, expecting to see Sarah feeding the squirrels and although she really did catch a glimpse of her daughter with the corner of her eyes, what Belle saw on the porch made her face go pale and a gasp leave her mouth.

It was quick and too real, which made her immediately conclude that it was a delusion of her mind, but she saw him there. Baden. She held onto a breath, clutching her stomach as she focused her eyes in his smiling image, sat there playing with some of his toys.

“Are you alright, Belle?” Gold inquired.

A blink of her eyes and Bae wasn’t there anymore. She looked back at her husband, reaching for his hand, to bring herself some comfort and released a long breath.

“I just… I think I saw something that wasn’t there,” she explained. “This lack of sleep is starting to hit me, I’ll need to make this shift his position or I may spend the night awake again.”

Gold nodded understandably, remembering about how uncomfortable she was in bed last night, tossing and turning, occasionally hitting him with her arms by accident. He hadn’t quite slept well too.

“Are you done eating?” Robert asked and she nodded. “I’ll take these things inside and we can go for a walk.”

He pulled everything they had brought inside the picnic basket and grabbed his cane rising up on his feet with a little grimace of pain, because of his leg. Belle waited until he was stable on his feet before stretching out a hand for him, as she was pretty sure it would take her a long time to rise up from her currently sitting position all alone with a swollen belly on her way.

“A little help?”

Smiling, he pulled her up before picking the towel and folding it. She was straightening her coat when Sarah’s loud scream came to her ears and Belle winced. Her little girl needed to learn how to stop overreacting to everything.

“Mama, look,” Sarah yelled from where she was crouched down on the ground, near the trees. She stood up, holding out two squirming furry things. “Tiny bunnies!”

Belle rolled her eyes, patting her husband’s arm.

“Oh, apparently that rabbit is a mom, _or dad_ , we will never know,” she sighed and he laughed as she made her way to their daughter. “Sarah, darling, put them down.”

The girl shook her head, pulling the bunnies chose to her chest.

“I want one.”

“You can’t have one.”

“Why not?”

“Because they need to stay together _and_ with their mama,” she explained.

Sarah sat bat on the ground, releasing one of the bunnies from her grasp and pulling it down to where another four little furry babies gathered altogether bouncing up over each other as she continued to caress the smallest in her hands.

“We can take all of them home with us,” Sarah promptly proposed.

“I’m sorry, babe, but we can’t,” Belle insisted, crossing her arms, as if to add some authority to her tone. “They belong here.”

“I want a pet and they are cute.”

“I know but they are not meant to stay inside houses like dogs.”

“I want a dog then.”

Another deep sigh left Belle, but at least Sarah released the bunny so she could take her hand and pull her up. The little girl was still looking all full of adoration to the little rabbits and Belle knew that as insistent as she was, this story wasn’t going to die so soon.

“We will talk about this later,” she promised, “now come on, papa wants to take a walk.”

“Bye, bye, bunnies,” Sarah waved as she was dragged back to the front porch of the cabin.

Gold was waiting for them with cane in hand and his overcoat on. Belle had teased him earlier about the fact he had gone to the woods in the middle of nowhere wearing a suit and only brought more suits inside his bag. As if anyone was going to see him wearing his vacation jeans – something that she quite missed, because he looked awesome in them and she loved to tease him about being out of his usual looks.

“Papa, can you give me a dog?” Sarah asked as soon as she saw him and he made the effort to pick her up in his arms and kiss the top of her head.

“A dog, when we are about to have a new-born home?” Robert furrowed. “I don’t think this is going to work, princess, but I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun playing with your little brother.”

Belle knew he couldn’t keep Sarah up that way for more than a few minutes anymore or he would have a sore leg for days, but their girl didn’t quite understand that, although she had been quite understanding ever since she woke up from coma, but Belle could see that sometimes she just missed being carried around by her papa. It didn’t mean Gold should keep doing this for long, though. Belle was about to take her from him when Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck, blinking her blue eyes at him.

“Can we call him Patty?” Sarah asked. “Like Patrick the frog from my favourite cartoon?”

“Patty is a nice name, sweetie,” Gold said, sliding Sarah down the floor with a grimace of pain, “but maybe something a bit more classic maybe?”

Pulling on a funny face, Sarah rushed forward, making her way to the usual path they made whenever they decided to go on for walks. Robert offered her his arm and Belle took it as they followed their daughter through the woods.

“Have you thought about something?” Belle inquired. “A name, I mean.”

“I have this book, ever since you got pregnant with Sarah about name-meanings and I was taking a look at it, in the last few days,” he started. “I found one quite fitting for our little boy, if you like it.”

Glancing up she smiled. Belle was having some trouble finding names, because whenever she started looking for them, she ended-up on Bae’s bedroom, taking a look around and trying to understand why she couldn’t feel all happy like she should be and why she kept lacking that one person that had become so important for her.

“What is it?”

“Matthew,” Robert pronounced. “It means God’s gift and he is a gift we never thought we might get.”

“I like it, has the perfect meaning,” she answered, sincerely. “But I think it feels… Incomplete. Maybe a middle name, or a first one?”

“We have time to think.”

He nodded, kissing the top of her head as they strolled into another glade, this one a bit far away from the cabin, near the lake in which they spent many summers swimming.

“Look it is Bae’s swing,” Sarah exclaimed, hoping up to the wooden seat, her feet floating in the air, as she was too small to reach for the ground with them and play all by herself. “Papa, push me!”

With a chuckle, Gold released her arm and walked towards the little girl, standing behind her and pushing the swing. She stayed there, admiring the view of her handsome husband smiling as he played with their daughter, whose auburn hair was flying behind her, shining in the sunlight, almost in a reddish colour.

There was a tiny fluttering in her stomach and Belle bit down her lip, looking away from them to see the small garden she had insisted in plating ever since she first came there. Belle used to take good care of it – her father was a florist after all – and it was always full of roses, just not today. A gasp left her as she realised that the whole garden was dead, the flower’s petals fallen black and brown on the floor. She felt a surge of sadness, an urge to cry and then a hand was pressed on her shoulder and she looked back to see her husband.

“Is everything alright?”

“My rose garden is dead,” Belle sniffled.

Gold took a second to exam it, pushing the dead stalks away until he found a string of yellow in there and picked it up, showing Belle a perfectly preserved flower.

“Except for this one here,” he said, contemplatively “The beauty in the destruction.”

“Yellow roses,” she murmured taking it from him. “Baden planted these the last time we came here. I planted the red ones.”

“I’ll plant you a whole new garden if that makes you smile,” Robert suggested.

“You’re lovely.”

They stayed outside for quite a while more, until Sarah unintentionally – not really – splashed her feet on the border of the lake, damping all of her clothes. Belle took her inside and gave her a warm bath, untangling her curled hair, that always went magically messy whenever she was playing around, while Gold set some of the games he brought for them in front of the fireplace.

Although the afternoon was really cold, the cabin was really warm. They had stretched out a blanket on the floor and switched between all kinds of board games that Sarah knew how to play until she got tired of them, because after all she was a 21st century child and missed having a TV to watch. She then found Gold’s phonograph and decided to play some of the old vinyl he had stocked in there. Sarah had good fun with some songs from the 70s and they danced around the cabin for what seemed to be hours, until she fell, tired, to the floor, asking to go to bed.

As Belle changed the little girl’s day clothes for a pair of pyjamas, Gold prepared her some chicken nuggets, potatoes and cheese. Sarah ate little of it as her sleepiness, caused mainly by her medicines, always seemed to make it impossible for her to stand doing anything other than sleeping after she took then, but this had also been a very tiring and happy day for her. Belle tucked her in bed, already feeling the smell of the dinner Gold was cooking specially for them to share one the girl was sleeping.

She sat beside Sarah, trying not to look at the other bed that filled that room, one that would e forever empty, and concentrated herself into reading _Cinderella_ for her. Sarah loved that story, as she loved most fairy tales, so when the story was over her eyes were already closed and a smile filled her lips. Belle tried to slip out of the bedroom without awakening her again, but as soon as she stood up, Sarah’s little hand held hers.

“Can we play Falling Monkeys again tomorrow?”

“Of course, we can,” Belle answered with a smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead and pushing the hair away from her face. “Good night, my little love.”

She left the room, closing the door carefully and went back to the kitchen, where she ate the best roasted duck of her life. It was impressive, but by now her nausea as all gone – both the one caused by her pregnancy and the one caused by anxiety – and it was a freaking relieve for her, because it meant she could get to enjoy food again.

A part of her was really jealous of Gold drinking a glass of red wine while all she could get was orange juice, but it was for her child’s sake – both of them in this case, as only God knew what could happen to Sarah if it wasn’t for that baby -  so she would take it happily.

When they finished, Robert insisted in washing the dishes himself so she went to the living room, sitting on the rocking chair they kept near a bookshelf and, for the first time since they arrived, Belle laid eyes on the blue book left there. She picked it up, blowing the dust away from its cover and traced down the gold title with a smile on her lips.

“What are you doing?” Gold asked, coming from the kitchen as he wiped his hands in a dishtowel.

“Look at what I’ve found,” she said, lifting up the book for him to see. “Her Handsome Hero. It’s been ages since I last saw this, I thought I’d lost my copy, but I think we just forgot it here that summer. It was Bae’s favourite and he insisted to bring it so I could read for him before bed.”

“You really taught him right about what he should like or not. He would be just as a bookworm as you are.”

Belle giggled a bit, although the small laugh was marked by a hit of pain and bitterness. She wanted to have Baden there to hug him so much that it hurts; she had taught him to like all her favourite books, but this one was his most beloved story ever.

“Gideon,” she said suddenly, causing Gold’s eyebrows to narrow in confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s the missing name that we were looking for,” Belle explained. “Baden’s favourite character. _My_ favourite character too.”

He smiled as he reached for the phonograph, changing the vinyl for a classic one and letting a sweet, low song fill the room as he stretched out a hand for her and Belle dropped the book aside, accepting it and positioning herself to dance with him as they did many times before.

“Well, I need to admit I like that name very much,” Robert said, kissing the top of her head. “Gideon Matthew Gold, then?”

“It’s perfect.”

“You’re perfect,” he responded, catching her lips in a kiss.

A laugh soft and well-known echoed in the living room, but Belle knew she was probably the only one able to hear it just as she had been the only one able to see that image on the porch earlier that day, because the laugh belonged to Baden. As she kissed her husband heatedly and passionately she started to wonder if Sarah’s constant dreams of him were really dreams.

She was never one to believe ghosts, she thought about afterlife as something very distant from where they were, but she had a faith of some kind, even more now that all those incredibly miraculous things had been happening, however Belle wasn’t sure if she would ever be capable to believe that Bae was somehow watching over them, happy with how everything was slowly working out again.

“Let’s go to our bedroom,” Gold suggested, when he couldn’t dance anymore, all focused in nibbling at her neck. “I’m feeling greedy for you.”

“So, you brought me here for a reason…” Belle giggled. “I see you’re not quite done exploring this cabin with me.”

“No,” her husband agreed.

They had done quite a lot exploring in that cabin during the past twelve years, but they also did in their house, in the library’s apartment, in the shop and… Well, many places. They were quite adventurous people. Maybe that was why they felt so compatible to each other, but in that matter, Belle liked to say they had been almost love at first sight, if not for their stubbornness that took them six months to arrange a first date.

He took her by the hand, leading Belle to their bedroom and locking up the door – no one needed Sarah interrupting this and seeing things she surely shouldn’t be seeing and well, the girl had a timing – before he pulled her close to his body again, diving into a wet kiss.

Belle carded her fingers on his hair, hearing the tump of his cane dropping to the floor as his arms closed around her, roaming over her back soothingly and Belle thought she was glad that the baby wasn’t squirming inside her right now, because it would make her loose her focus at all and that was the last thing she wanted now because she was feeling really needy too.

Glad that Gold had already discarded his jacket and tie before dinner, Belle started to undo the buttons of his shirt, untucking it from his trousers and running her hands up his torso, feeling his arm skin against her cold fingers. He shrugged the shirt off before grabbing the hem of her plush dress and pulling it up, sliding the piece out of her body. Gold took a moment to look at her, drinking Belle all in with eyes full of lust that made her blush a little, even though they had seen each other naked a million times by now.

Reaching for her back again, Robert unfastened her bra, taking it off and cupping her now rounder breasts, feeling their heavy weight as his mouth sucked her throat, making her moan an arch more against his touch. It was going to leave a purple mark, that was for sure. His hands slid down to her bottom, fingers hooking on her stockings and he pulled them down alongside her underwear leaving Belle naked before him.

When he came back to his feet, Belle could see that his cock was already restraining against his trousers and traced a finger along its length, causing him to groan and kiss her again.

“I’m glad you still find me attractive either when I look terribly skinny and when I look swollen like a pig,” Belle said with a laugh, cupping him a bit more eagerly and feeling as he shivered in her arms.

“I can never get tired of you, sweetheart,” Gold guaranteed. “And thankfully those walls are really thick.”

The smirk that took her lips next, was wicked. Belle sat on the bed and he followed her standing in front of the brunette and allowing her to unbuckle his belt, pulling his trousers and boxers down to his heels, letting his cock bob free in front of her face.

“I know something else that’s very thick and way more entertaining than the walls,” she chuckled, getting a hold of his hard member and making him groan. Belle took his own hand, placing it on her shoulder and instructed: “Hold on me for support.”

He held onto her with both hands, hoping his knee wouldn’t fail him when he most needed it and just embarrass him in front of his lovely wife, who even almost seven months pregnant was willing to give him a blowjob. Gold gasped when her lips touched his tip, kissing lightly as her hand stroke up. Belle smiled as she slid her tongue down him before catching him up on her mouth and giving him a gentle suck.

“God, you’re wonderful,” Gold breathed and she did it harder. “Yes, just like this.”

Back when she was young, Belle had felt quite opposite to doing this for any man, she would always refuse when one of her very few partners asked her to, but then she had never been given that kind of pleasure until she met Gold. She was so surprised by how mind-blowing it was that she wanted to make him feel the same way and she never regretted any of he occasions she did that for him, Belle actually liked it now and thought it to be really arousing.

She kissed and licked him, tickling her fingers on his balls and pumping his base until all he could do was pant and hold himself still so he didn’t give in to the urge of thrusting inside her mouth.

“I think that’s fine, sweetheart,” Gold said, breathing difficultly, “you don’t want to spend me just now.”

“Well, I would love to see you come undone,” she answered, pulling away from him and licking the drop of pre-cum that had appeared on his tip.

“Not before you.”

Gold stepped away from the clothes that were still pooling around his ankles and kicked away his shoes and socks before helping her getting to her feet again and took a look around the room, finding the perfect spot. He took her by the hand and led Belle to the desk, lowering her to it as she braced herself on the surface, making sure that her belly would stay away from it, so it wouldn’t be hurt. He bent to kiss her back and Belle sighed happily, opening her legs for him.

“Aye, this way, my darling Isabelle.”

“What about your leg?”

“I brought painkillers.”

Looking back at him with and arched eyebrow Belle chuckled.

“You’ve planned this.”

“Ravishing my wife? I’m always planning this.”

He cupped her breasts again and she closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of having him fully pressed to her, his cock brushing her bottom as he spread kisses along her shoulders and reached one hand down between her legs and spreading her juices around as he caressed her clit, making a tiny moan leave her lips.

“That’s probably the reason why our nightstand is full of condoms,” Belle laughed. “Well, condoms too old to be used now, but still…”

“Good thing we don’t need them tonight,” Gold whispered as he grasped himself in hand, leading his tip to her entrance. “I like to feel all of you.”

Slowly – slow enough to be considered torture for Belle – he pushed himself in opening her up and stroking each little inch of her insides, igniting a flame that ached to be burned. Belle’s fingers curled on the corners of the desk as she pushed back against him, helping Robert to slid deeper until he was buried to the hilt in her warmth.

A curse slipped through his lips as he grabbed her hips and started to move within her, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in. She gasped for air, each thrust increasing that amazing ache that build up her orgasm, Belle wished she was more comfortable, because the weight of her stomach was quite an annoying thing right now, but she tried not to think about that as she continued to shift her hips back against Gold’s gaining a stronger pace that made both of them moan a bit louder.

She whined when Gold pulled away from her, just when she was getting so close of her peek, but then he helped her to sit on the desk and she smiled, because this position was even better. Belle had always loved to see his face whenever he came undone in her arms and she wrapped herself around him and he guided his cock to slid inside her again.

“More comfortable?” Gold asked.

Belle nodded, kissing his jaw and inclining her body a little so she could feel all of him.

“Perfect,” she murmured. “I love you. I’m so close…”

There was a kick against Gold’s stomach and he laughed as he dived his face on Belle’s neck, kissing it as he rubbed the side of her belly and increased his pace, wanting to finish it quick, now that the baby seemed to be bothered by his parents’ choice of activity.

“Harder,” Belle pleaded. “Please, just a bit harder, Bobby. It is so good!”

She couldn’t quite keep her eyes open as the pressure grew stronger and Gold became erratic, groaning sweet and filthy things to her ear as she panted, her inner walls clenching around him as he came with a grunt, finally reaching between them to stroke her clit until she broke down with a cry, everything going white as her pleasure became liquid, and then, the whole world went silent, the sound of their heavy breaths the only thing that could be heart.

Belle held onto him a happy smile on her face. She felt boneless, unable to move, which was quite the contrary for her baby boy, who was squirming inside of her, kicking against his father and letting it clear for her that he wasn’t interested in allowing her to sleep during that night at all.

“Are you alright?” Robert asked, brushing the hair away from her face.

“More than alright,” she answered, sleepy. “Gideon says he doesn’t approve being disturbed from his sleep by his needy parents.”

A tiny chuckle left him as he bent to press a tender kiss to the top of her belly.

“Sorry about that, little one,” he muttered.

Petting his hair, Belle slid from the desk, kissing his lips and taking his hand, noticing how shaken his legs seemed to be. She reached for the bag he brought and took one of the painkillers he brought, handing it to him alongside a bottle of water. Gold drank it and they went to bed, settling themselves into each other’s arms underneath the bedcovers.

“Thank you,” Belle whispered to him, feeling her eyes heavy, wanting to close and the baby, insistently kicking at her.

“For what?”

“Making me feel like I have something worth fighting for again.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead. Tomorrow would be another day and they would make it through it, because they had one another.

* * *

 

**_Two years ago._ **

It was a Wednesday night and Granny was serving lasagne with white sauce. Belle had insisted they’d come and have dinner there, although Gold complained a lot about how he had already bought all the ingredients to roast lamb for them, she argued that the ingredients would still be in their fridge in the next day and the family ended-up in their usual table, Bae and Sarah very happy and already thinking about what they would have for dessert.

It was the first time they heard Hades’ name ever since he left town. Robin de Locksley were still alive by that time and they bumped on him leaving the diner with Henry and Roland just when they were arriving, but none of them knew that his life would end in such a short time.

Sarah was sat on her father’s lap, a lipstick she had stolen from her mother’s purse on her little hands as she tried to paint Gold’s cheek with it. Baden was sat beside Belle, distractedly flipping the pages of a comic book as they waited for their lasagne.

“Emma said her father was worried today,” the boy commented.

“Why?” Belle inquired, averting her gaze from Gold and Sarah to him.

Baden shrugged, pulling the comic book down.

“She says he owed money to a guy and that he came back to town and now they were all worried because he was a bad guy,” Bae continued. “I think his name is Hades.”

Gold looked up at the sound of that name. Hades worked proving loans to people, he was a very powerful man with lots of money but known by having no mercy with those that didn’t pay for their debts. He left many people in Storybrooke, homeless, simply in misery. If Robert was feared, Hades was twice as terrifying for the town’s residents.

“That’s certainly a bad thing for them. I hope Mr. Nolan has the money he needs to pay Hades now,” Gold said, giving Sarah the perfect opportunity to draw a pink line on his cheek.

“Yeah,” Baden sighed. “I’m glad we don’t have any debts like this. Emma looked really afraid of him.”

“Well,” Belle started. “I’m sure Emma’s parents will find a way of paying their debt and you don’t have to fear, because Hades has no reason to ever bothering us, alright?”

He nodded and Belle bent down to kiss his hair, hugging Bae as Ruby came from the kitchen with four hot plates. In that night, Bae believed her, but he could have never known that his father’s actions along the next year would make all of them a wanted target for Jonathan Hades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shall we move to the real action next?


	20. A Cowardly Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogers talks to Ana.  
> Belle meets up with Moe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay with this chapter. Tough week, I didn't even think I was able to post this chapter until Friday, but I'm slightly better, enought to sit here and do this again.  
> Oh, I want to thank everybody so much for the Happy Ending Awards nominations! This fic has been nomined for Best Modern AU. Bittersweet, The Dark Children and The Parent Trap are also on the list, so I couldn't be more grateful, you are amazing!

Rogers liked to think of himself as a careful person. He was living in Storybrooke for about a year now which meant that Tilly was going to school there now and Sabine occasionally popped up to see them. Eloise – his annoying ex-wife – kept calling and threatening to call her lawyer if he didn’t come back to town with their daughter, but as Rogers knew she had no real reason to do so other than bothering him and nor did she had the money to pay for a lawyer, Rogers ignored her and focused in his work while trying to give Tilly the needed attention.

He would have gone to Boston earlier if he was one of those reckless guys he had met in Hyperion Heights, but he wasn’t, so Rogers stayed in town for long weeks doing all the research he needed before taking the road. He already knew this was a very dark, twisted story and that he would probably only find another broken person in there, which made him study each step carefully, even more because he wasn’t alone like when he went to San Francisco to see Zelena. No, today Tilly was with him and anything that went wrong, could very well affect her.

The building was old and had no concierge, so they got to the third floor without any problems. Tilly was holding his hand tight, walking slowly, staying some steps back and peeking curious looks around, although she looked a bit tense with the whole situation. Rogers knocked on the door and petted her hair while they waited, but as soon as they heard the crack of they key and the door was open to reveal a tall, blonde woman with dark circles around her eyes.

“Anastasia?”

“Yeah, and you are…”

“Detective Rogers,” he said, expecting her overreact like Zelena had done, but Ana showed no real signs that she had understood what he said. “Mr. Robert Gold, from Storybrooke, Maine, said you could answer a few of my questions about Robin de Locksley’s murderer.”

She blinked then, opening he door a bit more, but still seeming somehow a bit numb. He furrowed at her blank expression, trying to understand if she was drunk, high or something like that, but concluding that lifeless was the word he was looking for to describe how Anastasia looked like right now. Rogers felt Tilly’s hand tugging at the ends of his jacket from behind him, but he didn’t turn around to her, only kept watching the woman in front of him.

“I’ll not speak of this in the hallway,” Anastasia declared. “I can offer you a cup of tea.”

“Thank you.”

Getting Tilly by the hand he made his way inside the tiny apartment, taking the first real reaction from Ana that night as she rose an eyebrow at him when she noticed the little girl he had on his heels.

“Do you always bring a child to your investigations?”

“No, ah, this is my daughter, Tilly. I had nowhere else to leave her so I just brought her with me,” he tried to explain in a clumsy way. “If you don’t mind.”

Locking the door again, Ana bent down, so her face was at the same level as his daughter’s. She showed her a smile, very genuine for someone that seemed to be so dead inside.

“I have a room full of old classic dolls if you want to take a look while I speak to your father, sweet angel,” Ana suggested, pointing one of the only two doors in the small corridor her apartment had. She straightened up her position then, her smile fading as her eyes met Rogers and she shrugged, taking a seat on what seemed to be the cheapest couch in the world, all raggedy and wavy. “Children should not hear testimonies about murders.”

He nodded in agreement, because in fact he would never want her daughter to hear any of it and he had only brought her there with him because he was without options. Rogers didn’t’ know people in Storybrooke well enough to trust a nanny and, after hearing all those tragic stories people in there had, he didn’t want Tilly to get much contact with those folks.

“Will you tell me what you saw?”

“Everything,” Ana breathed, tightening her lips until they were white and taking a moment before she started to speak, eyes focused on an invisible point. “Hades beat him up until the very last moment, then he took a gun and shot him three times. I’ve never seen such a heartless scene in my entire life.”

She was still visibly shaken by that, he could see it and understand it perfectly and that probably meant that she was afraid to, which wasn’t a good thing, because terrified witnesses hardly spoke in court. If he wanted to lock Hades in jail for good he would need to call for her sensible side.

“Anastasia, that man killed another person.”

“What?”

“Haven’t Will told you?”

“I’m afraid not,” she said. “The last time we spoke was when he gave me the video of that night, he just told me that Hades was too dangerous for us to ever risk crossing his path.”

“Yeah, but he did give you that video because Hades had attacked again. Mr. Gold’s family,” Rogers told her. “They suffered an accident last year, caused by a car sabotage and Baden Gold died. Just a child.”

A gasp left Ana, her blue eyes becoming blurry with tears.

“How could someone do this?”

“I don’t know, but I know that we need to get him in jail and if you come with me to Storybrooke, we can do this,” Rogers said in his most convincing tone of voice, knowing that his whole work depended of her answer. “With you and Zelena testifying against him and the video as a proof, he will never be a danger for anyone again.”

Suddenly, she stood up, giving her back to him and facing the small window in the corner of her living room. Rogers could notice that her shoulders were shaking and her legs seemed to be unstable as she wandered around, some tears falling down her face, before she finally took a long, deep breath and pronounced herself.

“Alright, I’ll do this.”

* * *

 

Gold didn’t like having breakfast at Granny’s or any other diner around town, but Belle had insisted in coming earlier to the school, so she grabbed a muffin and ran off, talking about Jasmine Shirin’s new big reading project for their class, leaving him to feed Sarah before dropping her in time for at school. He couldn’t complain about having some time with his precious girl, but he surely didn’t think it was healthy to have cocoa with whipped cream at seven in the morning.

Sarah, of course, was enjoying it very much, ignoring the toasts he had insisted in ordering for her and happily eating the treats Ruby brought her instead. She was kind of singing, kind of humming a childish song when the front door was opened and she waved at the woman that walked towards then with a victory smile on her lips.

“Hey, Miss Mills!”

“Hello Sarah,” Regina said, poking Ruby’s arm then and pointing at the girl. “Take her away, little waiter thing.”

“I have a name,” Ruby snarled, taking Sarah by the hand. “Come on, honey, I’ll get a cookie for you.”

Gold leaned against the seat, snorting as he watched his daughter being taken away and Regina Mills taking her place in front of him. He wished she could understand that he simply didn’t want to see her, that he never would be able to forgive her for dragging him into the investigation that changed his whole life, but she was too stubborn for that.

“What do you want, Regina?”

“Rogers has a proof you’ve never got, he knows who my husband’s murderer is, and he will get him in jail as soon as he ends up filling the paperwork,” she said, proudly.

His breath got caught on his throat and he couldn’t quite face Regina, his eyes focused on Sarah. Over a year ago, he had find out the same thing Rogers did, he was ready to lock Hades from this world for good, but then he lost his precious boy. Now, all he had left was that energic, beautiful five-year-old for who he would give his own life and he couldn’t help but to fear the consequences of opening that case again.

“Good for him,” Gold said as if he didn’t care about anything at all. “I don’t want to have anything to do with your dirty work, I’ve already payed a high price for it.”

“I’m just saying, you’re not as good as you think,” Regina smiled.

Clasping his hand on the table between then, Robert leaned forward, narrowing his eyes dangerously at her.

“Go away, dearie, I’m having lunch with my child and if you were a sensate person you would be doing the same, instead of chasing a ghost,” he said, sharply and rude. “Robin is not coming back, but you still have the love of your boys.”

“My boys needed to know what happened to their father,” the mayor answered in an equally harsh voice.

Then, she stood up, grabbing her black purse and leaving the dinner, slamming the door shut emphatically behind herself. He took a moment, breathing in and out slowly before grabbing his cane and making his way to the counter and sliding the cash for Ruby, who had been watching attentively, while trying to distract his daughter.

“She is not stopping, is she?”

“No,” he sighed. “We can only hope Hades doesn’t finds out about that, or only God knows what he might do.”

“Yeah,” the waiter responded, weakly. “Take Sarah away.”

“I will, thanks Ruby.”

He got Sarah’s pink and red backpack and called for her. That day, however he didn’t drove her to school, but made the effort of walking even with a throbbing knee, because Gold’s guard would be up from now on and he wouldn’t give hades a second chance of destroying his family.

* * *

 

Belle knew something was wrong by the moment her husband showed up without his car to pick them up from school. Her day had been wonderful, the new reading project a complete success that she was excited to continue accompanying, but now her happiness was a bit clouded by preoccupation. Gold said he had taken the car to Billy’s mechanical workshop for a full check up and that they could go home in it later, but she didn’t swallow his words.

He had taken Sarah with him to pick up the car when they arrived the centre of the town and she went straight to the grocery store hoping to get a few things they had run out of and pick the ingredients he asked for their dinner. She hoped that at home, once Sarah was asleep, they could have a real talk and he could be honest with her, so she took a basket and strolled between the different sections, filling it with food, until she got to the fridges and stopped to take an attentive look at them, trying to locate what she needed until she noticed who was standing next to her and jumped, startled.

“Papa,” Belle swallowed, as Moe looked at her for the first time in months, with wide eyes. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Everybody needs to buy food at some point,” he said, coldly.

She should have been expecting that, but unfortunately, Belle was one of those people who was always hoping people could change, she just should only know by now that Moe wasn’t one capable of it. A loud sigh escaped her as she reached for the brown bowls with happy bananas in its package and set them inside her heavy basket.

“You’re right… We got out of Sarah’s favourite yogurt,” she said as if excusing herself, which was ridiculous, because nobody should ever need to explain why they were buying groceries. “I - I should get going.”

Placing a hand on her swollen stomach and looking down at the floor, she took some steps away from him, feeling miserable for being so fiercely ignored by her own father for something that was just wrong in his stupid, little mind.

“How…” Moe started. “How far long are you?”

Belle stopped, feeling Gideon turning around inside of her. He was going to be quite an energic child, but it was good to think that he was healthy enough to keep her up all night even now, before even being born. She licked her lips, trying to think if she should answer her father or not and deciding to be nice, because at least one of them had to.

“Thirty-two weeks. I have a C-section booked for the day after I reach thirty-six.”

“Good, that’s good,” he muttered. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said, Belle, I was just angry. You deserved better than Gold.”

“I chose him, papa, why can’t you understand that?” Belle inquired. “He is the one I love, the father of my children… I want to fight for my marriage as mother fought for hers. Or do you think it was easy for her to live with you?”

“Belle…”

She knew she had being mean, but Belle remembered her childhood perfectly and although Moe tried his best to be a nice husband and father, he had always failed that. Belle couldn’t question how much he loved her mother, because she knew her death almost killed him too, but he wasn’t an easy man and if he wanted to paint Gold as a bad guy, then she should make him see that he was way better than Moe had ever been.

“I’m having a boy,” Belle mentioned, petting her belly very gently. “If you ever want to meet him you know where to find me. Sarah has been missing you too.”

There was more to be said, of course, however that was enough for her for one day. She was still recovering herself and if she wanted to be healthy for herself and her child, then she couldn’t let small things like that bring her anxiety up again. It was still a daily battle for her, but one that she was slowly winning and Belle wouldn’t let her father ruin that. She couldn’t.

* * *

 

They had plans for Saturday night ever since the beginning of the week. Jefferson and Alice were hosting a dinner for both families in their house and Belle thought it was the perfect distraction from their actual concerns. She hadn't seen Rogers much around town lately, but she knew that whenever he was he was doing his job and working to get Hades arrested. Gold had finally told her about the detective’s intentions after some hesitation, telling Belle that they should be twice as careful now, because after all he was still the one to have started that investigation.

She tried not to get much preoccupied, but it was impossible. Hades was not their only problem. The medicines Sarah was taking seemed to be getting less effective at each passing day, her teacher said she slept during class a few times and refused to play with her friends because she was tired and sore. Belle was counting weeks until the baby was born, because only then her girl would be fine again.

That night, however, she tried to forget about it all and focus on giving herself the chance of relax and smile without wondering for how long she would still be happy. They were at the Madden's backyard, having dinner while the girls played around with their dolls and cooing little Maggie, who was now nestled in Belle's arms, moving her hands up and down and occasionally tangling her tiny fingers in one of her hair curls.

“Oh, look at it, she is smiling,” Belle exclaimed without averting her glare from the baby.

Jefferson approached her, taking a look at his daughter over her shoulder.

“She looks exactly like me, right?”

“Mm… Maybe the eyes?”

“Come on, bookworm, she has my chin,” he insisted with a silly smile.

It made Belle laugh. Jefferson was deeply in love with his daughter's and apparently, for him, it was essential that they looked alike. Not that people could really tell who a baby that small had taken features from. Gold was sat by her side, stroking her back and taking a curious, attentive look at the baby girl in her arms. He had a soft spot for children and that had always made her love him a bit more.

“Grace has your chin, be happy with that," they heard Alice said and looked up to see her bringing a jar of apple juice to the table. "Maggie has mine.”

“At least we are not getting any arguments like these when Gideon is born," Gold teased Belle, reaching out to rub at her belly, feeling their son kick for him. "I’d rather him to inherit your good looks.”

“Stupid,” she rolled her eyes. “He is going to look like you.”

Shaking his head, Gold caught her lips between his, starting a gentle kiss that became wet and hot and made Belle's heart beat faster. She needed much presence of mind to remind herself that she was holding Maggie, but she didn’t quite want to lose contact with her husband, so she kept a safe distance between them to not get the baby fussy. Jefferson, however, was already half coughing in disgust half smirking at them.

“Not in front of the kid, you two!”

Belle pulled away from Robert with a pop of their mouths as she gently rubbed Maggie’s chubby leg with a hand to keep her calm, but there was no real need to, that baby was a glee one and even in her sleep they often caught her smiling.

“She was plentily happy here, thank you.”

Jefferson rolled his eyes and took his daughter from her anyway. He sat back on his chair, cooing at her as Belle laid her head on Gold’s shower and Alice ate a piece of cheese. That was when Sarah and Grace came running from inside the house, passing way too near the full pool and making he blonde woman get startled.

“Girls take care, you can fall in the pool,” Alice yelled at them.

“Sorry mama,” Grace stopped to say before they rushed towards the children’s table again.

Alice giggled filling a cup with juice for herself before turning back to Belle.

“So, the new doctors are coming over from Seattle tomorrow?”

“I actually heard from Whale that they are already here, but we are only supposed to meet up tomorrow,” she explained. “This paediatrician is really interested in Sarah’s case.”

Whale was a good doctor and Belle was pretty sure he would have done a good job taking care of them by himself until the end, but she was glad those specialists were coming from Seattle, because it made her be a bit surer that everything was going to be fine in the end. Both for Sarah and for Gideon.

“That’s nice, she’ll have the best of the best taking care of her,” Alice said before taking a sip of her juice.

“Yeah,” Belle agreed. “It makes me a little less nervous.”

“There is no need to get nervous, sweetheart,” Gold intervened, touching her face with love. “I’ve already told you that everything is going to be alright, I’m going to be with you two all the time.”

“I know, it is just - ”

Her voice died when a loud sound echoed in the backyard, startling everybody, but she didn’t have time to react, because in the short time her brain took to register the noise, something hit her hard on the chest and a horrible pain spread through her body. She gasped, lifting a trembling hand to touch the hole in her flesh that dripped blood as she tried to catch her breath.

“Belle,” Gold exclaimed, holding her in place before she could fall from her chair.

“What the fuck is happening?” Jefferson yelled, kneeling on the floor and covering the baby with his arms.

“There is someone in here,” Alice shouted back, pointing to the hooded figure near the walls.

Belle however, could only see blurry images of everything, she was pressing a hand against the wound in her chest, just above her belly and sobbing in pain, the despair starting to take her over. Her head was spinning, the baby kicked, probably feeling her distress and then she suddenly felt her belly get rigid as a new pain hit her. A contraction, she concluded in affliction.

“Get the children, Alice,” Jefferson commanded.

But the girls were already running towards then, afraid of what might be happening. The hand that was touching her face – Gold’s hand – left her and she saw as he stood up at a scream – her scream, there was another contraction and it hurt more than it was supposed to.

“Mama,” Sarah called, but was hold back by Alice. “Mama, what is happening?”

“Come back you son of a bitch,” Gold yelled, but Belle couldn’t see what he was doing anymore, her eyes were closed tightly as she tried to concentrate and breath between the pains that burned her body. “I’m going to kill you!”

“Bobby…” Belle whispered, weakly.

There was a gun in her bag. She had promised him she would use it to defend herself and their son, but in the middle of a nice, innocent dinner, she had been shot without any alarm, without knowing how this happened and why someone would do this, although she had a good bet on who did.

“Sweetheart, I’m here.”

“The baby… Can’t lose the baby,” she mumbled. “Please, don’t let me lose him.”

“I’ll call the ambulance,” Alice said.

She felt Gold’s breath near to her face, his hand stroking her hair and his tears bathing her face. Belle couldn’t see what she looked like right now, but by the way her body felt so horrible, she bet it wasn’t any good.

“We are not losing him, my love.”

“It hurts, I can’t breathe.”

At each second, she felt more distant from where she should be, the pain started to get less and less perceptible and the voices speaking on the back of her mind started to get lower. She had no idea what could happen with them next, but she begged that whatever it was that her son got out of it alive. Belle feared for herself too, but as she drifted to unconsciousness, Gideon was the only thing she could think about. She couldn’t lose another child.


	21. Light in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon is born.  
> Moe appears in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, you all, but here we go! No warnings for this chapter.

Robert Gold had never felt so impotent in his whole life. The ambulance seemed to take years to arrive the Madden’s house and all the time it took, all he could do was to hold his wife tightly against his body, his shaking arms shielding her as his mind got lost in the despair of the moment. He couldn’t lose her or their child, but she was unconscious now and bleeding and his hope was becoming smaller at each passing second.

He knew Sarah was crying and a part of him wanted to reach out for her and guarantee his precious daughter that everything was going to be fine, so she had nothing to fear, but he didn’t believe it himself, then, instead, he let Alice soothe her and without him even noticing there was a commotion installed in the backyard. Graham and David were walking around, talking to Jefferson and trying to find some clues on how Hades had gotten inside there and where he could be now, while the paramedics slowly freed Belle from his embrace and pulled her down to a littler.

Gold accompanied them to the ambulance automatically, without even thinking what he was doing and held her hand during their way to the hospital. A young nurse tried to stop her bleeding and pulled a mask to her face to help her breath, however nothing seemed to help. Belle was going paler and the monitors showed that the baby’s heartbeat was slowing down as her contractions got stronger. In other times he would have been ashamed of shedding some tears in front of anyone that wasn’t from his family, but right now he didn’t care for his wet cheeks or his terribly terrified appearance.

When they stopped in front of the Storybrooke General and Whale showed up with a blonde woman by his side, he couldn’t yet speak, just allow her to take Belle away, yelling with every single person that crossed her way, giving them all some medical commands. Whale took his time with him, instead of following the blonde, helping Gold get dressed for the surgery so he could watch his son being born while they tried to safe his wife’s life.

“What happened?” The doctor asked him.

“We were eating… Then he appeared and shot her.”

Whale nodded his own face showing some preoccupation, he gestured for Gold to follow him and both of them cleaned their hands with alcohol before entering the surgery room, where the blonde doctor was monitoring the baby’s heartbeats while a man Gold had never seen before sutured the wound on Belle’s abdomen.

“How is everything going?” Whale asked her.

“I need to take the baby out as soon as possible, I already have everything ready for the caesarean section,” she told him. “We took the bullet out and steady her, but the child seems to be in shock.”

“Let’s try not to lose him,” the doctor agreed, taking Gold to a stool beside Belle’s head on the table and letting him take a seat before he picked a few instruments and positioned himself on the other side of the blue curtain. “Can we start?”

“Yes.”

From where he was, Robert couldn’t see anything, but Belle’s sleeping face. She was still pale and there was a tube in her mouth, her hair covered by a surgical cap. He touched her brow, kissing it and pressing his forehead against her temples, feeling lost and almost off the world in that moment. He had never been a faithful person, but he found himself praying for her safety.

On the background of his thoughts, he could hear people talking, Whale and the blonde doctor giving commands while they made nauseating sounds with their medical tools. Then, before he even knew it, he heard a noise that brought him back to life, that took him out of the shock he was still feeling and made him react for the first time ever since Belle was shot.

It was a cry. Robert looked up and saw the blonde doctor holding a small squealing baby covered in blood and other liquids, in her arms. She held him out for him to see and Gold smiled, feeling tears prickle in his eyes as she took the baby away, instructing Whale to take out the placenta and immediately storage it for Sarah’s treatment while she took care of the little boy.

He lost sight of his son way too soon, but he was too overwhelmed with happiness to complain. Gideon was there, he was crying and he would live. Gold was so lost in his musings that he almost didn’t hear when his name was called, but he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see the blonde doctor handing the baby – now clean and wrapped in a white blanket, with a small hat on top of his little head – to him.

“Congratulations, Mr. Gold,” she said with a smile. “You have a son.”

Accepting the child, Robert nestled him close to his chest, running a careful finger along his impossibly tiny pinkish cheek. He was all small – had come too soon – but he was perfect and was hiding half of his face with one slender hand.

“Hello, Gideon, my sweet boy. I’m really happy to see you. You’re safe now.”

The baby made a low noise, squirming inside the blanket and he needed to rock him gently to make him calm down and not start to cry again. Gold felt like his hear was about to burst with happiness and everything would only be better if Belle could be awake to share this moment with him, but he brought the baby close to her sleeping face anyway.

“You did it, Belle,” he told her. “He is perfect and you’ll love him very much, sweetheart.”

Touching his shoulder again, the doctor gave him an apologetic smile.

“I need to take him with me now and you need to go to the waiting room, while Doctor Whale finishes the sutures,” she said. “I need to exam your son to make sure everything is alright, but I promise I’ll talk to you as soon as we are finished.”

“Alright,” he agreed, handing Gideon back to her. “Thank you, for saving them.”

“It’s what I do,” the blonde answered with a wink, carrying him away.

Gold stood up, going straight to the door a nurse was holding open for him and leaving the surgery room with a much lighter heart than he entered it. His wife was going to be fine, the baby was healthy and soon his daughter would be cured, so now there was only one thing between his family’s happiness. Hades. And of him, Gold would take care of with his own bare hands.

* * *

 

The very first thing Belle heard when she woke up was the beeping of the machines to which she was connected. She felt sore, that Belle also found really quickly, because even before opening her eyes, she moved slightly and all of her muscles seemed to scream in pain. A hard breath followed it as she stared at the ceiling, the white lights blinding her a bit and making her blink repeatedly until she could see again.

Belle sighed, immediately trying to reach out a hand for her belly to verify if everything was fine with her son, but she noticed that one of them was tingling under Gold’s head’s weight. A tiny smile crossed her lips as she brushed the hair away from his face, waking him.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered, straitening himself in the chair and reaching to kiss her lips as she finally cupped her still swollen but very empty stomach.

“Our baby?”

“Is a perfect little thing,” Gold told her. “Do you want to see him?”

“Please.”

He nodded, taking a remote control and pulling her bed into a seat position, which caused a bit of pain to come from two different points in her abdomen. Belle had too many questions, but all of them could wait, because right now all she wanted was to meet her child. She watched as Gold went to the corner of the room where a basinet was set and picked up the tiniest baby she had ever seen, bringing him to her and laying him on her arms.

Sarah had been all chubby and heavy, Bae she had known as a toddler only, but Gideon was really skinny and small, his long hand covering almost all of his perfect face as he insistently sucked at his own thumb. She felt tears sliding down her face as she brushed her lips against his forehead, which was mostly covered by a little white hat. After everything they had been through, she couldn’t believe she was finally holding him.

“Oh, my darling… I’ve waited for so long for you!”

She was rewarded with his tiny sucking sounds and all she could do was to close her eyes and breath in his baby scent. It was like raising up from ash and dust, after all those months in which she suffered thinking she would never find happiness she was there enveloped by it, even if in the worst circumstances they could have thought. Belle heard that laugh again as if it echoed in the hospital room. Bae’s voice, letting her know that wherever he was, he was also happy for them.

“What about Sarah?” She asked her husband, all of the sudden.

“She is in the second floor with Ruby, already taking her treatment.”

“Wasn’t she scared? Shouldn’t you be with her?”

Gold shook his head, caressing her back. He also had a happy expression on his face, his eyes shinning with unshed tears as he watched her cradling the newest member of their little family. They had been so broken that any small light in their lives became really big to them.

“Sarah is fine, my love, she was really worried about you, but I’ve talked to her and promised that as soon as she gets her treatment she can see you and meet her little brother, so she is fine with Ruby right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

She sighed and reached out a hand to touch his face, pressing their foreheads together as she petted his hair and enjoyed that moment.

“I love you, Robert,” Belle said, kissing him quickly and looking down at their baby, who seemed to be very comfortable in her arms. “Look at what we’ve made.”

He choked on a laugh, bumping his nose against her and stealing another kiss as he took Gideon’s little hand in his, causing the baby to turn around to look at him, revealing a pair of dark brown eyes as he released his thumb and let out a little complaining sound.

“Stormy nights… Not all of them end-up badly it seems.”

“Some of them give us little gifts,” Belle agreed. “Should I try to feed him?”

“Yeah, I think so. They gave him some formula to pull up his glucose levels, but they are still a bit low.”

Belle swallowed hard, leaning against the bed as she adjusted herself to nurse the baby. It had been kind of a painful thing when she had Sarah and she was hoping her breast wouldn’t hurt so bad this time around, but in the end, it didn’t matter at all, because her son needed her and she would go through any pain for him. She sighed in relief when he started to feed and all she felt was the tingling of the milk and that unique connection that could only happen between a mother and a child.

“Why did Hades do that?” Belle asked Gold, lifting her eyes to look at him. “Why did he shoot me?”

“Rogers brought Anastasia back to town and I guess he thinks I helped him all along,” he sighed. “But I’ll make Hades pay for it, Belle. I swear, he will pay for what he did to Bae and now for what he did to you.”

Her mouth fell open and she cupped his cheek, shaking her head at him. A part of Belle wanted revenge, that dark part of her that had drowned into all kinds of bad thoughts when she was so destroyed by her son’s death, but a bigger part knew that it wasn’t up to them. Hades was still a dangerous man and she couldn’t bare thinking what he could do to Robert if he ever tried anything against him.

“No, please no,” she begged. “Bobby, we are fine and if Rogers do his work then soon Hades won’t be a problem anymore.”

“He won’t get him, Belle! Don’t you understand? Hades is too powerful, he will escape if I don’t stop him.”

“You can end-up dead and you can’t do this to me now, you can’t leave me when I most need you,” Belle cried. “Robert, please. I’ve gone through pain alone once and you promised you would never let this happen again. Hades tried to kill and he will do the same to you! Think about our children, they need you. _I need you_.”

Standing up he took a few steps away from the bed while she fed Gideon, crying in sobs, until the baby could no longer keep a hold of her and started wailing at the loss of contact with his mother. She repositioned him, closing her hospital gown and laying his tiny head against her chest as she kept staring at Gold, who refused to look at her.

“Bobby…”

“I can’t lose any of you, Belle,” he finally answered. “And Hades will continue to chase us down until he makes sure I have nothing left.”

“I want to see her,” they heard someone yelling outside her room. “She is my daughter I have all the rights to see her!”

For a moment the previous discussion was forgotten, Gold and Belle sharing a glare before he went to the door and opened it, peeking a look outside to confirm what both of them suspected. Moe French was being held outside by Ariel who insisted that Belle couldn’t see anyone right now, but when he caught a sight of Gold he seemed to gain a new strength and pushed her aside to grab his shoulders.

“You son of a bitch,” Moe shouted out. “This is all your fault.”

“Papa?” Belle called, confused. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He released Gold from his grasp, his furious expression softening when he looked down at her. Moe walked towards Belle with relief clear in each line of his face as he caressed the back of her hand with tears glistening in his eyes. She had never seen him so altered before, at least not like this, like he was about to cry.

“My darling girl…” he said. “I think this would happen. You shouldn’t have trusted Gold again. How… How is the baby?”

“He is just fine,” she answered, grimacing at him. “Papa, what happened had nothing to do with Robert.”

“Oh, no? We all know this is his bloody fault because he got his nose into something that wasn’t his business! If it wasn’t for him, Baden would still be alive!”

The nurses were gathering in front of their door, curious about what was happening inside there, ready to spread some gossips around town. Belle couldn’t believe they couldn’t simply get a break. For God’s sake she had just given birth, she had gone through a _fucking surgery_ and no one seemed to care about that.

“Enough, father! You can’t come here to yell at us like this,” Belle shouted at him, hearing Gideon start to cry with all the strength his small lungs had. “My baby and I could have died today and that’s is what you should be concerned about!”

“And that’s what brought me here,” Moe insisted. “I wouldn’t have come otherwise. Belle, darling, let me protect you.”

Gold was staring at them in silence, but she saw that each word her father spoke only made him look more shaken. She snorted, touching Moe’s hand while trying to soothe her son with only one arm.

“Papa, I don’t need any protection, but from this horrible man trying to hurt my family.”

“Belle, I know I’m not the best father in the world, but I’ve already lost so many people… If I lose you, I’ll lose myself too.”

“You won’t lose me,” she guaranteed. “At least, not if you don’t keep pushing me away like this. We’ve been happy before, we can do this again if you just accept my choices.”

In the middle of their talk, Gideon had stopped crying. She glanced back at him, realising that he had found his thumb again and smiling at how precious he looked like that. He was such an innocent and perfect little being, their miracle, born to bring them light again and save his sister’s life, he was special and she would make sure that he knew it.

“You have a beautiful lad here,” Moe said, giving in for the love he felt for his daughter.

“His name is Gideon.”

“I like it,” he father replied, touching his grandson’s tiny head with his big hand. “Hello Gideon.”

“Papa, can you do me a favour?” Belle asked. “Take a look at Sarah, she is with Ruby on the second floor, receiving the stem cells.”

He nodded and bent down to press a kiss to her forehead. Belle couldn’t believe it, but a tear fell from his eyes to bath her skin. Moe – the old grumpy Moe French – was crying as he pulled away, waving with his head a second time before leaving the hospital room. She stayed there, feeling sore and confused until she saw Gold taking a seat beside her again.

“You are right,” he said. “We can be happy again and we shouldn’t do anything that can stop that from happening.”

She smiled. He did it too and for a moment they enjoyed the silence.

* * *

 

They didn’t have anything ready for the baby’s arrival, which meant that in the next day Gold had to go home and prepare a bag for Belle and Gideon, packing the clothes he remembered of her saying she wanted for their maternity leave and settling the car seat in place to bring his son home safely. He had promised Belle that he wasn’t going after Hades and he intended in keeping his word, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t carry his gun around just to be sure.

Sarah was going to stay in hospital for another week, being monitored during the treatment, but Belle and the baby were coming home within two days, which mean that he needed to be ready for anything. He had talked with David Nolan that morning after he left the hospital and he said there was no sign from Hades yet, but that he and Graham were still trying to find him.

It was a preoccupying thing and he couldn’t stop thinking that at any second Hades would show up again. Moe French was right. It was his fault. He should have never accepted to work on Robin’s case for Regina.

“Mr. Gold,” detective Rogers’ voice called from down the street and he snorted, frustrated. “Can we talk?”

“No, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, haven’t you heard my wife was shot two days ago? Storybrooke’s residents might be losing their ability to spread a good rumour around…”

Rogers sighed, approaching him. He had that hunting look on his face, of someone who had something in his mind and wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted.

“I’m sorry for what happened with your wife, but I’m happy to know that she and your son are alright. Now, what I need to discuss is something a bit more serious. I know you must want Hades in jail and I already have the accusations ready. Zelena Mills agreed to come into town, I just need to find him and I hope you can help me.”

Gold slammed his car’s door shut, gripping harder at the handle of his cane as he gritted his teeth. He didn’t even want to hear Jonathan Hades’ name and he surely didn’t want to get more involved in the police’s business, as because of Rogers reopening the damned investigation _his wife_ was hurt.

“Hear me out, your bloody idiot, get the fuck out of this town and of my life before I make sure you disappear, because I won’t help you with anything.”

Sighing, Rogers threw his hands up.

“I’m just trying to help, matte.”

The sound of a cell-phone ringing interrupted them, but it took Gold a few seconds to realise that the one ringing was his. He reached out for it inside his coat’s inner pocket and opened the lid, furrowing at the unknown number, but decided to pick up anyway, just in case it was important.

“Hello?”

“Gold, it’s Doctor Whale,” said the trembling voice at the other end of the line. “I have terrible news. You need to come to the hospital right now.”

“What? Why? Did something happen to Sarah?”

There was a long silence, in which his heart started beating way too fast. Rogers was staring at him wide-eyed as if he could sense that something bad was going on.

“No,” Whale said. “It’s Belle and Gideon. Hades took them.”


	22. A Pointing Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold looks for Belle and Gideon.  
> Meanwhile, Hades makes some threats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm so sorry for the lack of updates in all my fics. I was hoping things would get better, but my life is still quite a mess. I'm writing it is just slowly, because I'm out of time and when I do get to my laptop I don't really have the mind to work properly.  
> Well, this fic in special is heading towards the end and with some luck I'll get to finish it within a month or even earlier.

Some tragedies come like a thunderstorm, powerful and lingering, Colette French used to say. Belle had learned those words from young age and they stuck to her for life and during months she felt like her thunderstorm had been the accident, because no such pain had last longer than the one of suddenly losing her family like that, however she had wrongly thought that it was already over. A big mistake, because it gave her the fake sensation that she could finally have happiness again, without feeling any more despair.

Belle didn’t want to think about Hades or anything else, she was happy enough to have her baby nearby, knowing that Sarah was already being treated and that Gold would soon return to be with them. Her body, otherwise, insisted in remembering her that she hadn’t given birth in the best conditions. She felt sore and the bullet hole hurt way more than her C-section, although it had been cleaned and sutured.

Whale said she had been lucky, no organs hurt, but all that really mattered to Belle was that Gideon could have been delivered safely. His glucose levels were still low, but from time to time a nurse came to prickle his little feet and check again and it was slowly going up. They wanted to keep them in the hospital for a longer time than it would be needed in normal occasions. She didn’t care as long as it meant he was going to be fine.

Ariel, Doctor Whale’s assistant and one of the hospital’s interns helped her to get to the bathroom to take a shower and instructed Belle to take a few steps from time to time, so her legs would work just fine after the anaesthesia and there would be no complications for her later. She thanked her and asked Ariel if she could stay just a few moments more to put Gideon back on the bassinette for her after she changed his diaper.

The redhead agreed and Belle worked as quickly as her sore body could, dressing Gideon back into one of those white hospital clothes and wrapping him into the fluffy blanket.

“This little boy is a warrior,” Ariel said, smiling fondly at the child. “You two have been through a lot.”

“Yeah, he is,” Belle agreed with a smile. “A warrior, a hero and my miracle. All good things combined in one tiny person.”

Smiling affectionally at Gideon, Belle pulled him up to her arms, allowing Ariel to throw the towel paper she was using in the trash can. Belle was waiting for the moment she could finally get out of that room and go see Sarah for a little while, she knew that Ruby and Alice were taking turns in staying with her, but she wanted to be the one with her daughter and she couldn't wait for Sarah to finally meet Gideon. She remembered perfectly the moment Bae first saw his little sister and it had melted her heart, so she was betting this time around it wouldn't be any different. Those were the priceless gifts of life that made everything seem to be worth it.

"Thank you, for staying and helping me, Ariel," Belle said to the young doctor. "I'm really in pain and feeling a bit helpless now that my husband went home."

"I'm always happy to help, even more when we have a cute baby to look after."

They both looked down at Gideon, who was snuggling against her, emitting the sweetest sounds as his tiny arms moved slightly. Belle had almost forgot the wonders of holding a new-born to her chest and for a second, she let herself think about the child she lost and her eyes got filled with tears. She glanced back at Ariel, about to make a comment about how happy and blessed she felt right now when the door swung open violently and the two of them held onto a breath as their eyes fixed on the mad man standing in front of them with a gun in his hands.

"Step away from them, doctor, or I'll shoot," Jonathan Hades threatened.

Ariel immediately stumbled back, eyes wide and body shaking with fear. All Belle could do was to hold her baby tighter, unable do to anything against that man while someone as fragile as him was in the room.

"Listen to me, Mrs. Gold," Hades started, slowly. "You will slide off the bed and follow me without making a sound or a sudden movement, do you understand?"

"Please," she said. "I did nothing to you."

Hades' eyes were wild, his breath hitching up as if he was just having a mental breakdown, but she knew it wasn't the case. Under the adrenaline atmosphere, he was calm and cold, holding the gun safely, ready to shoot at any second.

"I said no sound," he repeated pointing the gun at the baby. "If you disobey me, I'll kill him."

"No," Belle shouted, covering her son's head with a protective hand. "Please, he is an innocent."

Shaking his head, Hades reached out a hand and grabbed Belle's arm, pulling her down the bed with such strength that she almost fell to the floor. Luckily, she could keep her hold around Gideon and he didn't slid from her arms, only started crying, probably confused with what was happening.

"If you want to keep him alive, you will follow me," Hades said behind gritted teeth, gripping at Belle's shoulder and pulling her into a weird kind of embrace.

He pressed the end of the gun to her temples and dragged her down the corridor. Belle was crying silently, holding Gideon as close to her chest as she could, cradling him in a way that would soothe his wails and not bother Hades. She was afraid and she was in pain, feeling a pressure on the lower of her belly, right on her C-section. Belle contracted her lips, feeling as his grip on her shoulder became tighter and they reached the main hall of the hospital, all eyes turning to them.

"If anyone tries to do anything, I'll kill them both," Hades warned the people.

But nobody was raising a finger to help Belle, they weren't fools and anyway she wouldn't want innocent patients to get involved in this. When they reached for the front door and she saw the two security guards’ face become blank with surprise, their hands reaching for their own pistols however, she felt herself tremble with fear, because the gun was pressed harder against her temples.

A sob attempted escape her mouth and she squeezed her eyes shut. The wind coming from the opened door was sending shivers through her body and Belle suddenly realised that she was wearing a stupid hospital gown and slippers – to her luck, this one covered the back of her body differently from the one she was wearing when she woke up after the surgery, two days ago.

“Step away from her, sir,” one of the guards said, pointing his gun at Hades as the other spoke something to some kind of walkie-talkie.

“You better let us out or I’ll shoot her and the baby,” Hades said, changing his own gun’s position and pressing it to Gideon’s tiny forehead.

Belle yelped and the baby squirmed in her arms, tiny complaining sounds leaving him. She wanted to scream, to tell someone to do something, but she couldn’t, her child’s life depended on her keeping her mouth shut and those men letting them go, so she looked up at them, blinking those watery eyes in a silent plea.

“Sir, if you let them go, we won’t call the police,” the guard insisted.

“Do you think I’m afraid of them?” Jonathan Hades laughed. “Don’t test me.”

It happened too fast. In a slip second, his hand flew up and he pulled the trigger, shooting the guard and almost taking a scream out of Belle, who only stayed quiet because she was too afraid do react. She refused to look into the fallen man’s direction as she was dragged out of the hospital, unable to believe that it was really happening to her.

Hades took her to a black car that was parked only a few feet away from the building and pushed Belle into it, dropping her on the backseat, before taking his place in front of the steering wheel and starting to drive. And as tears fell down her eyes, all Isabelle Gold could do was to pray that she and her child didn’t end up as another two dead bodies in an alley.

* * *

 

The air around Robert seemed to have gotten heavier, making it difficult for him to breath. His eyes couldn’t focus on anything and he had to lean back against his Cadillac to not lose his balance, because only the cane didn’t seem to be able to hold him up anymore. There was a lump on his throat and his hands were shaking, one of them holding the cell-phone so tightly that he could have smashed it and he wouldn’t even notice.

"Gold?" Rogers called him, narrowing his eyes at the man’s terrified face. "Gold are you alright?"

Looking up at the detective, Gold blinked, straightening himself and realising that he was only losing time by being in shock. He couldn’t do it right now, he needed to act and take his family away from Hades before he had the chance of doing something worse to them.

"No,” he answered. “I'm not bloody alright."

He made his way to the other side of the car opening the driver’s door as Rogers kept staring at him in confusion.

"Hey, what happened?"

"Hades happened," Gold said, harshly, throwing his cane inside the car. "He kidnapped my wife and son."

Without wasting another second, he slid into the seat, pulling the key in the whole and turning on the car, ready go over the hospital and follow Hades’ lead to wherever he had taken Belle and Gideon and kill him for once, but he couldn’t start driving just immediately, because Rogers opened the other door and entered the car.

"Wait," he asked. "What do you intend to do?"

"Cut his balls out? Smash his brain? Break his neck?" Robert snorted. "I don't know, but I'm getting them back and I'll him pay for everything he did to my family, now get the fuck out of my car."

"No way, I'm coming with you," the detective insisted. "He is _my_ suspect."

Even if he had the patience to keep arguing with that idiot, Gold didn’t have time for it, so he started driving, accelerating the car in a way he hadn’t done ever since before the accident.

"You'll be watching him die then."

"Let's try to rationalize, Gold, you don't even know where he is," Rogers sighed.

"There is no rationalizing in the moment, detective," he responded, reaching for his overcoat’s inner pocket and taking his gun out of it, letting Rogers know that when it came of his family, he wouldn’t hesitate. "As soon as we get to the hospital you'll put your ass to work and find him for me, have I been clear?"

"Is that a threat?"

"Shut up for now."

Grasping the steering wheel tighter, he focused on the road, accelerating even more and taking a few complains from Rogers, who he promptly ignored. He had lost his boy, he wouldn’t lose Belle and Gideon, God knew he couldn’t, he wouldn’t make it through if they died. Not even for Sarah.

They reached the hospital in record time and Gold plunged the gun back into his coat’s pocket before leaving the car, going straight to the front door where a commotion was set, some people crying, Whale looking pale and Sheriff and his deputy talking with the staff. When the doctor saw him, he seemed to breath for the first time in long.

"Mr. Gold..."

Robert didn’t give him time to talk, he grabbed Whale by the shirt, a furious grunt leaving his mouth as he pushed him against the glassy doors, startling everyone around them.

"How could you let a mad man take a fragile woman and a baby out of this stupid place?" Gold shouted out. "Where is the fucking security guard we pay for?"

"Dead," David Nolan answered, laying a firm hand on Gold’s shoulder and slowly making him pull away from Whale. "Look, we are going to find your wife but right now you need to calm down and..."

"Was he driving?" Rogers asked, interrupting his speech.

"Yeah," Nolan agreed. "A black Jeep."

The detective’s blue eyes bulged in an impossible way and Gold fixed his glance in him. For the first time he noticed there was a body bag on the floor next to them and as much as it made his heart ache, he couldn’t give it any attention.

"A black Jeep," Rogers babbled, tapping his shoulder. "I think I know where they are."

Gold didn’t need any other word to follow him back to the Cadillac. He heard the Sheriff screaming, telling them to come back and let the police deal with it before they all got killed, but Gold knew very well how lazy they were with their cases. Regina Mills wouldn’t have hired him and Rogers to find her husband’s killer if she didn’t know it herself too.

They got inside the car in a heartbeat, adrenaline flowing through Gold’s veins as he turned on the car and looked up at Rogers.

"Where are we going?"

"The park," he said. "I left Anastasia hiding in the cabin. We thought it would be a good idea."

"To leave the girl alone in the place where she witnessed a murderer? Sure, brilliant," Robert rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you're a detective for real."

He took the road that lead to the park, in the other end of the town, hoping and praying that Rogers was right and they could find Hades there. Gold had no idea what he was going to do once he got to that man, but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t going to be beautiful.

"I've seen the Jeep around there a few times this week, but I had no idea it was Hades' car," Rogers mused, aloud.

"You better have the right guess here."

"I do, you'll see it."

Nodding, Robert let out a snort. He could his heartbeats resounding in his ears, quick and strong, the image of Belle and their son on the last time he saw them, vivid in his mind. Gold would save them, he promised himself, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

* * *

 

The drive was both terrifying and tranquilizing to Belle. She was afraid of what was going to happen next but being on the road meant that Hades was focused on driving, not on her or her son. Gideon had slept and was curled against her chest, all perfect and tiny, rosy mouth slightly open and chest raising and falling as he breathed. He didn’t deserve any of this, he should be home being cared for properly, not hear under a murderer’s mercy.

She kissed his brow tenderly feeling a new rush of fear when the car stopped and Hades got out of it. Belle held Gideon closed and tighter, if it was possible to do it and waited until her door was opened and she felt the aggressive hand on her arm again, pulling her out by force. It was dark and as Hades locked the car she tried to recognise the place, but only saw trees and more trees.

"Where are you taking us?" Belle finally asked but was rewarded with a gun pressed to the back of her neck.

"Mouth shut."

Although she released a sharp breath, shivering, Belle didn’t dare to say anything else. She was impossibly calm for someone who struggled with anxiety, but she guessed that her motherly instincts were stronger than anything else. Freaking out was out of consideration in that situation. She needed to obey Hades and be quiet if she wanted to keep her child alive and that was what she was going to do until it was left no other option but to trying fighting against him. Then, she would do it, and she would give her life if that was needed to save Gideon’s.

The pressure on her C-section was growing at each step as she was dragged through the woods, it was becoming painful and Belle wasn’t sure, but she thought that she felt it become damp. She saw some lighting and then everything became clear. They were at the park, where Robin had been killed, heading straight to the cabin.

Her mouth fell open as she tried to understand Hades’ plan. Maybe he had a thing for this scenario. She had read that some psychopaths used to repeat their crimes for fun and always did things quite the same way every single time, so maybe he was planning on shoot them in there, but she wasn’t sure and she really hoped that he had brought her there for other reasons.

Everything was quiet and, when he opened the door with a violent kick, a blonde girl jumped from her place on the plaid couch. Hades pushed Belle into her direction and she tripped and almost fell down if it wasn’t for the girl, who grasped her shoulders and kept her stead.

"Belle?"

"Anastasia," she breathed, cradling Gideon’s head on her palm as her other hand splayed against his back.

"What is happening?"

"What is happening is that you know too much," Hades started. "I need to get out of town and I hoped that with Isabelle and the baby dead, Gold would understand that he should keep his mouth shut in order to keep his daughter alive, but guess what? They didn't die, so I brought them here to fix my mistake and free myself from you too."

He slammed the door shut behind himself and pointed the gun to them as Anastasia and leaned closer to each other, trying to find any comfort that could keep them fighting for themselves.

"No," the blonde said. "Please, let us go and you can run away. We won't say anything."

"Oh, you won't?" The redhaired man scorned, taking a few steps towards them and grabbing Ana by her neck, taking a choking sound from her. "So, am I wrong and you, _little bitch_ , didn't come back to town just to help that sick detective to arrest me?"

"I - I..."

She didn’t have time to complete whatever she was going to say, because Hades banged her head against the wall and she fainted in his hands just a second before he dropped her limp body to the floor and Gideon started screaming with all the strength of his small lungs.

"Ana," Belle exclaimed, frightened.

Hades turned back to her, his face the plenty image of madness.

"Make him stop crying or I swear I will pull the trigger."

"He is just a new-born he has nothing to do with any of it," she answered, rocking Gideon in an attempt to make him go quiet again.

However, something seemed to click inside Hades’ mind and he pulled the gun down, walking towards Belle like a snake, ready to bite. A maniac smile spread through his lips as he got closer and she tried to step back, hitting one of the cabin’s walls and finding herself cornered.

"Maybe not," Hades said softly. "But I've heard some people do anything when an innocent life is in danger."

With a quick movement he picked the baby up from her arms and Gideon squealed louder, squirming, waving his arms and legs in the air. Belle’s eyes got filled with tears and she tried to reach for her baby, but Hades only did step away from her, holding the gun close to Gideon’s head.

"Give him back," she begged. "Please, give him back!"

Hades shook his head, reaching for his jean’s pocket and picking up his smartphone. He pushed it inside Belle’s hand with a killer glance while holding baby and gun with only one arm. She swallowed thinking that if Gideon moved a big faster he would lose his grip and fall on the floor.

"Type your husband's phone number," Jonathan Hades instructed. "Now!"

Chin trembling as she tried not to scream, Belle did as he said and saved the number on his phone before giving it back to him. Hades got it back then, opening the camera app and starting to film himself holding a squealing Gideon close to his face.

"Hello, Mr. Gold, you must remember me, right?" He asked with a smirk. "You have two hours to bring the DVD copy detective Rogers has of Robin's death, or I'm killing your precious baby. And then... Your wife. I'll record it and make sure the whole town watches their death."

He pulled the phone back into Belle’s hand and pressed her cheeks with his fingers, forcing her to face the camera to prove that both of them were being held captive. She stared at herself, the tears falling from her eyes, the hair in disarray and whimpered feeling the pain on the lower of her belly become sharper.

"Bobby..."

There was nothing else to be said, nothing else she could manage to say. This time, when she felt something dripping down her legs she knew she didn’t have much time and Isabelle Gold only hoped that her husband could get to save their son.


	23. How to Save a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle tries to have a talk with Hades.  
> Gold and Rogers arrive the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of violence.   
> Oh, we are so close to the end!

Gideon was crying. He wouldn’t stop doing it for nothing, which meant by now that he was probably hungry, in need of a diaper change and afraid of the estranged arms that held him. Belle had fallen to the corner of the room, starting to feel dizzy as blood dripped from her now partially open C-section.

The pain she felt had made her breath go difficult as she watched Hades pacing around the cabin with a squealing Gideon in one arm and his gun wrapped safely in the free hand. Anastasia was still laid unconscious beside Belle, a red bump starting to appear in her head from the banging against the wall. Belle didn’t know what to do anymore. A part of her, wanted Robert to show up and rescue Gideon and her, but she also considered the fact that Hades might kill him and that was something she couldn’t stand watching.

She was fated to die in that cabin, she knew it very well. Her whole body was trembling with cold and she panted with pain, the soreness from the surgery mixed with the ache of more stitches tearing at each movement she did making her feel more hopeless at each second. Belle wanted to hold her baby close and just soothe him until death came over her, but she knew that for Gideon, she couldn’t give up, she should be strong and fight with everything she still had.

“Why did you kill Robin?” Belle asked Hades, calling his attention and making him turn around to look at her with an arched eyebrow as is he was surprised that she dared to speak at all. “What? I’m going to die, I just want a distraction.”

“That’s not from your business,” he replied harshly and Gideon squirmed in his arms, squealing louder. “Why doesn’t he stop?”

“He is hungry,” she answered, weakly. “I could feed him if you let me and he could be quiet.”

Hades exchanged a glare between her and the child. His eyes were still bulged in that maniac way and he still seemed to be in a sugar rush as if adrenaline was running unstoppably in his veins and all he wished to do was to bounce on his toes or maybe jump around until his energy was spent. But he also looked irritated, tapping the side of the gun against his tight as Gideon kept crying, Belle feared what he might do for a second before he bent down to drop the baby in her arms.

“Yeah, just end this,” Hades snorted, harshly. “He is giving me a headache.”

But Belle barely heard what he said, she was looking down at her child, all fragile and tiny, so new to this world and already facing so much.

“Oh, babe, it is alright,” she whispered. “Mama is here.”

He touched his brow, worrying at her lip and trying to hold her tears as she reached for the front of her maternity hospital gown and pulled it down, bringing the baby close to her breast. In a quick second Gideon was quiet again, nursing happily. Belle was pretty aware of Hades’ glare fixed on her, but she couldn’t care less to being exposed to him right now, she wasn’t being indiscreet, she was just feeding her son and as she said, she was going to die soon, so there was nothing to really preserve.

“Your dear husband better rush,” her captor commented, peeking a look through the window. “I’m not going to wait forever.”

She looked up at him, her vision starting to blurry as the blood kept dripping.

“If you plan on escaping, why did you do all of this?” Belle inquired. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just blackmail someone to get the DVD?”

“They wouldn’t give it to me,” Hades said, coldly. “None of them understand what I’ve been through.”

Tilting her head, Belle tried to see through him. She had known Jonathan Hades for a long time now, but she never got much information about his life or anything like that. He had always seemed to be cold, nothing else and the whole town would agree with her about that.

“What happened to you that made you like this?”

“ _Zelena_ , that bitch I used to date, the mayor’s sister, she ruined everything,” he mumbled, starting to wander around the cabin again, playing with the gun. “I gave her everything she wanted but she was the most ungrateful person in this world, she run away and took something that was mine.”

“What? Money?”

“No.”

“So, well, did Robin helped her to steal it from you?”

She wasn’t looking at him anymore, but at Gideon. His eyelids were closed and he kept making the sweetest noises while feeding; she had to do something to protect him from that man that spoke so emotionless about someone he claimed to love, but Belle had no idea what and how she would do it.

“In some sort of way, yes,” Hades continued, stopping in front of the window and fixing his eyes on it again. “I saw the papers, he was the one who signed the terms of responsibility.”

Belle took a look around and that was when she noticed that Anastasia had begun to open her eyes again, so she shook her head emphatically at her, saying without making any sound: “Stay quiet.”

Ana opened her mouth but said nothing and went back to her original position, pointing at the small piece of furniture beside Belle.

“Knife,” she muttered without a noise.

That was it, her son’s salvation, Belle thought. If she got the knife, she would get a chance to fight, but to do it, she needed to keep distracting Hades. He couldn’t turn around or everything would be lost. Her fingers reached for the border of the drawer as she started to slowly pull it.

“I’m sorry, what exactly are we talking about?” Belle asked in the calmest voice she could use in that moment.

“My child,” Hades answered. “She aborted it.”

Her eyes got wide and she slid the drawer open to the fullest, taking the knife from inside there, hiding it behind herself and them sliding the drawer close again, thankfully not making a loud bang.

“Oh, I – I’m sorry,” Belle said, sincerely. “I know how hard it is to lose a child. I’ve lost my boy and it still makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart.”

All of the sudden, Hades turned around, anger exploding in his expression as he took some hard steps towards her, pointing the gun into Belle’s direction and making her shrink.

“No, you don’t know how it feels. That boy wasn’t yours,” he yelled, aggressively pulling Gideon away from her arms, his tiny mouth being departed from her breast with a rush of pain and an audible sound. “But this one is.”

Grabbing her gown and pulling it up again, Belle reached behind of herself, closing her fingers around the handle of the knife, her heart beating too fast against her chest. Her anxiety was hitting again, she knew it, she could already feel that it was hard to breath, but she had to be strong. She might never see Robert or Sarah again, but she would give Gideon the chance of having a life.

“Please, don’t do anything,” Belle tried, miserably. “He is an innocent and we are not guilty of what Robin and Zelena did to you!”

“Yeah, but someone has to pay the price.”

Belle didn’t even notice that Anastasia was ready to attack too, she didn’t think at all when she jumped up, knife in hands with only one goal to reach.

* * *

 

Gold had to stop in front of Granny’s to check on a message from an unknown number. He wouldn’t have payed attention to it if Rogers hadn’t insisted in seeing what had come up, because in cases of kidnappings unknown numbers used to belong to the captors and, unfortunately, he was right. Robert had no idea how he managed not to throw up at the sight of Hades threatening his wife and son, holding them in such a rude way.

He got this bad feeling on his gut now, this adrenaline burning on his chest, making him want to hit something – Hades – until the feeling was gone. Rogers seemed to be nervous and concentrated by his side as he drove as fast he could through the town, he was quiet until he suddenly started to tap his shoulder, unstoppably.

“Wait,” Rogers said. “We need to stop by the Sheriff station.”

“No way,” he replied with a shook of his head. “You’ve seen Hades’ message, he is going to kill them.”

“That’s why we must stop there,” the detective insisted. “I’ll get the DVD. Look, I’ll distract him by showing it and you can enter the cabin by the back. Nobody is going to be killed and we can get that son of a bitch finally arrested.”

Robert wasn’t even paying attention to what Rogers was saying. He couldn’t get distracted right now, he needed find Hades and end his existence before he could try doing anything else to Belle and Gideon.

“I’m sorry, but I’m doing this my way,” Gold stated. “I’m killing him.”

They were just passing over the station and he was about to drive faster through it, but Rogers grabbed the steering wheel and made the car swirl along the road until he was forced to pull the breaks. Gold needed to catch a breath them, looking up at the detective with rage.

“Are you fucking trying to kill us?”

“No! I’m trying to save your family, you bloody idiot,” Rogers yelled back. “If you get there ready to cut his head off, you might get your wife or son shot and that’s not what we want. Now, you’ll wait here while I get the fucking footage because if you think yourself so brave let me remind you that you have a crippled leg and no desperate man ever became a hero. Heroes make reasonable plans.”

Picking up the car keys, so he could make sure that Gold would stay right there while he was gone, Rogers left the car, rushing towards the Sheriff station, leaving Robert to stare at the road. He needed to take slow breaths and mentally repeat Rogers’ speech for himself, because Gold wasn’t the kind of person who would admit easily that other people were right and, in this case, he had to.

For the longest five minutes of his life, he waited for the detective and ruminated the worst of the thoughts in his mind. He should have listened to Belle right from the very start and never get involved in Robin de Locksley’s case. If he hadn’t been so stubborn none of this would be happening and Bailey would be alive. I was his fault all alone. Moe French was right. He was guilty of this.

He heard the door opening and some part of his brain registered that Rogers was sat by his side again, but Robert’s mind was too lost to do anything for a moment, even after the detective plugged the car’s key on the hole again.

“Do…” Gold tried to started but needed to swallow the lump in his throat before continuing. “Do you think it will be too late? Do you think they might be dead already?”

Rogers sighed and squeezed his shoulder.

“Listen, I know this kind of psychopath and he is going to wait for you because he wants a showdown, so trust me and drive.”

A reassurance seemed to be everything Robert Gold needed to go back to himself and start driving again. Yes, it all might be his fault but he could work with those guilty feelings later, however he would never be able to forgive himself if he let Hades do anything to Belle and Gideon. It was up to him to save them and he would do this at any cost.

Gold parked his car in front of the park’s gates and quickly followed Rogers through the wooded path that lead to the cabin in which Robin once worked daily. It was supposed to be a safe place, Robert had brought his children there to play many times along the years and it never felt menacing as it did now, however the closer they got to the cabin, the stranger things got.

The lights were up inside the cabin and there was something dark staining the glass of one of the windows, that they could see clearly even from distance, but there was also an insistent wail, the sound of a desperate baby in need to be soothed. His baby. His son.

“Do you want me to shot his head in front of you, right, little bitch?” They heard Hades yelling. “I’m going to make you pay for this.”

“Let go of her,” another voice begged. Anastasia.

Rogers’ eyes got wide and he approached the door twice as faster as Gold could ever do himself. He reached for the gun inside his overcoat at the same time the detective picked his from the holster.

“Fuck the plan,” Rogers mumbled under his breath, before slamming the door open, his gun pointing to the kidnaper’s head. “Hands up, Jonathan Hades, you are under arrest!”

Unshaken, the redhaired man turned around, letting Belle – who he was holding by the neck – fell down to the floor. Gold gasped at the sight of her, she was panting for breath, but seeming to be unable to even move her head up, her hospital gown was soaked in blood and there was a puddle of it on the floor, where, he guessed, she had been earlier.

“The golden duo,” Hades said, slowly, a smirk lifting one of the corners of his mouth. “Amazing, just in time to see the big ending!”

Gold wanted to rush towards Belle, like Anastasia had done, but he couldn’t move, not when his son’s wails filled the room and that maniac man held him clumsily in one arm while pointing a gun to his small head. He lifted his own hand holding his own weapon up, ready to do anything to take his baby away from Hades.

“You two look so brave,” the redhead continued to mock. “Where is my DVD?”

Rogers reached for his jacket’s inner pocked and fished it from there, allowing Hades to see that he had kept his part of the bargain and brought it.

“Here,” he said and the other man reached out a hand to grab it, but Rogers stepped back. “Not so quickly.”

“You’re not exactly in the position of making any demands, detective,” Hades answered with an arched eyebrow.

He wished he could focus on something, but the truth was that Robert’s eyes were quickly inspecting the whole room. The thing on the window, was blood. Ana looked like she had been beaten up on the face and Hades had a cut on his right leg, that he seemed to be ignoring.

Whoever had stabbed him used a lot of strength, because it was dripping as much blood as Belle’s cut was. It had probably break through an artery, as it seemed, which mean that if the bleeding wasn’t stopped he would die soon. Better this way, Gold knew, but he was afraid that Hades wouldn’t fall just soon enough.

“Neither are you,” Rogers answered, as calm as a detective could be. “I’m going to _trade_ it. You hand us the lad and we give you the DVD and five minutes to ran away before we call the police.”

A twisted smile crossed Hades’ lips as he moved his gun away from Gideon.

“That’s not what I had in my,” he said, just a second before pulling the trigger and shooting Anastasia in the arm.

She screamed in pain and Belle let out a grunt as she seemed to gathered what was left of her strength to hold onto the blonde woman and press a hand to her brand-new wound.

“The next one will hit our darling Mrs. Gold,” Hades threatened, gaze dropping to the baby in his arms as he lifted the gun up again. “Or maybe her little spawn.”

Each word that left his mouth made Robert’s rage become bigger. He knew that anything that happened in this cabin tonight would a mere joke, he had seen Hades shooting Ana for nothing, he was watching Belle bleed to death and his son’s life was being threatened. Gold needed to do something, because otherwise Hades would. He dropped his cane and gun to the floor and jumped towards him, getting a hold of the gun Hades hold and snarling at him.

“Don’t you dare!”

He tried to pick Gideon from that psychopath’s arms, but Hades wouldn’t let him and the brutal fight for the child, made Gideon cry louder. The gun was being disputed between the two of them, just as the baby and he heard as Rogers yelled a bunch of curses and said he was only going to get himself killed. Gold ignored him. It didn’t matter now, and as he fell to the floor with Hades above him and Gideon only safe from his weight because he had landed on his father’s shoulders, he knew it never had mattered at all.

“Bobby, no,” Belle’s weak voice shouted out.

“Gold, let go of him,” Rogers demanded.

Robert listened to none of them, he only had time to cover Gideon’s tiny head with a large, slender hand before two shots echoed in the cabin. Pain overtook his body and he coughed repeatedly as he looked up to see that Hades’ eyes were now frozen and his body limp above his. Belle’s cries were mixed with Gideon’s now, but the feeling on his son’s warm skin against his neck was enough to make the burning ache in his stomach seem to be worth it.

Somebody kneeled by his side, rolling Hades away from him and picking the baby up before tapping his cheeks. Robert coughed again and felt something dripping from his mouth. It was blood, he knew it, but the baby had gone quiet which meant that he was safe now and it brought a strange smile to his lips.

“Gold,” Rogers called, tapping his cheek again. “Gold, stay awake.”

“My son,” Robert mumbled.

“He is alright,” the detective assured, showing him the baby. “The strongest little lad I know.”

He wished to nod, but he couldn’t, he was feeling more distant from his own body at each second and it was a relief to die looking at Gideon’s beautiful face. Their miracle, and a last remaining part of him in this earth. Gold wanted to touch him again, he was warm and soft not cold like his own skin seemed to be right now as he felt something burbling out of him.

“Belle?”

“I’m calling the ambulance, alright?” Rogers said, instead of answering the question.

She wasn’t alright. None of them were, but she above all required all the care they could give her, because she had been bleeding for long before they arrived. His poor wife was weak from the surgery and she needed to be saved because their children needed someone to look after them and Robert was pretty sure that this person wouldn’t be him. But, after all he had only got what he deserved.

Stretching out a trembling hand, Gold reached for Rogers’ arm and gripped it as tight as he could, although he knew that it wasn’t pretty hard. The detective looked down at him, stopping in the middle of the sentence as he spoke to the paramedics, who probably instructed him to compress Gold’s wound with a cloth, which he was trying to do using Gideon’s blanket.

Gold shook his head, slowly and weakly at him, feeling more blood hit the back of his throat and make him cough again, spilling it on his own face.

“Check her,” he mumbled, gesturing towards Belle, “not me.”

Rogers sighed, but without a question, used Robert’s hand to press the cloth and went to where Belle and Ana were, then Gold finally allowed his eyes to close. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, laying on the floor and occasionally coughing more blood, but he heard the sound of the ambulances arriving, of people talking in despair and in the middle of that mess, he heard a voice.

“It’s alright, papa. Miracles happen very often to those who deserve them.”


	24. The Fate of the Fearless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah meets her little brother.  
> Regina makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, we are one chapter away from the ending and I have no words to say how much I loved writing this fic or how thankful I am for everything who read it!

Sarah never understood adults. They were weird most of the time and that was what made her feel preoccupied with them, because when they acted strangely it usually meant they were not alright. She knew that her mama wasn’t alright, as she had seen that bad man hurt her, but she didn’t understand why papa stopped coming to visit her at the hospital after two days or why aunt Ruby and grandpa Moe seemed to be so concerned all the time.

She tried to ask, of course, but it didn’t work at all. They thought that she was silly, because she was five, was she was way smarter than they thought. Sarah started asking the nurses about her family when there was no one around, she was feeling way better ever since the treatment began and she wasn’t sleepy so often, so she wanted to see her little brother, but everybody ignored her pleas.

It was on a certain night, however, after aunt Ruby went home to take a bath and have dinner, that she finally got what she wanted. Sarah was watching TV and cuddling her Teddy Bear when the redhaired nice doctor came to check on her, Sarah allowed the woman to take her temperature and prickle her finger to see some numbers in a tiny machine, but she was feeling a bit anxious and couldn’t control herself.

“Doctor Ariel,” Sarah started as she pulled a band-aid to her finger. “I want to see mama and the baby.”

The doctor settled her silver tray aside, petting Sarah’s braided hair with a sweet smile on her lips. Sarah liked her very much, she was always kind and very patient even when Sarah was being moody and refused to eat her lunch, because it didn’t taste like anything good like the food her papa used to cook for her.

“Your mama can’t walk, sweetie,” Ariel answered. “She had a bit of a pain on her belly now that the baby is out.”

“But I want to see her,” Sarah sniffled. “She doesn’t need to come here, I can go to her if you tell me where she is.”

Tilting her head, Ariel bit down her lip. Her gaze was fixed in Sarah’s blue eyes and as someone who had been present when her mother and brother had been kidnapped, she knew that this little girl deserved some happiness, just like the rest of her family did. Sarah hadn’t seen them for a whole week now and Belle asked of her as much as the girl did.

She wasn’t allowed to take her out of her room though, but Doctor Whale had already ended his shift for the night, so Ariel didn’t saw any other thing preventing her from doing something nice for someone who really needed it. Ariel offered Sarah a hand and helped her slid down from the hospital bed, helping the little girl to pull on a fluffy robe.

“Alright, Sarah,” she begun looking all serious. “We are going to make a deal, ok?”

“Sure!”

“So, I’m going to take you to see your mama and the baby, but you can’t tell anybody, do you understand?”

A giant smile took the little girl’s lips as she threw her arms around Ariel’s legs and gave her the most awkward hug of her whole life, but it felt so heart-warming that Ariel didn’t really care. Those were the small moments that made her career choice seem worth it.

“Thank you,” the little girl exclaimed. “I swear I won’t even say a word about this!”

Giggling, the doctor took her hand again, leading Sarah down the corridor and them to the row where her mother was in the maternity ward. Sarah looked around full of curiosity, holding her Teddy Bear tight in one arm and smiling at the few people she found in the corridors. They didn’t seem to be much happy, though, just really tired. She was too overwhelmed with joy to care right now.

Sarah had been waiting for what seemed ages to see her family again and the louder the baby cries got, the closer she knew that she was getting of them. There appeared to be babies everywhere, but she guessed that everybody had to come to hospitals to get them, because without the help of the doctors, she didn’t know how they were supposed to get out of their mamas.

When Ariel stopped in front of one of those white doors and opened just a crack of it, peeking a look inside, Sarah felt like she could jump up and down with happiness, because she knew who was inside that room, she didn’t even need to hear her voice.

“Someone wanted to see you,” Ariel said. “Can we come in?”

“Of course,” answered Belle. “Let me see her”

Ariel swung the door open fully and Sarah had her first sight of her mother in a full week. She looked tired, with dark bags under her eyes and a messy hair, her middle-section was still somewhat swollen, even if everybody said the baby had already been born, but that didn’t make her any less beautiful to her daughter’s eyes. Sarah squealed, running towards Belle and climbing up her bed until she could throw her arms around her neck.

“Mama, I’ve missed you,” Sarah murmured into her hair. “I’ve missed you a lot.”

“Me too, sweetheart,” Belle replied, pressing kisses to her cheeks. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

At this phrase, Sarah pulled away a bit, totally confused. Her eyebrows had narrowed and she played with a curl of her mama’s hair between her fingers, trying to understand what she was talking about.

“Why?”

“No matter,” her mother smiled. “Now, do you want to see your little brother?”

“Can I?”

“Sure, he is eager to meet you too.”

She reached for a tiny acrylic crib that was settled beside her bed – Sarah hadn’t even noticed it – and picked the tiniest of the babies from inside there. He was very pink and had a wrinkled little face, that was totally adorable. Sarah gasped at the sight of him, climbing over her mother to analyse the little brother better and pick one of his small hands in hers.

“Whoa, he is tiny,” she whispered, astonished. “He is cute. I like him.”

Belle giggled.

“You do?”

“Uh-hu.”

“Well, do you want to hold him?”

Sarah’s eyes widened and she heard Ariel laughing from somewhere behind her in the room, where she was watching the whole scene. The little girl nodded fiercely, and her mother shifted a bit on the bed, instructing her to lean against it to gain support and told Sarah that you always needed to have a hold on the baby’s head before laying him in her arms, keeping one of her hands on his back so he wouldn’t fall if she accidently dropped him.

Her gaze dropped to Gideon and Sarah felt really grown-up. She watched as the baby moved, pulling his small fist up to his mouth and rubbing it against his own chin a few times before he got to slid a finger inside his mouth with a tiny, weird sound that made her laugh. Babies were funny, she thought.

“Mama, when are we going home?” Sarah asked. “I want to show all my toys to Gideon!”

“Soon, I hope, but I’ve heard, you might go there sooner than us.”

Sighing and feeling her arms ache with the weight, Sarah handed the baby back to her mother, allowing Belle to nestle him against her chest and place a kiss to the top of his head. She poked her arm and Belle looked down at her with an arched eyebrow.

“What is it, ladybug?”

“Why doesn’t papa visit me anymore?”

Moving the baby back to the crib, Belle held Sarah the better she could with her still pained middle-section, caressing her face and trying to think of a soft way to tell her this. She shared a glance with Ariel and knew that there was no other option but saying the truth.

“Sarah, darling, do you remember that bad man that hurt mama when we were at uncle Jeff’s house?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, somethings happened and he hurt papa too.”

For a moment, Sarah didn’t understand what those words meant. Her papa was a strong man, he was always taking care of them and he always made her smile, she couldn’t picture him hurt in anyway. Tears filled her eyes and she got a grab of her mother’s hospital gown, nuzzling her head against Belle’s shoulder and trying hard not to cry.

“Where is him? I want to see him.”

“You can’t see him now, babe.”

“Is he going to be alright?”

Belle touched her forehead and Sarah saw that her tears reflected in her eyes too. Whatever had happened, had made her mama sad and if her mama was sad, then it meant that things were worse than she thought.

“Your father is the strongest man I know,” Belle told her. “He is going to be fine and soon we all will be home. I promise.”

It didn’t quite answer all the questions Sarah had in her mind in that moment, but it was enough to give her hope that maybe in a week or so things could go back to normal and she would come down the stairs every morning to the smell of papa’s delicious pancakes, mama’s happy laugh and a baby’s new giggle that filled the house with happiness. Just like Bailey promised in her dreams.

* * *

 

Gold didn’t expect to wake up. When he had drifted to unconsciousness in that cabin’s floor, he thought that life was over for him, that maybe he was finally going to see Bae again, but then after what seemed to be an eternity in the dark, he heard the beeps of a hospital machine and started to feel the discomforts of a wounded body. It took him a few seconds to get to open his eyes again, but when he did it, Robert found himself in a white room with lights that burned his eyes and a tube on his mouth.

He coughed and clicked on the button that had been plugged on his finger. All of the sudden, the room was full of nurses and somebody took the tube out of his mouth. Loads of questions followed this, but he couldn’t really answer them because the tube left his throat damaged and weird and everything he tried to speak he left like he must learn how to do this again, his bed was pulled into a seat position and a nurse helped him to eat the most horrid soup he had ever tasted in his whole life.

Doctor Whale appeared a while later to explain that the bullet had hit his stomach, but he had been lucky enough to not suffocate in his own blood until the ambulance arrived the park. They had removed it on a long surgery, but after some weeks of utter rest, Whale guaranteed that he was going to be fine. However, Gold’s one and only concern now was his family and between his attempts to mumble something coherent he managed to make Whale understand that he wanted to know how they were.

He assured Robert that both Belle and Gideon were fine. They had sutured her C-section again and she was already healing with her baby close to her. Anastasia – who had arrived with them – was the one in best conditions as Hades’ shot had hit her in the arm and soon she would be send home. The maniac, however, was now cold dead and being analysed by the police’s experts before being send to the grave. Rogers’ shot on him had been fatal.

Robert didn’t want to know much about his death, he was only glad that Hades wasn’t a problem for his family anymore. What he truly wanted was to see Belle and make sure that she was getting healed properly, but it didn’t happen for many days. He wondered if Ruby kept looking after Sarah as she had been doing before and he hoped so, because Gold couldn’t stand thinking about his little girl all alone in a hospital room just like he was.

Even after he started walking and doing things normally – although with a bit of pain – Whale insisted that Robert must remain at the hospital for a while more. He was frustrated, feeling weak and useless, until the day a nurse brought a wheelchair to his room and on this, his beloved wife.

“Hey,” Belle said, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles and smiling at him.

“Hey, I was worried about you.”

“I’m alright, or do you think a silly bleeding could take me down?” She chuckled, toying with his hair. “It was you who got me worrying for days. I’m so glad to see you alive, Bobby. You saved us.”

His eyes were fixed on hers, beautiful blue depths, eyes that hid so much pain and could show so much happiness. He remembered the very first time he saw her, young, bubbly and kind, everything he never deserved, but also everything he ever needed. Gold had no idea what he would have become of him if he had lost her.

“Actually, I think this merit belongs to Rogers,” Robert answered, stretching out a hand to caress her cheek. “He was the one who killed Hades, not me.”

“Yeah, but if you haven’t risked yourself, only God knows what could have happened to our son,” Belle shrugged, leaning into his touch with the most peaceful expression on her face. “I’m grateful.”

“Well, sweetheart, so am I.”

Standing up from her chair with a bit of an effort, Belle sealed their lips together, and in that moment all the bitterness gathered in their hearts along the last one year and a half, disappeared.

* * *

 

The children had gone home sooner than both Robert and Isabelle. Gideon couldn’t stay in the hospital for longer than the necessary, because he was too young, so Alice Madden took him home first, guarantying Belle that she would care for him the same way she cared for her own daughter. Jefferson came twice a day to pick the milk Belle was stocking in bottles for Gideon and Sarah was released from her treatment no longer before him. Gold was the next and then, finally Belle, whose caesarean section was still terribly sensible.

It was a surprise for her to receive a visit from her father as soon as all of them got home and although he had thoroughly pretended that Gold didn’t exist, he wasn’t mean at all and cooed Gideon like a fool for a great half an hour. Ruby and Dorothy were also being of much help, coming to help them whenever they could and bringing food from Granny’s so they wouldn’t have to cook.

However, things had to get back to normal at some point and Belle hadn’t really noticed they had stablished a routine without visitors and could take back their old lives until the day she found herself calling Sarah’s school to talk about her return and started to go out again. She booked an appointment with Archie for herself, as she knew her anxiety wasn’t a hundred percent cure and the recent trauma must have only added to it and felt light after doing that.

Gladly, their nights with Gideon were not as tough as she thought they would be. He was a quieter baby than Sarah had ever been and after been fed he would go straight back to sleep. Everything was settling down perfectly, at least, until the letter came. It was a lazy Thursday, two months after the most horrid events of her life, Sarah was at school and Gold was working at the shop and when she saw the envelop, she knew something was coming. Belle was right, of course.

They were being called to meet up with the mayor, over Hades’ death and the ending notes let it clear that they couldn’t simply decline it. They weren’t being invited, they were being intimated.

* * *

 

Regina Mills felt betrayed by everyone she knew and sadly, she need to admit that it was the worse feeling in the world. The night she woke up with Rogers’ call about Jonathan Hades’ death and everything that lead to it, she was in shock, she couldn’t even take her car when he asked her to meet up with him at the hospital, she had to call for a taxi, but then, when she finally arrived there and talked to him her whole world truly fell down.

She had never before felt more stupid and naïve, she hadn’t noticed her sister had an abusive fiancé, hadn’t been able to help her and hadn’t realised that Robin was troubled by Hades’ return to town. Regina felt like she had failed with so many people at the same time that she thought she might explode with agony. When Rogers left her on the waiting hall, she started to cry, without even minding that there were lots of people surrounding her, watching the scene.

Now, two months later, as she saw Zelena walking towards her in the hallway of one of the biggest buildings in Storybrooke with her husband and daughter right beside her all she could do to rush into her embrace and shed the few tears that were still left to her. Regina held her tight, suffocating her sobs on her shoulder as she felt Zelena tremble and her own tears coat her neck.

“I’m sorry, Gina, I’m so sorry… I should have told you,” she cried. “It is all my fault.”

“No,” Regina guaranteed. “I don’t blame you, alright? I did when I found out, but I’m over it now, I’m just happy that you’re fine. Now, let’s end this.”

“Yeah,” Zelena sniffled, pulling away from her and giving her sister a wet, teary smile. “Thank you, Regina.”

They both entered the large hall where all people that ever got involved in Robin’s case were gathered around an oval table, she saw Robert and Isabelle Gold wrapped in and embrace with their infant son sleeping peacefully in his mother’s arms and almost smiled. She waited until Zelena and Chad were settled down on their places were cleaning her throat to let everybody know that she would like to speak.

“I’d like to thank you all for your presence today,” Regina started. “You must be wondering why I would bring up such terrible days up again now that everyone was starting to forget it… Well, I’d like to apology. I had no idea about how wrong I was obsessing in finding my husband’s murderer that way, my insistence only brought pain to all of us and we know that this story could have had a much worse ending.”

Belle Gold nodded silently, gaze fixed on her baby’s face. Anastasia and Will were sat miles away from each other, but Regina caught the brief glare they shared.

“Jonathan Hades was a very rich man who died with no heirs, but years ago he had made a testament in which he declared my sister, Zelena the one to receive his fortune in case something happened to him,” she continued. “The thing is that he never changed the testament and now, Zelena has a big fortune of her own.”

“Yes, but I don’t want this money. Not because I don’t need it, but because I don’t anything that could come from him, even in his death,” her sister continued. “So, Regina and I talked before I came into town and we decided to donate this money.”

From his corner of the table, detective Rogers blinked in surprise.

“You’re donating everything?”

“That’s the idea,” Regina answered. “We have shared his fortune in two, so one of the parts will be used to create a summer camp at the park, which has always been my late husband’s dream and the second part will fund the Bailey Gold Scholarship for the Storybrooke College.”

Robert looked down at his wife, who was trying to hold her tears, and smiled. He bumped his nose against hers, pressing the softest of the kisses in her lips and watching as Gideon’s deep brown eyes – the same eyes Bae had – blinked open and he yawned. That was the promise of better days the come and a legacy to build in honour of one of the kindest souls he had ever known, his oldest son, who he would never be able to forget. The grieve would continue to accompany them, but it would be big enough to eclipse their happiness anymore.

“Thank you, madam mayor,” Belle said. “It is a beautiful tribute to our boy.”

Regina nodded, sharing a weak grin with her. The mayor hadn’t quite learned to smile properly again, but she was willing to try to do so, both for herself and for her boys. They had no idea, but she had booked an appointment with Archie in an attempt to fix things, because if it had worked for Isabelle, then it could perfectly work for her.

“I’m glad you approve, he was a good boy and it felt right to do something to honour his memory,” she replied, sincerely. “I’d like to add that you’re free to come back to the library, if you want to, Mrs. Gold.”

“Oh, thanks, but I don’t think that’s the right time for it,” Belle answered. “I really want to dedicate myself to my baby for a while and after that I have new exciting plans… I’ve lived within the books for a really long time and as much as I love them I think it is time to see where life takes me.”

“Alright, well… If anyone has nothing to say against the destiny of Zelena’s donation, then you are free to go home.”

They all stood up, leaving the hall one by one, some complimenting Regina and Zelena for their wise and noble decision, Gold and Belle thanking them one last time before following their way out of the building, heading towards the parking lot, where they found Rogers playing with his daughter while talking with a beautiful tall woman.

“Hey, Gold,” he called him with a wave of a gloved hand. “I was thinking if you would happen have an apartment vacant in one of your many buildings.”

“I probably do, why?”

“Well, I kind of liked Storybrooke and I think it would be a nice place for Tilly to grow up into,” he shrugged.

The landlord smiled, passing an arm around his wife’s shoulders an observing the blonde little girl that hummed a song while bouncing around her father and future step-mother. It was a good image and he was glad that for once they weren’t arguing over murder cases but being very domestic with their respective families.

“Drop by my shop later and I’ll show you the properties I have, see if any of them pleases you.”

“Thanks, matte,” Rogers nodded. “Sabine is really excited about having new people to know her delicious food, but I bet Granny won’t be very happy about it.”

‘Oh, she will get over with time,” Belle guaranteed. “But be welcome to Storybrooke. Just don’t let the neighbours look through your curtains.”

She winked at them and Gold lead her back to the Cadillac. Things weren’t quite perfect yet and maybe they would never be again, but the feeling he had inside his chest was so good that it couldn’t quite be compared to the emptiness he felt in the darkest days of his life. Bailey was right in the end, now Robert Gold could say that he believed in miracles and seconds chances and that, in some days, in the most beautiful springy nights, he heard happy laughs that guaranteed him not everything was permanently lost.


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the end! Thank you so much for everybody that read, reviewed or left kuds in this story. I love you guys <3.

**_Five years later._ **

A little boy stood in front of a gravestone, a bouquet of yellow roses in his hand as he waited for his sister to place the most beautiful daises on the grass. His eyes were deep brown just like his hair and his cheeks were flushed because of the warm weather and the sun that bathed his skin. He had some of his mother’s features, but apart from that, everyone could point out the resemblances between him and the brother he never met.

The ten-year-old Sarah rose on her feet, sharing a soft smile with him, her bright blue eyes shining in the lights of the morning. She wore a sleeveless yellow dress and a pair of boots, her auburn hair pulled into a ponytail. The summer was really cruel that year, another reason why the Gold family couldn’t stand being stuck in Storybrooke for any other day.

“Come on, Gid. It’s your turn,” Sarah said, pointing at the empty space beside her flowers.

Nodding, he kneeled on the floor depositing the roses he had brought in there and staring at the name written in the stone for a second. _Bailey._ He had heard many, many stories about him and a part of Gideon felt like he was a brave hero from one of the books his mama read, aside from the fact that he had actually being real and was just a boy like him when he died.

“We are going to a place called Norway this time,” Gideon told Bae. “Mama says we are going to see a lot of things about Vikings and I’m thinking about bringing a hammer like Thor’s for you.”

“Gideon,” his father’s voice called from behind him in a chuckle. “You know dead people can’t play with things, right, my boy?”

He exchanged a glare with Sarah and she just grinned again, rolling her eyes and muttering the word “adults” under her breath. Gideon then saw his mama approaching him and offering him a hand. She had tears in her eyes, just like in any other occasion that they had been at the cemetery, but she used to say he shouldn’t worry, because she was just being a silly sentimentalist, missing Bae too much.

Belle stroked his hair, leading Gideon through graveyard and back to the parking lot where their car was waiting, full of bags and suitcases. He couldn’t remember of one summer in his short life that they had stayed home, they were always travelling to a new place, discovering new things and he always thought that it was one of the most exciting things of his year.

Sarah was bouncing up and down, holding their father’s hand and talking excitedly about her plans for the travel. She always wanted to try all kinds of new foods, but Gideon never liked the dishes she picked, but at least, mama always bought nice meals to him while they tasted the weirdest ones.

“Gid,” Sarah shouted out, turning back to look at him. “Did you know that I’ve slept for six months?”

His eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

“You did? And nobody woke you up?”

She giggled, shaking her head and he saw when his father stopped some steps away from the car to glance at his mother with a haunted face, his hand frozen inside his pocket from where he was fishing the keys.

“Sarah, honey,” Belle started, carefully. “Where did that come from?”

The girl shrugged, kicking a little rock.

“Every time I come here I remember that time, before Gideon was born, when everything was weird and we weren’t even living with papa,” she answered with a shrug.

It all was very new for him. Nobody had ever said anything to Gideon about Sarah sleeping for months or mama and papa living in different houses like his friend’s Roderick’s parents did. He couldn’t understand why they would ever want to do that, because he knew that his family loved each other very much and couldn’t stand spending much time apart.

“Mama,” he called, pulling at the hem of her skirt. “Why did Sarah sleep that much? And why did you move away?”

There was another exchange of glances between his parents and them his mother pulled him up into her arms so they could look into each other’s eyes. The smile on her lips was sad, but kind and she pressed the sweetest of the kisses on his cheek before pulling away to speak to him.

“You know, sweetie, lots of things happened to this family and your sister got really sick, but then you came, like the little miracle I’ve always told you that you are and it changed everything.”

“How?”

“You saved me,” Sarah yelled, happily.

“Yeah, you did,” his father completed. “And you showed us that we can find happiness in the darkest times.”

He touched his chin affectionally, grinning brilliantly before turning around to open the door for his sister to enter the car. Gideon watched as he walked to the driver’s door and slid to his seat in front of the steering wheel. Belle nuzzled her nose against his making the little boy laugh before she pulled him back to the floor.

“Now, let’s go to Norway,” she said, cheerfully. “We have a new adventure ahead!”

Gideon nodded, climbing up the seat and swinging his feet in the air, excitedly. He took a look through the window, already anticipating this new wonderful place they would see, but in the back of his head he heard a well-known laugh that seemed to be with him ever since he was born and he smiled. Never before he had considered why he heard that kind laugh, but now he thought that maybe it was because he was a miracle like mama said.

The little boy didn’t know much of life but he could already say that papa was also right and that happiness could be found in the worst of the times. Gideon focused on the road as his papa started to drive, hearing as Sarah pulled on some fun music to play.

The Golds were going to have another amazing summer.


End file.
